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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 9:44:18 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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I know that many of my own decisions have been to some extent fear based... a sense of misplaced "responsibility", a sense of "duty" and sometimes even a sense of not wanting change, though I have embraced it most of my life. There have been several times as I have grown older that I chose a "safe" route and not the one that was correct for me (both personally and professionally) just to have it die on me... showing me that I should have gone with that which was outside of my comfort zone but that which I knew would have taken me to where I knew I desired to be. I could point to my last two relationships, my not painting anymore, my "fear" of writing...

The older that I have gotten though, I have learned that the "selfish" and perhaps unwise decisions, if they resonate within mean more than what others see for me.

Well that and gifs of monkeys...

< Message edited by CRYPTICLXVI -- 8/19/2012 9:45:57 PM >

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 9:48:13 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I wonder how many of us sell ourselves short with our own personal paradigms.

imo, most people do that, they live in a box of their own making.. I would bet you that 95% of the people I went to school with live within 100 miles of where we grew up.. maybe another 3% live elsewhere in that province.. I am the only one that has lived outside of my home country.. and I am headed further away still.. I dunno why people do that, but thats what they do..

I think it's human nature. We (generic) feel safer that way.

I think most people are trained to think within the box.. parents tell their kids they will go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, buy a house, retire.. it used to be that you got a job at the same company your dad worked at for 30 or 40 years and you would do the same.. you are trained in school to follow that path.. That is a little less prevelant now but its still there, for the most part..

Imo, if you tell your kids over and over to follow their dreams, that they can do anything they set their mind to.. you will have different kids than the parents that tell their kids what they must do and the path they must follow..

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 9:55:21 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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Me... I am just amazed I remember anything from college. A lot of alcohol and substance abuse, perhaps that is why I was initially doing well being on an academic path. Most of the insightful professors I had were alcoholics... I just couldn't maintain at the amounts I was using.

The whole enemy/other paradigm... uniting a nation around a perceived threat, very Goebbels. He was a master of manipulating that stream of perception.

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 10:02:52 PM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: CRYPTICLXVI

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I wonder how many of us sell ourselves short with our own personal paradigms.

I wonder how many of us don't???

Zero?

No...

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 10:11:53 PM

littlewonder

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There are some things in my life where I am set in my views and nothing anyone says will ever change that view or belief.

Then there are some things where I swing both ways because I can see the reason for both sides and so I will usually seek more info to see if I can make a decision. Many times I still can't because both sides are wrong and right.

And then, sometimes, not very often though. where someone will give me enough info to really change my mind but like I said, that rarely happens.

I don't just jump into my decisions. They are views and beliefs that I learned about long and hard, thought about all the time and how it fit into my life and the life of those around me. They were never split decisions. So a lot of my beliefs I admit are set in stone for that reason.

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 11:05:36 PM

DaddySatyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CRYPTICLXVI

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

hmmm.. ok you want women/people to be open about things, discuss topics, etc but you have deal breakers which, since they are deal breakers, you are entirely closed about..

Thank you for re-posting this, Cryptic. Someone misunderstood me (It happens).

Yes, I have "deal breakers" (in quotes) I meant for THEM. I smoke. I'm not a sadist. I'm polyamorous.

I hope that clarifies.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 8/19/2012 11:21:40 PM >

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RE: Staunch - 8/19/2012 11:12:10 PM

Kana

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quote:

I think most people are trained to think within the box

Well, technically, we all live within the box of Hobbes Social Contract in that we surrender some of our rights and privileges for safety, peace of mind and to live within communities

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RE: Staunch - 8/20/2012 12:04:00 AM

FrostedFlake

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Good discussion.

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RE: Staunch - 8/20/2012 11:17:41 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: CRYPTICLXVI

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

hmmm.. ok you want women/people to be open about things, discuss topics, etc but you have deal breakers which, since they are deal breakers, you are entirely closed about..

Thank you for re-posting this, Cryptic. Someone misunderstood me (It happens).

Yes, I have "deal breakers" (in quotes) I meant for THEM. I smoke. I'm not a sadist. I'm polyamorous.

I hope that clarifies.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

yes, that does clarify what you meant.. it doesnt change my answer tho.. I think everyone has deal breakers tho, are you trying to say you dont?.. i dont see anything wrong with deal breakers, what they do is help you to find someone more compatible.. someone that wont bitch about you taking the garbage out after you are nekked and crawling into bed, for instance..

I cant stand smoke, I am actually allergic to it (so its a health issue for me), not to mention all the other negatives.. am I being unreasonable for not wanting to be with a smoker? would you think it unreasonable for me to tell you to stop smoking? I get from what you have said that quiting isnt in the cards so why would you expect someone to quit considering smoking a deal breaker? I am sure there are women that have habits & interests you consider deal breakers, you do have a fairly long list of hard limits.. I think most people equate "hard limits" with "deal breakers".. I know I do..

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RE: Staunch - 8/20/2012 11:28:01 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

I think most people are trained to think within the box

Well, technically, we all live within the box of Hobbes Social Contract in that we surrender some of our rights and privileges for safety, peace of mind and to live within communities

yes of course, I am not an anarchist so I think limited govt, etc is a requirement.. but that really wasnt the box i was referring to..

you know,.. the 1% wants people to think within the box, it gives them control over you.. they need the worker bees to go to work every day and make them money.. they need kids to get into major student debt to get a degree so they can replace the retiring worker bees.. thinking within the box, especially if you work for someone, keeps you a willing near-slave.. just sayin'

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RE: Staunch - 8/20/2012 11:37:39 AM

Shininglight23

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

In another thread, this became part of the flow and I wanted to address it seperately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

When I see people adamant about Limits or No Limits, to the point of getting emotional or angry about it, I think they're holding tight to a belief they *have* to have, because they don't know how to process believing otherwise.

What is the factor (or factors) that guide people to either come down on one side or the other of this particular behavior?

Input is encouraged.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

As a disclaimer... I'm just responding to the OP... I have not read the thread.

I think that NuevaVida had an excellent point. For me in particular.. I held a lot of beliefs because I thought it was what I *had* to do. My beliefs have changed dramatically over the last 12 months. I'm not even sure I can recognize that girl I used to be.

I suppose my changing point was when I stopped living for other people, and took a good, long, hard look at what I wanted.

I was afraid of what I could be, what I wanted, and what I so desperately needed. My fear brought me down on the wrong side of the coin for too many years and too many times over.

It took one man who believed in openness and honesty to open my eyes. A man who believed in open communication.. no matter what the subject. For him I am grateful because without knowing the difference between openness and honesty.. I wouldn't be where I am today. I would still be hiding behind what I thought I *had* to do.. behind my fear. I'm still evaluating my decisions and breaking barriers I didn't even know existed.

Too often in my life... I let fear dictate my decisions.

-Allie

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RE: Staunch - 8/20/2012 5:19:02 PM

DaddySatyr

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The reasoning behind the choice is what is of primary interest to me.

When people ask me about my religion, I tell them that I don't follow any set religion but that I believe in a God. Then, they ask: "Well, what do you believe about ...?" and my response is almost always: "Why? What do you believe?"

If people can present me with logical arguments, I will, at least, mull them over. You know ... toss them into the old head hopper, spin around a few times and see what comes out.

I'll listen to some of the wildest theories but, in fairness; some don't get as far as those who espouse them might like.

There's a show on the History Channel - "Ancient Aliens", I think - the reason I'm unsure of the title is every time I've caught a little piece of it and paid attention, whatever they're talking about doesn't seem to come from evidence. It seems to come from a place where I need to believe, from the onset, that this planet was at least "helped along" by aliens. They say things like: "If the aliens came before the last ice age ...". That's not evidence. That's proselytizing.

When it comes to evidence being presented, it seems kind of foolish (to me) to not listen and I have a hard time understanding why people wouldn't do so.

This includes the many things that we do in this lifestyle. Sure, there are a few things for which I don't feel anyone could present logical evidence but after those few, I'm willing to listen.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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