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limpshorty -> RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. (8/16/2012 3:14:58 PM)
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I thought I had posted a rather long post here. Seems I dropped the ball. I think the question on the table has a lot more relevance a few dozen steps back from the edge. There are a lot of things expected of subs that might seriously interfere with the establishment of an actual relationship between dominant and submissive people. But, since so much of what we are looking for is beyond the rules from the beginning, it might be hard to find the place where obedience becomes avoidance, and where control becomes a task, rather than an opportunity.
An example that comes to me immediately is ritualistic address, and formulaic response. So many dominants insist on it from the very beginning. I find it annoying. I find it annoying in a vanilla sense. Compelled respect is not respect at all, it is ritual. And it has less and less meaning the more often it is practiced. If I must reply, “Yes, Mistress.”, “No Mistress.” “Thank you, Mistress.” For every instance of communication, words begin to have no meaning, and then when I moan, “Oh, thank you, Mistress.” In some impassioned moment of nearly utter despair, or unexpected bliss, it has less meaning. But, submission is a partnership. If she wants it for some reason, I must accept the loss of intensity as the price of satisfying her desire. If it always remains that way, I would probably believe that she is building a wall of formulaic respect out of fear that I will have no actual respect. Out of a desire to truly serve her, it seems to me I should let her know how I feel about it. And accept the punishment if my thoughts were ill formed, or incorrect.
On the actual original premise, if my owner asks if I would like to be whipped, it seems to me she is asking for information, not permission. And so I should answer truthfully, “No, I do not. I accept that if you want to do it, I will bear the pain because I wish to please you, and if you seem to enjoy the act itself, I will try to become more accepting of it. If it simply pleases you because it expresses how much I wish to be yours, I want very much to make you proud and happy to own me. If the thin asked is something we agreed was a hard limit, I would try to explain exactly why that was something I feel I cannot do. If it is expressed as an ultimatum, “Either you get the piercing, right now, or we are through, and you can leave.” I know she has decided that this refusal is a hard limit for her. I must decide. If she knows me well, she might have decided that it is important to her, and I am simply being old fashioned, and stubborn, and she has shown me the cost, and the steel of her will. It is the sort of moment which, if chosen well from her intimate understanding of my submission, my passion, and my inherent desire to be what she wants me to be, will mark a very special moment, where she became the Mistress of my will. I might come to regard that as the best moment in my life, when I truly became her slave. If she has chosen badly, either in timing, or in understanding of the nature of my limits, it will mean that both of us have lost something precious. Unless of course, I am not a person to her, but simply an object of scorn, to be pushed until broken. If that is her nature, then breaking me is simply another step, although the last, in the domination she practices.
While that is not what I seek, it might well be what some submissive did want. To be pushed over the edge, and fall. I think it would hurt a lot.
I guess that is enough for now. This subject is a lot bigger than I am.
limpshorty
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