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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 10/24/2012 5:32:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domhippiecple

Please forgive my ignorance but from what i've been reading on here, it sounds like a "findomme" is a Domme who only controls a subs money & gets tributes for it??

Yes and no.

Some use financial control as part of their dynamic. Some use D/s as an excuse to get their rent paid and get presents. I don't consider the second bunch to be really dominant, just opportunistic.

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 10/24/2012 5:57:14 PM

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The second bunch would be called bratty princesses (and yeah, that's a fetish, too...). I don't agree with the fuck you, pay me crowd, but that's probably got a great deal to do with the fact that they're making ME look like a schmuck.

Best advice ever = block them if they contact you for money -- or anything if you're not into it.(I only ever contact someone when their profile catches my attention and it's never to get money from them). I block every bratty princess I see, to be honest. Also, hide their profiles if you see them so that you don't ever have to even think about them again.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 10/25/2012 8:05:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder
I'm really surprised that there's so much "my fetish is okay, but yours isn't" going on within a site that's open to and tolerant of anything. Why do you get to try to invalidate something just because you don't like it?

It's a myth. It has never been true that your fetish isn't mine but it's OK. That's more like an ideal that we wish was true rather than reality. Rather, it's "OK if it's on the approved list".

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 10/25/2012 8:10:35 PM

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The real reason that I would need a findomme is that I'm a lonely loser with no friends. I actually have to pay for people to interact with me. I'm like that kid in the school yard that pays bullies to give me a wedgie. :(

(in reply to domhippiecple)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 10/25/2012 8:16:46 PM

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Well now THAT'S a great way to introduce yourself!

*facepalm*

Welcome to the forums!

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/19/2012 10:44:13 AM

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Very interesting read. Just joined this particular site and have been shocked at how many insta-tolls (that's what I'm calling them now) messaged me with terribly vulgar messages that were pretty hate saturated. I hadn't even talked to anyone yet haha. Oh well, have to let it roll of your back.

As for the original topic I'm totally on board with the OP (and others) I love getting to know a potential slave and understanding their struggles and how they live their life so that I can help them improve or manage. I also do like gifts, it's fun and shows affection. I really and truly love the money dynamic in my relationships as a symbol of masculin power, that's it. This isn't paying my bills, never has. If it starts to, super that's a bonus but that's what I have a regular job for in reality. I can't imagine that would really ever change.

There was some talk about bratty princesses. I chose Princess for myself, although I do get called mistress or goddess on occasion. I didn't feel quite as comfortable with the other two. Princess as it relates to me as a Domme seems to be a little more human and sweet with an edge. And that's me. I hope I get to chat more with some of you who posted here, you seem very level headed.

Thanks for letting me butt my head in and open my large rambling Princess mouth lol :p

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/19/2012 5:55:08 PM

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Findommes are nothing more than parasites. Most findommes or dare I say all have no interest at all in regards of BDSM. They just simply want the money.

Men get shunned for only wanting sex out of others in this scene. People should also be shunned for only wanting money.

(in reply to domhippiecple)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/19/2012 6:02:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Findommes are nothing more than parasites. Most findommes or dare I say all have no interest at all in regards of BDSM. They just simply want the money.

Men get shunned for only wanting sex out of others in this scene. People should also be shunned for only wanting money.

You just dont get it, but whats new there !

Some guys love the idea of a fin domme...... you dont, thats cool, but ffs open your mind a little.

there is a very attractive young woman here in the UK who has a whole host of admirers. She puts on her blog she likes such and such shoes (for example, and guess what, guys buy them, no strings attached. She is happy, they are happy, whats your problem ?

(in reply to naughtynick81)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/19/2012 6:47:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wnyThroatLover

I just thought of a reasonable theory for the existance of findom(me)s...

People who can't keep controll of their money!!

For example, I am horrible with money. I'm bad at budgeting, I can't save for the life of me, there is just to much I like to do/eat, to many places I like to go, so many movies to see. In many ways, D is my findomme. Every other week my paycheck is deposited into our joint bank account (which I'm not allowed to have my own card for) and she moves my "allowance" into my personal checking account. She takes care of the bills, the budget for food and fun, the savings for different things we need and for particulars that I need for my glasswork, and gives me back some that I can use for whatever.

...I'm not implying that is how all findom(me)s do it, but just one reasonable explanation as to why they may exist...

Don't judge me by my horrible money habbits, haha.

FinDomes are a black hole

Stated...clarified....done.

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/20/2012 12:16:06 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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wnyThroatLover,

How refreshing to finally see a post that's NOT putting down findommes. Yours has to be about the first one I recall ever seeing.

I'm not a findomme but I have nothing against those who are. It's a fetish like any other fetish. There are real findommes and finsubs that really get into & enjoy the fetish.

But then there are also the masses of perky-breasted 20 year olds that come on here at the beginning of each month when their bills are due, asking for worthless paypigs to fork it over. They couldn't really care less about BDSM or D/s, they just want their bills paid by someone else.

In either case, if that doesn't appeal to someone, they should just ignore and move on. Easy peasy.

NBMG

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(in reply to domhippiecple)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/20/2012 9:07:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Lemme help you with this.

There is actually no valid reason for a findomme.

I'm really surprised that there's so much "my fetish is okay, but yours isn't" going on within a site that's open to and tolerant of anything. Why do you get to try to invalidate something just because you don't like it?

I think it's a knee jerk reaction to the number of 20 year olds that come into the forums because they've realized that the number imbalance means that some men are so desperate that they'll buy things and give money to anyone. These women think that being dominant equals being a twat to everyone and come into the forums by posting "all of you worms/pigs" etc. We see a rash of them at the beginning of the month....when their rent is due.

The majority of "FinDommes" aren't Dommes at all......and they've given the few that actually are, a very bad reputation.

I'm not buying that. You don't see an overwhelming and pervasive sentiment expressed here of "There is actually no valid reason for a male sub." due to the -at least in my experience and the impression I've gotten from others - majority of male "subs/slaves" that aren't and are just guys looking for a some woman to sexually service them for free.

No, then it's "look at this wanker saying/pretending he's a submissive".

If the reason you expressed above was actually the case, people wouldn't make statements All.The.Time. and for the majority of comments on findoms... they'd instead say things similar to what they do sub males: "so many findoms aren't really doms", not "There is actually no valid reason for a findomme.".

Instead, they'd again do the same as they do with male subs. There would be a very large majority stating that findom is fine and that you just need to weed through to find a real and really good one for you if that's your kink.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 12/20/2012 9:09:41 PM >

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/20/2012 9:11:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder
I'm really surprised that there's so much "my fetish is okay, but yours isn't" going on within a site that's open to and tolerant of anything. Why do you get to try to invalidate something just because you don't like it?

It's a myth. It has never been true that your fetish isn't mine but it's OK. That's more like an ideal that we wish was true rather than reality. Rather, it's "OK if it's on the approved list".

So very, very true.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

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(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/21/2012 3:42:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Lemme help you with this.

There is actually no valid reason for a findomme.

I'm really surprised that there's so much "my fetish is okay, but yours isn't" going on within a site that's open to and tolerant of anything. Why do you get to try to invalidate something just because you don't like it?

I think it's a knee jerk reaction to the number of 20 year olds that come into the forums because they've realized that the number imbalance means that some men are so desperate that they'll buy things and give money to anyone. These women think that being dominant equals being a twat to everyone and come into the forums by posting "all of you worms/pigs" etc. We see a rash of them at the beginning of the month....when their rent is due.

The majority of "FinDommes" aren't Dommes at all......and they've given the few that actually are, a very bad reputation.

I totally agree with this.

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/23/2012 10:46:33 PM

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I just joined this site as a findomme, expecting a lot of backlash. Any time money is involved, things become... sensitive. I don't blame anyone for being skeptical.

At first I thought findom would be a great idea if I ever really needed money, I admit it. But the more I thought about it, the less it became about what I could get out of it financially. I got excited thinking about exactly how much control over someone it would give me. After doing my research, I decided that being a findomme requires a kind of commitment that your average money-hungry woman wouldn't be able to fulfill. As with any kind of domination, proper findomme requires an actual relationship from both parties to be successful. You have to know your sub, and treasure them.

Yes, I like getting money and gifts. Don't even try to tell me that you don't! I am a material girl, I'll be the first to admit it. However, the kind of control that comes with findom is my real kink.

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 1:10:36 AM

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Wait, we have to have good reasons for our kinks now?

Pam

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 1:34:50 AM

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An Infinite Shade of gray?
Apparently only if you understand and approve ... shame on you .. well.. most of the posts I read ...
I could never be cuckold or in chastity .. but i understand it ...
I'm not into AB .. yet i breast feed people ...

If you want acceptance.. start with trying to accept others ...

I do and have done all (or most) aspects of BDSM, Fetishes, and D/s ..
I've been professional since 1996 ...
studied, trained... and learned the reason behind certain fetishes ...

I am Very good at what i do.. and since i spend about 100 hours a week at it.. you're damn right I'm going to be compensated ..

I can write several books on it, but not here ...

there is a place for FinDomme .. IF done Properly ...

It is very psychological and since money makes the world go round.. losing that control is a huge act on a submissive ..
not to mention the fear of being caught, outed, etc ... it is VERY powerful ...
Again.. IF It Is Done Right ...

just like any aspect of "fetish land" there are people that are not trained, understanding, and shams ...
but a real FinDomme controls their sub by means that really matter on a day to day basis and not even have to be there ...

How dare people judge based on the "vehicle" of control .. to me .. that say you don't get it .. any of it .. the whole BDSM - D/s scene ...

go back to school little boys and girls ...

BDSM, D/s, and fetishes are all about who has power.. and who has control .. in Findomme it can be one and the same ...
in role play.. the sub actually has the power ... learn your basics and stop downing one over another ...

as far as fake people?.. money grubbing losers? get out of it.. you don't get it either ... i'd never hand you a whip or a flogger... or my accounts...
go beg on a street corner or highway off ramp ...

serious people who are trained and study the industry are professionals..

if you don't want to put the time in to education .. you shouldn't be in the scene ..
and that goes for anyone...

(in my humble opinion)
Elle

< Message edited by ElleStClaire -- 12/24/2012 1:52:28 AM >

(in reply to metamorfosis)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 1:50:53 AM

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So much for preaching acceptance.

Pam

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RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 1:59:56 AM

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how snyde ...
either educate .. or sit on the sideline ..
that IS acceptance.. and SAFETY ...

do you understand diabetes?
do you know how long to cut of circulation before blood clots?
Do you know about all sorts of other things... like why people like pain or the smells of body odor, feet? .. it's genetic ..

if you are ignorant.. go play at home.. but a professional should know ... for the safety of their clients ...
as well as understand than Fin domme is similar to chastity (but financially) and is very psychological ...

you are quick to judge ... i am quick to see and smell a scam or someone in it "for play" . which, to me.. is very scary ...

nothing wrong with playing.. except 9 out of 10 deaths are caused by it ...
even by professionals ...

i knew a wonderful gentleman who made vacuum beds .. he died testing one "for play"... alone ... suffocated .. no one there ...

BDSM is dangerous ... and anyone that puts down my cautiousness is a bit .. well.. scary ...

I don;t pass judgements on people ... but i will tell children to look both ways so they don;t get hit by the bus...

so that is a Catty comment ...

good luck

(in reply to metamorfosis)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 2:22:25 AM

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You know... as an after thought ...
i mentioned I was a professional since 1996 .. films, shoots, both domme and sub ... ran dungeons, clubs, events .. you name it ...
I've been hun by my hair, pierced up and down my back, zip lines, even my cock and balls pierced ...
i worked with some of the best pro doms and subs ....

But I'm also a lifestylist .. my wife and I have been married for 8 years and we are both professionals, but also lifestylists also ...

I'm not speaking out of ignorance ...
but i am speaking to help people understand more and talking out of being there ....

there was a time when i looked down on pros ... until i came to understand it and decided that it is what i wanted to do for my career .. full time.
So I did...

In a way .. pro's (Should) bridge the gap between clubs, social, and counseling ... there is a huge hole there ...
and pros (real professionals) bridge that gap .. for singles/individuals and or couples ... even groups ...

I am an advocate for licensing and training for pros ... people should not be offering things they are not trained for ... that is dangerous ..

but back to finDome? .. it IS a very real from of D/s (again .. IF done properly)

just an after thought .. :)
Elle

(in reply to ElleStClaire)

RE: I thought of a good reason for findomme - 12/24/2012 2:36:20 AM

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FR

Do you get women who are into paying subs? If so, what are they called?

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