hubby doesnt play

hubby doesnt play (Full Version)

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motormouth2016 -> hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:24:13 PM)
im very submissive and my husband doesnt want to play with me. i have tried encouraging him but not much luck. i got him to play once and we had an issue it was resolved quickly because he was paying attention as at the moment i couldnt speak but he freaked out pretty bad. i made the mistake pf asking to open the marriage so i could find a dom but he freaked out now hes still freaking out. can anyone help me out?

wittynamehere -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:25:52 PM)
From reading that, I'm not really sure what you mean happened. But it sounds stressful... Sounds like there needs to be some more/better communication.

myotherself -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:44:39 PM)
According to your profile, you're 22 and you state that your husband is not dominant but you're very submissive. So the poor bloke finally gives into topping you, something happens that upsets him greatly, and now he doesn't want to do it again. And your solution is to find someone else to fulfill your 'needs'? Are you surprised he's freaking out?! You need to make a decision. Either find a kink-friendly marriage therapist and try to save your marriage, or leave the poor guy and give him a chance to find someone who would be better for him.

littlewonder -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:47:17 PM)
Your only solutions I can come up with..... 1. Divorce 2. Since you're just looking to play, suppress your desire to play and go without. You can't force him to want to do it. You tried that already. He freaked out. Let him be.

LadyPact -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:51:08 PM)
Well, here's a thought. You say you are very submissive, OP. You asked if you could find a play partner. You were told no. Submit.

Alecta -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 10:54:20 PM)
Why didn't you guy deal with the first freak out? What happened?

FormerlyFurr -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 11:05:41 PM)
Alecta has the right idea. Discuss why he freaked out. Then, if he is willing, find a Dominant to train him to be more dominant and meet your needs. May not work depending on why he freaked out, but maybe it is a solution.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 11:14:24 PM)
OP - I'll say the same thing I said to a male in your situation a few days ago. Why did you get married to this man is having a dom is so important to you? At 22 you can't possibly have been married very long, and already you've become so dissatisfied with not having this that you're wanting to go outside your marriage? It sounds like he tried for you, so that's encouraging. I wonder if you maybe jumped in at the deep end since you were apparently doing something with potential for danger and weren't able to speak - it doesn't sound like you started off slowly with some playful spanking. Not surprising that he found it very upsetting when something went wrong. I'm gonna steal LadyPact's usual line here because it's relevant: he has as much right to be vanilla as you do to be kinky. You can't make him change for you. I'd be upset in his position that you want to go outside the marriage - after all, I'm sure he went into this not that long ago thinking you were well matched, and now has you saying 'you're not enough for me'. Step way way back. Be a great wife in every respect, including the vanilla sex. Let him know you'd still like to play if/when he feels ready. Be prepared to compromise on the fantasy. If he takes charge during sex, for god sake don't tell him he's doing it wrong -actually submit to what he wants. Let him know that you appreciate it. Don't get over excited and forget to meet his needs. Accept it might be a long time before he tries again, if ever. Stop talking about getting another man. Masturbate like crazy. Consider a kink friendly marriage counselor. Or, like LittleWonder said, get a divorce. You're very young, he probably is too, this has already become a big issue - maybe you should both find someone who meets your needs.

ARIES83 -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/1/2012 11:52:27 PM)
I would freak out as well! Sorry you get no sympathy from me, I've seen this kinda post to frequently now... Plan A. Buy him a book from the recommended reading material list located "somewhere" in here. It might spark his interest, and communicate about your needs. Plan B. Decide if you made a mistake marrying the wrong person and deal with it by divorce or living with it. (if you cheat on him you are less than scum.) I have no plan C... Good luck. -Aries

kitkat105 -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 12:28:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Well, here's a thought. You say you are very submissive, OP. You asked if you could find a play partner. You were told no. Submit. This. And if you don't want to, you need to finish this marriage before you really hurt him.

Treasure29 -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 1:22:04 AM)
Ok most men won't like their girlfriends or wives playing with another guy as in having sex with them or doing anything of a sexual nature with another guy. I suggest you to you to go to anAnn summers store and buy something that looks really sexy on you and that night put it on before bed, tell me what happens the next day! Don't forget doing something sexual withyour partnerdoesn't only have to be something you do to them it can be what you just wear! Good luck.

lizi -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 2:24:40 AM)
I'm afraid I can't solve your problem so as to make it go away. It seems like the two of you aren't a match, I'm wondering why you were ever married. Why did you get married to him? How long have you been married? I'm more about the relationship, if I have a man I truly love then I can go without kink, can you do this or not? It's good you asked him first before cheating on him- I don't really know how to go about making him calm down now or have him come around to saying it's ok for his wife to be intimate with another man. It's kind of like asking how can I get my husband, the one I said I'd honor forever, to do what I want now after the fact of marrying him. It's an impossible question that doesn't have an answer as far as I can see.

DarkSteven -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 6:46:17 AM)
You're asking the wrong questions. The question you should be asking is: 1. Why did I marry this guy if I knew he couldn't fill my needs? 2. Why did I allow a raw newbie to be in a first time scene where something could go south? 3, Why do I keep freaking out my man? Your behaviors are managing to mess up your life, and could destroy his. Get therapy, and take responsibility. Think your actions through.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 1:57:36 PM)
I would try communicating with him again to see if the two of you can come to some middle ground on including BDSM in your lives. In my experience, people are either hard wired for this type of thing, or not. And if they are not, they are never going to be able to sustain their interest in this for any length of time (i.e., they will do it for a while to please you, but then they will get either bored with it, or annoyed by it, and eventually not be able to sustain it). You are each entitled to happiness in your lives. You, as much as him. If, after a concerted effort, you cannot resolve these issues within your relationship, I would say it would be better for both of you to divorce and find what you each want.

tsatske -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 2:00:36 PM)
My BFFwb, who's entire interest in BDSM is scratching my itch every once in a while (which is wholey unsuccesful, since I'm way more sub than bottom, and can't get into a good head space knowing he is only doing it 'for' me, to 'service' me, as it were) did the same thing for his second wife for the entirety of their 10 or so year marriage. They eventually divorced over her drinking. It is possible for someone to just love their spouse enough to do what they need. Rather they can play the role well enough depends on what they both need, I supposed. Same guy, worked for her, not for me, so we're just wired differantly.

foreignhottie -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 2:10:13 PM)
be a good wife and listen to him!

fucktoyprincess -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 2:17:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske My BFFwb, who's entire interest in BDSM is scratching my itch every once in a while (which is wholey unsuccesful, since I'm way more sub than bottom, and can't get into a good head space knowing he is only doing it 'for' me, to 'service' me, as it were) did the same thing for his second wife for the entirety of their 10 or so year marriage. They eventually divorced over her drinking. It is possible for someone to just love their spouse enough to do what they need. Rather they can play the role well enough depends on what they both need, I supposed. Same guy, worked for her, not for me, so we're just wired differantly. Kudos to you (and his ex) for finding someone who has been able to sustain an interest in play. In my experience, the temporary interest at the start usually wanes within a year or so. I also agree that it depends on how one is wired as the submissive. I am sort of similar to you. I am into S&M, I enjoy subspace, and I find it bloody tedious to be with someone who is not truly into it. There is a dynamic that occurs when both people are into S&M that is incredible. I find that dynamic impossible with someone who is not into it (it is a dynamic, after all, not something I can create on my own just with someone going through the motions). But fair enough, I concede that other submissives could be wired differently and be perfectly happy with someone who is just going through the motions for them.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 2:53:14 PM)
This is how your situation comes across to me. Please note, I am not saying it's accurate, you gave us one whole paragraph to work from, then asked for advice. But it comes across to me as if you are so very shallow and selfish that you chose to get your own kinky itch scratched without giving a single thought as to how it would play out with your husband, should he not enjoy being the kink scratcher, so to speak. Well, he didn't enjoy it, so he freaked, and then you followed that up with a side order of 'can I cheat outside the marriage.' In my never humble opinion, you do not have the maturity to be in any relationship, let alone a committed one of the marriage type variety. Now I admit, I am speaking from the maturity and experience that comes with being a female approaching 60. When I was 22, I had no business being married either, which is why we divorced. I have no advice for you beyond grow up and learn to treat those you profess to love much better than this. Karmic really is a biotch.

Ninebelowzero -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 3:28:47 PM)
Grow up?

motormouth2016 -> RE: hubby doesnt play (10/2/2012 7:40:01 PM)
i suppose ill explain further, we send much time separated by our work thus open marriage no kink itches, he has the potential i can see it and when we do play i see a different light in him similar to my own, the incident was something we had done before just went a bit far. i love him and will do as he says if i must go without my itch getting scratched fine. i have no desire to hurt him just looking for help introducing him so things might go better for us, in the ast i had men with a lil more experience. he had the interest before we got married and for some of the beginning then i just stoped.

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