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kyinternsub -> Hello (9/17/2012 9:06:45 PM)
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Hi people and People. Rather than attempt to re-word an introduction, here's the text from my ad:
I've been off-and-on, dipping a toe in the water then running away scared for a while now. I've received great guidance and advice from some, and I have unfortunately burned a few bridges. I wish to apologize for any fear-based choices I've made that have lessened my standing in the eyes of any Doms that have communicated with me.
About me: I am 32 years old, a "mama's boy" who has never learned to earn his keep. I am naturally defiant and aggressive, truly more Alpha than sub but having never had a strong male influence in my life I have grown to be spoiled and undeservedly arrogant; I have come to accept that the most practical way to learn to hone my dominant energy is through submission to a Dom who has come to rest in the seat of His Power.I have a strong feminine nature and perspective, but I am male through-and-through. I struggle with balanced communication and my mind is overactive. I am very intelligent and artistically talented, and when I set my mind to a task I exhibit remarkable fortitude. Focus is my weakness, but I have potential for great commitment. Honesty is my greatest strength, but sometimes small truths blind me to greater possibilities.
In my estimation of "the way the world works", it's all about power: some people are wielding it, like a weapon or tool; and others are offering it, like a bait or a buffet. My ultimate goal is to wield my power like a tool. In order to do that, I must offer it as a buffet, that a connoisseur of power may assess and help me to discern my own Seat of Power.
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As an addendum to my ad, I'd like to ask if any other Alpha-types have had trouble embracing their nature, or if there are other Alphas (Dom/Domme) that have trained as subs in order to expand on their understanding of themselves. My situation is needlessly complicated by my hyper-thinking, but I am at a point of life-review and it just seems clear to me that I have always been Alpha but have been so very undermined by my relationship with my mother that now the only way to reclaim my power is to embrace the very thing I hate being, the opposite of what I am (which is the very thing I have become in order to survive).
edit: And in reviewing my ad, I realize I have mentioned nothing of my sexual proclivities; will amend now. ;)
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