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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/22/2014 11:56:16 AM   
Ladytisha


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/3/2013
Status: offline
I got the same message

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 1061
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/22/2014 2:47:35 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I know the women here get all sorts of funny messages from guys on the dating side of CM. "Funny" encompasses a wide spectrum.
I don't know if men have the same experience.
What I do know is I'd love to read some of your favorite messages, be they WTF, or funny, or bizarro, whatever. Anyone who'd like to share?
I got this one last night (I'm 53) copied below in its entirety exactly as received:

hello good age


I get this shit all the time hon. "Hey...would you fuck me?". "I'm looking for a guy who can wax my wheelchair twice weekly...are you that guy?", "I lost my husband a few years back, I'm looking for a guy JUST like you....are you interested?"

I always respond (as any rational man would)...."how big are your titties?"

All the little titty wimmens shut the fuck up rather abruptly.

Yeah....that's what it is.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 1062
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/23/2014 6:58:50 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline


somerandom"slave": on 4/23/14 at 9:52 AM:
do the queen have time to chat or anything else she want???
with me in skype ???

GreedyTop on 4/23/14 at 9:57 AM:
I'm not sure. You might want to check with Buckingham Palace. Although, Prince Charles *is* starting to take over more of her duties.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 1063
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/23/2014 7:28:01 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop



somerandom"slave": on 4/23/14 at 9:52 AM:
do the queen have time to chat or anything else she want???
with me in skype ???

GreedyTop on 4/23/14 at 9:57 AM:
I'm not sure. You might want to check with Buckingham Palace. Although, Prince Charles *is* starting to take over more of her duties.


LOL - good one!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 1064
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/23/2014 8:15:59 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
No reply from him. *sadface*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 1065
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/23/2014 9:29:33 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

No reply from him. *sadface*


He's no fun! Mine told me I was an "uptight bitch" because I don't get involved with married men who sneak around behind their spouse's back.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 1066
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/24/2014 5:30:38 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
well, don't you think it's time to remove that stick from your butt? *giggle* I mean seriously, what's wrong a little adultery here and there? *rolls eyes*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 1067
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/26/2014 1:33:05 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
I got a message from a "True Master", part of the message saying:

"To expedite your potential Erotic D/s relationship, include a phone # (a cell or google # is fine) and I'll give you a call"

But the best part was an attached picture of himself wearing only a leather jock strap, leather boots, a leather jacket, and a head of very jet black hair and gray beard (his posted age 63), wearing dark sunglasses and holding a whip.

OMG I can't stop laughing! I guess it's against TOS to post a picture I received unsolicited from a stranger? If anyone knows, chime in.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 1068
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/26/2014 1:42:37 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Yuck. Not a message but a guy on my "who's viewing you" page whose profile avatar is a drawing of a naked woman with her arms and legs amputated. Boxing Helena, anyone?



Was that one of the weirdest movies ever, or what??


_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 1069
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/26/2014 6:01:05 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I got a message from a "True Master", part of the message saying:

"To expedite your potential Erotic D/s relationship, include a phone # (a cell or google # is fine) and I'll give you a call"

But the best part was an attached picture of himself wearing only a leather jock strap, leather boots, a leather jacket, and a head of very jet black hair and gray beard (his posted age 63), wearing dark sunglasses and holding a whip.

OMG I can't stop laughing! I guess it's against TOS to post a picture I received unsolicited from a stranger? If anyone knows, chime in.

Without consulting the oracle, I'm going to go with a no on that one. All one needs is Google image or TinEye to locate the source. So don't do it, k?


_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 1070
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/27/2014 7:35:45 AM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
From:
mrt4u321




Dated:
4/26/14 10:33 PM





U are a gun nut Dyke asshole...wow, turn the gun on yur self

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 1071
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/27/2014 8:22:26 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
I perved your profile. The dude who messaged you is an idiot. Nice hardware! You must've had to pull teeth to get the permit for that where you live, or did you grandfather it in?

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to DianeB269)
Profile   Post #: 1072
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/27/2014 8:37:29 AM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
Thanks...
We own a house in Nevada so we can buy almost any type of firearm we want...

I also shoot Northern California Action Pistol competition,
IDPA Matches and
Rimfire steel competition...

I'm also a life NRA member...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I perved your profile. The dude who messaged you is an idiot. Nice hardware! You must've had to pull teeth to get the permit for that where you live, or did you grandfather it in?


(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 1073
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/28/2014 3:38:16 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline
Looking to relocate from Canada, no spaces between sentences...I am now cross-eyed...

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to DianeB269)
Profile   Post #: 1074
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 4/28/2014 7:41:09 PM   
trigun12


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/27/2014
Status: offline
On my first day here did get a message from a "mistress" who liked to enslave me, to this time didnt have any word in my profile.
she dregged the conversation to yahoo messenger (do have it on my old laptop installed, made a fake id)
after playing along a while she realised that i will not send her money what i explicite did write in my first reply here on CM, then a little part from the conversation:

trigun12: when someone does send money without knowing the other person better he is not a slave but plain stupid
xxxxx: Thats not true
xxxxx: He only obeyed and that would have made you the most obedient of all
xxxxx: And I would have made you my slave by wishing to relocate inc real time
.
.
.
trigun12: i did imagine u will ask for money when u asked for ym id and not talking first at the site a little more
xxxxxx: Thats because on there is a lot of scam cmistress's and I did not want you to be a victim and it was easier to cchatc con here
xxxxxx: but its fine I only wanted it for my cam but ...Its does not really matter anymore
xxxxxx: Thank you and have a nice clife
xxxxxx: You did not trust me
xxxxxx: I gave you my real details etc

so in the end a scammer tryed to save me from scammers, did almost lie on the floor from lauging

< Message edited by trigun12 -- 4/28/2014 7:42:02 PM >

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 1075
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 5/2/2014 4:39:31 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
Sharing with you all since there is no one home to torture. I get this about once/twice a year from him on different profiles.

BIRTHRIGHT VOCATION SERVANT AVAILABLE FOR INDEFINATE VOLUNTARY SERVITUDE Sincere greetings to you and welcome to my profile entry! I do not know your name and so cannot address you directly. This message contains my online profile. I have sent it to you directly. This is a time saving measure and also a necessary one. I sent my profile out sparingly not en mass to only a select person now and then whom I think may be interested and so benefit from what I offer. Please do not go looking for what is not available because it is deliberately hidden online to prevent negative people from contacting me just to insult me. I have photographs but see no point in sending them unless interest is genuinely shown and negotiations progressive. I often wonder why lifestyle websites are populated mostly by none lifestyle people intend upon causing mischief. I am wanting and needing to be acquired has consensual servant by a Dominant Lady, Couple are Family who know precisely what actual servitude is and entails and who seek to acquire one to be utilized in their service for their direct benefit. It is ultimately about enhancing the general life and well being of a dominant woman are persons and to try to give her/them the lifestyle existence she/they may well deserve according to her/their social status. I intend to pay my own way and so will contribute board and lodging and utility bill share and seek no salary whatsoever. Women have far more complex and meaningful lives than men and are also pleased by nature with far better physical anatomies than the male. They deserve to be served and worshipped. You will find that I subscribe to no usual social norms and values whatsoever. I do not follow the crowd are change direction with the latest fad or fashion. In short I am my very own person and have my own set of values and beliefs. In common with many I share certain moral ethics because they are essential for social interaction and mutual cooperation. I am a celibate person and my profile and the proposal within it all revolve around that factual reality. I also had a childhood illness that made me incapable of erection. So now you know sex is taboo. Again I am rare in that I shall pay my own way in terms of board and lodging and utility and gasoline bills each month so that my Guardian or Adopter incurs no upkeep costs in taking formal agreed possession of my physical being. I possess both British and American nationality and am in both countries regularly. I realize that all lifestyle websites are populated by a multitude of individuals with varied moral and ethical standards of behaviour. I do not tolerate the arrogant individuals who are immature and irresponsible and delude themselves that they can make demands upon total strangers they have not and probably will never meet. Most women for instance are attractive, curvaceous and desirable but that does not make them a Goddess it makes them beautiful. Respect has to be earned and can never be demanded. It is not about you at all, but it may be for you in practice. There is far more to being a dominant or submissive personality than the label itself. I am not going to please everybody who reads this profile and seeks to mock it and otherwise pick holes into it. I do not really care what you think about the profile provided that its theme and message are comprehended and those rare few who have interest in it actually are encouraged to contact me and begin a mature, sensible, intelligent dialogue that is progressive and fruitful and achieves its aim for all parties concerned so those involved each benefit substantially. If you have no actual interest then I take this opportunity to apologize for having the audacity to enter your inbox and wish you well in life and ask that you refrain from the desire to contact me. If you have interest then you are especially welcome to contact me. I will not entertain idle messages from those who are just curious. I have trawled this website and in the process of doing so I have come across a small number of well written and laid out profiles. I was influenced by their format layout and so without plagiarizing have adopted a similar presentation format for pure convenience and reader comprehension. I seek to take my natural birthright submission to the topmost peak that any submission can attain and transform that submission into a mindset that is attuned to the consensual slavery within a framework of existing legal power exchange statute law. This will ensure I can become and remain focused and have true purpose and direction to my servile nature life. I have many of the same skills that have been listed in other profiles and they are genuine acquired skills that are servile centric in their practical application. WHAT I OFFER I have acquired several work skills that are tailored for service and domestic housekeeping in particular. General Handyman: I have obtained knowledge and skills of electric wiring installation and maintenance and bathroom plumbing and pipefitting, also painting and decorating techniques. Gardening: I have experience of propagating and landscape gardening techniques to maintain the integrity of a garden in all seasons and all weather conditions. Catering: I am a qualified chef capable of cooking most types of food with a preference too cook healthy, nutritious foods only. I have also worked has a waiter and bartender and personal valet and as a country club steward. Healthcare: I have qualified as a nurse’s aide and advanced first responder and also qualified has a therapeutic massage therapist. I have acquired the necessary certificates, diplomas and practice licenses. I am also excellent at housekeeping and its associated labour tasks. I am also able to produce character references and undergo a background check at my own expense. WHO I AM I am a genuine submissive male that is also quite masculine. I have had a submissive disposition since the age of 4 years but only began to comprehend it from age 13 onwards. I am evolving what can best be described as a slave mindset. I deliberately avoid cultivating friendships so that I can focus my energies and mindsets upon my future Lady Dominant or couple. This will prevent any loyalty division from occurring and so ensure that I have only focused loyalty. I am also the only child of now deceased parents and am not close to any surviving relatives. I seek to be owned in every acceptable meaning of that word and to belong to one or more people and spend my life being of positive use and making a substantial contribution to improving their lives. I must again remind you and stress this is not about sexual gratification it is about the provision of servile labour within safe and sane agreed parameters of personal conduct. Physical deion: Age: 40 Height: 6 ft 3 in Weight: 190-200 lb Chest: 42 in Waist: 34 in Hips 38 in Chest: 42 waist: 34 in Build: Muscular Athletic Eyes: Blue Hair: Brown Masculine Endowment 5 in flaccid WHAT I SEEK Most people have realistic ambitions but many of us never get to achieve those ambitions because we are often restricted in our choices by family, employers, society etcetera. Some like me have rather exceptional and rare ambitions that are often almost impossible to achieve. Many people work in service to others but I seek to take that service to a higher level in fact to its absolute pinnacle if possible. I seek mature minded, sensible, intelligent, ambitious, safe and sane dominant people who are interested in the possibility and potential to acquire and maintain a total power exchange control over me. There must obviously be common aims and values between us that form the core of our mutual lifestyle beliefs. I harbour no malice are prejudice and so persons of any racial origin, sexual orientation, physical disability, social background are welcome to contact me to discuss my servitude proposal. If your subconscious mind has already been programmed by your conscious mind to reject such offers then nothing will change that fact. Not everyone is suited to live the kind of life I seek and need and not everyone wants to own and control a private chattel subject. One must be endowed with the natural inclination to be the Owner or Subject. I am a naturist by inclination and service in that role capacity would suit me well but is not a requirement. I seek to wear a locked metal collar that can devote my servile nonentity within a TPE relationship association. I would prefer to serve in locked chastity restraint. I also would prefer to be tattooed are branded in time but they too are I not a requirement. Finally, I would prefer to be placed in movement restraint shackles if possible but again that is not an absolute requirement. I realize that my potential future owners particular circumstances may prohibit all are any of those preferences from being realized and will obviously comply with her/their personal circumstance requirements once taken into formal ownership, custody and control. This obviously means that once owned I will no longer have any say whatsoever in my life are be able to come and go has I pleased. This would be subject to the pre negotiated, safe and sane parameters governing the ownership and slavery and which would not be exceeded beyond without further prior agreement. Until that time eventually arrives I will not be obeying the random orders of complete strangers just because they claim to be dominant and seeking to own a real servile person... Mandatory obedience only starts from the moment of surrender into the owner’s custody and never before. To reiterate earlier statements. I have a preferential desire for:- • Wearing of a sensible, locked metal servility collar. • Wearing of a locked metal chastity restraint device. • Being tattooed with my guardian’s ownership insignia. A private chattel subject is not your spouse, lover, friend, colleague, associate are any such it is your TPE property. It should not be treated has such but rather has being a servile nonentity over whom you have absolute authority. I am willing to undertake neuro linguistic programming and also learn servile posture positions if required in order to ensure my servile nature reaches its maximum potential and you own a servile nonentity that is automatic in its compliant obedience. WHAT I DO NOT WANT I most certainly do not want any contact with the following internet lifestyle website parasites:- • Dangerous sociopathic personalities • Human resource management professionals • Law enforcement entrapment agents • Academics engaged in studying so called deviant lifestyles • Photograph collectors • Identity thieves • Fraudsters and scammers • International people traffickers • Ego maniacs • Time wasting playgoers • Psychodrama fantasists • Homicidal maniacs • Play gaming online parasites WHAT I WILL NOT DO • Engage in paedophilia • Engage in bestiality • Engage in any blatantly illegal act or practice • Sent out my photograph are personal information on demand • Obey the instructions of no person whatsoever who does not have a TPE over me I can be accommodated in a large cage are within a basement/cellar are attic/loft are small unfurnished bedroom at night are when not required for the performance of menial labour. When trust and respect have been established and maintained and discussions are ongoing and progressive and fruitful then photographs and personal information can be forwarded to interested parties. Thank you for having taken the trouble to view this profile. I do hope that you will contact me if you have genuine interest and not idle curiosity. Some viable power exchange options: The list is not complete. • Voluntary Domestic Worker (Employment rights waiver agreement). • Irrevocable (durable) General Power of Attorney Agreement. • Adult Adoption Agreement (The adopter must be at least 10 years older). • Adult Guardianship Order (This is time consuming and difficult. I am intelligent but not well educated. Nonetheless, I have acquired all the skills necessary to be of service in a domestic and handyman role and that is really all that should matter. My Father was a very good Man but he went ballistic when he learned of my true nature and ambition and disowned and disinherited me. My beloved Mother was more sympathetic and even managed through contacts to secure a position for me has the servile property of a Lesbian School Principals live in house slave. By a random quirk of fate she died suddenly of a heart attack some weeks before I was due to start belonging to her on my 21st birthday. My Mother also ensured that I was left substantial private funds upon her death. These funds are regulated by her executor attorney’s and I receive a set sum every month until my own death and the remaining balance to go to organizations that lobby for legalized and open licensed consensual servitude. Yours in potential subservient Obedience, Grant Tudor

< Message edited by Delilya -- 5/2/2014 4:40:01 AM >


_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to trigun12)
Profile   Post #: 1076
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 5/2/2014 8:23:05 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Wall of text!

I'm cross-eyed having just read a little of it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 1077
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 5/2/2014 8:47:16 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline
I had a similar essay once from 'Gideon St George de Montfort'.

I'm still wondering why, if he doesn't want to deal with a dangerous sociopathic personality, he sent it to me

< Message edited by MissKittyDeVine -- 5/2/2014 9:01:55 AM >


_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 1078
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 5/3/2014 3:10:50 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
Good Lord! That guy's been making the rounds for years now. I remember some woman complaining about him when I was on Alt back in '03. There's a couple of groups that dissect these abominations over on Fet, and he's a past bad actor over there.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 1079
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 5/4/2014 8:52:04 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
Got this from a local chap young enough to be my son this morning:

"I know u"

He knows me and couldn't think of anything more interesting to say than that? Tsk, tsk.

BTW I checked the profile pic, and it doesn't look like anyone I know.

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 5/4/2014 8:53:38 AM >

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 1080
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