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Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 2:33:29 PM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		How do you start a long term relationship vs a short term one ?

I want to know how do you start off when both people want a long term relationship. do you start with a different approach to dating and building trust. or does it effect your
approach at all ? 
How do you keep from being a one night stand every time you go on a new date?  

Is there a formula for moving the relationship from one night fling to every weekend fling to satisfying lover every night ?

Is it possible to build a long term relationship from a situation where your only a weekend lover?

(i have a job and a house of my own. i don't have that strong of a desire to change my surroundings or screw things up or rellocate. but at the same time long term relationship is a long term goal)




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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 2:45:46 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think you can start a long term relationship vs. a short term one.  To me, that's more of a goal.  You start a relationship, period.  If things go well, you have a lot in common, enjoy each other's company, etc. it may evolve into LTR.  I don't think there is any formula.  Yes, you can have an LTR even if you only see someone on the weekends, or monthly or even yearly.

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:07:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There really is no formula- you can name a scenario and I can tell you that tons of people have tried and succeeded and tons of people have tried and failed.

The only thing to say is be honest and open at ALL stages with the other person.  If you want a "short term which could develop into a long term" then say so and find someone else who is honestly happy with that as well.

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:11:40 PM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps the goal should be more focused on just finding someone like-minded to yourself whom you enjoy spending time with?

I think part of what keeps some relationships from developing is when one person has pre-conceived expectations and desires toward the relationship that they are not/do not share with the other person. How many people begin 'dating' someone only to find out the other person thinks it's a purely casual attachment? How may people think a relationship is becoming serious only to find the other person has no desire to move towards marriage? Both people have to be open to developing something together and share a similar general direction.

That said, there is no formula, IMO. Finding someone you like who likes you is where it begins. After that, treat one another well, share, talk, and things should develop as intended.

~Thea

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:12:45 PM   
hmmmmnbird


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		when I first read this, I agreed with bandit25 that I start a relationship, and it either evolves into a long term relationship or it doesn't. As I thought a bit more, I realized that this isn't really true for me. I'm now sort of thinking this through "out loud", so excuse me if ramble.

There is a different mindset when I meet someone looking for a long term relationship. My parameters are different than if I were meeting someone just for play or fun. Since my goal is to ultimately have a long term relationship, I don't agree to meet to people who aren't available or open to that possibility.
When I was younger, even though I always hoped that things would lead to long term, I was less descriminating, shall we say, and more open to meeting people "just for fun". I think I was more giving of my time, if that makes sense.
I just realized that I have rambled on, and not at all answered the question of "how to".  The "how to" for me is to be more analytical when meeting a person, and less "in the moment". Does that make any sense at all?
I haven't been reading the fora very long, and posting less, but I know there are some very eloquent and intelligent people on here. If  someone can figure out what I'm trying to say, and explain it to me, I'd sure appreciate it!
Bunnie


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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:27:22 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I understand what you are saying.  Of course, I don't meet people just for play; but I have met people just to talk or have fun.  Definitely, I think you need to go into any relationship with an open mind.  You may never realize what you could be missing otherwise.

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:52:38 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		zero: I've never in my life had a short term relationship. I've never even "dated"..so I'm trying to think how that has happened so I can answer your question...............I really dont think I can answer it.

This is really weird for me thinking about this question...thanks for the topic  I might post again if I come up with something.

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 3:56:42 PM   
meatcleaver


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I have a long term relationship with the mother of my daughter in Japan. We get to spend about six months of the year together or that is how it is working out at the moment. Neither of us want to move because of our work but who knows what will happen in the future. At the moment we can afford it but we both have work where incomes tend to be feast or famine.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 6/13/2006 4:00:17 PM >

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 4:09:26 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I look for people who are open to a long term relationship. Doesn't mean that it's going to go there, or that it's going to go past one date, or meeting. Just that we are both open to and looking for something more substantial than play or a one night stand. If you like each other, are able to communicate well with each other, then you start out one day at a time and hopefully it grows. As LuckyAlbatross said, just be open and honest.
-edited to add, I used fast reply, this is to the OP, not bandit25, but you're welcome to read it LOL
~Big

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< Message edited by bignipples2share -- 6/13/2006 4:11:29 PM >

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 4:21:36 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		All relationships start out as short-term relationships, just day-to-day. Only after days become months or years can you look back and say that you've created a long-term relationship.

I think this is one of the most misunderstood parts of relationships. People think that a wedding ring, engagement ring, collaring, or commitment ceremony make a relationship a "long term" relationship. The only thing that makes a relationship a long-term relationship is lots of time, lots of attention, and LOTS of working as a team/partnership to make the relationship work.

There are no shortcuts and no "secrets"... it's all about communicating, working hard, realizing that disagreements are -going- to happen, and figuring out what's important in your life... because if being right every time is going to be more important than your relationship, you'll -never- have a long-term relationship that is anything but misery.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org


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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 4:22:45 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello zero69u2,

I am no expert in relationships, but as I believe I have said before, I am the child of true and complete love.  The most incredible relationship I have ever witnessed was the one my parents shared.

Strangely, it was my father who ended up giving me some wonderful words on how a relationship that profound can work and last.  I never got the opportunity to speak with my mother as an adult, as she died when I was 13. 

I will share with you what my father told me.

You love many people and in many different ways.. but being in love with someone is very special.  It is a choice you make every day.  It is a condition and a relationship you nourish, eagerly, every moment of every day.  Living and loving a person for 35 years means never allowing yourself to take your partner, and what you love about them for granted.  (Now, my dad is Catholic man so you might want to take this next big figuratively, I do, and I think it works just as well, as we can all make things a sacrament, by making them sacred to us).  Love, marriage, is a sacrament because the work, the happy and willing sacrifices and the rituals, mundane and extraordinary you create together make it something holy, something blessed, a bit of divinity you get to participate in.  We are given very few chances to make something as magic as shared love.  It would be a shame if we passed it by without realizing it's value, and taking care of something that precious.

I think, there is a lot of wisdom to be found in those words...I do not usually find such reverence and simple, shocking clarity in what my father says.  But these words have always stuck with me.

I hope you can find something from them which answers parts of your question.

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 4:49:40 PM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zero69u2

How do you start a long term relationship vs a short term one ?

First you go on a date, if you like each other you go one another one.  Share common interests.  Do nice things for each other without asking.  Be kind and attentive.  Listen.  Be honest about your feelings and desires.  If you break up after a short period of time it is a short term relationship.  If you break up after a long time or do not break up at all it is a long term relationship.

quote:

I want to know how do you start off when both people want a long term relationship. do you start with a different approach to dating and building trust. or does it effect your approach at all ?
 
Same answer as above

quote:

How do you keep from being a one night stand every time you go on a new date? 

Don't have sex on the first date

quote:

Is there a formula for moving the relationship from one night fling to every weekend fling to satisfying lover every night ?

Refer to first answer

quote:

Is it possible to build a long term relationship from a situation where your only a weekend lover?

Again, refer to first answer

quote:

(i have a job and a house of my own. i don't have that strong of a desire to change my surroundings or screw things up or rellocate. but at the same time long term relationship is a long term goal)

Then why does it say willing to relocate on your profile?  Again refer to first answer.







< Message edited by angelface183 -- 6/13/2006 4:53:40 PM >

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 7:03:32 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		what angel said

I have never done a one night stand, I prefer to get to know someone a bit before scaring them with nekeditity

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RE: Long Term Relationships how to ? - 6/13/2006 7:40:56 PM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		thanks puella for your insightful post. your dad passed on some wisdom to you. thanks for sharing.

Bunnie, yes that age factor has changed my search parameters.. and I wind up taking a more settled down approach then hopping off to the bars or dating casually without putting up some screening criteria and thought into. Are they really compatiable or am i just attracted by lust to her alluring profile and big breasts and cute smile.  meeting people "just for fun" is alright,but don't want to be a dom slut or have the girls think i'm easy..
*permisques smile and alluring blue eyes into the digital darkness*

angelface > yeah been doing that for 4 years. does it work.. yes and no. its good for networking out and making alot of friends and a few intimate companions. is it good for finding a ltr submissive. i guess its as good as any other approach.  
Don't have sex on the first date... ohh that's what i'm doing wrong.. thanks.. :)
i usually never break up though (unless its one of those driving distance things which makes casual regular meetings a impossibility.)  its just a drifting dating situation (with locals) If i spend a few weeks on email with someone and they drift off with no real time meeting. i have to avoid the emotional torment to wait for them to call and proactively call it a non-serious cyber inquiry and just move to new unexplored prospective dating. if they happen to IM back months later.. i take it they want a friend zone relationship and leave them on Y forever.
 
I guess my original thought was that everything is a short term relationship until you actually work as a couple on it. There is no magical collar at first sight or relationship that's going to instantly become the happily ever after fairy tale of collarme.
without lots of work on building blocks of communication and trust.
 
 
 

 
 

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