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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 4/2/2013 4:40:51 PM

DesFIP

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Plus it's extremely common for this to be relationship specific. Someone only submits to a person who inspires submission in them. Which doesn't mean that five years from now they won't meet someone who inspires dominance in them.

However, what you're really dealing with are guys who can't handle rejection. Which is why we recommend not responding to people you aren't interested in. They sent you mail without you asking them to. That makes it spam. So don't respond. Because they believe that if they can get into conversation with you, eventually you will cave, meet them and have sex with them.

No response is a response.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 4/4/2013 3:59:17 AM

Deton8

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quote:

"slave, sub, switch or dom" are insufficient titles - BambiBoi

Amen to that

I have always trended to the dominant end of the spectrum. I have a foot fetish.

I spoke with someone who made me see the light about a foot fetish being a submissive trait. So I identified myself as a switch - who knows? I am looking forward to my first submissive experience.

I also want to know if a switch can have their needs met in the same relationship.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 4/4/2013 8:38:03 AM

itsapixie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deton8
I spoke with someone who made me see the light about a foot fetish being a submissive trait. So I identified myself as a switch - who knows? I am looking forward to my first submissive experience.

I don't think a fetish can be categorized into dominant or submissive. I believe a dominant person can have a foot fetish just as much as a submissive person. How you go about enjoying your fetish might have more to do with the dom/sub aspect...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deton8
I also want to know if a switch can have their needs met in the same relationship.

*raises hand* It's possible and there are many switch/switch couples.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 6/30/2013 4:36:48 PM

Secretdamsel

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I consider myself to be a full Domme...

I just also find a nice diversion in being bound and gagged and fighting it.

Legally a switch...but not really. Does it matter?

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 7/2/2013 9:01:05 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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Lots of good answers here. So, I'll just describe myself as one example. (possibly not a good one). I've always been the Dom in all my relationships. But recently wide and I tried something new. Spur of the moment. And I discovered I did enjoy subbing for my wife. We have since decided we are happier with me On Top but we agree that a Switch once in a while is loads of fun . I'm calling myself a switch based on the realization that once in a while it's fun to Switch sides of the kneel.

In your situation I'd say guy # 1 is not into the public sene as he says he is a switch cuz he switched roles. Not the same thing.

The other two guys seem more interested in being whatever will get them laid. Also uncool.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 7/5/2013 6:30:58 PM

BlaqPeppa

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I think of it this way: dominate me... if you can. Otherwise I'll dominate you.

It's nature, the pecking order. People being sub is way too common. Think about dogs... They have a much more natural way of establishing who's boss. They battle it out to see who comes on top. I hate the labels of sub, dom, etc. It causes people to miss out on many opportunities. Is it so hard to believe two dom/mes can't ever go together? I think they could and it would be pretty amazing. Imagine trying to dominate someone who's trying to dominate you. Eventually the strongest dom/me will win, leaving them feeling like they're actually in charge and the sub isn't just allowing them to be in charge (I mean think about it... who's really in charge then?) and the sub will truly realise that the person dominating them actually has power over them.

Your questions would be better directed at subs (the majority of whom I believe aren't at all trustable). Ask them why they would possibly want to be submissive. If there answer is something akin to "because I want to serve/be owned by/be abused by/feel powerless at the hands of my dom/me and feel worthless/degraded, blah blah", which isn't so much a reason for wanting to submit as a description of what submission is, then chances are they are just thrill seeking. If you volunteer to submit, you aren't submitting! You can only submit to a superior, and that 'dom/me' stance doesn't mean anything. They may be weaker than you in reality.

Raa!

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 7/20/2013 12:29:17 AM

SilverKit

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Sounds to me like the first one is worth listening to, old leather trains like that, you sub for a couple of years before going Dom. They are not switches, that is just classic leather training.

The other two sound like they just want to get you naked.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/10/2013 11:46:57 PM

VanillaKinkTwist

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If you volunteer to submit, it isn't submitting? I'm not quite sure I catch that logic....of course I don't understand blanket statements either. Like the majority of subs not being trustworthy. It's like saying the majority of black people are ghetto-talking hood rats or that white people are all pretentious snobs or trailer trash, that all poor people are dumb or all rich people are lazy.

Having a fetish does not make you dominant or submissive. Does eating pussy or sucking cock make a dominant less dominant? No. Does eating pussy or sucking cock make a submissive more submissive? No.

A switch may be:

1. Someone who started out as one thing and then 'switched' to another.
2. Someone who doesn't know which side they land on.
3. Someone who enjoys both sides.
4. Someone who uses the label in certain circumstances (or is one thing to one person and the other thing to another person).
5. Someone who moronically thinks that labeling themselves a switch means lots more sex, a lot easier.
6. Someone who thinks that because they like xyz it makes them submissive as well as dominant (or makes them dominant as well as submissive). This can fall under category 2 as well.

Three is the most commonly used reason one labels oneself a switch. Your Mr. One sounds like he falls under category one, Mr. Two sounds like a wanker who falls under category five and possibly a bit of category six, and Mr. Three sounds like he is either in two, three or six...or some combination of those.

Really I am only guessing though and can only tell you my reason for using the label of switch.
A. It doesn't let me use kinkster which is a label I am more comfortable with since it can encompass any form of authority dynamic labels (dominant, submissive, Master, Mistress, slave, pet, owner, property, top, bottom, Daddy, babygirl, little, etc etc).
B. I primarily identify on the s-type side of things. However given certain circumstances (category four), such as playing with rope, I can top or bottom (be the tie-er or the tie-ee).
C. As I learn more about myself, I question what I think...and therefor the role(s) which I identify as.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/23/2013 11:17:23 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlaqPeppa

I think of it this way: dominate me... if you can. Otherwise I'll dominate you.

Is it so hard to believe two dom/mes can't ever go together? I think they could and it would be pretty amazing. Imagine trying to dominate someone who's trying to dominate you. Eventually the strongest dom/me will win, leaving them feeling like they're actually in charge and the sub isn't just allowing them to be in charge (I mean think about it... who's really in charge then?) and the sub will truly realise that the person dominating them actually has power over them.

Raa!

Both my husband and me are dominant and the battles we have had to get the other to surrender have been magnificent, if not bloody! Whilst I have had the better of Steve and he has had the better of me, its much more about surrender and not submission. He's actually had me wrapped around his leg, tears streaming down my face and begging for mercy. Its a forced submission when that sort of thing happens. When one of us is losing we go through this curb of emotions which include anger, fear, frustration and even trickery so that the other will stop. As soon as the scene/fight is over, we both have a laugh about it and get back to being ourselves which is not at all submissive.

Some people would call that switching. I'm not sure what it is but we both enjoy it and that's what matters.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/29/2013 5:43:15 AM

orgasmdenial12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlaqPeppa
Imagine trying to dominate someone who's trying to dominate you. Eventually the strongest dom/me will win, leaving them feeling like they're actually in charge and the sub isn't just allowing them to be in charge (I mean think about it... who's really in charge then?) and the sub will truly realise that the person dominating them actually has power over them.

Clearly you find it exciting, I'd just find it really boring and pointless. I can't fancy someone who submits to me, the idea repels me. Obviously, I don't hate submissives (I am one) I'm just not attracted to them. So why would I find it exciting to battle for a dominance that I have no interest in, and end up being in charge of someone I'm not attracted to? It would be utterly pointless. 'Winning' would straight away mean that the game was over, and I'd have to find somebody else to play with, somebody more dominant, and the 'submissive' person would feel hurt and rejected. It's like a lose / lose situation.

quote:

Your questions would be better directed at subs (the majority of whom I believe aren't at all trustable). Ask them why they would possibly want to be submissive.

For the same reason that people have any sexual and romantic preferences - because they like it. Better to be honest about what you want, need and hope for, rather than pretending to be someone else just to get laid.

quote:

chances are they are just thrill seeking.

And battling someone for dominance isn't thrill seeking? It sounds very thrill seeking.

quote:

If you volunteer to submit, you aren't submitting! You can only submit to a superior, and that 'dom/me' stance doesn't mean anything. They may be weaker than you in reality.

You can volunteer to submit to a superior. It's very simple, it happens all the time. You recognise that someone has qualities which you admire and respect and it makes you want to submit to them. Submissives don't usually submit to people who they think are inferior, whether they call themselves Dom or not. Nor does 'battling' someone for dominance indicate any greater or more genuine dominance, since a submissive person could simply pretend to put up a battle in order to let the other person win and get the submission they desire.

It sounds to me like you hate submissives and are conflicted about the submissive side of yourself, choosing to see it as an act of 'weakness' and dominance as 'winning' or being 'superior'. If you hate submission so much, why do it? Why not just be a Dom?

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/31/2013 4:58:47 AM

TigressLily

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VanillaKinkTwist
Having a fetish does not make you dominant or submissive. . . .

A switch may be:

1. Someone who started out as one thing and then 'switched' to another.
2. Someone who doesn't know which side they land on.
3. Someone who enjoys both sides.
4. Someone who uses the label in certain circumstances (or is one thing to one person and the other thing to another person).
5. Someone who moronically thinks that labeling themselves a switch means lots more sex, a lot easier.
6. Someone who thinks that because they like xyz it makes them submissive as well as dominant (or makes them dominant as well as submissive). This can fall under category 2 as well.

Thank you (and others) for your clarification because I was officially confused and becoming increasingly more confused as I read this thread. I plead guilty to having held a bias toward those who identify themselves as switches. Understandably, those who contact me claim to actually be submissive or to only switch in a vanilla capacity (as in vanilla dominant in the bedroom vs. BDSM Dominant) while in a vanilla relationship. (Wouldn't that be true for a good number of male subs?) Quite frankly, I'm beginning to question whether many who call themselves switches aren't equally as confused about whether they are using this term correctly, as opposed to being just plain confused. A paradigm shift might be in order on my part.

What got my suspicions up initially was when I was contacted by a Daddy Dom who confessed he was tired of being Dominant for so long and had been secretly looking for the "Right One" to be submissive to for a couple years now. Permanently, supposedly. After exchanging a number of messages and a long 4-hour phone conversation where he played his cards perfectly, it became apparent to me he had not gotten over his Domness and would simply end up becoming a switch instead. Also that if he wanted to be broken the way he had indicated, he would have to be broken down to slave level with a much stricter Mistress than my own temperament allows, as I don't consider myself sadistic. Now, this is probably TMI (which I am also guilty of on occasion in order to substantiate my viewpoint or justify myself), but the dude had a 10-incher from what I could tell and - not being a Size Queen - no way in hell was I going near that thing!

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/31/2013 6:52:10 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

What got my suspicions up initially was when I was contacted by a Daddy Dom who confessed he was tired of being Dominant for so long and had been secretly looking for the "Right One" to be submissive to for a couple years now. Permanently, supposedly. After exchanging a number of messages and a long 4-hour phone conversation where he played his cards perfectly, it became apparent to me he had not gotten over his Domness and would simply end up becoming a switch instead. Also that if he wanted to be broken the way he had indicated, he would have to be broken down to slave level with a much stricter Mistress than my own temperament allows, as I don't consider myself sadistic. Now, this is probably TMI (which I am also guilty of on occasion in order to substantiate my viewpoint or justify myself), but the dude had a 10-incher from what I could tell and - not being a Size Queen - no way in hell was I going near that thing!

Generally, those types want to be submissive and lie about being a Dom to get more women. Whatever the actual situation, you're right in seeing the impending train wreck and steering clear.

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RE: But I'm not a switch! - 8/31/2013 1:52:37 PM

saundrakitty

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I have seen those types that pull that to get laid. And those types are most certainly a train wreck waiting to happen. Me I am a switch. But happily in a relationship with a Master. I submit to him- how ever we have both Co-topped or worked with other subs. Not all of Us are confused about who we are- just more open. I get that issue from time to time from guys asking to be submissive to me, and I have learned to read behind the lines. They are confused- or just wankers. However I have also had a few that were actually confused and were not truly sure what they were and wanted to try both before they decided what they were. I consider them newbies. But those that have been in it a while - well they are not and are playing games.

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