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names - 11/6/2004 4:59:58 PM

Posts: 278
Joined: 10/20/2004
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Ok finding out new things, i got a message and the person kept calling me an "it"...no i didn't like being called an it lol...I was just wondering if there was anyone out there that didn't like being called a certain name. I felt rather offended by being referred to as an it..am I wrong in feeling that way? Guess i should tell him that it offended me too huh? Thanks for all replys in advance.

RE: names - 11/6/2004 5:06:29 PM

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline

Hmmm, maybe he was testing you for humiliation. I would definitely tell him you are offended. Always go by your first instincts; female intuition will not let you down.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/6/2004 6:19:14 PM

Posts: 116
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

He may be into objectification...did you read his profile to see if he was? Yes telling him that it offended you is the best thing to do.

(in reply to sweetpleaser)

RE: names - 11/6/2004 6:36:40 PM

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Joined: 9/9/2004
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Dehumanization is a common aspect of humiliation play. Some folks dig it, some folks don't, but in general, if they start doing that sort of thing before you consent to sub for them, I say don't even bother with being polite about it. Tell them to go take a flying leap into their toybox and block them.

Then again, I have been known to be a bit overzealous in protecting personal boundaries.

I'm not a big fan of verbal humiliation, as a rule. It hits a few too many "real world" defensive triggers, and when I'm having a little play time, suddenly suffering a flashback of being forced to the playground pavement and getting the snot beaten out of me by a bunch of jackasses is not going to help me relax. I like my fantasies grounded in very unreal fantasy, thank you very much. Life sucks enough without hitting the instant replay button.

That is, however, a point of preference on my part. I know a lot of folks who seriously dig verbal humiliation. As part of a long term scene, I don't mind being reduced to "it" (no painful memories there), but it certianly does nothing for me, either. I am still me, whether or not anyone else chooses to acknowledge that fact, so the emotional impact of being reduced to an object is kind of lost.

If you don't like being an "it", you should list that as a soft limit when negotiating with a top, or at least bring up the fact that it is not one of your personal turn-ons as part of pre-scene negotiations. We all have our personal squick, and there is no dishonor in admitting that fact.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/6/2004 9:11:33 PM

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Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

Unless the two of you have agreed to have some sort of relationship or play, and you have agreed to be submissive to him, he has no right to engage in any objectification play at all. Do not be shy about telling him so. Perhaps I am a bit picky about those who wish to take liberties without permission.

I am not much into objectification and humiliation - but many people like it. I like for fantasy to be just that - fantasy, not ghosts from my past. And I want it to be fun - humiliation is not that for me.

newflowers

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/6/2004 9:30:37 PM

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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"Dude"

That one always gets my ass hairs up.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to newflowers)

RE: names - 11/6/2004 10:34:48 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I had a potential play partner who wanted to refer to me by a number.

When I was younger I did a lot of research into the holocaust. While I am not Jewish nor have no close friends/relatives who are survivors, my study profoundly shaped my current worldview. Being addressed as a number refers me back to that and makes me feel incredibly yucky.

Said person couldn't accept that the number made me feel that way, wasn't willing to modify the form of address, so never became a for-real play partner.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: names - 11/7/2004 4:05:53 PM

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Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

My biggest problem is being called by anything except my name, unless it is a loving nickname given to me by someone that I know well. My name is the last thing I won that mother gave to me, so I hold onto it for dear life.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: names - 11/7/2004 4:06:54 PM

Posts: 34
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

Sorry, I clicked on the wrong button. I meant to respond to blushes4u.

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/9/2004 9:58:06 PM

Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I felt rather offended by being referred to as an it..am I wrong in feeling that way? Guess i should tell him that it offended me too huh?

No, you are not wrong in feeling that way. It is your feeling so it is automatically valid. Yes, you should tell him. Communications is critical. Making assumptions on what someone meant by a word or phrase without asking for clarification has led to many unnecessary ill feelings (or worse). Get clarification. Maybe he has a cute, playful meaning associated with "it." If not then make it clear you prefer a different pronoun or better yet a more attractive nickname for you.

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/10/2004 4:40:23 AM

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
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I've never been called "IT" but i talked to couple Doms who referred to me as "girl" which i am a girl but they knew my name and it drove me nuts! *grins* These were not Doms in which i submitted to in anyway but i hated to be called just "girl". needless to say these 2 Doms did not keep my attention very long but i should of explained my feelings to them about being called "girl" and then maybe i would have found something wonderful in one of them... *shrugs*

So my advice if you like this Dom otherwise i would explain how you feel being called "it" and see what happens from there. Honesty is always the best way to go *grins*

Now watch me get 10 e-mails today and be called "girl" in them all!

quote:

"Dude"

That one always gets my ass hairs up.
~Thorns

*LOL* My daughter has started on the "dude" thing and i hate to hear it!! It sounds horrible -- dude this, dude that.. ughhh

JMO
~jenn~

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/10/2004 4:59:21 AM

Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

It always amazes me when people in the lifestyle assume that because you are a sub they seem to have this feeling that you are not worthy of basic human respect. This is a personal pet peeve of mine!

I am a human being first get to know me, then and only then can we decide to move forward and i will submit. I still would not ever want to be called it.

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/10/2004 5:08:51 AM

Posts: 20
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline

My tendency would be to show respect to people first, especially in this lifestyle.

For instance on the home page here, there is the profile of I assume a random person who is a member. I read it and found out she was a sub and owned. Even though I loved her profile and it had alot of meaning to me I was hesitant to send her a 'quick message' due to disrepect of her master and to her directly.

Whether being Dom or submissive doesn't matter, there should be a level of respect which the SSC offers as the foundation to the lifestyle itself.

I can understand probing to see what a person's needs are but that is a little abrassive and most disrespectful in my opinion.

(in reply to theroebabe)

RE: names - 11/10/2004 5:22:37 AM

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Joined: 6/18/2004
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Probably the most detested name that will make me rear up and at least ponder the possibility of slitting a throat at that moment would be: "Stupid"

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

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(in reply to blushes4u)

RE: names - 11/13/2004 3:08:49 AM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Personally I'd have laughed in his face. I understand that you might have a problem with reacting that way. But, anyone who tries to depersonalize you BEFORE having your agreement isn't someone you owe any respect.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to blushes4u)

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