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Duskypearls -> RE: My Domme Cancelled - Did I Do Something? (10/4/2012 9:47:21 PM)
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Anam, I do not know if this is your situation, but I know when I encounter one (especially a male) that is confident and assertive (my polar opposite), it can have astounding effects on me. Those are traits I admire and mostly lack. I find when exposed to such a personality, it strongly triggers my submissiveness. What I must learn, is to be quite discerning as to whether the person's nature and intent is positive and honorable, which requires my mental processes of inquiry and discrimination to function. I find that difficult to do when my "feelings" are so strongly triggered. Feelings are NOT facts, dear one, and are capable of leading us far astray from what is for our highest good.
Make no mistake, one can be both intelligent and naive. They are not mutually exclusive traits. There's a world of difference between intellectual and emotional/social smarts/maturity.
If one is too "needy" for validation or stimulation from sources outside themselves, they will likely find frequent disappointment when others fail to meet their expectations/perceived needs and/or desires. That you went into a disappointment "frenzy," as you call it, indicates you may have put too much stock in what you thought the other should have provided you with = unmet expectations. Only by changing, or completely relieving yourself of expectations, can you free yourself from that kind of suffering.
Word to the wise. As many others here have said before, and far better than I, NEVER put the BDSM stuff in front of the vanilla stuff. That's like waving a red flag in the face of a very horny bull, and they will charge it. Backburner the BDSM stuff, and go VERY, VERY slow even with the vanilla stuff. Respect yourself enough to not give yourself away cheaply, and thoroughly and repeatedly "vet" the person you're making inquiry of, and put them through their paces, time and again, until they have proved to be sound, and worthy of you.
One of the downsides of online communications is it allows for, and too easily fosters, a false intimacy, which can easily go too far, too fast. Many in the "lifestyle" have become very adept at manipulating others by telling them what they want to hear, and/or by hiding their true selves. Some people can be far too easily swayed by certain words, phrases or concepts that may unconsciously trigger one right into a trance, without them even realizing it. As I mentioned before, it can be downright mesmerizing, which can be dangerous when one is in the hands of the unsafe/untrustworthy.
You say you "get it," and are puzzled by your reactions. That may be because you get it on an intellectual level, but it was your feelings and hormones/chemicals triggered, and those are two separate things. When you learn to give your thoughts and discernment more power and permission to direct your life, rather than your feelings, you may find it holds you in better stead, hopefully at least until you can find the "one" that deserves them both, and who will do right by you.
Edited to add one more thing. NO true, honorable gentleman, worth his salt, would EVER do what that fellow did to you, right out of the starting gate, and certainly not before you were in a committed relationship. That was SO stunningly wrong, I'm overwhelmed with disgust for him, and heartache for you. He put his selfish sexual needs and desires before your entire health and well-being, and with no thought or concern for the subsequent effects it might have on you. That makes him a careless, thoughtless, selfish buffoon, seemingly lacking any conscience. No matter how easy and good that may have felt to you, that is entirely inappropriate, and goes way beyond the pale. Rein in that loose horse, dear girl, before it gets you in a horse wreck. You're far too valuable, and deserve far better, than to go that route.
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