RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission

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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 3:42:51 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cynthiamarie

Domination and submission can come without roleplay, without S&M, B&D, rituals, without sex. All a D/s relationship needs is someone needing to lead, someone needing to follow...sincerety, trust, and power exchange.

I think it's ironic that the deepest feelings I've had this past year and a half were for people I've only known online and over the phone. That's in contrast to ones I've known and enjoyed r/t. <Hides her flogger and cuffs behind her back.>

R/t kink is fun, but the mental/emotional D/s connection is the most important part to me. I will be so blessed if I manage to find both in the same person, in my lifetime.

yeppers... so will I - but I wont be blessed by having another decide what is best for me - even tho they know the one-true way :)

My very best regards to you cynth as you find your way... and from what you say i'm confident it will be your way, not another's... as it should be :)

Brosco

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Post #: 81

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:05:40 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco
Calandra,

I don't want to hijack this thread but it seems a very appropriate place to ask about something that is my preconceptions. As a purely straight hetro male, I have the utmost respect for 'true' subbie males, the same as I would for a female subbie - BUT - in my experience, many (most?) sub males are really after someone to fulfill their fantasies, rather than actually be subservient to another - is this your experience?
Brosco
PS - no disrespect to male subbies

Brosco,
I think it's a very good question that you've raised, but I phrase the answer a little differently than you did in posing your question...

There are so many "true" subs/slaves out there it could make your head spin. When I say "true" by the way, I mean that they feel submissive and attempt to express it, nothing more. I feel that "dominance" and "submission" is whats inside first and foremost. There are many male sub/slaves who truly seek to elevate a woman/man, to serve them and please them because when they are happy, they know they have done well...

There are also a lot of male submissives who seek to submit because it fulfills their fantasies. Now these are still valid goals, so long as they find a Mistress/Master who discerns that they are seeking the fantasy, and determines whether they can fulfill that fantasy enough to sustain a relationship.

There is a third type of male sub that I call the fetishist. They may have a fascination for something (let's say shoes) and then think that the only way to get that fetish fulfilled is to assume a submissive role. They may not have a submissive bone in their body, yet they are willing to bow down to a woman in heels just to get to play with her feet... (make sense?)

I might add that you've been blasting people about generalizing online relationships all mornin'. Be careful not to generalize male sub/slaves or it'll come back to haunt ya....

(in reply to Brosco)

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Post #: 82

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:21:17 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
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quote:

I might add that you've been blasting people about generalizing online relationships all mornin'. Be careful not to generalize male sub/slaves or it'll come back to haunt ya....

aaawww geeezzz.... ya weren't sposed to notice that :)

seriously, thank you for your reply, and I don't really generalize because all Dom/mes and online-bashers would just blast be again :)

Ok.. I will try to be serious. If I can use the word 'real' and let it be understood the context - I do know some very genuine male subbies and I admire them very much for a submission that is so different to the way they are percieved in a communitity. I have also seen many more that really are .. i guess... bottoms... that know what will get their rocks off by another ordering them to do what they really want. I am not being judgemental, its just sumthin I see - I was wondering about your experiences in this.

I guess to bring it back to the context of the thread, do you see that more online?

Brosco

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Post #: 83

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:27:14 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

quote:

To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact

This would imply to me that a blind person could not have a fullfilling d/s relationship - and I know for a fact that isn't true.

Without sight, you learn to 'read' the same things from voice.

I'm not in the habit of posting hypothetical situations anymore than I beat myself up worrying about not offending every conceivable minority group in my posts. Whatever your experiences may be, I'll just point you back to the first two words of my sentence you chose to quote.

Virtually everyone can adapt when they have to and that's a bridge I cross *if* I reach it. By all means share your opinions but it's never appreciated when it has the tone of a lecture!

Focus.

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Post #: 84

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:30:25 AM

Calandra

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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I guess to bring it back to the context of the thread, do you see that more online?

Shucks no.... I see it about the same either online, telephone, clients, or real life and looking for relationships...

I think one of the huge myths is "it always happens more online"
To which I ask, "where do you do most of your socializing???"
If online, then you encounter it there, if real life at munches and venues, then you realize there are players and those who are bottoms at real life places too...

Maybe the real truth is that in real life venues the very serious, quality, deep down from the heart sub/slaves (male or female) are usually already taken... There are a lot of male subs who simply don't want to settle down....

(in reply to Brosco)

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Post #: 85

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:33:46 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

I must say that the meaning behind my question seems to have gotten lost somewhere in the translation here!
I am not judging those who DO cyber D/s- nor did I say it wasn't real. What I wish to understand is the dynamics behind it .... the mentality. What I DID say was that I just dont understand how the mentality can be the same in cyber as it is in face-to-face contact.
Also, I wasn't talking about 'cyber-sex' ... to me, D/s is not the equivalent of sex.
Had I asked a question like 'why do people call themselves submissive?' ... would it have gotten the same defensive responses?
I asked a genuine question hoping for genuine answers.

No ..... I dont have to understand it but perhaps I would like to! Tolerance does go both ways. -smile-

Thanks Albatross for a reply that actually made sense and was useful without flaming me for asking the question!

~enthralled

To try to answer the question that i highlighted, when i was doing online D/s, the mentality was one of safe experimentation and growing to realize that this type of sexuality was a desire for me. i woke up to this part of myself in my 30's and this was a way to try to find what mentally got me going in a married relationship where my ex-husband was not interested in D/s. i got to learn about me, how i was as a person, what kinds of things turned me on, that i was in fact submissive. At the time i found it very powerful, now having moved into real time, it does not have the same appeal to me as it once did, so i no longer do it, but at one point in my life it was a very liberating experience. Hope that helps to answer the question that you asked.

heartfelt

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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:47:12 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

It is a case of whatever floats your boat but the onus is on the sub to obey without a physical presence to make sure she does so really it is down to the sub as to how much she can think of herself into the role of sub, which is really acting.

i am not looking for a flame here, but may i ask, do you stand over your subs every time you give them a command to do to make sure that they are obeying you? i would think that would be counterproductive. So if you are not there to insure each and every time their obedience, are they acting? i wouldn't think so. It is a matter of wanting to obey whether the person who is commanding you is there or not. That is how it was with me when i was doing online, and i always strive to obey now that i only do face to face, it is part of who i am as a person, i am an obedient submissive and not an actor.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

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Post #: 87

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 4:54:25 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

quote:

To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact

This would imply to me that a blind person could not have a fullfilling d/s relationship - and I know for a fact that isn't true.

Without sight, you learn to 'read' the same things from voice.

I'm not in the habit of posting hypothetical situations anymore than I beat myself up worrying about not offending every conceivable minority group in my posts. Whatever your experiences may be, I'll just point you back to the first two words of my sentence you chose to quote.

Virtually everyone can adapt when they have to and that's a bridge I cross *if* I reach it. By all means share your opinions but it's never appreciated when it has the tone of a lecture!

Focus.

Likewise

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Post #: 88

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 5:02:31 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco
Calandra,

I don't want to hijack this thread but it seems a very appropriate place to ask about something that is my preconceptions. As a purely straight hetro male, I have the utmost respect for 'true' subbie males, the same as I would for a female subbie - BUT - in my experience, many (most?) sub males are really after someone to fulfill their fantasies, rather than actually be subservient to another - is this your experience?

Brosco

PS - no disrespect to male subbies

Can't that be said about how most of us got involved in this lifestyle? We all had to have ideas in our heads at some point that drove us to take things a step further. I don't think this is a phenomenon that is exclusive to male subs.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Brosco)

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Post #: 89

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 5:27:35 AM

Brosco

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Joined: 5/29/2006
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mmmhhhhh possibly, and truly without disrespect to male subs, many have a very clear idea what they want done to them... as apposed to a female sub that just wants another to take control... and yes.. I know this is a wild generalisation.

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Post #: 90

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 7:27:45 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

mmmhhhhh possibly, and truly without disrespect to male subs, many have a very clear idea what they want done to them... as apposed to a female sub that just wants another to take control... and yes.. I know this is a wild generalisation.

As a female submissive who knows many other female submissives (some in name only) i will have to respectfully disagree with this statement. There are many female "subs" who are only after their kink being met, i would call them bottoms. As to how many there are in comparison to male "subs" i do not know. i just know that they exist.

(in reply to Brosco)

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Post #: 91

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/16/2006 6:11:00 PM

Brosco

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Sorry to bring this thread back into action, especially when there is yet another online 'debate' in progress, but I need to respond specifically to enthralled.

I have just received a PM from her, and after typing a lengthy reply found that it couldn't be delivered - I am assuming that it was undelivered because of an option she has set. (the same happened a few days ago with a PM from juliaoceania) I do find that very annoying when it happens but if I was sent a PM and that it was with full knowledge I wouldn't be able to reply, I also find it very rude also. I hasten to add that there may be another explanation and so I am not flaming anyone here.

Enthralled, I appreciate that with the pressures of r/l you cannot be expected to sit at your computer and respond to every post the moment that they have been added, and I do look forward to seeing your article when its competed and I assure you that it will be viewed objectively.

In an earlier post here I did question the objectivity that your article will have and that was based on the fact that out of all the many posts that provided you many different opinions, you only bothered to thank one person - LA.

Now, I can see 3 possible reasons for this:

1) LA's opinion is the closest to your own conception.
2) LA's post was a 2 sentence opinion and thus you didn't need to wade thru explanation of circumstances and experience to find the concluded opinion
or
3) With your busy r/l you just haven't had time to read all the valuable input provided by others.

Maybe there is another reason that I haven't considered?

While LA's opinion may be perfectly valid for herself, it does not apply to all. As with many situations in life, they affect us differently and each of those experiences should be considered - not just one opinion that doesn't even have the slightest reference to anything to show how the opinion was derived.

A few of us here have also expressed that we moved to online after a number of years in R/L and so have a different perspective and experience to those who have only been on one side of the fence or have no positive experience with online at all.

If I understood more of the perspective you are looking for, I would happily respond to any question you may have and hopefully provide a useful insight that could contribute to your article.

Brosco

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Post #: 92

RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/17/2006 1:32:55 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i am not looking for a flame here, but may i ask, do you stand over your subs every time you give them a command to do to make sure that they are obeying you? i would think that would be counterproductive. So if you are not there to insure each and every time their obedience, are they acting? i wouldn't think so. It is a matter of wanting to obey whether the person who is commanding you is there or not. That is how it was with me when i was doing online, and i always strive to obey now that i only do face to face, it is part of who i am as a person, i am an obedient submissive and not an actor.

No but she knows there are real consequences when we next meet. She can't just turn the computer off and think what the hell, he's hundreds of miles away and I can do what I damn like.

She can just say no and end our relationship of course.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

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Post #: 93