Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (Full Version)

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YoungBlondeSlave -> Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 9:57:57 AM)

I get messages constantly asking me if I am still seeking. Very sweetly (and respectfully) I reply that I am not. (At this point I'm only looking for friends to share my interest in BDSM since 99% of my friends at this time I've met in Bible Study at church)The second question I am asked without fail is: are you collared then? My problem lies in trying to explain to people that even though I am not collared because my owner and I have not taken that final step of permanence yet I still belong to him and I am his. For some reason, no one gets it or I have to delve further into detail for them to get some sort of minimal grasp of what I'm saying. Remaining uncollared at this time is mostly caused by me, my relationship previous to my owner was an awful one and fucked me up bad, now I take everything much slower and take my time. It gives me chills to hear men offering to collar me online and asking why after two months I haven't been collared yet by my owner...not that it's anyone else's business but his and mine.

How can I get it across to them more effectively and with less effort from now on? It tires me out to have to think of multiple different ways to explain the same thing just because some people "don't get it."

I would really appreciate any help and advice you could give me, this particular problem has had me at a loss for words for quite some time and any new input would be very helpful. Thank you.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 9:59:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave
How can I get it across to them more effectively and with less effort from now on? It tires me out to have to think of multiple different ways to explain the same thing just because some people "don't get it."

I would really appreciate any help and advice you could give me, this particular problem has had me at a loss for words for quite some time and any new input would be very helpful. Thank you.

Try "I'm not available for anything with anyone except my owner."

Anything else, they will try and find a way around.

And you'll still get people who don't read that or don't care about it- those you can just toss away.

But yes, I completely understand being owned and not collared- they are often compatible, but certainly not necessarily put together at all.



KatyLied -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:00:51 AM)

You don't have to explain your relationship to strangers, it is none of their business.  You don't have to respond to every message you receive.



mnottertail -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:03:22 AM)

You ain't guilty 'cause the chinese are communists.  

Your english seems fine, and I cannot diagnose ears over the internet so I don't know if the problem is rooted in the auditory systems of these individuals or not.

Say your peace and if they persist in their pestilence, block.



jadedshadow -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:12:42 AM)

I've not read your profile as it is pending approval, but state it there that you belong to your Dom / Sir / Master, and if anyone has any questions direct them to take it up with Him. In addition I agree with the others and yourself, it's no one's business but your's and His. They don't like, it block 'Em.



angelface183 -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:17:34 AM)

I too am not collared.  I state simply on my profile that "I belong to SacredDom".  It also says that I will not respond to chat requests or emails from people I do not know without his permission.  That has cut down on a lot of bullshit.  I mostly get mail from people I chat with on the boards, but on occasion I hear from others.

Why are you answering these questions anyway?  Anyone who would ask them is prabably not searching for the kind of platonic relationship that you are seeking; especially if they are offering to collar you.  Delete, repeat, and if necessary block.

I was complaining to Master the other day about an email that I had gotten from a potential Dom that I had met just a day before Master.  Unfortunately, for this guy, once I met Master, there was no other and I told him so.  He continued to email me and message me multiple times in a day just to "check in".  I finally told him that I heard from him more in a day than I do from Master in a week!  I asked him to cut it back to a couple of times a month because it made me uncomfortable. 

He sent a a couple more one liners and then stopped for about two weeks.  When I received one from him last week, I told Master about it.  It was friendly, but a wee bit probing, so as to see how things were going with SD and me and I told SD what I was going to say in my responding email. 

He looked at me and said, "If you write this guy then you can't complain to me about receiving mail from him."  It stopped me in my tracks.  Why waste my time with someone whose motives are not those of true friendship?  Why should I cultivate a relationship with someone that is just biding his time waiting in the wings? 

If people you find fascinating, friendly, and worthwhile ask you those questions, then tell them what you wish.  But don't waste your time on anyone else who is not interested in your, and your Master's, true happiness.



darkinshadows -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:18:26 AM)

I would just say - I am Owned.  Collars do not necessarily denote Ownership.  Respect this and move on.
 
Peace and Love



zero69u2 -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:22:17 AM)

Only see your dark mysterious picture and it perks curiousity.
its not your fault that some men are attracted and inquisitive..

short to the point answers.. - currently this girl is unavailable.. comprende..
would be adequete.. and you can always go with Kelly's approach.
on some sites you can temp turn off your ad or hide your ad.
when you find a match. i'm not sure if that works here or not.






wild1cfl -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:30:10 AM)

Unfortunately many of the so called "Doms" on this site only understand things one way. They all think that if you are committed to someone that you must be collared, as I posted earlier today in a similiar thread this is only a symbol. You can still be owned adn totally committed with out a collar to show it. The commitment is what is important, not the little peice of leather or metal around your neck. I would just put in your profile in bog bold letters that you are in a committed d/s relationship and for any "Doms" not to bother you. You will still get the trollers and HNGs but it might cut down on some of the e-mails. Best of luck to you and your S.O.




YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:44:30 AM)

I thought that would be enough, I have tried all that. I too had one that I was speaking with and unfortunately he got a little too attached to me too quickly (he said he loved me after two phone calls). I stopped talking to him after that but he kept pursuing me saying sweet things and then turning around and laying into me about how I'm a faker and all sorts of nonsense.

I say I am owned, that I am not looking, that I am happy with my owner etc etc etc. Apparently none of this gets through. Also, the journals on our profiles don't seem to do much good because I put all of that information on my profile and I still get contacted. Grrr.

My owner has no problems with me talking to others since (as I mentioned earlier) I have almost no friends in this lifestyle and most were met in Church and Bible Study. So he is allowing me the freedom to peruse and find like-minded friends in my area to spend time with and talk with when he is not around. I am lucky to have found him because he is so trusting of me he allows me to go out with friends to clubs and bars and such (as long as I check in with him). The few friends I do have here have taken me to clubs and he had no problems with it, he laid down the ground rules I obeyed and everything was fine. With a wondeful owner such as him why would anyone think that I would want to leave him and be with them? People are so confusing sometimes.



angelface183 -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 10:47:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

I thought that would be enough, I have tried all that. I too had one that I was speaking with and unfortunately he got a little too attached to me too quickly (he said he loved me after two phone calls). I stopped talking to him after that but he kept pursuing me saying sweet things and then turning around and laying into me about how I'm a faker and all sorts of nonsense.

 
block him


quote:

I say I am owned, that I am not looking, that I am happy with my owner etc etc etc. Apparently none of this gets through. Also, the journals on our profiles don't seem to do much good because I put all of that information on my profile and I still get contacted. Grrr.

My owner has no problems with me talking to others since (as I mentioned earlier) I have almost no friends in this lifestyle and most were met in Church and Bible Study. So he is allowing me the freedom to peruse and find like-minded friends in my area to spend time with and talk with when he is not around. I am lucky to have found him because he is so trusting of me he allows me to go out with friends to clubs and bars and such (as long as I check in with him). The few friends I do have here have taken me to clubs and he had no problems with it, he laid down the ground rules I obeyed and everything was fine. With a wondeful owner such as him why would anyone think that I would want to leave him and be with them? People are so confusing sometimes.



block those that do not understand.  just because you have permission to talk to others does not mean that you have to talk to everyone that sends you an email!



leatherorlace -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:13:43 PM)

"That said, i am seeking either a male or female Dom/me, though at this time i am strictly looking to build friendships which may then develop into something else. My last relationship left me rather scarred in which i had to leave in the middle of the night with friends protecting me from the wrath of my Dom,"
  Might this be the source for some of the confuzzlement?
 



TolerableCruelty -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:39:44 PM)

The Wrath of Dom.....

wasn't that a Star Trek movie ?

ehh...nevermind


T.R.



angelface183 -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:39:59 PM)

I just read your profile and yes I agree it is cause for confusion.  While your journal is current (keep in mind you have to scroll ALL the way down to get to that) your profile is not and it looks like you are searching, hence the emails and the questions. 

I would recommend updating your profile and don't answer all of your emails.  As I said before, it says on mine that I will consult with my Master before chatting with or mailing those that I do not know.  I do not need permission, but I do tell him everything.  I can speak with anyone that I choose and for those whom I do not care to, let them think that my Master won't let me.  That way I can just delete the emails of those with whom I do not care to communicate.



Wildfleurs -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:46:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

I get messages constantly asking me if I am still seeking. Very sweetly (and respectfully) I reply that I am not. (At this point I'm only looking for friends to share my interest in BDSM since 99% of my friends at this time I've met in Bible Study at church)The second question I am asked without fail is: are you collared then? My problem lies in trying to explain to people that even though I am not collared because my owner and I have not taken that final step of permanence yet I still belong to him and I am his. For some reason, no one gets it or I have to delve further into detail for them to get some sort of minimal grasp of what I'm saying. Remaining uncollared at this time is mostly caused by me, my relationship previous to my owner was an awful one and fucked me up bad, now I take everything much slower and take my time. It gives me chills to hear men offering to collar me online and asking why after two months I haven't been collared yet by my owner...not that it's anyone else's business but his and mine.

How can I get it across to them more effectively and with less effort from now on? It tires me out to have to think of multiple different ways to explain the same thing just because some people "don't get it."

I would really appreciate any help and advice you could give me, this particular problem has had me at a loss for words for quite some time and any new input would be very helpful. Thank you.



I would suspect that you are getting inquiries for a few reasons:

1. Your profiles says, "That said, i am seeking either a male or female Dom/me, though at this time i am strictly looking to build friendships which may then develop into something else."  Even though in the journal line you say something about being under consideration, which to me is different than being owned, if you say you are seeking a male or female dominant in your profile then its not terribly surprising if someone contacts you.

2. You still have that you are seeking dominant men checked off under "actively seeking"

C~



Arpig -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:46:27 PM)

If you are "owned" you are "collared".
It is not the ring that makes the marriage, nor is the ceremony what makes a marriage....therefore just because you and yours have not gone through some fancy-schmancy collering ceremony means exactly NOTHING.
You belong, so you belong...if the others want to know if yhou are collared, just answer " I belong". If that isn't good enough, then fuck-em, they ain't good enough.



Tikkiee -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 12:55:36 PM)

Maybe it's time to build alittle backbone and tell them to go looking somewhere else.  KatyLied said it perfectly
quote:

You don't have to explain your relationship to strangers, it is none of their business 




OsideGirl -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 1:14:33 PM)

Bottom line is...it doesn't matter what you say. You don't have to explain your relationship to them. It's none of their business how your relationship works. There are some people that will always think that what you're saying doesn't apply to them.

My profile does not say that I'm collared, owned or anything else....other than "I'm only here for the forums". I still get contacted. When I had collared and owned, I still got contacted.

All you simply need to say is that you're not seeking. You do not need to provide reasons as to why you're not seeking. If they can't respect that, then stop conversing with them. They're looking for a loophole and keeping dialog opne with them provides it.



LadyHugs -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 1:20:02 PM)

Dear YoungBlondeSlave, Ladies and Gentlemen;

May I advise you to put in the first line, first paragraph of your profile, as it is rare for somebody to read the journal; that you are in a committed relationship with a dominant.

Second thing I would put after that, in large letters seeking friends and connections for networking only.

However, I would keep as much confusion and extra information that isn't necessary out of it. 

Anybody who says they fallen in love with me after two calls, is an immediate yellow/red flag to me. 

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



PlayfulOne -> RE: Uncollared, but owned...does this make any sense? (6/14/2006 1:35:49 PM)

How about just telling them to go away, your not interested.  Why explain anything?  Better yet, why even bother answering them?

K



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