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'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 2:00:00 AM

Posts: 33
Joined: 10/14/2012
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There are so many different styles, beliefs, methods, expectations and desires in Dominants... Is it all trial and error?? And! Is there somewhere you all meet? Lol.. Local community hall every Wednesdsy.. Make it a LOT easier (if not, could you pretty please?!)

Last question... Do all/most Doms have more than one sub? & why?

:-)
... Just to clarify.. Cheek is a natural gift, definitely not meant to be offensive!! Lol
Katt

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 2:03:15 AM

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ORIGINAL: PurrPett

There are so many different styles, beliefs, methods, expectations and desires in Dominants... Is it all trial and error??
In sunny world, we call it dating.

And! Is there somewhere you all meet? Lol.. Local community hall every Wednesdsy.. Make it a LOT easier (if not, could you pretty please?!)
Yes. It's called a munch. Google it with your city name.

Last question... Do all/most Doms have more than one sub? & why?
No, in my experience most do not. Like most folks, the greatest majority are monogamous. (Obviously not all, but generally speaking).

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to PurrPett)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 2:09:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Sunny answered it perfectly. Look up your local munch and go meet people. Date, learn about people, remember that relationships are still relationships and you are entitled to look for one that fits you - you're not just auditioning for a role.

And it's not as simple as one sub/more than one. Some have one sub but several play partners. Some live in a poly household. Some have a sub and a vanilla/dom partner. Some have one or more subs and also engage in sharing or public play... again, you can find what fits you.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 3:29:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

And it's not as simple as one sub/more than one. Some have one sub but several play partners. Some live in a poly household. Some have a sub and a vanilla/dom partner. Some have one or more subs and also engage in sharing or public play... again, you can find what fits you.

In addition, some have just one sub and are looking to add one. I don't know if you'd call that mono or poly, reality vs inclination.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 3:35:45 AM

BoundSlave4Life

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

ORIGINAL: PurrPett

There are so many different styles, beliefs, methods, expectations and desires in Dominants... Is it all trial and error??
In sunny world, we call it dating.

And! Is there somewhere you all meet? Lol.. Local community hall every Wednesdsy.. Make it a LOT easier (if not, could you pretty please?!)
Yes. It's called a munch. Google it with your city name.

Last question... Do all/most Doms have more than one sub? & why?
No, in my experience most do not. Like most folks, the greatest majority are monogamous. (Obviously not all, but generally speaking).

best,
sunshine

This pretty much sums it up, though I would add another point on to here.

There are so many different styles, beliefs, methods, expectations and desires in Dominants... Is it all trial and error??

I hate to use this as an example, but BDSM is kinda sorta like Religion. You should first figure out your beliefs then try and find someone that will match yours.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 6:31:49 AM

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Munches only go so far, though - don't expect munches to give you everything. They are great places to go and socialize but my first M was not into the scene and never went to munches. I met him on accident on myspace.com. We went to two play parties and that was it. =p
You stand a better chance hanging out with lots of kinky people, but just because you have the kink in common doesn't mean you'll have anything else in common.
With M and me, we had all sorts of OTHER interests in common, and meeting the way we did, WITHOUT the emphasis on the kink, like you find at munches, allowed us to grow to be incredibly good friends, and then move on from there.

Munches aren't the end all, be all. Certainly check them out, but try other avenues as well.

Life itself is trial and error, really. You meet someone who you can jive with in all sorts of ways, but oops - they're totally not into kink. Do you stay here, or do you move on to find someone who fits the kink too? You find someone who has all the kinky stuff in common, and little else - do you stay here and move on?
It's the same dating process that you went through as a vanilla, you know? "He watches football too much, but he's great about everything else -is football a deal breaker?" hahaha

I agree with BoundSlave4Life - you have to figure yourself and your beliefs and expectations out first, then you can find someone who matches.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to BoundSlave4Life)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 7:45:20 AM

Orallypreferred

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As stated many times, getting out in the local community and talk with others. Communication and understanding also go along way in helping a person help identify with who they are, may want to be, explorations.

Ask the same questions of a varied group and you will most likely get one answer for each, then you can research or ask for a more intense answer to what intrigues you or appeals to your tastes. At first some may sound odd or non believable until further explanations are given.

Most people will give you their honest opinion(realistically speaking on a website where lies would NEVER happen)in a real life environment. The advice I hand out is not for myself, but for those who want it(whether or not they like what is said- honesty can be brutal at times)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 8:25:52 AM

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I have always met my partners through vanilla situations, so I never looked for a Dom first; I look for someone I have chemistry and compatibility first and I was lucky to find they were interested in BDSM.

It obviously makes sense to go on a kink site or BDSM related real life activities to meet a Dom, since that person who you have chemistry and compatibility may not be kinky or have any interest in BDSM ever, but you see my point.

There is no magic formula to find someone and you need to be aware of your needs first.

(in reply to Orallypreferred)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 8:59:50 AM

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You might try OkCupid.com, an online dating site that makes it possible to include bdsm inclinations in your profile, and to search for that in others' profiles. Lots of people on CM and Fetlife have profiles on OKC too; this is where I learned of that site.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to PurrPett)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/14/2012 4:38:08 PM

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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At age 34 you should already know a lot of what you need in a partner. Height, weight, age, children/childless, employed or jobless, etc. All of this applies here. The more you know about what you need, the easier it should be to screen out people who you aren't compatible with.

It doesn't matter if 34.7% are poly or monogamous. It only matters that you don't agree to do things you know won't make you happy.

Relationship skills are no different in a kinky relationship than a vanilla one. You need compatibility, you need to like each other, you need to be able to talk freely and openly.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 5:51:02 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2012
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Lol god dating?! Hmm novel approach... ;-) will try it.. We seem to have a very different way with the Dominants here.. It seems 'expected' that I submit from the first message.. Goes against everything I feel.
I will try a new approach, thank you!! xx

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 5:53:45 PM

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Use words ;-) thank you for that.

(in reply to BoundSlave4Life)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 5:56:24 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2012
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This is true.. Thank you for pointing out my age (sniff) lol
I know what I like, want, need... But I find the possibility of missing an experience or opportunity to learn quite disconcerting!
In saying that.. I have never viewed it as a 'dating' type situation.. Maybe time for a new way of looking at things!

Thank you for the honesty! :-)

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 5:57:31 PM

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Hmm okay... Will go nosey :-) thank you!

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 5:59:27 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2012
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:-) the bravery needed to go to a munch solo ... Hmm! Lol but thank you for the idea and thoughts!

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 6:02:59 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2012
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Awwww! I have jealousy!! Lol lucky lady ... I will take it all inboard, thank you your reply.

Nice to hear realistic answers.. You guys/girls are awesome! x

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 6:36:41 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrPett

It seems 'expected' that I submit from the first message.. Goes against everything I feel.
I will try a new approach, thank you!! xx

Welcome PurrPett!

People who write leading with kink get this standard message from me (if I bother to respond at all): "I don't discuss kink (sex, bdsm, D/s...insert preferred term) with people I haven't met in person. What else would you like to talk about?

That usually takes care of it. Not even a buh-bye...

(in reply to PurrPett)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 7:06:00 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2012
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Lol... I like it.. Intend to steal, so if its copyright, please let me know!! :-p
Otherwise surely (like was mentioned earlier) you're merely auditioning for a part in their imaginative plays right?!
Things become clearer every minute!
Thank you for the welcome!
xx

Hmm how do I get that little vanilla ice cream under my name to melt??? :-p lol

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 10:59:09 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Just keep posting, I think at 25 you get something else.

'Dominants' don't necessarily expect you to submit at the first message. Horny net geeks expect you to submit at the first message because they think putting 'Lord' or such in front of their user name entitles them to free pussy. Feel free to be snarky when this happens.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to PurrPett)

RE: 'finding' a Master that fits... - 10/15/2012 11:35:05 PM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrPett
Lol god dating?! Hmm novel approach... ;-) will try it.. We seem to have a very different way with the Dominants here.. It seems 'expected' that I submit from the first message.. Goes against everything I feel.

Send me all your money bitch!

There, see how easy that was to ignore? Expecting someone to submit before any actual dominance could have come into play is just like that. Even if both do it, at best it's only roleplay.

BTW: From the horridly vanilla guy (at least when I ran into all this), there is nothing scary about any of the munches I've been to. Basically it's go to some burger joint or whatnot with a group of like-minded folk and discuss reasonably safe topics. Nobody is going to demand you blow them at a lunch. I was somewhat concerned that random doms might impose on Carol... also didn't happen. It was just a bunch of adults with a shared hobby... nothing more. I took time screwing up my courage to go to one also... all of which time was wasted.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to PurrPett)

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