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Alecta -> RE: Bullying? (10/15/2012 12:09:29 PM)
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It is squidgy thinking to say no-one deserves to be bullied. It's not nice, certainly, but it is a necessary part of human development. Part of growing up is being able to deal with people not being nice, being deliberately mean and hurtful, and being able to handle our own hurt and navigate social norms to avoid hurting ourselves. Without being hurt we would never know what it was like and not knowing what it is like is often how people become callous idiots. It is the duty of overseeing guardians and adults to put their feet down and go "ENOUGH" when the kids go to far. Kids don't know what is too far. But on that note, it is therefore ridiculous to put down ever more stringent anti-bullying laws. We have criminal laws for when things go too far. We need to learn to use them first, not keep creating more and more ill-thought-out layers to disguise the fact that we don't know how much is too much.
BC's laws for dealing with similar situations are inadequate. Too much is dependent on the Judge's discretion and bias where the Court needs to recognise the modern climes and new technologies and their impacts. Crimes discussed online should be looked upon from a legislative standpoint as harshly and seriously as crimes discussed in traditional writing and conversation. The same amount of accountability should be established. (Some form of accountability should be established).
That said, I have little sympathy for this particular girl and her parents. Actions, or lack of them, have consequences. Suicide is one of the top dramatic stunts. The media circus that is happening now is exactly why. Teens, people, look at the fuss and the weeping and the regret and the sudden absolution of the suicidee and that is what sticks with them. All this really teaches to someone who's foolish or hurting enough not to fear death is "this is a great passive revenge tool" and "they'll be so sorry no-one'd remember the stupid shit I did".
Her school system is ill-equipped to handle bullying because, frankly, nobody wants to deal with shit. But it's not bullying that is the problem, its everything and everyone else. Where are the grownups in all this? The teachers did nothing until the cameras came around and mostly all they're doing is shifting responsibility "oh we tried but we don't have the right tools". They're right, they don't have the tools. But the tools they're lacking isn't new laws and enforcement, it's knowledge and training. The extent of "trying" that they put forth was limp noodley words like "oh stop picking on her" and "you can always talk to us" and "we're concerned for your child" and "oh don't say that I'm sure you're wrong". No, that is not enough, it doesn't even come close. Blaming the existence of bullying is really just a diversion from what a bad job was done to control it. So yes, things need to change. Yes, it needs to change because a kid is dead. But it isn't the other kids that was the problem, it's the adults.
It was mentioned earlier that her parents aren't with her 24/7-- How does this diminish the amount of responsibility they have towards her well-being? It has been a very long time in history since parents were with their children 24/7. It's not a matter of standing over them at all times guarding them against outside influence. It's a matter of giving them the right tools and thinking, of teaching them to help themselves and be responsible for themselves and taking that responsibility seriously; because if you give an ipod to a kid and tell them "this is your responsibility" but keep replacing them whenever the kid fails to take care of it then you're really teaching them that you think an ipod is a necessity of life and it is their right to have one, no questions asked. It is a matter of being on top of things and taking an interest, keeping tabs. In the very least, and I suppose this is radical, a parent of a teen should know who the teen is friends and enemies with this week and what the drama of the month is. There are wonderful tools for this without needing to talk to your teen. But really, you should be learning to talk to your teens. It's important. They can't raise themselves.
Anti-bullying laws won't help when what we really need are provisions that teach everyone to take consequences seriously. Suicide was a crime, where I grew up. It made us teens think twice about killing ourselves for dramatic effect (although that too was fuzzy logic since we won't be around to face the charges). Parents and teachers took educating us about and against suicide just a little more seriously because of the palpable responsibility. They took educating bullies about how much is too much a little more seriously too because of this, and laws that made them culpable if children in their charge committed crimes. It wasn't perfect, but the thinking, though callous, was sound.
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