myotherself
Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
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I never thought I'd be one of those lucky people who get to post in this particular group, but here goes...
About 10 years ago a colleague who was into BDSM started me thinking that my lack of success with relationships had more to do with my needs not being met rather than some failure within myself. I'd never really heard of BDSM, but the way he described it began to resonate with me. At that point I had refused to have a relationship of any kind for nearly 10 years because there was always 'something missing', no matter how lovely my partners were. I was resigned to growing old alone and had almost come to terms with that. Almost, but not quite.
So I started to research BDSM and try to figure myself out. The first label I slapped upon myself was 'service sub'. I wanted NOTHING to do with spanking or any of that pain stuff. Uh-huh, no way Jose. 
Fast forward 6 years. After several (intentionally) short relationships which I used to explore BDSM and try to really figure out who I was. I decided I still enjoyed the service side of submission, but I was also a masochist. Pain does things to me that a laydee just wouldn't share with an audience of perverts 
With a much firmer idea of my needs, I started to look in earnest. I met a lot of guys, drank a lot of coffee, had a lot of those awkward "sorry, but there was no chemistry" discussions. I also made some good friends who I will hopefully keep for many years to come.
After a year and a half I'd almost given up. There weren't many guys in my local area, and the couple of long distance relationships I tried fell apart pretty quickly. I had been talking to this guy, DevilsTorturer, for a little while, but it was purely a friendship thing. Really. His profile had no pic, he only had one line in his profile. "Looking for the one". Really, the kind of profile I usually passed over. But he was an engineer (like me) and we talked online for hours about geeky stuff, life stuff...but almost no kink.
During this time I had a few more coffee dates with other guys, but again the chemistry was missing.
Having talked for some months, DT suggested we meet for coffee at a local shopping mall. I thought it was a good idea - if this date turned out to be another bust, at least I could go shopping. But that didn't happen. We talked for over 2 hours about anything but kink, and eventually had to leave the coffee shop as it was closing.
We began to date, totally vanilla for 3 or so months. Then we slipped into D/s. It started out so well, then my father took ill. For a year I tried to hold it together while my father slowly died. I had no emotional energy left for anyone else. When my father did die, my world fell apart. For at least 6 months I kept everyone at arm's length, including DT. He remained patiently in the background, just waiting, ready to talk, ready to be with me.
Things changed one sunday. We'd decided to start playing again, although I still wasn't totally sure. I had a lot of anger inside me - anger at the world, anger at my (then) godawful boss, anger at everyone who couldn't understand how I felt. We started to play, and the anger came out. I screamed and yelled at him, and he took it. I let it all out, and collapsed in floods of tears for the first time since my dad's death. He held me, cuddled me, soothed me, and made me feel like I had a rock to anchor to.
A year later...he's Master, I'm slave. We're both ridiculously happy. I didn't think it could get any better until...today we went to look at houses together. We're going to sell up both our houses and buy the kind of house I never thought I'd be able to aspire to. We'll blend our families (his 2 kids, my 2 dogs) and hopefully live happily ever after.
Maybe not the most original or exciting of threads, but I just wanted to point out to all the naysayers and "you're all fakes!" people that happiness takes time, patience, persistence and a positive attitude. It worked for us, it could work for anyone 
_____________________________
There's nowt so queer as folk
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One happy bunny! - 
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