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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 8:05:55 AM

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You probably already know the answer to this question... Yes, he played the cards you handed to him. You said you were submissive, so he ran with that, ran with the preconceived notions of what you were. He pushed sex and control. Is that dominance, or just taking advantage of the situation, who knows. You two never had the chance to set up a dynamic. It could be he is the manipulative, "asshole" type dominant (there are those out there). The big question is, are you comfortable being treated like that. There is a big difference between dominant and your dominant

(in reply to LadyLoveLay)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 3:20:58 PM

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You agreed to have sex with a guy you don't much like. Why? You're the one giving off mixed messages. He was clear from the start that all he wants from you is a booty call. You whine about him wanting it and then you give in. And yeah, I'd have kicked you out in the morning also. He doesn't know you, can't trust you to stay there after he's left. For all he knows you'll throw a party or rob the place.

Don't want to be treated like this, don't talk to guys who do this. It really is that simple. You are the only constant in all your relationships.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 5:33:33 PM

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quote:

It was me who had to take the train and yes i did feel like I was being kicked out, though I understand as it was at a friends house.

Why did you have sex at his friend's house and not his house? This should have clued you in that this was casual sex.

And if you didn't know ahead of time that it was a friend's house, perhaps you didn't know him well enough to be having sex with him.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 6:00:40 PM

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He's a tosser doing whatever he has to in order to get his dick wet. Pardon the vulgarity.

And now he has. So he will have alligator blood. Now he thinks he's on your "list" of guys who can do very little work to impress you and get laid. Your move, Hot Shot.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 6:30:40 PM

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He's thinking now "all I have to do is "bump" into her and she'll wanna fuck me again". Or, "If I give her a call or knock on her door at 3am she'll be so taken with me again, that she'll fuck me again even though she said she won't. She said she wouldn't before and did".

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:13:48 PM

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ok for those that asked, Yes we have spoken since, I have let him know about boundaries and we were suppose to do dinner tonight but I decided to go home and get some things together for school.

We were at a friends house because he was watching the dogs over night. He offered to walk me to the train but I was so peeved I just left.

Most men and women want sex, lets keep it real people. Having sex with him did not bother me at all, condoms work just find, what irked me was the lack of information and a few other things. Mind you sex didn't just happen, we have hung out and known each other for months before this. Well that night I was horny, this is not about him using me, I just didn't like the series of events and had a huh!? moment.

@ Seeking Thank you for looking at the full picture. I initially thought that my back and forth was not good and did not speak to him for months before we ran into each other again.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:30:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLoveLay

@ Seeking Thank you for looking at the full picture. I initially thought that my back and forth was not good and did not speak to him for months before we ran into each other again.

I looked at the information provided, and offered my honest opinion based upon that information. The choices you have, only you can make; because only you know the complete story. Condensing months into a few sentences isn't going to provide you the most appropriate advice towards any decisions you face.

Trust your instincts. That's the best advice I can provide you.

(in reply to LadyLoveLay)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:37:15 PM

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Well obviously it wasn't that bad since you are still hanging out with him. So I'm guess this wasn't really a problem for you then.

Alrighty then.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:38:34 PM

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So after a small convo with D I had to say goodbye.

Our conversation about boundaries left him confused " I dont know what this is about " in exact words, so I wash my hands.

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Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.
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(in reply to SeekingLTR40)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:47:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLoveLay

So after a small convo with D I had to say goodbye.

Our conversation about boundaries left him confused " I dont know what this is about " in exact words, so I wash my hands.

From what you have shared, I'd concur that you made the correct decision. There just "seemed" to be too much uncertainty there. Without your complete desire and trust, it was on shaky foundations to begin with.

You'll find something much more fulfilling, ultimately..... though you may cross paths witha few more toads before you find a complementary fit for you.

Best wishes.....

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 7:56:35 PM

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thank you Seeking !

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Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.
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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 8:02:49 PM

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Let me see if I got this more or less correct...

You met this guy and you liked him and you thought maybe he was dominant so you started talking about sex with him. Then he wanted to fuck you and you didn't want to fuck him. So you both call names at each other. So then the guy tells you that you should worry more about making him happy... even though I don't see much chemistry going on here at all. You agree and dump the other guy. Presumably time passes during which time this flip-flopping and name calling continues along with him wanting to fuck you and you not wanting to fuck him. So then you run into the guy and he starts touching you inappropriately so you decide to fuck him. Then he wakes you up and sends you on your way. He offers to walk you to the train but flouncing off seemed more appropriate to you.

Then you come here and try to explain this to all of us who are, for the most part, baffled utterly. Happily, you clear up all our confusion in post #26 by informing us that you were horny. You also had a long talk about boundaries and set up a dinner date (with the guy who needs to be reminded about boundaries that you like to fuck). 20 minutes later you've had another conversation with the guy and you decided to leave him because he's confused.

Does that about sum it up? Because seriously I need to tell you that I'm pretty damned confused too. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and guess I'm not the only one. Maybe I can try to get down to the important points.

You wanted to fuck him.
He wanted to fuck you.
You both fucked.
You didn't like the way he treated you (but you sort of did)
So you had a long boundary discussion with him while setting up a dinner date.
He got confused so you dumped him.

Is that really correct?

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 11/28/2012 8:05:20 PM >

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 8:10:35 PM

poise

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What?

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 8:11:34 PM

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Why am I starting to feel like her kink is drama??

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(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 8:25:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Let me see if I got this more or less correct...

You met this guy and you liked him and you thought maybe he was dominant so you started talking about sex with him. Then he wanted to fuck you and you didn't want to fuck him. So you both call names at each other. So then the guy tells you that you should worry more about making him happy... even though I don't see much chemistry going on here at all. You agree and dump the other guy. Presumably time passes during which time this flip-flopping and name calling continues along with him wanting to fuck you and you not wanting to fuck him. So then you run into the guy and he starts touching you inappropriately so you decide to fuck him. Then he wakes you up and sends you on your way. He offers to walk you to the train but flouncing off seemed more appropriate to you.

Then you come here and try to explain this to all of us who are, for the most part, baffled utterly. Happily, you clear up all our confusion in post #26 by informing us that you were horny. You also had a long talk about boundaries and set up a dinner date (with the guy who needs to be reminded about boundaries that you like to fuck). 20 minutes later you've had another conversation with the guy and you decided to leave him because he's confused.

Does that about sum it up? Because seriously I need to tell you that I'm pretty damned confused too. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and guess I'm not the only one. Maybe I can try to get down to the important points.

You wanted to fuck him.
He wanted to fuck you.
You both fucked.
You didn't like the way he treated you (but you sort of did)
So you had a long boundary discussion with him while setting up a dinner date.
He got confused so you dumped him.

Is that really correct?

quote:

et me see if I got this more or less correct...

You met this guy and you liked him and you thought maybe he was dominant so you started talking about sex with him. Then he wanted to fuck you and you didn't want to fuck him. So you both call names at each other. So then the guy tells you that you should worry more about making him happy... even though I don't see much chemistry going on here at all. You agree and dump the other guy. Presumably time passes during which time this flip-flopping and name calling continues along with him wanting to fuck you and you not wanting to fuck him. So then you run into the guy and he starts touching you inappropriately so you decide to fuck him. Then he wakes you up and sends you on your way. He offers to walk you to the train but flouncing off seemed more appropriate to you.

Then you come here and try to explain this to all of us who are, for the most part, baffled utterly. Happily, you clear up all our confusion in post #26 by informing us that you were horny. You also had a long talk about boundaries and set up a dinner date (with the guy who needs to be reminded about boundaries that you like to fuck). 20 minutes later you've had another conversation with the guy and you decided to leave him because he's confused.

Does that about sum it up? Because seriously I need to tell you that I'm pretty damned confused too. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and guess I'm not the only one. Maybe I can try to get down to the important points.

You wanted to fuck him.
He wanted to fuck you.
You both fucked.
You didn't like the way he treated you (but you sort of did)
So you had a long boundary discussion with him while setting up a dinner date.
He got confused so you dumped him.

Is that really correct?

Normally I ignore such back and forth's but I feel perhaps you are looking for a straight talk.

No your not correct. We met and hung out many times before any talk about D/s happened and there was never any conversation about sex during that time.
It was clear there was a mutual attraction from first meeting, and once again, no talk of sex. No name calling occurred at that point, except him calling me a prude for not wanting to give the BJ.

Wrong again my friend, when he told me I should worry about making him happy, I DELETED his contact and did not speak to him for 3 months. I never dumped anyone for another person or cheated.

We were suppose to have dinner and drink as I got off work early I decided to head home and relax, we had a brief conversation about boundaries when I got home and when he didn't seem to be getting it, I told him things wont work between us.

You do sound quite confused, not sure what to do with that one.

_____________________________

Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.
Lao Tzu

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 9:06:13 PM

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It's a public board. Feel free to ignore me. There's even a little hide thingie just under my avatar to assist. Yes. M definitely confused even after your clarification so I'll just hope someone else can make some sense of this. Conveniently this has all resolved anyway so there's no real need for further advice.

Really and sincerely, I hope you find whatever it is your looking for here.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyLoveLay)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 9:14:46 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLoveLay
It was clear there was a mutual attraction from first meeting, and once again, no talk of sex. No name calling occurred at that point, except him calling me a prude for not wanting to give the BJ.

Pardon me, but if you don't consider discussing a blow job the same as discussing sex, you must not be doing them right.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 9:16:00 PM

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Well I'm more confused than ever now.

No name calling or sex talk but yet called you a prude for not giving him a bj....I guess bjs are not sex and the word prude is not name calling. Good to know.

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RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 9:25:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLoveLay
It was clear there was a mutual attraction from first meeting, and once again, no talk of sex. No name calling occurred at that point, except him calling me a prude for not wanting to give the BJ.

Pardon me, but if you don't consider discussing a blow job the same as discussing sex, you must not be doing them right.

Poise not everyone sucks like a dyson!

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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(in reply to poise)

RE: Why do I feel confused? - 11/28/2012 9:50:11 PM

poise

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Alas, it ain't easy living in a world surrounded by hoovers.

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