Dungeon Monitor

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MariaB -> Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 5:14:05 AM)
A recent post by Lady Pact got onto the subject of 'dungeon monitors' and why didn't the dungeon monitors in this scene see what was going on? I felt inclined to add something but then decided it deserved a thread of its own. I haven't had any involvement with American BDSM and Fetish clubs and so not sure how they vary from the UK when it comes to choosing and employing a DM (not to be confused with Dungeon Master/Mistress!) For the purpose of what I am about to say, I am going to use the term 'He' but a lot of what I say also applies to female DM's As far as I'm concerned a DM should have an up to date first aid certificate, know and understand how the club system works, be a respected member of the community and know the ropes around S&M play. They should be friendly, helpful, discreet but around when needed. He needs to have eyes in the back of his head and on the look out for drug dealers, pill poppers, drunks, the press, people taking photographs in no picture areas, people getting in the way of play as well as risky and even unacceptable play. He needs to be able to approach people politely, be assertive when necessary and know when to get back up. Unfortunately a lot of clubs in the UK don't have the extra finance to pay for DM's which means they rely on volunteers, of which there are plenty. There is usually a much bigger turn around with unpaid staff and so inevitably we end up with some pretty crap DM's. I have attended some great clubs over here including my own! I have seen some fantastic DMs but I have seen some god darn awful ones. The Mafia DM who is doing it for the prestige and can't help but show off his over inflated ego. He struts the floor getting in the way of play and making sure everyone knows he's a big part of the club set up. He barges into someones scene like a blunder puss and makes sure everyone within hearing distance can see the ticking off which is often dished out with an aggressive manner. The Freebie is the DM who just wants a free night out at a club so that he can socialize with friends. This sort of DM tends to remain completely invisible to anyone who may need assistance and certainly wouldn't notice the dead body in the corner! The Nervous. is the DM who really isn't overly keen on S&M play. He is unable to reassure a worried spectator that the scene is fine because he, like the spectator thinks it probably isn't. He's nervous about intervening so hurries off to find another DM or the promoter to voice his worries. The Strutter... The DM who is in it for the ladies. He struts his stuff around the club looking out for ladies who need a helping hand. He's a great rescuer, a white knight who has the ability to make a victim out of anyone he fancies but happens to have a partner with her. To him DMing is all about pulling. He is very similar in his behavior to the 'Mafia DM' The Rumor Mongerer ... A DM who knows everything about everything. He's a self professed expert but the only thing he is really expert at is gossiping. Nobody really likes him but he believes he's actually very popular. He not only spreads rumors about people who are enjoying the club but about other DM's. He likes nothing more than reporting back to the promoter about the bad reputation of another DM. This Rumor Mongerer is probably the most difficult one to spot as he smiles and chat to everyone. I have to add to this that small unestablished clubs run on very small budgets. That putting on a club is a huge heap of hard work with massive responsibility. The promoter will be in hot demand on the night and its unlikely he will have time to go round monitoring his DMs behavior. Perhaps they should employ a 'secret shopper'!! actually that's not a bad idea [:D] My question is, what structure do you have set in place in America when it comes to employing DM's? Are they paid staff? Do they have to be registered with some BDSM body? or is it like the UK where we do our best to employ the best but don't always get the best?

DarkSteven -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 5:32:48 AM)
There is a club in the US that had another type. He was an unsafe player. By being a DM, he was able to present himself as a trusted member of the community even though he had been involved in a couple of incidents.

LadyPact -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 6:12:12 AM)
In most cases here in the US, dungeon monitors are mostly volunteers. Smaller BDSM groups (think munch groups that also hold play parties) tend to have members who take turns or split up the night into shifts. The larger BDSM clubs (business type, permanent location) also tend to have volunteers but can also have paid staff. We also have a number of multiple day events at various times across the country that quite often set up a dungeon space for the evenings where classes are being held during the day. Again, volunteers, but that category is where you can run into The Freebie as you list above. You asked about a registered body. There actually have been some organizations and individuals who have attempted this. When I was researching My own DM class, I found some folks who put My little two hour time slot to shame. There's one training class on the East Coast that runs a full two days, includes CPR certification, and is one of the most extensive and comprehensive learning opportunities out there. On the West Coast, there is one gentleman who has been trying for some time to create an open registry of experienced DMs for major events and conducts a full day class on the subject. Very extensive training really is out there. Unfortunately, I can not even make a guess of how many (or how few) take advantage of it. As sad as it is to say, what happens somewhat frequently is warm body syndrome. That's the whoever volunteers gets the job. A lot of groups don't check to see just how much BDSM experience a person has or whether or not they are a competent DM. It comes down to a shortage of people willing to cover the floor, so it's take what you can get. Since you referenced the thread where I mentioned this, I'm going to put this out there. The person who caused that harm from the other thread? Yeah. She was one of the DMs for the evening. That alone should be an example of just how unqualified some people are out there who take DM shifts. It's absolutely not the majority, but that's how easily this kind of thing falls through the cracks. If anything, this instance should be a wake up call to event organizers. Take the time to hold that DM class. Show people what they should be looking for and when they should step away. There are tons of training resources out there. It's just sad when people don't take advantage of them. Sorry for getting on the soap box there.

MariaB -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 7:26:31 AM)
Very good point Stephen. People, especially those new to the club scene, look up to and trust DM's. LadyPact, you say this woman was a DM in the club where the incident took place. I presume she was off duty when she did this? I didn't know you did DM classes. Kudos to you and to all those others in America that are trying to form this into some sort of recognized merit. As far as I know there is nothing like this in the UK but then we don't have any of the structure you have. When we ran a club our security had to be fully trained and government registered. That's a legal requirement here. They didn't come into the club but just stood around the door and fire exits making sure certain people didn't get in. Now that was at the venue owners discretion because he had seen our DM's in action and was reassured by the club goers being so peaceful but some venues insist that certified security remain on the club floor which is pretty off putting for players. Who wants a big bald headed guy in a crombie and chewing gum giving you dirty looks whilst you get flogged on the St Andrews cross!!

OsideGirl -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 7:35:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The person who caused that harm from the other thread? Yeah. She was one of the DMs for the evening. That alone should be an example of just how unqualified some people are out there who take DM shifts. It's absolutely not the majority, but that's how easily this kind of thing falls through the cracks. If anything, this instance should be a wake up call to event organizers. Take the time to hold that DM class. Show people what they should be looking for and when they should step away. There are tons of training resources out there. It's just sad when people don't take advantage of them. The other thing that struck me about that thread was that DM had a significant brain injury from a car accident. In her apology she mentions that and even though she's experienced, she's still missing some skills and memories from her past. I was thinking that the people around her must know this, but there didn't seem to be any concern about her abilities. quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB The Nervous. is the DM who really isn't overly keen on S&M play. He is unable to reassure a worried spectator that the scene is fine because he, like the spectator thinks it probably isn't. He's nervous about intervening so hurries off to find another DM or the promoter to voice his worries. There's a second version of this DM. They're the ones that every scene scares, so they interrupt, over and over again.

MariaB -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 7:42:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB The Nervous. is the DM who really isn't overly keen on S&M play. He is unable to reassure a worried spectator that the scene is fine because he, like the spectator thinks it probably isn't. He's nervous about intervening so hurries off to find another DM or the promoter to voice his worries. There's a second version of this DM. They're the ones that every scene scares, so they interrupt, over and over again. True! I expect the list could go on! I was once scening with a fem sub when she fainted. I got her off the equipment and before I had time to tend to her properly this over enthusiastic female DM marched up to me and loudly said, 'You have to clean the equipment'. [8\|]

LadyPact -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 7:49:12 AM)
I've done the DM class a few times now. I received a lot of help from those that I mentioned in the post above. I've been asked to do it again this winter for the group in Fairbanks. I learned a heck of a lot putting that class together. Stuff that I would have never thought of just going to the club to play. Even if a person isn't interested in ever doing the DM gig, I think pulling up a chair during a class to see what staff needs to see is a worthwhile investment. What should you look for in the play space? How are you going to respond? Can you spot warning signs? I think knowing these things can increase perspective.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 8:16:06 AM)
~FR~ These days? Anyone who will volunteer!! I got burnt out on DMing after many years of doing it, and now... if I am at a party and there's a DM, I actually turn my back on the play area. It's just so much better for me that way. In all those years of DMing large events and small, I had TWO moments of OMGWTF. One was caused by one of those "national presenter" types of people. The other was caused by the organizer of the event. The rest of the time, easy peasy. Point to the disinfectant, pretty much. And deal with political nonsense, and next-day fallout... but no lives were lost.

OsideGirl -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 8:58:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB The Nervous. is the DM who really isn't overly keen on S&M play. He is unable to reassure a worried spectator that the scene is fine because he, like the spectator thinks it probably isn't. He's nervous about intervening so hurries off to find another DM or the promoter to voice his worries. There's a second version of this DM. They're the ones that every scene scares, so they interrupt, over and over again. True! I expect the list could go on! I was once scening with a fem sub when she fainted. I got her off the equipment and before I had time to tend to her properly this over enthusiastic female DM marched up to me and loudly said, 'You have to clean the equipment'. [8\|] We were playing with a female friend. She had her hands above her head, but not tied tight. We each had a paddle. One of us would tag her, she'd turn away, which would give the other a chance to tag her with the paddle. It was fairly light, fun scene. However, she's very vocal. The DM interrupted the scene three times asking if she was okay. Finally, the sub got pissed and told the DM to go away and she would scream red if she needed him. It was ridiculous.

MercTech -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 11:33:40 AM)
The first play party I ever went to; I was asked to be the DM. That was a real WTF moment about that group actually being a safe place to play. Stefan

littlewonder -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 12:08:24 PM)
When the ex and I would have play parties at our house, before anyone walked through the door they were told that there was no DM and everyone was responsible for their own actions. If you couldn't do that then you won't be invited back in the future and yeah....very few were invited back because they like to play the victim or would blame us for their accidents because we sponsored the parties. But like we always told everyone...you're an adult. Act like it.

Just0Plain0Mike -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 12:45:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl We were playing with a female friend. She had her hands above her head, but not tied tight. We each had a paddle. One of us would tag her, she'd turn away, which would give the other a chance to tag her with the paddle. It was fairly light, fun scene. However, she's very vocal. The DM interrupted the scene three times asking if she was okay. Finally, the sub got pissed and told the DM to go away and she would scream red if she needed him. It was ridiculous. I was doing a scene with someone new. She warned me in advance that she was very loud. Even with a gag in she was screaming so loudly that we got reported to 5 separate DMs. They showed up one after the other, usually followed by the oh so concerned witness. When the 4th and 5th showed up at the same time, I gave up. I thanked the girl, told her that I'd be happy to play some time privately, but that I just couldn't take all the SSC Nazis that were swarming the scene.

LizDeluxe -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 4:21:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike I was doing a scene with someone new. She warned me in advance that she was very loud. Even with a gag in she was screaming so loudly that we got reported to 5 separate DMs. They showed up one after the other, usually followed by the oh so concerned witness. When the 4th and 5th showed up at the same time, I gave up. I thanked the girl, told her that I'd be happy to play some time privately, but that I just couldn't take all the SSC Nazis that were swarming the scene. Be thankful the DMs moved in. I saw a couple playing in a dungeon once where a gawker felt it was getting out of hand and decided to intervene on their own and it got ugly very fast. I never went back and likely never will.

Lucifyre -> RE: Dungeon Monitor (8/10/2012 5:01:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike quote: ORIGINAL: I was doing a scene with someone new. She warned me in advance that she was very loud. Even with a gag in she was screaming so loudly that we got reported to 5 separate DMs. They showed up one after the other, usually followed by the oh so concerned witness. When the 4th and 5th showed up at the same time, I gave up. I thanked the girl, told her that I'd be happy to play some time privately, but that I just couldn't take all the SSC Nazis that were swarming the scene. oooh yea, the night Mr and I went out to do His birthday scene I was really loud..(man that asswhoopin hurt!) The scene itself was not stopped because we spoke to the DM's ahead of time and let them know what was about to transpire. Plus our local dungeon has a universal safeword "Mayday" which if it's called every Dom and DM in the place would be stopping the scene. They did watch us closely but they did not intervene. I'm glad too because they would have really fucked up my headspace if they'd have stepped in. Anyway, later on as Mr and I were leaving, one of the subs made it a point to come up to me and tell me I was too loud and should have stopped LOL. As a side note though, I'm glad we didn't stop...a couple of weeks later Mr and I attended and were playing and we had a howler...this girl was so loud she could be heard in the fucking lobby. Mr and I did stop THAT scene because I was laughing too hard to continue. When I say howler...I mean, literally howling, like a bitch in heat or pain or...something rofl. It was horrible :) Lucifyre p.s. Hey Liz...nice shirt ;)

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