RE: Levels Of Submissives

RE: Levels Of Submissives (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Bearlee -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:34:32 AM)
Okay...just to be absolutely correct in my statements...it was amayos (who mentioned this in the Obedience thread) who was referring to ‘levels’ of servitude. He said: quote: ORIGINAL: amayos … It is a matter of degree, not what is right and what is wrong. I very much enjoyed his comments; feisty…just wanted you to know I was not referring to a post of yours; in case that bothered you. beverly

kyraofMists -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 11:47:58 AM)
Like many others here, I speak my mind and can be rather blunt and direct at times. I have a stubbornness and temper that rivals my Lord's; it makes for some rather intense discussions between us. By intense I do not mean yelling, cursing, insulting; it is just emotionally and mentally intense. The discussion is very direct and honest with the goal of bringing us closer together. During those times, alandra sits quietly waiting for the opportune moment to nudge us along a path to resolve the issue. Even in those times, though, I don't forget who has the authority in our relationship. He gives me a direct order and it is obeyed. The dynamic does not go out the window just because I am angry or upset. Alandra and I also have an extremely sarcastic and sometimes biting wit. We give it free reign when it is appropriate. It is not uncommon for her and I to gang up on our Lord. Our motto is "If he is laughing, then we can't get in trouble". Typically, we express this side of ourselves when we are in private or among a small group of friends. At a formal lifestyle gathering, you will not see that side of us except during play, and it will be very rare for us to express it here in a public forum. One of the challenges of message boards is that you only see the words; you end up missing so much information that is beneficial to effective communication. Body language and tone of voice play an important part in understanding and being understood. There are several posters that I have a hard time comprehending their intent. My thoughts and opinions are based only on words that they write and posts on a message board give a very limited picture of what someone is like. Knight's kyra - MofGa, thank you for the compliment.

juliaoceania -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 12:30:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Alandra and I also have an extremely sarcastic and sometimes biting wit. We give it free reign when it is appropriate. It is not uncommon for her and I to gang up on our Lord. Our motto is "If he is laughing, then we can't get in trouble". Typically, we express this side of ourselves when we are in private or among a small group of friends. At a formal lifestyle gathering, you will not see that side of us except during play, and it will be very rare for us to express it here in a public forum. One of the challenges of message boards is that you only see the words; you end up missing so much information that is beneficial to effective communication. Body language and tone of voice play an important part in understanding and being understood. There are several posters that I have a hard time comprehending their intent. My thoughts and opinions are based only on words that they write and posts on a message board give a very limited picture of what someone is like. Knight's kyra - MofGa, thank you for the compliment. You are so right! Someone's body language and tone of voice and manner can be totally submissive even when words are direct! Humor is necessary in any type of longterm situation I would want to embark upon. It can smooth many ruffled feathers and draw you closer to those you care for.

slavejali -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 2:31:42 PM)
I think there are definately levels of submission, however I think those levels are just realised by the individual submissive as they journey along and there cant really be a check-off list that applies universally. I know when I think about myself, I've grown as a submissive or slave over the years and with that I've realised deeper levels of my submissive nature. Yet, its not really in how I've "acted" as to what has determined the level of submission I've been playing out...more an inner awareness that my submissive nature is consciously communicating externally on a more profound level...like I've realised over time what it means to literally "give over" and that realisation is reflected in the level of submission I am able to offer. Someone years ago shared with me something, which I think about from time to time regarding submission, he was talking about martial arts. He told me it takes at least 21 years to actually become a martial arts Master. First seven years is learning the movements. Yes, by that time, you will know how to "look" like a martial artist. Second set of seven years is spent with the attitude of " hey I know everything there is to know about martial arts". A time when you kinda get full of yourself. Third set of 7 years is a period of realising, you dont know a bloody thing and your experience of martial arts becomes more subtle and profound. I could look back at my submission and see those stages and I do see those stages as levels.

KnightofMists -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 3:22:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali I think there are definately levels of submission, however I think those levels are just realised by the individual submissive as they journey along and there cant really be a check-off list that applies universally. are they really levels? I wonder. I see a person's growth much like traveling the roads. There is many ways to get from New York to Los Angeles. Which road do you take... what do you see along the way. so often we want to take that direct route and we find ourself in Miami... ok so we are going along the coast but then we are in Chicago. Others may never see Miami or Chicago. You may never see Nashville or Seattle. Are these these experiences new levels. or is it just our continue evolution of learning and growth in our self-awareness, acceptance and actualization. Levels has the implication that there is a defined starting point and a defined end point. But, really are we really set on a specific goal. Is Los Angeles the actual goal. Seems to me the start in this life time is our birth and the end point is our death. Do we choose where we start or what we start with? Do we choose when we are done? Are we always set upon a specific place to get to our entire lives... or maybe we just wish to travel road well. Visiting one place can often propel us to visit another place. I am not so sure that we go from level to level with each being higher than the last. It seems to me that we evolve annd our choices can take is forward or backward in our growth and learning. There is no straight path upward to some eventual pinnicple of self-enlightenment. So often I here people speak of a failure or time of crisis being of significance to them. A time that had major affect on their life and their growth. Sometimes a step backwards is what we need the most. Sometimes a path leads us to a dead end we need to turn around and make a different choice, the strong ones do!

Oumae -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 3:47:28 PM)
I'm not fond of the use of the term "levels" either. I think as trust and the bond deepen so can the committement and expression of same between the people involved in the relationship. I like a strong sub, one who is happy within themselves. I like to feel that I inspire their submission to me rather than it just being because I say I am a Domme. I'm not much into having to shout either, they submit because they want to and because the connection between us feels right. Oumae

Proprietrix -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 5:04:08 PM)
I don’t particularly want a doormat. I certainly don’t want a bratty sam. If I had to choose between those two, I’d go with the doormat. If a doormat was a 1 and a bratty sam was a 10, I’d be really content at about a 3-4. I’m not looking for challenges when it comes to relationships. I have plenty enough challenges in life without my personal relationships being a challenge as well. I’m looking for calmness and serenity. I like routine, and ritual. I like consistency. I like protocol and etiquette. I have a very difficult time finding that sort of peaceful and tranquil power exchange with submissives who are feisty or mouthy or loud or constantly wanting to challenge my authority or dare me to prove my uber-dominance as the one who can "conquer" them. I’m simply not up for taming wild cats and taking the helm of a loose cannon. That amount of time and energy is better spent on my efforts to change the injustices of the world, not on trying to calm down my partner in our home. I could not handle a submissive who can only show decorum and respect to me. I expect mine to address my Dominants friends and peers by Ma’am and Sir, and serve them their drinks, and be pleasing and of service to others as well as myself. I want them to constantly bear in mind that how they present themselves is a direct reflection on me. Now that being said… I do not have any kind of problem with "feisty" submissives who are not in my collar. I think they often are very adept at bringing "general submissive issues" (for lack of a better generalization) to the forefront in the BDSM community at large. I think they do an exceptionally great job at organizing events, and keeping groups running, and they are very charismatic gatekeepers who generally welcome in newcomers with lots of smiles and hugs. I don’t view them in any sort of negative light at all. They just aren’t a good fit for my particular collar because of the way I prefer D/s dynamics in my relationships and my home.

BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 6:09:35 PM)
I've taken time to think this thread over MoGa. And i'm not really sure if there is levels of submission. I'm not saying there is... or not ...just saying I do not know. I know I do not have levels of my submission. Correction....as I see it. I correct this statement because of a Dom sitting next to me reading these threads. I've been submitting to Roy for about just over 2 months now. One of the 3 that i've been seeing. And he (Roy) thinks that because of my freedom of not being under one persons ownership... that is why he sees me as having levels. Different levels for the different ones I serve... as they command me while in their company. But he states that while under his... my level waves more.. that it has with others. Because he and I both know there will never be any ownership. So there for... we treat each other differently. Yes we're friends.. but while he's in my home.. he's my dom.. not my friend. He is my friend while in the company of my girls.... he's also considered by the girls as the "Other parental unit " of the home. His word is final... while he's here. And depending on what he finalized.... continues while he's away. Now he also understands.. my home.. my kids.. my say..if I tell him..out of ear shot of others... I do not think so... he'll just give me a look that states... talk to me... and I do.. he either agrees... or stands down..and lets me handle it. I mostly let his final word stand. If while he's gone during the week.. and I need to change it..I call him.. if can't reach him.. I make a choice... and deal with it when he returns on fridays. (Sucks dating active duty military sometimes..LOL) This is where he feels my levels come in (yes he dislikes the word level as well) Because he doesn't "own" my submission on a 24/7 time frame.... he knows..I'll do what I have to do...pertaining to my situation.... when I have to. Also... because of knowing of the other doms I submit to as well... he knows.. sometimes.... i'm on different (ugh) levels of submission. And he says luckily he's around more than they are...so he can monitor my changes better. So like I said... all though I don't see levels.. I guess some do. And in me as well... I don't think of it as levels.. I think of it more as... trying to remember if I am submitting to one.. or the other..because they all 3 expect different things from me. Excellent thread... thanks again for the thinker... hugggsss... Jessica

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 6:42:06 PM)
Thank god Doms choose the kind of sub they want. Cause otherwise a whole lot of subs/slaves would never find a Dom. Myself included.

slavejali -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 7:11:11 PM)
quote: Original: KnightofMists are they really levels? As far as I have experienced it, yes. I guess when I say levels, I'm not talking about the outward personality, I think that has little to do with submission, after-all we can all 'act:' the part...and submissives come with all types of personalities....I think submission itself is an inner thing and its reflected in the D/s dynamic that plays out with our partner...and we do experience levels of it as our relationship grows and the days and weeks and months and years go on.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 7:40:48 PM)
I agree, slavejali. When I think of "levels," I think of them within myself. Levels of my own depths of submission that I reach, over time.

SirDaniel -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:07:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa Dominants: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why? Hopefully this post wont turn into a flame-for-all like so many others lately :) Edited to switch the Switches Lola Edited for bandwidth. MOGA, Is it OK if I call you that? I like a slave that is true to who she is. I have had slaves that are very subservient and others that I had to use a wrestling take down move on them to get their attention. I actually like both but, could not take either one of the extremes on a 24/7 basis. I like a slave that is a little of both at times and always herself. I do not wish to break the spirit, THAT is what draws me to find a slave attractive. I owned a slave once who was a senior vice president of a global fortune 10 company. Limo picked her up for work and everything. When she came to me she was the most subservient slave that a Master could wish for.

Sinergy -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:23:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee … and, I absolutely loved Sinergy’s analogy with his dog. I wonder if, because the dog came when he was called…one would consider it a ‘doormat’? It seems to me these several threads have been more about refusal to ‘come when called’ than the boisterousness of a bright, inquisitive submissive. It seems to me that if I had a dog, I’d expect it to come when I called it… Hello A/all, I have trained a few dogs. The thing about training dogs (and I have had this argument with many people) is that a dog is, first and foremost, a dog. It has a certain set of parameters it was installed with. Submission to the alpha male, Dominance to the beta members of it's group, etc. They make noise. They sniff crotches. When they love something they will do whatever they can to protect it. They want to chase cats. People, in my experience, tend to anthropomorphize their dog. My dog always does X. My dog is Y. Where X and Y are human traits. I train my dogs to come when called. Most of the time they do. Sometimes they dont. When they dont, a little research on my part soon allows me to discover the dog had treed a cat, was stuck on a barbed wire fence, had a puppy to molest, or couldnt get the surfer it was trying fetch back to the beach in a timely manner. Which is not to say that submissives are dogs. I dont consider myself all-knowing and omnipotent. I am in a relationship with this person for my own learning and growth, as well as for hers. What I do firmly believe is that a submissive does what she does for me because she wants to do it, she respects the dynamic, etc. If she does not do what I want her to do, I dont immediately jump on the punitive bandwagon and get angry with her. First thing I want to do is find out WHY she is being contrary. I dont want to assume she is trying to cause me grief with her behavior. An analogy from raising children comes to mind; There is a reason the baby is crying. Search long enough and one can find the reason, fix it, and the baby will stop crying. I lived this with two babies for several years, and I cannot recall a time where there was not something causing the baby to cry. Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy

Sinergy -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:33:38 PM)
Hello A/all, I had another thought about several submissives I helped out in the past.At the time, these two had shared with me that people were either stalking them online, or in 2 cases, in real life. I generally told my friends to let the people stalking them know that they were not allowed to talk to Dominants without my permission. I lost my back-off on saying pretty much anything years ago when I was first learning what I do. Most of those I offered this to did actually say this to the person stalking them. In all cases the stalking behaviors ended. In none of the cases did the CHUDWAH ever call and ask me if it was alright to talk to the submissive. The amusing thing is that I would simply have said it was ok if they would show her a modicum of respect until such time as a further dynamic was initiated. Abusive behavior only exists as a furtive, secretive activity. Just me, etc. Sinergy

BitaTruble -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:49:31 PM)
quote: Submissives/Slaves/Switches: Would you ever feel comfortable being this type of submissive? Why? I don't think of myself as particularly feisty but I do have the desire to entertain Himself and make him laugh which others might view as somewhat feisty if they don't understand the dynamic under which we thrive. I know where the line is drawn and I don't cross it ... on purpose. I can't say that I'm all that much of a challenge either. I do what I'm expected to do when I'm expected to do it and given a directive, I follow it as quickly and completely as I can. Himself and I have found one of the keys to the success of our relationship is how much we laugh together. We tease one another, we banter, poke and joke and generally have a hell of a good time just being around one another. If that equates to feisty, then feisty it is.. but the underlying relationship is one of ultimate authority and we both know who has the power and control and who doesn't. If I think I'm getting to the edge of the line, I pull back.. if I miscalculate and cross it, he pulls me back. I do not feel comfortable causing him any sort of distress as it's my place to make things easier for him. I do this much better now than I used to, so I've grown. Hopefully, I'll continue to grow as long as I continue to breath and he'll continue to keep me because he wants the slave which I am and have the potential to become for him. Celeste

ownedgirlie -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 8:59:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy What I do firmly believe is that a submissive does what she does for me because she wants to do it, she respects the dynamic, etc. If she does not do what I want her to do, I dont immediately jump on the punitive bandwagon and get angry with her. First thing I want to do is find out WHY she is being contrary. I dont want to assume she is trying to cause me grief with her behavior. An analogy from raising children comes to mind; There is a reason the baby is crying. Search long enough and one can find the reason, fix it, and the baby will stop crying. I lived this with two babies for several years, and I cannot recall a time where there was not something causing the baby to cry. I really like what you said here. This was one of the things I noticed right away with my Master, and which began my deepened trust in him. I was so accustomed to being berated for errors in judgment and disobedience, and the first time I blew it with him, just a couple of months into my service to him, I expected the worst. I was really surprised when he took the time to investigate and analyze WHY I misjudged. He dug into my mind to learn exactly what I was thinking and feeling at the time, so he could understand where the problem came from. How could he prevent it from happening again, otherwise? Sure there were always consequences for lack of judgment, but the important thing was his desire to understand the problem behind the problem.

elsie -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 9:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali I think there are definately levels of submission, however I think those levels are just realised by the individual submissive as they journey along and there cant really be a check-off list that applies universally. I know when I think about myself, I've grown as a submissive or slave over the years and with that I've realised deeper levels of my submissive nature. Yet, its not really in how I've "acted" as to what has determined the level of submission I've been playing out...more an inner awareness that my submissive nature is consciously communicating externally on a more profound level...like I've realised over time what it means to literally "give over" and that realisation is reflected in the level of submission I am able to offer. I could look back at my submission and see those stages and I do see those stages as levels. slavejali, I agree with your definition and the way you apply it to your progression. For myself, when I first realized my submissive nature I would have never dreamed I would be where I am now. My devotion to my Mistress is surprizing even to me, I would do my best to do whatever she asked of me. On the other hand, I do have two male Doms Mistress allows me to "play" with, and I have to adapt to their styles. "D" I can be bratty with, making remarks (of course with Sir added on) climbing the rack, and just letting more of my playful brat out. "G" doesn't deal with brats, in any form and expects complete obidence(although we do get a few good giggles in now and then). Now would these be considered levels, degrees or just plain adapting?

BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/18/2006 9:38:29 PM)
Elsie.. that's what one of my doms refered to it as ...when reading your response... not so much levels... as degrees.. adapting to whom you are with at that time. Specially when others are in the mix.. not just one. But that's how we're looking at it.. other may not. Thanks for giving us another word to use other than level. Jessica

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/19/2006 5:45:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I was really surprised when he took the time to investigate and analyze WHY I misjudged. It's so sad when we're surprised by things that should simply be a part of the process.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Levels Of Submissives (6/19/2006 8:10:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDaniel quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa Dominants: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why? Hopefully this post wont turn into a flame-for-all like so many others lately :) Edited to switch the Switches Lola Edited for bandwidth. MOGA, Is it OK if I call you that? I like a slave that is true to who she is. I have had slaves that are very subservient and others that I had to use a wrestling take down move on them to get their attention. I actually like both but, could not take either one of the extremes on a 24/7 basis. I like a slave that is a little of both at times and always herself. I do not wish to break the spirit, THAT is what draws me to find a slave attractive. I owned a slave once who was a senior vice president of a global fortune 10 company. Limo picked her up for work and everything. When she came to me she was the most subservient slave that a Master could wish for. SirDaniel, Yes of course. It is just an abbreviation of my screen name, but thank you for asking <s> And thank you for responding as well.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125