Topping From The Bottom...

Topping From The Bottom... (Full Version)

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OedipusRexIt -> Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 5:16:22 PM)
...or bottoming from the top. I've noted several people whose profiles complain of this situation, wherein a person represents their interest one way in order to gain an entree and then appear suddenly to desire a turning of the tables. Would anyone care to describe such an event in their personal experience and their reaction? I'm curious whether it ever seemed a genuine thing, or whether it felt contrived. * * * No threads of interest lately, so thought I'd try one more. Hoping to avoid the lofty pronouncements, advice from sages and other hype, in search of intellectual give and take.

slavejali -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 5:21:52 PM)
I've tried to manipulate Master, which in a bdsm sense could be considered topping from the bottom, in an every day sense it just means I'm a woman. Doesnt seem to work very well for me...damnit.

mastersayed -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 5:36:35 PM)
I was kinda topped from the bottom (she told me about things that I can do to her in the bedroom) when I first met my slave cuz I didnt know anything about bdsm and she had some experience. I thought it was unhealthy though and I educated myself in record timing, I consumed every bit of knowledgeon the web, joined cm and read some books. Now I probably know more than her. I haven't been topped from the bottom since late March and I wont allow it, suggestions before we start a scene are fine though because I believe in communication with my slave, as long as I like them I usually do them.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 5:45:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mastersayed I was kinda topped from the bottom (she told me about things that I can do to her in the bedroom) when I first met my slave cuz I didnt know anything about bdsm and she had some experience. I thought it was unhealthy though and I educated myself in record timing, I consumed every bit of knowledgeon the web, joined cm and read some books. Now I probably know more than her. I haven't been topped from the bottom since late March and I wont allow it, suggestions before we start a scene are fine though because I believe in communication with my slave, as long as I like them I usually do them. I believe that "suggestions before we start the scene" is an excellent thing to exclude as not counting. Good point.

enigmabrat -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 6:21:33 PM)
Honestly I dont really bealve there is topping from the bottom beacuse if the sub didnt try to give any incling what they needed or wanted all they would be doing is lieng there makeing grunts as the Dom did waht they pleased

BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 7:22:13 PM)
I was sort of seeing someone a few weeks back... and noticed that I was able to actually top from the bottom...and it actually upset me. And voiced my opinion about it. He let it be known I didn't do anything that he didn't allow me to do... that he maintained control the whole time.. he just let me think I was.. to see if I knew I was...and how far I would try to go. It was the first time I ever actually took notice... I still get sick to my stomache when I think of it... and never want to experience it again... so I really watch my Ps & Qs... when submitting. But as far as in my profile.... I don't think of it as topping from bottom... I think of it as just simply giving someone a small insight about who I am... if i'm able to top from the bottom.... then i'm with the wrong dom is how I see it.

bignipples2share -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 7:31:15 PM)
I don't complain about it. I'm one that tops from the bottom, at least that's the closest thing to call it that seems to fit. I have no problem with whoever doesn't like it. It also doesn't bother me that I'm ignored by most. Since there is no real catagory for such as myself, I let it be known right from the beginning what I'm about. Although I'm not new to this, I've been studying the labeling here to get a better understanding, well try to anyway. I don't care to have a relationship with people who are new to the lifestyle. Even I might have to flame me then LOL. I would only partner with someone who's already been there, tried the things they were interested in and found what they liked, yet just want a different dynamic as to the whys and how come, of it. I make no appologies, excuses, complaints, or anything else. ~Big ___________________ ahhhh I see sounds ~Big

Tikkiee -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 7:51:35 PM)
Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want [8D] Some don't like it, some don't care. /shrug As long as I am happy, that's what I care about.

enigmabrat -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 7:53:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want [8D] Some don't like it, some don't care. /shrug As long as I am happy, that's what I care about. hehe I have to thank you for finnaly giveing me some sort of label to put on myself Tikkie masachistic bottom yeah that sounds about right to me

zero69u2 -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 7:57:21 PM)
what is topping from bottom ? attempts by the sub to retain control and dictate to the dom/me what dominance is or is not okay, rather than experiencing genuine surrender and allowing trust to direct the scene. This situation tended to be a reoccuring theme when i was less experienced then the sub. I was with. when she would bring up statements like my old master did this this way. and i like this and that sexually like my old master did it. my response.. "I am not your old master. you either accept that or go back to your old master. No Comparisons.." Lesson 1 in defeating topping from bottom. : Don't allow the Comparison.. Refuse to be molded. You can take the information in and communicate. but don't allow yourself to be remolded into something your not. Some Dom's techniques are more sadistic and not everyone has that style. If you feel uncomfortable with a certain scene situation. its probably not your fetish cup of tea. If this continues to be a reoccuring theme in your relationship.. it may become a situation where you need to break apart for awhile.. come back with a new resolve to be her master and not her topped from the bottom sex toy. if you continue to allow the topping from bottom it gets worse. the next thing she's dictating the positions on the sex and your giving 12 hour cunnilingus sessions.. rather then having a well rounded sex life.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 8:00:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe He let it be known I didn't do anything that he didn't allow me to do... that he maintained control the whole time Whatever?

bignipples2share -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 8:23:23 PM)
I don't really consider that I'm a sub or domme, just that I enjoy some things that are considered sub. I do expect to have the final say, in and out of the bedroom. I don't profess to be domme either, nor kinkster, bottom, top, vanilla, or anything else ya got here for a label. I do know that there are people out there that want someone exactly like me though <eg> ~Big _______________________ ahhhh I see sounds

Submotive -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/14/2006 9:09:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt ...or bottoming from the top. I've noted several people whose profiles complain of this situation, wherein a person represents their interest one way in order to gain an entree and then appear suddenly to desire a turning of the tables. Would anyone care to describe such an event in their personal experience and their reaction? I'm curious whether it ever seemed a genuine thing, or whether it felt contrived. * * * No threads of interest lately, so thought I'd try one more. Hoping to avoid the lofty pronouncements, advice from sages and other hype, in search of intellectual give and take. i have never delighted in topping from the bottom in a "scene". However, i certainly have caused Master frustration in daily life with my struggle to relinquish control. It's all part of learning to trust - at least for me. i got involved in this lifestyle late in life after many years of directing everything myself. So really letting go needs to become a habit, which takes practice and doesn't happen automatically.

becca333 -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/15/2006 4:49:35 AM)
I'd never consider Topping from the bottom. I just make helpful suggestions.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/15/2006 6:22:46 AM)
The problem only comes when the people involved are not all aware and happy with it. And really, it's usually pretty easy to notice if they would take ten seconds to figure it out rather than just getting turned on and reacting. But that takes some modicum of self awareness. I played with a new chick at a club one weekend a few months ago. She seemed nice enough, we did basic negotiations and settled for a nice flogging/sensual mix scene. Every 30 seconds there was another issue/deman- she couldn't stand in the place I'd picked for the scene (after I'd asked her if it was a good place and she said yes), she couldn't be on her back, she could only get her breasts hit a certain way, she liked the way I hit this way but not that way...on and on. I pushed the scene as shortly as I could and haven't played with her since. The problem wasn't so much her wanting a good scene for herself- it was the attitude, making it all about her, and trying to manipulate me without me being ok with it.

bignipples2share -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/18/2006 7:28:44 PM)
I don't blame you on that one LA ~Big ___________________ ahhhh I see sounds

lisa1978 -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/18/2006 8:15:37 PM)
I do not know if this is too far off topic and I am sorry if it is, but as a submissive I have a huge problem if the dominant is wanting me to top from the bottom. Again negotiation before is fine and limits and safewords are critical, but I do not want to do a "secne" where I am being asked non stop questions like "Is this OK?", "Was that too something", "What would you like now?" and other things like that. It makes the scenes unbearable for me personally. Again sorry if this was off topic.

Sinergy -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/18/2006 8:58:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee Since all I call myself is a masochistic bottom, I go out of my way to make sure that I get what I want [8D] Some don't like it, some don't care. /shrug As long as I am happy, that's what I care about. The masochistic bottom says "hurt me, hurt me." The sadist says "no" and wanders off to watch the Simpsons. My first submissive did what I referred to as Topping from the bottom. I was fine with it, because I didnt know any better. She would say "get the big flogger" or "use the vibrating butt plug" or whatever. Then I would start ignoring what she would ask for and doing other things. My post about the wartenburg wheel related to one of those; she was expecting to be heavily flogged that evening. Surprise! You know, it works for some people. It doesnt work for other people. I personally figure if it works for them, go for it. But one of the things I have learned about dealing with TFTB types is to always keep a set of old, smelly gym socks in my toy bag to "muffle" her demands if I start to find them annoying. But that is just me, and I could be wrong. Sinergy

juliaoceania -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/18/2006 10:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy But one of the things I have learned about dealing with TFTB types is to always keep a set of old, smelly gym socks in my toy bag to "muffle" her demands if I start to find them annoying. Sinergy Makes note to self, never top from the bottom without a glass of water handy and some Listerine.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Topping From The Bottom... (6/19/2006 5:50:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lisa1978 where I am being asked non stop questions like "Is this OK?", "Was that too something", "What would you like now?" and other things like that. It makes the scenes unbearable for me personally. Again sorry if this was off topic. Non-sytop questions is understandable, but I think, specially in the beginnings of a relationship AND the beginning of a new skill type, that checking in is very important. Asking "Are you ok?" can be a pretty bad question to ask if you don't know the other person though. Asking "Do you need water?" "Are you feeling strained in any area?" "How much longer can you stay in this position?" and other very specific very focused questions are easier for the bottom to answer AND easier to control directly. Asking questions like "what do you want now?" when you're IN a scene is usually not the best way to go unless you've played together a lot and are comfortable with that sort of banter within a scene. But one should be willing to sacrifice a bit of floaty headspace and passive bottom laziness in return for a good scene overall and building of security so that they can go even further NEXT time.

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