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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/27/2012 8:59:14 PM

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Heh...we're so normal that I was talking to a friend of mine from grade school and telling her how we're such an old couple that he's usually in bed by 10pm at the latest and I usually follow him not much later unless my insomnia is acting up lol, and our idea of fun on a Friday night is watching a good movie together cuddled up on the couch. heh.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/27/2012 10:10:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I do understand LW, Jeff, Oside...that you all are pretty much "average" couples with mortgages, child care issues, what to do on Sat...

No No No! On SATURDAY we all go down into our secret bat caves and don our chaps and whatnot and do our super-sekret D/s things. Otherwise correct.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/27/2012 10:46:29 PM

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Don't mention chaps...some guy sent me a picture of himself wearing chaps...over pale blue boxer shorts....and a cowboy hat!

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/27/2012 11:29:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
Don't mention chaps...some guy sent me a picture of himself wearing chaps...over pale blue boxer shorts....and a cowboy hat!

shhhhhhhh! Sheez *looks around wildly*

Don't SAY stuff like that. Next thing you know poise is going to have me in chaps & carol's panties & a cowboy hat.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/27/2012 11:42:51 PM

SacredDepravity

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I'd pay money for that picture right now Jeff!

More seriously, it is the master's job to lead, maintain, and improve the property. I want more from him, but that is his job.

SD

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 12:26:24 AM

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Jeff's dog analogy hits pretty accurately for my Master and me as well.

My Master is responsible for...me, in my entirety. All my physical, emotional, and mental needs, everything. He owns me just as he would own any other animal as his pet--my life, as a whole, is his responsibility. It's a big thing to shoulder. Huge. But to him, that is love. And my love for him in return manifests itself as a responsibility to make my belonging to him enhance his life as best as possible.

Of course, our relationship looks pretty "normal" just like others have said. Despite the ownership and authority dynamic, we live in the real world just like everyone else, and to be honest that's the way we prefer it.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 5:18:13 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Fast reply because there are too many good comments and I can't decide who to respond to.

I find questions like this hard to answer. Maybe it's because I've been in this type of relationship my entire adult life, which means I'm not really qualified to make a comparison to 'vanilla'. Or maybe it's because my version of 'D/s' is 'lite', low protocol etc.

I can't separate out his responsibilities from my responsibilities. As I see it, in a serious relationship (and M/s is undeniably at the serious end of the spectrum) BOTH parties are equally responsible for the wellbeing of themselves, the other partner, and the relationship. We are both responsible for making sure the bills are paid, the baby is fed, we're happy, feel secure and loved, we're healthy, the car has fuel in it, our business is running smoothly and so on. If I'm sick, he cares for the baby. If he gets a migraine, you'll find me driving the forklift or contacting buyers or balancing the books so that our income is safe. If one of us is sad or worried, we both do what we can to alleviate that. Who does what at any time tends to ebb and flow. There have been times when I was the main or sole breadwinner. There have been times when he was the sole breadwinner. When a decision needs to be made, generally it is made by the person best placed to make that decision, albeit with input from both parties. All of this works so smoothly we barely think about it. I find it impossible to say these are Master's responsibilities, because just about everything comes under our shared team responsibility. The thing is, I can't imagine that being the tiniest bit different if we weren't D/s.

Ultimately, he has the final say, but in reality I know his decisions are always based on what's best for 'Team Us'. 98% of the time I would make the same decisions if I had to.

As Master, he has the right in our relationship to make demands which suit him. He can, if he wants, demand something entirely selfish. He can wake me up at 3am and send me out to buy ice cream. He can have me scrub the kitchen floor with a toothbrush just for giggles. He can have me spend hours playing a video game with him knowing that I find it boring and will probably get headaches. That's what I agreed to. So I suppose he has the responsibility not to abuse that power - to use it sparingly, and balance it with lots of kind and sensible decisions.

So in short - we both have the responsibility to keep our lives running as smoothly as we can and to treat each other decently. Within that, I have the responsibility to do as I'm told, and he has the responsibility to make sure the things he tells me to do don't conflict with the 'smooth and decent' rule. Sounds pretty boring, put like that.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 6:19:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
We all talk about what is expected of a slave/sub. I started wondering, what is expected of the master/Dom ?

For the master to know what he really wants, and that he wants to be a master.

A couple years ago, I was flirting/negotiating with a very intelligent woman who was looking for a longterm owner. We were talking about what we wanted of a relationship, both things we had achieved in the past and wanted to realize again, and things we would like to do that we had never done yet. Finally, she asked me, "Why do you need to own a woman to accomplish any of that? Couldn't you do all of that with a submissive girlfriend?"

Fair point. I realized that the type of ownership she wanted, where she would have extensive cage time, and be an object, a property, was not the dynamic I wanted. Mutual friendzone. We've kept in touch, incidentally. She's with someone now who is making her very happy.

Which kinks do you want to make real every day for the rest of your life, and which ones are great places to visit but you wouldn't want to live there?

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 6:44:42 AM

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I kind of posed this question as a thought provoker (I like to stir the pot!!!). The relationships where the commitment has gone to marriage, kids... & you have two responsible like minded adults building a life together..I kind of knew the answers. My concern or thoughts had come from the number of people who are seeking this arrangement but don't seem to recognize that there is a HUGE day to day responsibility to take on. Much like most of us wouldn't go out and have a baby so we could dress it up or show it off...we see the fact that there will be days when being that baby's parent will NOT be fun.

Athena-the Team Us is kind of how I see it as well. I would only agree to giving a total power exchange where I know that my safety and mental security are considered. To me, a slave will do whatever his/her master commands but no decent master would command his/her slave do something that would risk the slave. (you two must have a fun marriage..between the ice cream, scrubbing with tooth brush & playing video games!!)

Red Magic - I was trying to hit that very point as well. I think people need to acknowledge the worst case scenarios & then decide if they still want to go there every single day. Ultimately two sane balanced people are fine.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 7:12:02 AM

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The question supposes notions of the traditional household. Sadly/luckily modern living requires a more egalitarian approach. I can't remember who on this forum said it, but in response to a TPE slave relationship someone said: "Enjoy working 80 hour weeks so your slave can lounge by the pool and do a little laundry, Master." 24/7 relationships understand this, so it does not erode the D's dominance to have a submissive share in creating a household. Often, this kind of contribution can be seen as tribute.

What do I expect of a master? I expect a level of comfort with whatever they desire so that the submissive feels proper fulfilling that need. And communication skills. Nothing more. Everything else can be learned.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 7:12:32 AM

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I don't view it as "what is a Master's responsibility". I don't see myself as someone's responsibility; I prefer to see myself as someone's priority as he would be mine. But you need to have a realistic view given life's priorities and understand that there is an ebb and flow in all relationships.

I believe that a couple does things that work for the relationship, mutually.

We have individual responsibities for ourselves.

Our responsibilities to each other are to be honest, self aware, flexible, empathetic, supportive, loyal, communicative and caring.

Someone said earlier that a Master's words should match his actions; I expect that in any type of relationship.

I feel too many people have a flawed and unrealistic vision for what a BDSM relationship is like; it really is not 24/7 fantasy.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 9:27:58 AM

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What I personally expect from a dominant is honesty, respect and understanding, clear communication, and control of himself. Without these fundamental personality traits I fail to see how a D/s will work for me.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 9:34:35 AM

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The problem with these boards...you all are way to responsible and adult!!! Seriously, I became concerned when I saw a couple of young girl profiles (yes, I could tell they were real) which screamed to me "damaged". I was trying to bring forth a discussion to point out to many of these "seekers" that, like having a child or a pet, this can be fun, fulfilling..but it is a HELL of a lot of responsibility.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 9:49:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Don't mention chaps...some guy sent me a picture of himself wearing chaps...over pale blue boxer shorts....and a cowboy hat!

Be happy he at least left shorts on ?? Ass less chaps probably would have been scarier...eeewe mind just came up with cow sock puppet over junk as worse than nekkid

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 10:01:27 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

The problem with these boards...you all are way to responsible and adult!!! Seriously, I became concerned when I saw a couple of young girl profiles (yes, I could tell they were real) which screamed to me "damaged". I was trying to bring forth a discussion to point out to many of these "seekers" that, like having a child or a pet, this can be fun, fulfilling..but it is a HELL of a lot of responsibility.

Yes, it is a lot of responsibility...tell me something, do you see people in life to be generally seeking out of responsibility/accountability/encumbrances? I don't. I generally see people trying to avoid those things in favor of what is easier. Sometimes that is me too, I'll look for the easier road.

Overall I don't think that people are mindful of what being a Master or Dominant entails past the fun stuff because they don't want to know, it isn't something that they will do. They see the immediate rewards and that's about as far as it goes. It's human nature to a great degree.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 10:52:47 AM

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I find the "damaged" idea always interesting...I will take on newbie subs if I find them otherwise appealing. As you get deeper into "inspection of the new goods" inevitably there is some issue revealed that will change the initial plan a bit moving forward.

"True damaged goods" in my mind do "deserve a chance" as a responsible dominant may be their best hope of solving their issues & properly attending therapy...BUT the is it worth it card always seems to come up.

As for return on investment "is it worth it" sometimes it is, sometimes not so much. The way I reconcile this is if I have enjoyed a subs company & shown them new options then even if they don't ultimately stay mine it is for lack of a better term a charitable contribution to the universe. If the sub grows from the experience & enjoy myself as well then can it really be termed a waste of effort?

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 11:29:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I was trying to bring forth a discussion to point out to many of these "seekers" that, like having a child or a pet, this can be fun, fulfilling..but it is a HELL of a lot of responsibility.

You know, totally independently of any sort of BDSM dynamic thingamabob, one might say that engaging with humans in any way is a hell of a responsibility. I mean seriously... whether Carol is my slave or my wife or my employee we have a long term connection with a lot invested in it and we can both hurt each other deeply. I oft-times look at some of the insta-relationships and wonder at the wisdom of hitting each other on the head with a hammer. My own impression (and a reason I'm really glad we didn't get to this via the sex/porn/kink route) is that the BDSM porn roots basically have Carol as the poor, helpless, and oppressed slave girl. The fantasy roots are entirely unhealthy from the very beginning when applied to reality... which sadly an awful lot of people are inclined to do.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 11:35:33 AM

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~FRing it~

The most basic breakdown I can think of is that I have but a few responsibilities as a dominant female. Im just responsible for someone else's mental, emotional, and physical well-being when they tender themselves to my care. Which, if you think about it, is a HUGE responsibility. I learned a long time ago that it wasnt all about me and my wants/desires when it comes to my dominance. Dont get me wrong, I do get what I want and desire...otherwise whats the point of doing what it is I do?

The lesson I learned is that with power comes great responsibility...at least for me it does anyway. And this is just based on the way I approach D/s.

As far as "broken" types go, I too believe that everyone deserves a chance. But thats if I can honestly give them that chance or if Id end up doing more harm than good as far as their "brokenness" goes. Its a matter of knowing both your limitations and the limitations of the submissive in question.

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 6:28:29 PM

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To be forged by experience like a tree beaten by
the elements into something able to stand
dauntless against harsh reality.

In my eyes... In a slaves eyes I suppose he only
needs to be atleast, what she sees in him...
If he's not then she's not slave to the man, but a
fantasy.

-Aries

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RE: A Master's Responsibility - 12/28/2012 7:33:52 PM

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That's an interesting viewpoint Aries. I'd say it like this for Carol & I.

In my eyes I must be a worthy leader. When I fail my own measures I find myself struggling to lead.

In her eyes I must "measure up" in whatever way she keeps score.

In actuality I will never be the man Carol thinks I am. The effort makes me a better man than I'd otherwise be though. In that sense she is, in fact, "slave to a fantasy" just as I own a fantasy because I somehow suspect my own measure of Carol may be... uh... not entirely objective :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ARIES83)

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