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RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:37:42 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86
Rule... I am trying to help him find a job I have had him sign up to many different agencies in glasgow and send his cv out to jobs from job sites but whether he has actually done it or not isnt something i have any control over as he isnt actually with me. I cant physically force him to. Also some times ive said to him he should do these things he has said he will then when i ask if he has he ignores me til the next day then sends a huge long email appologizing about not doing it and listing off excuses about no motivation and that his life is just pointless...i really hpe the psychological department get in touch soon.

Well done. But in such cases one has to physically accompany the person and preferably do so during his first days on a job as well. And since apparently you cannot do so because of the distance or for whatever other reason, you cannot possibly expect results. So give that up as a lost cause.


_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:38:27 PM   
emmacarrie86


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		Im not really sure what id say if I was giving advice to a friend possibly along the lines of the consensus of this thread but it is nearly 1am here and im up in 7 hours so brain is fuzzy now :)

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:40:28 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		LOL ive sent you a message on the otherside. go get some sleep. and im up at 7.30 so should go as well.

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:40:33 PM   
emmacarrie86


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86
Rule... I am trying to help him find a job I have had him sign up to many different agencies in glasgow and send his cv out to jobs from job sites but whether he has actually done it or not isnt something i have any control over as he isnt actually with me. I cant physically force him to. Also some times ive said to him he should do these things he has said he will then when i ask if he has he ignores me til the next day then sends a huge long email appologizing about not doing it and listing off excuses about no motivation and that his life is just pointless...i really hpe the psychological department get in touch soon.

Well done. But in such cases one has to physically accompany the person and preferably do so during his first days on a job as well. And since apparently you cannot do so because of the distance or for whatever other reason, you cannot possibly expect results. So give that up as a lost cause.



I cant because he lives 2 train journeys away, i have no money to get there regularly, im at college 4 days a week and the rest the time im looking after my son. I am doing as you all suggest and "giving up" I will talk to my Master tomorrow maybe even send him a link to this thread and he can make the decision on what to do which im sure after reading all this will be to give up.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:48:22 PM   
emmacarrie86


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		Can people please try be nice as I only wanted to help a friend out. I may not have thought it through very well but it was still just a nice gesture.

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:53:27 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		People have been pretty nice to you, at least none of us have called you "subby"...

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:54:15 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
People have been pretty nice to you

Indeed.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 4:56:14 PM   
emmacarrie86


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		If you were all that nice then how come im coming off here feeling completely deflated and like me looking out for my friend was ridiculous and i was stupid for even considering it ? :(

Maybe im just too sensitive to post on forums for advice.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 5:09:31 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86
If you were all that nice then how come im coming off here feeling completely deflated and like me looking out for my friend was ridiculous and i was stupid for even considering it ? :(

That is because of your sub nature which is looking for approval.

You looking out for a friend is not ridiculous. It is caring and brave and I approve. However, in this case it is not a load you can carry in my opinion.

As for stupid, what is that? I am a low IQ super-genius. There are lots of people who are a lot smarter with a far higher IQ than mine, but they and the majority of humanity lack my ability to cross the fence of their reality. On the other hand doms and subs and slaves and ordinary people have intellectual abilities that I lack and can do things that are nigh impossible for me to perform.

By all means be self-confident. But also do not hesitate to consult other people that may have a different perspective.

And do go get some sleep.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 5:09:35 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Easy, then.

< Message edited by Level -- 11/22/2012 5:18:08 PM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 5:12:25 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Please go easy on her, Level. Her turmoil is genuine.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 8:02:22 PM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		Since i dont think you have any real interest in being his dominant and your master is 2000 miles away and new himself and likely will struggle with one never mind two submissive types, why dont you just try being his friend. He has some pretty big mental health issues and is probably not capable at this time to serve. He should get help and get shit right with him.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 8:54:50 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86

Poise, he is currently waiting for the Dr's on the NHS to send him an appointment letter for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.


Good. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like he needs a Master. It sounds like he needs a psychiatrist.

Hopefully once he's gotten himself sorted out he can then go out and find his happiness with some dominant partner, but right now he needs to focus on getting his shit together. It's really nice that you're trying to help him, but you can't fix him. He's got to do that himself, probably with some medical assistance.

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 8:59:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		This guy is an adult right?? But yet you are treating him like a child.

Tell him to find his own Domme and to concentrate on making his life happy WITHOUT a partner. If he can't be happy without one, why would he be happy WITH one?? Sounds like he's in need of someone to treat him like an adult meaning.....let him do it himself.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 9:32:59 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Ok, I want to be sure I understand the question.

You and your master took on a miserable slave. The slave belongs to your master, but, there is this little thing of master living 2000 miles away. So, the masterly master told you to set the schedule for the miserable slave.

The slave is lazy, so he needs training by a "professional" master, so you wonder if anyone close will take him for a wee while?

I can not help with any of that, however, the part about advice in case you don't find someone to train him, I can help with.

Tell him and the 2000 mile away master to fuck off, get to know someone closer to you, and enjoy life.

Don't waste time on silliness like you speak of in this post.

Good luck.


Best post of the year.

Pam

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 9:40:07 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86

If you were all that nice then how come im coming off here feeling completely deflated and like me looking out for my friend was ridiculous and i was stupid for even considering it ? :(

Maybe im just too sensitive to post on forums for advice.


This forum is notoriously harsh to new people, and you asked the kind of question that posters usually get mocked for. Take it with a grain of salt. For what it's worth, I doubt any of the answers are malicious.

Good luck to you.

Pam

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to emmacarrie86)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 9:46:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tell him to go back to the NHS and ask for anti depressants. He doesn't need an owner, he needs medical assistance.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to metamorfosis)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/22/2012 10:08:29 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		We have no idea what he needs nor what medication he needs, if any.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/23/2012 12:21:06 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		OP: I have had the misfortune to try and help someone in a similar position.
I tried my best by attempting to get them help, jobs, therapy etc.
I tried for the best part of 4 years. I invested a lot of time and effort into getting them help.
At one stage, being a single guy at the time, I did consider even marrying her to drag her sorry ass into the real world and make something of her (she looked rather pretty and had a good fuckable body!).
Trust me, when someone is THIS low and self-destructive, they need professional medical help.

Any decent doctor would temporarilly prescribe anti-depressants and refer them to therapy and a psychiatrist/psychologist.
Most cases shouldn't take more than a month or two to come through.
Also, from my own experience, therapists and psychologists/psychiatrists wouldn't usually require the patient to have someone else with the patient because it's very much a 1-to-1 session - unlike AA where they prefer group therapy; that usually comes much later in the treatment.
If you cannot physically take them to the doctor or the therapist and they won't go of their own accord then I'm afraid it really is a lost cause.

I had to abandon my friend after 4 years of trying and to this day she is still the same loser and doing even worse things to herself.
She is in her mid-30's and looks like an old bag lady of 70+.
She spends her time sleeping during the day, turning tricks at night for anyone willing to pay, stealing anything she can get her hands on to sell off to people in the pub, buying drugs to inject herself in really painful places between tricks. She is a sorry state to see now and it breaks my heart to see someone go so low.
I've lost count of the number of times I've had police interviews because I was the last one to see her and she'd been caught at doing something illegal and was either being held in the cells or at a hospital.
I shan't go into details but suffice to say I ended up in court for aiding and abetting her to dispose of a dead body (one of her tricks died on her through a drugs O/D). And would you believe she even tried to sell me the guys mobile phone she stole off him!! Fortunately for me, the judge gave me a caution and I was bound over for 12 months with a comment of "don't be such a white knight in shining armour in a rush to help". I could have gone to jail, lost my job and my self-respect as well as getting a criminal record.

Nobody can say I didn't do my utmost for this girl... But you can only do so much.
If they really can't help themselves then you cannot help them any more than you already have.


Many on this board are US based; I am in the UK and have first-hand experience of this dilema.
I would cut the strings and let them go.... Seriously.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... - 11/23/2012 3:15:07 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		You got bound over for helping dispose of a dead body? Seriously? Bound over is usually for nothing above a drunk and disorderly.

Emma -

Forget the word 'slave'. If you had a friend who couldn't find a girlfriend and was depressed, would you say 'well you can come and date me and my boyfriend until we find a girlfriend for you'? I'm guessing not.

BDSM relationships are still relationships. If you wouldn't get into a relationship without the Master/slave labels, don't change your standards now.

Even if this guy didn't need help - and it sounds like he does, I'm glad to hear he is on the waiting list - how do you think this would work? You're not dominant, you have no experience of being dominant and it appears you don't want to be a dominant. You're not in a position to dominate. Added to that you have your own relationship to focus on - I know how hard it can be to be in different countries. There's going to be a big period of adapting once he is local. And you have a child. I wouldn't be advising you added a third person to your relationship right now even if it was something you all wanted as a long term thing, because things are too chaotic.

Kink doesn't fix people. By all means, be a friend. Encourage him. Maybe go out somewhere together to help him meet people. Text him to remind him to eat a proper meal every now and then.

D/s relationships are hard. Ultimately the sub has got to show some willing and want to obey and serve. It sounds like this particular guy wants someone to take responsibility for fixing his life. He's not in the right place to be entering a D/s relationship. Giving him rules to follow won't help him sort out his head, and may well destroy your friendship.

When your Master gets back into the country, how does he intend on looking after this guy?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 60
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