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Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 11:54:56 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		There have been some recent posts that either slam  "online training" as not real or not legitimate, as well as some posts lumping 'pay for play' domination (online) with scammers, tribute demanders, or fly by night money seekers. 

This post is not to defend those people online (who are not always even female) who seek a quick buck from unsuspecting or desperate submissives.  This is to defend those women who offer legitimate online domination (or phone domination) for a fee.  This is a legitimate exchange of services and when consensual between both parties can be fulfilling for both people.

I feel sorry for women that are sincerely interested in exploring online domination (for a fee) but are immediately lumped into a category of scam artists or women simply seeking money. While I believe a LOT of people  (not just women, but men pretending to be women) flock to the concept of "online domination" as a quick way to make a buck, those that are for real and prove themselves EARN every dollar they make.

I've done plenty of online domination and phone domination (for a fee) in addition to my personal BDSM with partners of my own. One-on-one online domination takes a tremendous amount of time, focus and attention to detail.  There is a reason I do not offer this kind of thing regularly -- It's NOT EASY MONEY!  If it were, I'd be doing it all year round! Hell, I would be doing it for a living. 

A discerning submissive has the opportunity to make educated decisions about where he spends his money. If he wants to find legitimate online domination (or phone domination) he is in a position to shop around and find a woman who knows what she is doing.  There are a lot of extremely creative, passionate women who are very capable.

The male subs that read these threads and get disgruntled must remember that every femdom (this is probably not an exaggeration) with an online presence is approached by men asking for online domination.  In addition, many offer money for it or gifts.  Women online are being asked for this and many are thinking -- why not?  If they enjoy it, and the guy gets off on it, what's wrong with her being compensated for her time?  At the same time, women need to know what they are doing, and subs need to know what they are paying for and how to not be scammed.

Once again, this is a market being driven by DEMAND -- not femdoms out there preying on guys and ferociously manipulating them into entering an agreement for money exchange.  The sub has the power to delete the email if he is being approached this way.

I have a dozen emails a week from subs asking how much would I charge to dominate them online (only) and I don't do it.  I don't have the time, and it's *not worth the money* unless I am really free for a long period of time and can devote that kind of energy and attention to it.

Akasha


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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 12:25:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		People pay for online services all the time- even things that they could legitimately get offline.  I usually get my taxes done online because it's easier and simpler for me (I also don't have a lot of forms or issues since I'm young without too many assets yet). 

No reason why getting this service online can't be exactly what another person needs and can be provided.

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 1:02:20 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Those who will bash it aren't going to pay anyway and those who would pay aren't going to bash it. The rest of us don't care.

I guess I just don't get the purpose of this post.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 1:16:29 PM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline 		I have no objection to professional domination and online domination for a fee, providing that the person offering the service states upfront that they are offering the service for pay.   And if two people choose to enter into a contract which involves professional dominant, it is their own business and no one else's.

I also believe that professional domination provides a valuable service to those who might not otherwise be able to experience it with a significant other.

-iliv2servHer

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 1:30:17 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Those who will bash it aren't going to pay anyway and those who would pay aren't going to bash it. The rest of us don't care.

I guess I just don't get the purpose of this post.

Celeste


ditto

K

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 1:55:52 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I am with you, I dont understand all the judgment.
 
BDSM is a banquet, or at the very least an all you can eat buffet...why vilify someone just because they prefer peas to pasta?

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 2:35:06 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		My thoughts exactly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Those who will bash it aren't going to pay anyway and those who would pay aren't going to bash it. The rest of us don't care.

I guess I just don't get the purpose of this post.

Celeste

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 2:35:35 PM   
slaveofdarkhold


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		prefer peas to pasta????? what new horror is this?!?!
insanity!

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 2:36:17 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Peas?! Eeeeuuuuuuuwwwwwwww!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I am with you, I dont understand all the judgment.
 
BDSM is a banquet, or at the very least an all you can eat buffet...why vilify someone just because they prefer peas to pasta?

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 3:23:28 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		You always pay one way or the other, in cash or in kind, I don't see what difference it makes. In fact more often than not, I think that people who pay cash are more rational members of the human race because they know the price and know what service to expect.

Whatever your poison at the end of the day.

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 3:27:40 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that that is true.  What is paying "in kind?"

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 3:45:27 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		It could be anything from time and effort, to emotion, stress and anxiety of trying to please a partner. It could be from financially being taken for a ride to the cost of keeping up with a partner or upkeeping a partner. Anything really. Whether it is all worth it depends on what you get back from your investment.

Investment sounds rather cold but it is what we do when we work on a relationship or give things up for a relationship.

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 3:58:18 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		True, but what about the things we get back from our investment...love, companionship, caring, a sense of belonging?  And what if the time, effort, emotion and stress of pleasing a partner is what makes one happy?  I don't know if one can put a price on those things.  I guess it's up to each individual to decide if it is worth it.

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 4:07:42 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, let me validate you, OP.  Online domination is a legitimate business.

Feel better?



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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 4:15:28 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Honestly paying for play to me is the same as phone sex... when you pay to talk to someone and so on

though I do feel if you are paying for this real time it is some what the simaler at least to me as prostatution and that real Domanents dont need or want to be payed to do what they do.. However my opinion aside, it is really up to the person if they feel they can get what they need out of paying someone to be with them online then good for them it isnt for everyone it may not even be for most of us...
I find it counterproductive and I dont think I would feel terably good anout myself or my training if i had to pay for it. but then again thats me
I dont think there is a need to defend it (I feel if you think you need to defend what your doing you probubly shouldnt be doing it) But gain thats just my unwanted opinion

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 5:35:36 PM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline 		AAkasha,

You obviously know what you are doing when it comes to online domination. I have no idea why you feel the need to put yourself through the scrutiny of others by defending it here in this thread. You know that it isn't going to matter to most people what you say about online training, any how. Besides those who seek your training, are probably not the ones posting or reading the forums here. 

I mean no disrespect, but it makes no sense for me personally to try and do the cyber doming. At one time I thougt it might be fun, but I became frustrated that I wasn't able to see, hear or feel the other person's responses. I could probably benefit from your training myself if I ever was to try to do the cyber Mistress thing. I'll put your website in my favorites, just in case.

Nina

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Questions - 6/12/2006 8:22:02 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Aside from the legal aspects...

Would you girls pay for online Domination? Why or why not?

And do commercial come-ons belong on an amateur site?

Tim

(in reply to NINASHARP)
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RE: Questions - 6/12/2006 8:25:34 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		No, I wouldn't.  I don't need to be dominated by a stranger over the computer or the phone. 

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Questions - 6/12/2006 9:12:01 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I would never pay someone to Dom me
I want a real loveing relationship or the Domination mean nothing to me

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Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

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RE: Defending "pay for play" online training - 6/12/2006 9:14:57 PM   
candleTC


Posts: 148
Joined: 5/8/2006
From: Springfield, Il
Status: offline 		Greetings again, enigma....
Just a few thoughts .... my opinions of course....


quote:

Honestly paying for play to me is the same as phone sex... when you pay to talk to someone and so on 


mmmmm.. never paid for "phone sex" .. and not really seeing the correlation.... i guess, if you wanted to make the parallel, yeah, there are people that call sex lines all day long, just to get thier rocks off, and yes, there are people that will spend the same money to get some faceless female to tell them how much of a sissy boy they are.  But, rarely is there actual "sex" involved.  So, it's not really like phone sex at all, now is it??

quote:

though I do feel if you are paying for this real time it is some what the simaler at least to me as prostatution

SIMILAR to PROSTITUTION, how??? Have you know any Dom/Dommes, professional or otherwise?? Have you even read any of the threads that talk about the D/s dynamic is actually rather, sexless?? Even more so on the professional level.  Having been in the Professional side of this lifestyle in the past ( for quite a few years ) i , don't think i ever met ONE Male or Female Professional that *ever* had sex with said submissive.  You just don't do it.  The people that come to the Professionals with money in hand, are strictly nothing more than a client, a number per se.  NOT someone in a collar.  ( on a side note, of this topic.... it is VERY possible to actually have " vanilla sex " and *still* be very much in a D/s M/s relationship )

quote:

real Domanents dont need or want to be payed to do what they do.  


Most of the "real" DOMINANTS i know, would be more than happy to be PAID for services rendered.  I have known many, that have actually gone and "trained" ( in person, even.. *gasp* ) and were not offered a dime.  Learning from thier mistakes, actually discussed payment the next time.  You fail to see that a Dom or Master or Mistress or whatever domly type unit you choose to enter here, sees that thier time and knowledge and skills are very valuable.  Besides, who wouldn't want to get paid for a "job" they love??
quote:

  it is really up to the person if they feel they can get what they need out of paying someone to be with them online then good for them it isnt for everyone it may not even be for most of us...
I find it counterproductive and I dont think I would feel terably good anout myself or my training if i had to pay for it.

Ya know, sometimes i don't think that the fulfillment of the need to be with someone, is satisfied by paying someone.  I think the need to be discreet is the need that is being fulfilled by paying someone.  When one offers money for services rendered, there tends to be the feeling of confidentiality.  Nine times out of ten, a professional Domme is not going to go running to her other Domme girlfriends and say " oh my god!! you will NEVER believe who showed up at My dungeon today!! YES!! It was Dr. Jones!! Can you believe that?? "
No, that wouldn't happen.  Why? Because Dr. Jones is paying Mistress so and so, 500 bucks a session!! Dr. Jones at this point, knows that Mistress values his money far more than she values him.  Money is the key to silence, hence fulfilling the need.

quote:

  I find it counterproductive and I dont think I would feel terably good anout myself or my training if i had to pay for it.


You are a college student, right?  Are you *not* paying for training, now?? People pay for training in all areas of life, every single day.  How does this type of "training" differ from your type of training??

quote:

  I dont think there is a need to defend it (I feel if you think you need to defend what your doing you probubly shouldnt be doing it) But gain thats just my unwanted opinion


I am not sure that anyone was "defending" it.  There is a difference between "educating the general public" and "defending" ones actions.  It seems that maybe more education needs to be done on this topic, because many like yourself fall into the " shoot off at the mouth, when in all actuality i don't know a damn thing about it" trap. 

Enigma, i emailed you today, offering sound advice and lending a helping hand.... i mentioned that maybe you should step away from this for a while.. i meant it.  Take time to educate yourself in the area that you are currently going to school for, educate yourself in ALL areas of the lifestyle, take a break and come back.  I know that i will be totally chewed out for this post, and i am prepared to take it....  ( weeee ) I would like to think that maybe there are a few brave souls that would agree with me...

Here's hoping, and well wishes.....

Beth


~edited to only add, that the words in caps, are the words i just couldn't stand to see misspelled any longer... really wishes i could make her re-write every misspelled word 10 times * sigh * ~

< Message edited by candleTC -- 6/12/2006 9:17:16 PM >

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