Stalkers

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mouseyone -> Stalkers (11/5/2004 4:02:52 PM)
I have read past threads, i have asked for help here and with family and friends and i just dont know what to do. My ex Master is seeking me to return with him, to a point where he is showing up at my work. Do i just ignore his harrassing me? I am afraid of him but how can i prove that he is harrassing me and not just my imagination running wild? Any and all suggestions are welcome.

theroebabe -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 4:50:59 PM)
First off that sucks, my advice is first off tell your employer he is an ex and let someone else escort him out, or have them call the police if it keeps happening. If the building has security they should be told. And do not talk to him if you do not want to. ANd tell him at this point he is stalking you and you will call the police if he does keep it up.

velvetvixen -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 5:44:13 PM)
If you are feeling afraid, don't ignore your gut and take some steps to help yourself. If he is showing up at your work, definately take the advice of Roe, it is great. Call the police or sheriff, whichever has jurisdiction in your location and find out what you need to do if you feel like you might need a restraining order. H I hope that when you tell him that you are serious about ending his stalking he will be on his way. Prayers for you.

mouseyone -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:19:30 PM)
Thank you for your advice! And thanks to another who gave very sound advice and all these will be done in quick speed. He has called me a few times tonight saying things that just scare the crap out of me so i called a friend to stay with me tonight...and if he does show up here as he has said he will , i have someone with me and a phone to call the police. Thanks again.

Estring -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:20:32 PM)
If he is showing up at your place of employment unannounced, it isn't your imagination. He is stalking you. Get the law involved. Now!

ModeratorThree -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:20:47 PM)
Go to the police, ask for an order of protection. You can explain he is an ex and that he is showing up at your place of employment for no good reason. You are fearful because you wish no contact. If he is showing up at your work, and he has no reason to be there he is intimidating you, this is not your imagination. A judge will issue a court order and he will be served by the police. If he shows up again he will go to jail. Mod3

mouseyone -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:27:17 PM)
Thank you all I will do that now.

ModeratorThree -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:28:31 PM)
Call your phone company and see if they have the option to block his phone number. You may also wish to let them know you are being harrassed via the phone. It is against the law and punishable. You may wish to mention it to him when he calls again. As far as obtaining proof you could buy a recorder from radio shack, cost about 100$. It will record everything said and it is admissable in court. IF he gets to court and is asked if he made calls to you and he says no. Once someone commits purgery (sp?) on the stand recordings to prove guilt are admissable. Mod3

theroebabe -> RE: Stalkers (11/5/2004 7:59:02 PM)
and please please make sure you let us know how you are, we dont want to worry needlessly!

jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 8:22:31 AM)
Roe, What a sweet response!! Great suggestions by all. Make sure about the restraining order and maybe you can contact a victims shelter. i know alot here locally in indy will give women who are being stalked cellphones just to call the police where the only thing it can do is dial 911. jill

ModeratorThree -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 10:47:48 AM)
I do believe all cell phones are supposed to be able to call 911- even if service is disconnected. So long as the battery is charged. Mod3

stef -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 10:59:29 AM)
Yes, cell phones put into service after a certain date are supposed to have this functionality. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. ~stef

jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 11:07:36 AM)
Mod 3, you are missing the point. The only functionality on the cellphones given out by the victims shelter is to call 911 no other calls on the phone can be made. jill

cynnacent1 -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 1:05:37 PM)
The weight of phone records and such are pale in comparison to having real live victims in court. In any case of a stalker whether it be an 'ex' or other, it is important to be sure to tell him in a very clear and simple method that you wish no contact with him ever again, at all. Use the words STOP and NO. Do this in front of potential witnesses, IE: boss & other employees, friends, family etc. Example: STOP calling me and showing up at my home and job. STOP contacting me. i want NO contact with you ever again. Whatever response he gives, simply answer with: NO. STOP. Then you should leave. AND if he does not take you seriously ( attempts to sweet talk you, or pursuade you etc ect) call the police regardless. Many times in court when answering to charges of stalking or answering to a victim's petition for an order of protection or the violation of one, much weight is put on how clear of a message was issued in telling that person NO & STOP. Many times when the message is not simple or clear enough, the ex/stalker wiggles out of being prosecuted & walks away with a warning. Do NOT ignore the harassment. DO get a restraining order. DO call the police immediately if he violates the order at ALL. DO follow up in court that day or the next (if it occurs after business hours) and report the violations to a judge ( do NOT settle for a mediator ). DO keep family members and/or friends informed of your where abouts at all times. Be sure they know when to expect you to return. Check in by phone each time you return.

Nvernilla -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 1:45:12 PM)
put a peace bond on him someone who stalks a person is anything BUT a Master by my reconning I guess some just cant understand these 2 simple words ITS OVER

mouseyone -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 1:56:14 PM)
I want to thank all for your advice and let you know that i went to the police this morning and filled out a restraining order. I also called the phone company and just had my phone number changed to an unlisted number. Also bought me a cell phone as well to have with me wherever i go. Thank you all again and i would like again to thank a special couple on this site who helped calm me and talk me into thinking sanely...you know who you are....thank you all!!!

velvetvixen -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 4:27:01 PM)
I am glad you are taking care of yourself and have friends who are helping you as well. I have been thinking about this since I posted.

ModeratorThree -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 5:00:05 PM)
quote: Mod 3, you are missing the point. The only functionality on the cellphones given out by the victims shelter is to call 911 no other calls on the phone can be made. Actually no, I did not miss the point. I was only pointing out that most cell phones will allow you to use them to contact 911 even if service has been terminated. So that if she has one or knew of someone that had one that was not active she could in fact try it and see if it works. In case she did not feel comfortable going to a womens shelter or if she lived in a small town such as I and they have no womens shelter. I advise everyone that moves into a new home to call the local police department and tell them you want to check your status on the 911 P.S.A.P. system and that you will be dialing 911 to makes sure the information is correct. You can do the same with a cell phone. There are times when calls come into dispatch with an incorrect address to a phone number. Especially if it is a new number that was used by someone prior. Each center with a P.S.A.P. system can update information on a number that comes in incorrect. Better safe than sorry and to have the information noted before you have to use it. Cell phones do not come up to an address, but you can test them to make sure you are able to use it to dial 911. The problem with a cell phone is that when you dial 911 and you are on the road or in another town you cannot know which tower will take it to which department. So it is very possible the call will be dropped or even routed to a different county than the one you are in. But, if you keep it in a spare bedroom or on your person and plan to use it in emergency's from home you can check it a couple times to make sure it does work from your general local location. Great article Stef, all the more reason to check a phone you are going to use for emergency, and to know that it may not work should you change areas from which you call. mouseyone, I am glad to hear you sought help. Let's hope this is the last you hear of him. It can be very scary I know. I went through this myself before. You sometimes doubt yourself or worry if others will take you serious. Some strict anti-stalking laws are now on the books and it is taken seriously. Keep yourself safe and let us know how you are doing! My thoughts are with you. Mod3

BeachMystress -> RE: Stalkers (11/6/2004 7:30:01 PM)
Hon, I am so sorry you're having to go through this. It is very hard. I ended up with a stalker for two years. I went out with him twice. It was someone I'd met from a site like this but NOT this site. I was a bit uneasy after the first date, but went ahead with a second. At the end of the second date I told him I thought he was very nice, but there just wasn't any chemistry there. The truth was, there was just something off.. not right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I could feel it. He seemed to take that just fine. Within the week, he was back.. he mostly contacted me via yahoo messenger. One night at 11:30PM he showed up on my doorstep. I was stunned. He shouldn't have known where I lived. I didn't know about reverse phone directories and had given out my home number when we were talking before meeting in person. Yes, it was foolish. When I say he showed up on my doorstep, that is what he did. He didn't knock. He just stood there. I heard a noise I thought was an animal and went to shoo it off the porch. Luckily I looked through the peephole before opening the door. Of course I called the cops. It was just too creepy. The operator stayed on the phone with me for the 7 mins it took the cops to arrive. He stood there the whole time, walking away when they pulled up. They stopped him and questioned him. (He said he was looking for a friend and had the wrong house. I was too embarrassed at that point to tell the cops he was a "submissive" man that I met online who had somehow found my address. silly me.) He hadn't committed a crime. He'd not exposed himself, said anything to me or harmed anything. They took his info and let him leave. After that his contact via msgr became very threatening. The threats ranged from rape to disfiguring me. He'd be on the street occasionally. He never called, he always did his contact f2f or via msgr. I finally had lunch with him with a male friend trying to de escalate the situation. It didn't work. He cycled.. I'd hear from or see him daily for a month, then nothing for many weeks.. then he'd be back again. He did this for two years. I tried the whole be-calm-and-rational-with-the-psycho thing. I tried reasoning with him many times. I tried changing my yahoo screen name.. each time he showed up in person till he found it again. Yes, I had a restraining order. They can still stand down the block and let you know they are there. I finally realized that this creep lived in my extended neighborhood. One day he contacted me via messenger while I was in a very bad mood. I'd just broken up with a man I cared deeply for and was just not in the mood. You know how you can get at times like those. For the first time ever, when he started telling me how he wanted to abuse my body, I freaked on him. I told him I'd figured out he lived between X and Y street and was pretty sure he lived with his girlfriend. I told him I was going to print out the conversations he'd had with me, which I'd saved if I'd ever needed to go to court, and I was going to go door to door asking for him by name till I found his home. Once I found it, I told him I was going to lay everything out for his girlfriend, then I was going to stay around and help her slice of his penis and make penis salad out of it. Yeah, I know, kinda creepy on my part, but I was at that point. I was very serious about the threat and it must have gotten through to him. This happened back in March and I've not heard hide nor hair from him since. It is a VERY scary thing to go through. Keep records of what is said and done.. date and time. Write them immediately after they happen so you get it all while fresh. Do not make my silly mistake and be too embarrassed to get the help you need. He showed up on the doorstep a total of three times before I got the restraining order. Also, look in the yellow pages and find a support group if this continues. It is not something to go through alone. huge hug The others have given good advice also. Be very public and loud about telling him NO, STOP, LEAVE ME ALONE and DON'T. Do not let past feelings or embarrassment get in your way. I urge you to involve the police as the first sign of trouble. Good Luck!

GentleMistress -> RE: Stalkers (11/7/2004 4:10:31 AM)
mouseyone, There are plenty of shelters in our area if you need to go somewhere to keep safe. There is the WV coalition against domestic violence, you can either check in the phone book or online they do have a number. Or feel free to email me on this site and i can give you any information you need, if you need to go there. Please whatever you do, let us know how you are doing and that you are safe :)

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