RE: The two Doms.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The two Doms.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: The two Doms.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 9:37:51 PM

nvfemale

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/23/2012
Status: offline

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

The first gives me a sense of protection that you're in touch with me. The second could naturally be said in the same breath as the first.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 12:12:50 AM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline

I actually think it's very similar. From my perspective, I really enjoy doing things for Him because it's what he wants (no. 2), and I like the first option when it comes to things I need motivation/direction/persuasion to do (no. 1).

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to nvfemale)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 12:43:47 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

My Master is both 1 and 2--what's best for me is what he wants.

To be more detailed, in my experience I don't see the two as contradicting each other at all. My Master has a good balance of getting what he wants and desires from me while simultaneously looking out for and taking care of me--making the best decisions for us. I like that. I like that he always has my well-being as a top priority; it makes me feel safe and loved. And I like that he has no hesitation in asking for or taking what he wants; I love doing things for him, it fulfills me.

So what it ends up being is a mutually fulfilling happiness. I can feel free and content/safe to serve him in whatever way he asks because I know he is always looking out for me. He gets what he wants, and he also loves taking care of me. He loves being the leader, which to us, involves both options #1 and #2.

I think those who have traits of both 1 and 2 are well-rounded individuals, healthy and in the right place to be in charge. The exact "recipe" of how much of 1 and how much of 2 there is will be different for each individual, and each combination is great in the right place--somewhere out there, your "recipe" is what is right for someone.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 9:45:39 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I just saw this, and I am lol-ing at "inner asshole".

We are who we are. I want what I want, the whole parental surrogate dom stuff creeps me the fuck out. Can't we help each other flourish together? Why do I have to be the arbiter of all wisdom and growth just because I'm the leader?

Part of what I want(ed) was a harmonious relationship. Which means that we both get what we want, and ideally no one is an asshole for any length of time.

(and my parents said no all the time, and boss me around all the time, so what's up with that?)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 9:57:27 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

The first statement reflects more what I am. A Daddy Dom type, one who's focused on his partner, developing her.

Over the weekend, I saw a Dom who embodied the second statement. The bad boy. It's all about me, and serving me.

With that realization, I know I have to develop the second Dom within me, to get in touch with my inner asshole. Part of becoming a fuller person.

My question for you subs - which kind of Dom do you respond to better?

I'm a Daddy Dom too, and I've gone through this myself. I have secured what's best in mind for my girl, and now I let the other side out when I want to in a way we can both enjoy. As long as you're doing what you both want (and that includes what you want that she is willing to accept), you'll be fine. Just enjoy her, and do what you need to do for yourself.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 4:06:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

Kana sez he's both, simultaneously.
Let's here it for (To quote Private Joker) the duality of man.
Huzzah!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 11:19:41 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My question for you subs - which kind of Dom do you respond to better?

I'll take the person who says 'we' a lot. If I can't have that, then "I want" works better for me.. "I want.." gives me a clear indication without having to second guess and I appreciate not having to get my crystal ball repaired on a weekly basis when my mind reading abilities fail me. 'I want' from a domly gives me the ability to decide if I also want.. and if I don't, then I can walk. That can certainly be achieved without being an asshole. Asshole = Smelly thing that spews shit. Pass, pass, pass.

First place is 'we' or 'us' though and if that 'we' is three or more people, so much the better. I've always wanted to live in a commune.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: The two Doms. - 10/2/2012 11:55:28 PM

DonnysStar

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/2/2012
Status: offline

I like Dom A. My Daddy is that way. I have also been with the B type and that really sucked.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 1:16:01 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

Doing what's best for her IS what you want, so I don't understand the inner conflict you seem to be experiencing.
To answer your question directed at subs, there is a whole lot of us in our relationship, but truth be told,
I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.

ding dong!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to poise)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 1:27:19 AM

ursamajour

Posts: 41
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

I've always thought of being a dom as an expression of the mindset of the leader. A leader expects his orders to be followed quickly, competently, and without unnecessary questions. However, a proper leader's orders are rooted in concerns for the welfare of those he leads. In my mind, 1 and 2 are the same, or should be, at any rate.

(in reply to crazyml)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 6:47:41 AM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

Mr is an uneven combination of both. How He is really depends on what's happening at the moment. Sometimes He can be both at the same time. Sometimes I feel the need to ask Him to be more like #2 (Daddy, come home and take what you want from me, grab my hair and drag me out of bed and and and...) But there are times when it is more appropriate for Him to lean into the #1 attitude more (my dog passed away and He needed to be nurturing and loving and order me to take care of my needs to get through it)
Like others have said DS, you are who you are and you shouldn't change that. Rather, you should find someone to fit who it is you are naturally. Like vanilla relationships, you don't become someone else just because you're with someone, they love and respect you for what you already are ahead of time and if that's not right for them they need to move on.

just my 2 pennies :)
Lucifyre

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to ursamajour)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 3:06:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

A certain a mount of selfishness is hot. But a guy who is totally asshole is not.

I prefer more of the Daddy Dom for the health of the relationship. But sexually is when the second is most appropriate.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lucifyre)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 5:03:46 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

A blend of both.

Here's the tricky thing with me. With the history I've experienced, I became really really in tune to who I am and what makes me tick and what's best for me...and what isn't. I've been with the Mister 3 1/2 years now but I've been with *me* almost 47 years. So because of the way I'm wired, someone saying "This is what's best for you" is going to automatically trigger my inner gauge, and I'm going to do a check within myself to see if I agree or not. It's just how I process things now.

Doesn't mean if I disagree I won't do it. I will. And guess what - most often times he was right about it. Surprise surprise. But it's my own...oh I don't know...defense mechanism that comes up from time to time.

Like poise said, him saying "I want this" can certainly be *because* he thinks it is best for me. Sometimes he says "This is what is best for you and I want this" all in one breath and there's certainly no arguing that one.

Saying what he wants does not mean he's being selfish. It could be what he wants for me, for us as a relationship, or for himself personally. He is my Daddy, and he shows me every single day how much he loves and supports me. So the two options above - on their own - wouldn't take from that.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: The two Doms. - 10/3/2012 5:29:13 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.

This is me in a nutshell.

(in reply to poise)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: The two Doms. - 10/5/2012 5:35:34 AM

ejmichaels

Posts: 51
Joined: 11/11/2010
Status: offline

Some sort of blend works for me, varying with the situation. However, when I'm in an especially submissive mindset, I'm uncomfortable being asked what I feel like doing. My answer is usually along the lines of "submitting to you". It's not that I don't have physical preferences (and my partner knows about those), but it sometimes sounds like we're about to do a top/bottom scene instead of D/s. I'd much rather hear something like "I'm in a sadistic mood, but I'll let you pick the toy". We're nominally in a full time D/s relationship, but our play doesn't always work out that way.

< Message edited by ejmichaels -- 10/5/2012 5:39:55 AM >

(in reply to kallisto)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: The two Doms. - 10/5/2012 7:56:36 AM

culareD

Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline

1. "This is what's best for you."

I don't know if the two statements are equally divided for me, but my interpretation of the first statement goes hand in hand with the fact that I have to trust the Dom to have MY best interest in mind. If he/she is communicating with me and understanding where I am coming from, then I can trust him/her to know what is best for me.

2. "This is what I want."

Again, for me communication is paramount. I need clear direction on likes/dislikes and what is expected of me.

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to ejmichaels)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: The two Doms. - 10/5/2012 2:30:35 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My master has a blend of both but leans more toward the Dom 1 side. He not only cares about but loves me. What is best for me is taking care of hm and doing all i can to keep him happy and satsified. I tust him totally to always do what is best for me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to culareD)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: The two Doms. - 10/8/2012 10:55:49 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I agree with Athena (in my limited experience) and am struggling with trying to find that perfect blend because sometimes that asshole is great..he is looking out for himself but by belonging to him sometimes you benefit from that "don't mess with my pleasure" because YOU are his pleasure.. Hey If it is any consolation, I am having a two sub crisis!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: The two Doms. - 10/8/2012 11:17:18 AM

aaron237

Posts: 13
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline

Awesome question! I've thought about it myself quite a bit. I fluctuate between the two, in play I am mostly Dom B. But in day to day living I'm mostly Dom A, but I am never quite 100% on either side.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: The two Doms. - 10/8/2012 12:31:54 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

The second one. I need to know he is completely focused on his own pleasure, and I am merely a willing hole to facilitate that.

The first one can work for me when what's 'best' is severe s&m followed by objectifying, orgasm denied sex for his pleasure. There's something very cruel about being told that painful things are good for you, nom nom :-D

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 40