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chatterbox24 -> RE: I am submissive but I own a slave... (11/23/2012 5:26:23 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
quote:
ORIGINAL: emmacarrie86
Rule... I am trying to help him find a job I have had him sign up to many different agencies in glasgow and send his cv out to jobs from job sites but whether he has actually done it or not isnt something i have any control over as he isnt actually with me. I cant physically force him to. Also some times ive said to him he should do these things he has said he will then when i ask if he has he ignores me til the next day then sends a huge long email appologizing about not doing it and listing off excuses about no motivation and that his life is just pointless...i really hpe the psychological department get in touch soon.
emma, you're a sweet girl and you genuinely want to help. But you're not. You're doing what is known as "enabling".
It is HIS responsibility to get a job. Not yours. If he wants to get one, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. You're expending time and energy worrying about his concerns.
If you were his Domme, you'd give him tasks, check whether he''d done them, and reward/punish him for doing them. But you're not a Domme. You specifically state that you cannot make him do things, and you;re accepting passive aggressive behavior and whining.
If you really want to try your hand at Domming, then the next time he pulls any crap on you, tell him that as a consequence of his behavior (specify it), he gets no contact from you for a week. Next time he does it, tell him the same thing but make it two weeks. And STICK TO IT. Eventually he'll be forced to choose between doing what you say and doing without contact for ever increasing amounts of time.
If you can't do that, you cannot control him.
OH this this this! As I read through the posts, I thought the same thing. YOu believe you are helping, but you are enabling. He wants you to do all the work to straighten his life. He has no respect for himself, you can do all the work, but gauranteed, even if you got all these things done for him, unless he changes his attitude, your work you did for him, will slide right down the tubes, cause he will have to maintain. Your work is doomed. You want to save him? You can't. He can only save himself. As long as he is getting sympathy, he will play the victim role. Tell your friend the hard truths. You can listen and suggest, but I wouldnt sympathize to much. He will continue with the "woos me" and quite frankly take full advantage of you and it will delay him seeing he has to do it himself.
You sound like a very nice young lady to me, just wanting to help your friend. I think its very sweet, really. But to me the hard truth is your friend is a leech who will drain your power. Tell him to gain his own power, and quit pulling off of yours!
Will it hurt your friend? Oh most likely, but you will be actually be doing him a favor in the long run.
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