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need help with profile - 11/19/2012 4:17:17 AM

daddytrace

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

im still fairly new to bdsm, im married but in an open marriage, need advise and help with wording my profile looking for a sub/slave.

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 6:11:10 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

FR

Most slaves or submissives that have any honor will want to speak with your wife. They won't take your word for it that it is an open marriage. They will want to respect your marriage and meet her to discuss boundaries and limits.

If the marriage is open, then there really isn't a need for discretion.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 11/19/2012 6:12:04 AM >

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(in reply to daddytrace)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 6:13:15 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Kudos for announcing up front that you're married. Is your wife willing to meet with any prospectives to show she's on board? If not, the assumption will be that you're cheating.

You promise discretion. So you don't care if your sub is cheating?

Your profile states you live in Utah. No city. It appears like you didn't input your zip code either. I'd be concerned that you're desperately trying to cover your tracks.

Your profile says that you like swinging. So why aren't you doing that with your wife?

You seem to be looking for a woman, and you don't care about her weight, religion, likes/dislikes, or marital status, as long as she's able to meet with you regularly for play sessions. Sorry to be so blunt.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddytrace)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 7:31:19 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

im still fairly new to bdsm, im married but in an open marriage, need advise and help with
wording my profile looking for a sub/slave.

Your profile clearly states that you're a married man looking for a sub, so you have the wording down.
This is like dropping an empty fishing line into a very populated lake hoping to catch something/anything.
As a submissive woman, I meet your basic qualifications, but because there is so much more to me than
being submissive, I would be looking for someone who wanted to discover all the facets of who I am.
You offer no challenge in meeting your expectations, and there is no inspiration to be submissive to you.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to daddytrace)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 9:52:27 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

My bet is the married part gets edited out...

(in reply to poise)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 10:14:43 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

In addition to what others have said, your profile has spelling and grammar mistakes and is boring. Since this is an online forum, your words are your first impression. Here's some profile writing advice: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

You may make a better impression in person, in which case signup at fetlife and look for groups in your area and attend some BDSM munches and events.

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(in reply to daddytrace)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 2:08:04 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I'm going to echo the general gist of: enter more.

Tell us about you as a person, tell us about what you're looking for (beyond sub), tell us what you're offering... Anything that'll give a potential partner a field for what you're like.

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(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 2:37:28 PM

LonDom61

Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

FR

All the above, plus...

The impression our profile makes is based on our text, our stats and our pix.

The previous commenters have dealt with your text and your stats. I'll give some input & advice your pic.

First, the positives. You didn't take it in a bathroom mirror. That seems to be a favorite with the "To take a self-portrait, I need a mirror" crowd. That is very tacky. Also, you didn't eclipse your whole face, like one I've seen lately. That one made me laugh. It was like "here's a picture of my phone...with my face hidden behind it".

A picture taken by someone else would be better. Doing something that expresses your interests or personality. Not just "I need a profile pic. I know, I'll do it topless. Where's a mirror?"

If you must take it yourself, even one of those "taken at arm's length" shots (of which I'm not a fan) might be better.

Best self-shot option: cameras & phones these days have timers. If you take a few minutes to figure out how to get your camera to snap without your finger on the button right then, you won't need a mirror and will end up with a much better pic. And make a better impression.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 5:16:20 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

My bet is the married part gets edited out...

My bet is open marriage is a news flash to his wife

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drama llama

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 5:26:57 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

All of that.

Nobody is going to believe for a second that your wife is cool with the open marriage thing and yet you had to take your own profile picture by using a mirror. If she knew, I'd bet she'd be willing to take a pic for your use. Dang near all of My shots here and elsewhere were taken by My husband.

If the wife isn't on board to create a profile and there's no mention of introducing her to potential submissives so they can verify that the open marriage part is on the up and up, your profile is going to be treated like every other married and cheating guy on the site. SHOW people that you are telling the truth.

Well, either that of find that woman who is going behind her husband's back, too.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/19/2012 5:52:59 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'm with everyone else. Most women are going to expect to verify with your wife that the marriage is open.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/20/2012 12:08:59 AM

tsoyka

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/7/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

I agree with everything posted above, and after looking at your profile I would say start by adding two things. 1. Add more pictures and be sure to be nicely dressed. You may even consider adding a picture of you and your wife if she is willing. 2. And most importantly, add more text about you. More than you want to find someone that wants to have sex a few times a week....some kind of substance about you...let everyone that sees your profile get a since of who and what you truly are. The type of BD/SM you are looking to enjoy even. This lifestyle - especially if you want to find and create and ongoing relationship - is based on a high level of trust, so above all else be truthful, if someone wants to meet you and they discover you are different in person then your profile portrays, you will never have another meeting with that person, and if they are smart, would never allow themselves to submit.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: need help with profile - 11/20/2012 7:51:13 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm with everyone else. Most women are going to expect to verify with your wife that the marriage is open.

Oh, yes! What is they say about a woman scorned, like which hell hath no fury?

I've had bisexual subs contact me, saying they are in an open marriage with a woman and would like to do some scenes together. Yet, not surprisingly, I've not had a single one stick around when I tell them that I won't do anything with them until I can meet, and speak with, their wives to get their approval. Each and every single one disappears. Gee, I wonder why that is?

If you are married, and in a truly open relationship, then be very clear and upfront about it. Offer potential subs the chance to meet and speak to your wife, in person. In fact, I would recommend that your first meeting with these women include your wife at some point. Perhaps meeting them for coffee and having your wife join you for a bit of it. That way you get some time one-on-one to get to know each other, in a public place, but the sub also gets a chance to clear the air and understand that your wife is on board.

The "I am married, but use discretion" just screams "I want to have an affair, and want you to keep quiet about it."

_____________________________

The greatest gift a person can give is the gift of their willing submission. It is a gift more precious than gold and more fragile than glass. It is my responsibility to make sure that, every day, I am worthy of that gift.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 13