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sex - 6/14/2006 12:43:42 PM

ShivaTS

Posts: 132
Joined: 2/4/2006
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My Master is having a BDSM weekend campout with another campout with swingers. I am not very experienced sexually and am nervous about the nudity, sex tents, and ofcourse "offers". Actually its bad enough to almost call a phobia. I even spoke to my Master about it and he says I will get used to it there. He refused my request to stay home, so now I am in what I consider a major problem. If I was allowed to have limits, this would be one. I am worried about possibly retreating into myself while there. Other than professional help, which I am considering, does anyone have any advise on how to work on this to become more comfortable?

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 12:59:00 PM

HollyS

Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

My Master is having a BDSM weekend campout with another campout with swingers. I am not very experienced sexually and am nervous about the nudity, sex tents, and ofcourse "offers". Actually its bad enough to almost call a phobia. I even spoke to my Master about it and he says I will get used to it there. He refused my request to stay home, so now I am in what I consider a major problem. If I was allowed to have limits, this would be one. I am worried about possibly retreating into myself while there. Other than professional help, which I am considering, does anyone have any advise on how to work on this to become more comfortable?

If you can think about the situation without panicking, sit down and figure out specifically what frightens you. For example, is it being in the presence of nudity? Being nude in the presence of others? Being invited to sex? Being watched during sex? I certainly don't mean to speak for you, these are just some of what come to mind.

After you figure out precisely what bothers you about the event, ask your Master if you may speak openly regarding your fears. See if s/he would be okay with allowing you some boundries during the event, so you can attend but not feel so stressed. Make sure your Master knows just how worried you are -- a slave who resorts to avoidance and withdrawl isn't able to serve very well. Consider laying things out in the spirit of wanting to be a credit to your Master and your fears are compromising your ability to be a good sub/slave. A Master who has your well-being at heart will listen and work with you so that things go well for everyone.

Good luck with this.

~Holly

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 1:02:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_294186/mpage_1/key_swinger/tm.htm#294302
swinger parties and you

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 1:36:46 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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I suppose just saying you don't need to do anything at the weekend you don't want to do isn't going to work since as you put it this is on the level of a phobia.

There is a school of thought called "flooding" that argues the way for dealing with phobias is to go where one is overwhelmed by them. For example, if one is scared of bees to be put in a coffin filled with bees. It's not my personal favorite treatment, but if it will help, think of this as a flooding exercise. At least the swingers don't sting.

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 3:29:08 PM

VikingHouse

Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
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I'll begin with the usual disclaimers, nah, I won't either, flock it that takes up to much time to hunt 'n' peck type and I'm no longer a young Drake.
I pray that the "swingers" that you all are going to interact with this weekend are disease free and use safer sex methods when rump humpin'. The tenets of My House doesn't allow interactions between folks that haven't met the requirements of V H and maintains the same.
As far as your having to participate this weekend in activities that disturb you, I'd say that you only need to look at your profile and you'll find that you have "willing to relocate" chosen and that might be an alternative to a group grope with folks that you don't know. you might also want to consider whether that choice is a Freudian cry for freedom. lol
Only you can make the final choice of whether to entertain his requirement of interacting with the strangers or not. I'd ask if they are long time friends of his, newly acquired friends, cyber-buddys, fantasy jockeys or what.
Gentry

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

My Master is having a BDSM weekend campout with another campout with swingers. I am not very experienced sexually and am nervous about the nudity, sex tents, and ofcourse "offers". Actually its bad enough to almost call a phobia. I even spoke to my Master about it and he says I will get used to it there. He refused my request to stay home, so now I am in what I consider a major problem. If I was allowed to have limits, this would be one. I am worried about possibly retreating into myself while there. Other than professional help, which I am considering, does anyone have any advise on how to work on this to become more comfortable?

(in reply to ShivaTS)

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 4:49:57 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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quote:

Original: JohnWarren
At least the swingers don't sting.

Unless they are carrying some...weapons *grin*

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 5:22:06 PM

somethndif

Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

My Master is having a BDSM weekend campout with another campout with swingers. I am not very experienced sexually and am nervous about the nudity, sex tents, and ofcourse "offers". Actually its bad enough to almost call a phobia. I even spoke to my Master about it and he says I will get used to it there. He refused my request to stay home, so now I am in what I consider a major problem. If I was allowed to have limits, this would be one. I am worried about possibly retreating into myself while there. Other than professional help, which I am considering, does anyone have any advise on how to work on this to become more comfortable?

It is unclear whether the weekend campout you will be attending with your Master is a private affair among friends, or a larger, organized event like several here in my area. There is one actually next weekend here called Leather Retreat. Here is the link, which will give you some idea of what goes on at events like these. http://www.leatherretreat.com/content/index.html

Whether it is a small private gathering, or a larger event, swingers are not pushy. No means no. If you don't want to participate, you don't have to, and you don't have to watch them having sex, either. Although it is common for swingers to have sex while others watch or are present. As for safe sex, again generally speaking, oral sex is done without protection, while condoms are used for intercourse and anal sex.

There is actually a fairly significant cross-over between those interested in BDSM, and those interested in swinging, although I often see those who are just interested in D&s and BDSM putting down swingers.

Dan

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 9:21:32 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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I think that most of the replies -- save one -- so far are missing the point. I do not read the OP to say that Shiva's fears are that she'll be set upon by wild, horny swingers who won't take "no" for an answer. Her fears seem to stem from her very unclear relationship with her Master on this issue. Apparently public sex/sex with others/loaning out/etc. have not been discussed here. She has no limits, she tells us...but clearly this event and the possible multiple sex partners/exposure/embarassment are heavy boundaries. (I ask WHY she has no limits? Clearly she's unwilling to accept her Master's orders without question, so why hasn't this been negotiated?)

If we take her post at face value, her Master is either not aware of her issues or doesn't care. What good is telling her that swingers respect "no", or that she needs to expose herself to her fears? Why tell her she won't have to do anything she doesn't want to when the issue is apparently what her Master wants. All of that seems to be hollow advice. Gentry says "vote with your feet" and while that may make more sense, it is still harsh. And I suspect that Shiva, notwithstanding the incredible power of her namesake, is very vulnerable right now and leaving this Master might be very damaging, if not impossible.

Holly's post is intelligent and straightforward...no wonder it gets ignored. She actually has the temerity to suggest that Shiva TALK to her Master. Oh MY...communication as a solution? That seems intelligent and workable. But, no, not on CollarMe. (yes, My feelings for Holly and her intelligence are too well known, and so I'm biased).

I would suggest Shiva have a discussion with her Master, and stop reciting this little prayer she apparently treats as a mantra until she can resolve this. OR accept the prayer, and His orders, and do it.

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: sex - 6/14/2006 10:07:30 PM

VikingHouse

Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
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Sorry to butt-in, but, I'll have to disagree with your comment about oral sex; there's no safe practice between strangers where a condom, dental dam or vaginal condom aren't used.
Once upon a time, in a zone not far from here, I offered the oral services of a girl that, I hardly knew to a freind while he worked on My ol' Panhead. I was surprised that he was so taken with her abilities since, I had not made use of them yet. I had used her vaginally and anally at the Scooter Party where, I met here while another romped between her jaws. Since, I hadn't used her orally, I only learned of their co-visit to the local STD's Clinic at the health department when, I received a call from them and the caseworker insisting that, I be tested for gonorrhea.
The bacterium was quickly treated with a massive dose of Amphycillin I M at the clinic, and some oral medications that were to be taken over the next seven days. Although, I tested disease free, I elected to follow the drug regimen, too and refrained from drinking and inserting My meat thermometer into warm human orifices for another week or so following the scare.
Oral sex is not a safe alternative to vaginal or anal sex with people that have questionable health historys, that engage in anonymous or casual sex where their practices are such that one cannot fully warrant that their pactices won't allow cross-transmission.
Practitioners of many forms of Delicious Deviance are judgemental about others methods and manner of interactions. I find most swing club a great source for humour as I watch some of the participants engage in their kink. I also find humour at the public play partys where some pompous ass will demonstrate his expertise with a bullwhip. The humour comes when they manage to strike themselves with the cracker and then try to cover their smarting flesh with a comicial dance of the oops method. lol
Gentry
As for safe sex, again generally speaking, oral sex is done without protection, while condoms are used for intercourse and anal sex.

There is actually a fairly significant cross-over between those interested in BDSM, and those interested in swinging, although I often see those who are just interested in D&s and BDSM putting down swingers.

Dan

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