Someplace Unknown

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rani -> Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 12:11:25 PM)
Greetings A/all i debated where to start this thread trying to be politically correct and all and decided here was to best suit the nature of the problem i seem to having. i am slave to Master Jory and i will not be speaking in third person so it is less confusing otherwise i would be, with permission granted of course smiles My question is to anyone that can relate. i have been in this lifestyle in various form for over the last ten years. It has given me valuable lessons as well as the undetainable drama that seems to unfold all around me except in my relationship with Master Jory. While i know that everyday life is hard, i have found myself in a place i did not think i ever would be. Debating on placing the relationship on hold for a while until my real life gets under control. in the last year we have been hit pretty hard with some physically devasting news of my father and my daughter and with the injuries i recieved at work, yada yada yada,,(you know the little black rain cloud ?) everytime i think it is the right thing to do i become so depressed i dont want to get out of bed. And just when i think i have enough strength to deal with it all here comes another curve ball. am i overwhelmed with it all? yes. do i want to take a break ? no.. my life with Master is what keeps me in balance and he supports and encourages me way more than he should have to. But it effects the relationship between us.. im out of ideas. i read to get inspiration but nothing is working. I cant exactly set down with a psychologist ( am trained in the field) over milk and cookies and discuss it. Is it he is being tender with me insted of strict? Does that to me show weakness? He is my life. I dont know whats going on , Have any of you been to this unknown place i speak of ?

mnottertail -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 12:30:24 PM)
Tough shit kid. Not every moment of your life is meant to be insprirational. Ain't nothing you did, god ain't personally pissed at you........you are in the wrong place at the wrong space-time..............do not dwell on it and waste your time considering from whence this wistful feeling comes........it comes to us all. You will do well. This too shall pass. The sun will shine again. There is a tomorrow. End of joke. XO and Hugs, Ron

composer83 -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 12:32:42 PM)
hmmm........i think i know where you're coming from..... in my relationship with my previous Mistress......we had a lot....i mean a LOT of external drama that seemed to affect our relationship at every turn.....plus she was physically incapacitated for a time, so that put all of the weight on my shoulders.....this worked for a while until it became so extreme that i began to lose grip of all of it.......it got so bad that i began lose control of my life, which subsequently meant i could no longer be effective in our relationship, let alone a good sub to Her.......& unfortunately it ended the relationship permanently........(there is much more to the story, obviously, but for the sake of our collective sanity i provided the cliff's notes) my point is this: if all the external drama is so much that you cannot handle it, AND you cannot rely on your master for guidance, affection, & wisdom....or if it is for you as it was in my case.....where you both are just exhausted....then sadly.....it may be time to move on.......or put things on hold until you can once again regain your grip........ i hope this helps, in some way....... ~m

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 1:15:19 PM)
I'd think being trained as a psychologist yourself makes you an excellent person to know what to look for in another therapist and get yourself exactly the right person who will see to the heart of things and be the right sounding board for you. However, nothing in your situation suggests you need to put the dynamic on hold. It would only be one more thing you would lose security in. Yes, life is a frail, tenuous thing, and most of the time we get the blessing/curse to forget about that little fact. But changing the relationship dynamic doesn't seem to be the right direction for you now.

rani -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 1:19:18 PM)
Thanks for the advice Ron , much appreciated. Thanks for the note composer. My Master does give me support, ((it is me that is physically handicapped at the moment )), Maybe what you were feeling is what he is feeling. Your note did give some insight Thank-you rani

rani -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 1:34:24 PM)
i am trained in psych, im not a counselor tho, but your right. i didnt want to expose this but felt i needed to get some sort of direction cause i was stuck and my mind did a data dump. As horrible as that sounds i know everyone has done it. I dont think placing it on hold is a good thing either. Thanks smiles respectfully rani

ownedgirlie -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 1:54:00 PM)
It is not so much up to you to decide to place it on hold anyway....is it? I too, have a dark cloud hovering. If not for my Master who keeps me steady, and who has taught me to perservere, I would have reached my stress tolerance limit by now. Stepping away from your foundation hardly seems like the answer. Remember, even a Master is not perfect, and this may well be a struggle you share together. Above all else, talk to him about this. And, if thinking that putting things on hold was the right thing to do, would it really depress you so?

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/12/2006 2:51:59 PM)
rani, Have you ever thought of taking the middle-of-the -road approach for the time being? Discussing this with your Master and seeking relief from some of your duties, but not all of them, to give you time to clear your head and determine stradegies that might benefit both of you, at this time? Sort of find an adequate balance in your life during this hardship? I wish you much luck and happiness in your endeavors. Sometimes I've found that not acting on intense emotions helps until I'm in a place where I can think clearly and use my best judgement on solving problems when they exist. You know, just step back a few feet and view my situation more objectively. LeatherBentOne

rani -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/13/2006 4:28:06 PM)
After restarting the reply ((more than five times ))to answer the recent posts , you all helped me to answer the question. Sometimes things get put in front of us that are overwhelmingly simple. Thank-you smiles

ChainedExistence -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/14/2006 9:22:10 AM)
"no.. my life with Master is what keeps me in balance and he supports and encourages me way more than he should have to." I think this is the most telling line of your entire post. As a slave, you feel certain responsibilities toward your Dom. In your present situation, I think you are feeling somewhat like you are failing him. "If I can't do this or that, I'm not being a good slave". Isn't that his call? Master and I are often separated by circumstances, and I feel terribly guilty that I am neglecting my duties toward him. I certainly understand those feelings you are having. But your Master is probably a lot like mine. He cares for you, and he knows that you are doing everything you can at the moment. He's human, too, and if he can cut you some slack because your life is crazy, then be a good slave and let him. As slaves we are often guilty of neglecting the side of our Dom that wants to protect and care for us, too. Let him keep you in balance and encouraged. It's good for you, and you're not being a bad slave for letting him take care of you. .

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/14/2006 1:47:14 PM)
I had a friend that had a really large dog that, unfortunately, got into a fight with a pack of wild dogs one night (we lived in the middle of the desert). He didn't fare very well. She loved this dog a lot... but she was always very harsh and strict with it. But after the attack she brought him into the house and stayed up all night nursing him and loving on him. Around 4 am she was sure she was losing him and that upset her more then words can say. She got angry, not at the dog, but at the circumstance and she yelled at him, stormed around the house and basically ordered him not to die. By dawn he was up and moving around on his own. She honestly believed that she was killing him with kindness, he wasn't used to her being so loving and when she did that it's almost like he knew he must be dieing. I think the one thing we need when our lives go upside down is consistancy from those nearest to us and when we don't get it then a part of us starts believing that maybe we are worse off then we originally thought. Maybe he doesn't realize that at this point in time you really need him to be "himself", that maybe that's the rock you anchor too. It's just as difficult from this side of the kneel to see the one you own going through hardships while we have to watch helplessly (I don't think a lot of dominants deal with "helpless" very well, I know we don't.. lol). I have to agree with what others have said... talk... then talk more. *Jewel*

rani -> RE: Someplace Unknown (6/14/2006 9:46:27 PM)
You all have put into words i could not. Your absolutly right. He is the anchor for me, and all the circumstances surrounding , he has become quite understanding is allowing me the choice of what to do. i am not mindless but it threw me for a loop. Am glad i came back to read your posts for now i feel like all this is solvable and am not the only one that has been is the situation and it is doable!!!! He cares for me greatly , and yes i feel like i am failing him. i realise that the sun cannot shine everyday (one of Rons points smile) , i have faith in the dynamic relationship between us (thank-you LuckyAlbatross for that smile) we are not perfect and he wants to stand through this struggle with me ( thank-you ownedgirl smile) and he has gracefully lifted some duties temporarily (thank-you LeatherBentOne smiles) i did feel like i was failing him which made it even seem worse than it already was ( thank-you ChainedExistence smiles) and felt his act of understanding kindness was a rejection of sorts, not meaning that in a bad sense but then again it isnt a good one either and i was lost. (thank-you ShiftedJewel for your insightfull story it truely helped smiles) i took a little from each of your posts and came up with the answers . thank-you again one and all respectfully submitted rani

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