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Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:11:11 PM

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I have been in this relationship for 10 years, He has been incarcerated for seven years I need help keeping my head straight. The dynamics are weak, I have become so bogged down with everyday pressures. I need suggestions to bring O/our relationship back to health.

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:17:39 PM

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Please tell me he's your husband of twenty years and the father of your six children, and he was wrongfully convicted of a crime he didn't commit.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 12/6/2012 6:19:52 PM >

(in reply to ItalianBella)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:18:22 PM

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When does he get out?

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RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:32:34 PM

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He and I have been together for ten years and he has the possibility of getting out next year. I simply want to know some things I can do to make this better. Im burnt out.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:36:30 PM

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No shocker you're tired of throwing money, time & energy down a bottomless pit where maybe possibly in a year or so you MIGHT get some benefit. Ditch the albatross & his other girls sending him money & go to a munch. Having someone around to actually enjoy play with should lighten the mood.

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(in reply to ItalianBella)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:42:20 PM

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From: United States
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Unfortunately, I'm not going to be any help. I can't comprehend being in a D/s relationship with someone that has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

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RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:42:33 PM

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quote:

he has the possibility of getting out next year.

If he serves his full sentence, when will he get out?

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(in reply to ItalianBella)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 6:59:53 PM

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He will be released in 4 more years if he is made to serve out. And I understand all the responses but my time invested keeps me from simply walking away. I know the cons in this list... there are far more cons then pros and I know odds are against me on so many levels but If I walk away I dont want it to be simply because he is not here.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:06:58 PM

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Just some general life advice here. Your decisionmaking standards are f'd up.

(in reply to ItalianBella)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:12:17 PM

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Geeze looking at your profile the list against is longer than I imagined!
Staying in BFE kentucky waiting for a man you married I assume not long before he went to prison? Slave to this person as well. 2 or more jobs presumably because you got stuck with the legal bills as well as your own survival.
Ok I have to ask...what daily benefit do you derive from this arrangement? I mean sticking around mastering yourself & providing for him 7 years must have a motivation that escapes me.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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(in reply to ItalianBella)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:14:29 PM

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Any chance you were married so that you wouldn't have to testify against him?

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:18:02 PM

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quote:

If I walk away I dont want it to be simply because he is not here.

What about for the crime for which he was sentenced to 11 years in prison?

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RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:18:33 PM

Posts: 14415
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Geeze looking at your profile the list against is longer than I imagined!
Staying in BFE kentucky waiting for a man you married I assume not long before he went to prison? Slave to this person as well. 2 or more jobs presumably because you got stuck with the legal bills as well as your own survival.
Ok I have to ask...what daily benefit do you derive from this arrangement? I mean sticking around mastering yourself & providing for him 7 years must have a motivation that escapes me.

Not to mention that if he got a minimum of 12 years, it wasn't something minor. That means that his decision making skills are seriously fucked up and he made a decision that what ever that what ever he was doing was important than his family.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:28:23 PM

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Geeze looking at your profile the list against is longer than I imagined!
Staying in BFE kentucky waiting for a man you married I assume not long before he went to prison? Slave to this person as well. 2 or more jobs presumably because you got stuck with the legal bills as well as your own survival.
Ok I have to ask...what daily benefit do you derive from this arrangement? I mean sticking around mastering yourself & providing for him 7 years must have a motivation that escapes me.

Not to mention that if he got a minimum of 12 years, it wasn't something minor. That means that his decision making skills are seriously fucked up and he made a decision that what ever that what ever he was doing was important than his family.

Profile has big thug pics all over, assuming one is mister. My vote is drugsn murder or both. This is one of those stockholm things of a flavor I've never seen.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:29:38 PM

tj444

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so lets say you wait another year or 4.. then when he finally gets out, he screws up again and is caught and goes back to jail again.. How many years are you willing to waste by waiting?

You dont want to walk away cuz he isnt there.. but he was the one that did whatever it was to get thrown in jail for 10 or so years.. he did that knowing if he was caught & sentenced, that he wouldnt be there for you.. That would be a deal breaker for most women the day he was sentenced..

I know of no way to make a toxic relationship healthy so I have no suggestions there..

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RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 7:36:08 PM

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Toxic relationship is definitely the key term here.

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 8:11:54 PM

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Joined: 5/19/2007
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FR~

Walking away from -what-? He's in prison. He's a convicted criminal. You don't have to stop caring about him but for god sakes why have you stopped caring about yourself? Do what's best for YOU. He certainly didn't. He's not going to get out and suddenly take great care of you, he clearly didn't even have the right life skills to look after his own life.

Go look for a life, and a life partner that will bring you happiness, healthiness, and prosperity, not heartache.

(in reply to Baroana)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 8:15:51 PM

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Joined: 9/6/2012
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So, he has been imprisoned for 75% of your relationship? I know you want ways to bring your relationship back to life but...realistically that is not going to happen. In the best case scenario even...you all have been separated for so long you would have to start over from scratch. It is hard to know when to cut bait. It is hard to know when to stop throwing good money after bad but doing it today is easier than tomorrow. You can't come up with ways to resecitate because it is too far gone, you are depressed because your mind knows what your heart doesn't want to admit--you have lost him (if he is in jail...I think you are lucky) and you need to forge a new path.

(in reply to Baroana)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/6/2012 9:18:37 PM

SacredDepravity

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Joined: 8/6/2012
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I didn't even know where to begin to respond to this post, but these ladies have it well. He made a piss poor life choice that placed burdens on you that no credible leader would ever place on their subordinate. Much less his wife and any additional family members. This is not D/s. This is dysfunctional. Leave while it is easy to do.

SD

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

RE: Incarcerated partner - 12/7/2012 12:10:15 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

There is absolutely nothing anyone here can say to help you. If the only reason you are still hanging on is b/c you have time invested, well, what can I say?

You know the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response? You've spent seven years doing this, so you won't change now.

Of course you're burnt out, any tool calling himself a dominant that expects a female to 'serve' him while he's in prison is well...a tool. And you're an idiot for agreeing to it. I don't care if this guy is your husband and is the father of your children (or some of your children).

(BTW: Those kids, what kind of example are you setting for them?)

Women get to draw the line at assholishness and bad behavior and say enough is enough. I suppose you'll do that when you're ready. Or not.

It's hard to care one way or the other with someone so hell bent on destroying their life. Here's a clue for free: thugs are not dominants. They're just thugs.

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(in reply to ItalianBella)

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