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Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:15:31 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		It's funny, theres been a bit of talk about
internet relationships and the inital chemistry
at the start of relationships ect...
I actually had a situation that touches on both
of those topics fall into my lap lastnight.

A real life friend of mine has been talking to
one of his female friends on FaceBook, in a
kind of romantic way and she from what I can
tell sounds receptive but there isn't really any
chemistry in the conversations so far and not
only that, to my eyes, some of what she has
been saying have been blatant openings for an
invitation to meet up, but my friend has been
out of the game for a while so doesn't know
how to make the leap.

Anyway he's been asking me for a hand to
land this fish (my words not his) for a while, the
poor guy has the heart of a poet but the
conversation skills of a block of cheese.

And last night he eventually got me to say yes.
First of all it's flattering to have a friend think so
highly of your writing/chick catching skills that
he would swallow his pride and ask for help.

Second he's a great guy but has had bad luck
with the ladies so far and I really want this to
work out for him.

Anyway sat down with him so I could ask him
how he felt what he wanted ect... And knocked
out some great stuff to send her.

Theres obviously going to be a lot of negitive
points to peoples opinions, yes I can see the
ethical stuff.
I would be interested in the female point of view,
just throw your opinion up people..
I don't have any specific questions but I'd
love to hear if anyone has had this happen to
them aswell, either the ghost writer, the inept
lovestruck fool, or the unsuspecting prey!

-ARIES


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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:18:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
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Status: offline 		Cyrano de Bergerac?

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:31:35 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		Well, if the girl realizes the difference in writing, and begins to have doubts as to who is really writing, isnt it a loss situation? Why not advise him directly and him being inspired, could tell her what he thinks, it would be more genuine? If you do try and write to the girl and she is suspicious....things arent off to a good start.

You're saying they speak to each other on facebook : chat or written message?

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:36:39 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		fr-

disclaimer - i'm male, not sure if you wanted a male POV as well.

i think that sort of thing only works in the movies. he has to be himself, period. notwithstanding that, i think it IS possible for you to help ghost write his replies, to help "land the fish" or "close the deal". but if he turns out to be as inarticulate in relation to a relationship going forward, then it won't work out and will fizzle.

edit: and to be frank and honest here, i've dabbled in asking friends for advice on how to do similar. and again, while i may "land the fish", i've learned that it was the wrong fish anyway. i.e., if i cannot land the fish myself, then i'm not meant to be with that fish, and it's a bad match.


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/23/2012 5:38:40 PM >

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:42:21 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I should have put this in off topic...

Chemeli, they send each other messages, and it's
done now anyway, he has a heap of material from
me, that he can cut and paste as he wishes.
It's out of my hands and up to him what he does
with it.


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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:43:44 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
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Status: offline 		Ah well, keep us informed on how it turns out if you will.

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:45:58 PM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		Ethical issues aside... if he wants it to work I'd work with him to make a "coming out" message to her too.

Basically a "I was so nervous I sat with a friend and we worked out some things to say so I didn't sound like the nervous wreck I was".

She may be annoyed, or just might feel flattered by it.

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:52:44 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

Ethical issues aside... if he wants it to work I'd work with him to make a "coming out" message to her too.

Basically a "I was so nervous I sat with a friend and we worked out some things to say so I didn't sound like the nervous wreck I was".

She may be annoyed, or just might feel flattered by it.

or more than annoyed, totally turned off. just sayin'

i personally would be flattered, but i'm dominant and women being nervous about wanting me to like them is a big ego booster (not that it happens so often). i can only imagine that a sub wouldn't appreciate that from a dom - i know, i know, nothing was said about what if anything his friend is (d/s). just rambling here.


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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 5:56:19 PM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		Oh, I agree she could be pissed... but I'm hoping that Aries is only writing his friends thoughts and feelings down in better words.. as opposed to creating everything for him. It's not perfect, but it is a bit better.

She may still be pissed, but it will be better coming from him than her discovering it on her own sometime later.

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 6:07:13 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		When someone cannot find their own words to express themselves, there's absolutely nothing wrong with sending a copied poem or such and saying: "I'm not always the best at words, but when I read this it made me think of you."

I find words that inspire me from other people all the time, even though I write poetry, songs and short stories regularly. I give credit where it's due, but to be frank, it hurts nothing to admit the words aren't yours without automatically saying the name of the original author. Some might not feel that way, but that's a philosophical tangent: for myself, I believe that a writer should enjoy that their words bring about appreciation more than needing credit - when someone else doesn't try to claim it for their own.

That said, Aries, I think your friend should take the approach I mentioned above. It's honest and will not cause her to have any less appreciation for him. If the words mean more to her than the person, it wouldn't work out well for him (in that regard).


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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 6:30:38 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Aries, I feel you've done a good thing. I was not always a decent writer. I became more skilled by copying down things others had written which spoke to me, and maybe changed a few words to make it mine. Once I did this a few times, it seemed to tap within me a well I did not know I could draw from, and inspired me to do better. Four years ago I could not write, nor express myself worth a lick. Now I believe I do a fairly decent job. I just needed a little template, schooling and practice, that's all. I hope it works the same way for your friend.

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 8/23/2012 6:31:45 PM >

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 6:39:16 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

Aries, I feel you've done a good thing. I was not always a decent writer. I became more skilled by copying down things others had written which spoke to me, and maybe changed a few words to make it mine. Once I did this a few times, it seemed to tap within me a well I did not know I could draw from, and inspired me to do better. Four years ago I could not write, nor express myself worth a lick. Now I believe I do a fairly decent job. I just needed a little template, schooling and practice, that's all. I hope it works the same way for you.r friend.

nicest post of the day award :)

for what it's worth, i've followed many of your posts, and i think you're very articulate and well 'spoken'.

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 6:39:19 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Karmastic, it's nothing to do with D/s man my
mate is (for lack of a word) a S.N.A.G.

Space & Remote, yes it was only me asking him
he's feelings and writing out a few well worded
sentences to convey his sentiments, with one
exception.
I added initiative, like I said he can't really make
the leap from talk to action and I think the girls
just get tired of waiting for him.
He hasn't had much success with women.

Like I said, it's out of my hands.
To be honestly blunt, I think he will chicken out
when it comes to actually sending most of the
stuff I gave him, but atleast he can't use me not
helping him as an excuse now.

Chemeli, I probably won't give updates, I'm
already bordering on being a gossipy hen.

-ARIES

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 6:56:11 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It's just me but I'd not be happy at the dishonesty. I'd be flattered that the guy wanted to 'get' me, but I'd be less than happy at his misrepresentation of himself. That is if he presented it to her as being all his doing. If he was honest and said something to the effect of "I really wanted to make a good impression on you, so I took it upon myself to try and learn how to express myself better from a friend whose style I admire." If she really felt it was all him and she found out differently later on, she might feel betrayed. I would. However, if he presented it as trying to better himself for her, that would be a possible tactic that would could have a positive outcome instead of negative.

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 7:19:31 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Space & Remote


*waits for Zaphod*

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 9:12:27 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
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Status: offline 		He could send her a picture of his penis

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 9:15:38 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

Aries, I feel you've done a good thing. I was not always a decent writer. I became more skilled by copying down things others had written which spoke to me, and maybe changed a few words to make it mine. Once I did this a few times, it seemed to tap within me a well I did not know I could draw from, and inspired me to do better. Four years ago I could not write, nor express myself worth a lick. Now I believe I do a fairly decent job. I just needed a little template, schooling and practice, that's all. I hope it works the same way for you.r friend.

nicest post of the day award :)

for what it's worth, i've followed many of your posts, and i think you're very articulate and well 'spoken'.


Awwww, thank you Sugar Puss, that's sweet of you. When I think of how piss poor, inept and clumsy a communicator/writer I was, I almost don't recognize myself now. I am grateful I've gotten a handle on it now. Trust me, the dictionary and thesaurus has become my best, and most frequently called upon, friend!

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 9:16:52 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

He could send her a picture of his penis


Yeah, that says it all. A picture's worth a thousand words. Clever you!

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/23/2012 10:09:18 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		Unless you want to become his "love crutch" and have him in a panic askinf for a lot more help in the near future, he is going to have to come clean.

The above post mentioning that he was a nervous wreck and found some inspirational stuff to go by is a decent idea. It's not exaclty the words that are going to land her, it's the guy...but if he doesn't think they way you write, he is going to find himself in a bit of trouble.

Lucifyre

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RE: Ghost writing a love letter?! - 8/24/2012 9:11:49 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		i personally would not be happy about that at all. either he can talk to me or he can't. i get that people can't always write stuff down as my ex is the same, but he could talk to me person to person. if they are close enough you should have just told him to ask her for coffee or some such. what's he going to do when you are not there to say it for him? unless he's honest about it he's setting out on a potential relationship built on lies.

not good

needles

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