RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=-

RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 1:14:20 AM)
I'm not Bambiboi but I definitely agree with that stance.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 1:28:25 AM)
^ I am seeing variations on that theme reinforced by the other replies... which I will get to in a minute.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 1:31:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality ..........I'd say the bottom line is don't get too hung up on how people classify themselves on profiles. A lot of times, people fill out profiles quickly and some of the answers are related to their mood at that moment. When you read the profile months later, their mood may have changed, but the profile hasn't. quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos I switch my profile back and forth between bi and straight depending on whether I'm feeling more honest or more irritated . . . Since there's no 'heteroflexible' or 'kinda gay-ish?' listing, those of us lurking in the gray area are left to either lie about it or attempt to carry across the fact that yes, we have been known to enjoy the company of ………. So it can be a “mood” thing? If CM had a 'heteroflexible' category, would it apply all the time no matter what mood or is it the mood difference between the two sites?

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 1:37:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"........... Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 1:45:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm going with different search engines. On CM, you can specifically look for someone by their sexual orientation, so listing as bisexual here brings a lot more crap email……….. That was something I wondered and one of the main questions in my mind when I posted this thread. I wondered if it was due to environmental differences between to the two sites. As I see from replies, Fet’s more flexible categories may be encouraging someone to click bi in the gradient scale that includes heteroflexible where at CM it is only 3 shades; black, gray or white. As both you and SylvereApLeanan mention, being bi at CM can bring a boat load of crap to your inbox where at Fet Life it is a social declaration not a dating filter. I suspect this may be the at the root difference in listings most often. Anyone out there listed as bi on Fet but lists straight here on CM to filter out unwanted mail?

lovethyself -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 4:29:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"........... Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions. RS, while heteroflexible is technically bisexual, in the context of writing an honest profile there is a difference. I list myself as bisexual on CM. I haven't really been on Fet, and I don't think I ever even finished fleshing out my profile there. If I could change my profile to heteroflexible, then I would. Not because I don't see myself as being bi, but because I am primarily looking for a Dom, but I am open to being with women. It would be more honest, and not give the wrong impression to those viewing it. If she isn't looking for a female partner, then I could understand her not wanting to list herself as bi here, even if she were open to playing with a women in the right situation.

SinFix -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 5:43:26 AM)
I had to check, but I am listed as Bi on both sites. Though I will say, even when my profile here was set up to attract others, I never got more mail because I listed Bi...

lovethyself -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 6:12:25 AM)
I'll admit SinFix, I had to check too. I think I've gotten a couple of messages from Dommes, but not a lot by any means. Just a question though. How would you know if the guys that messaged you would have still messaged you if you said that you were straight? Not trying to be arguementative. I'm genuinely curious.

SinFix -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 6:20:59 AM)
For a brief time I had a different profile, close to the one I had up with the name being almost exactly the same (created cause I had forgotten how to get into the this one, then figured it out so deleted the other) but on the other one I listed myself as straight. The ones that had messaged me before, messaged me again... Most of the guys that I talked to as potentials, most never even looked at my orientation until I had pointed out that I was Bi.. So I am honestly going on an assumption based on my experience, but I truly don't know..

lovethyself -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 6:29:37 AM)
No, that's exactly what I was wondering. Having only had the one profile, I wasn't sure if I would be able to tell who would message me if my orientation was different. So, thank you. Edited for spelling.

kalikshama -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 7:09:31 AM)
quote: Original: ResidentSadist Anyone out there listed as bi on Fet but lists straight here on CM to filter out unwanted mail? I am listed as bi on both fet and CM but not on date sites like OKCupid because of this: quote: Original: SpiritedRadiance Because listing yourself as Bi on Collarme invites the idiots who cant accept that bi doesnt mean poly... Or wanting of threesomes or... Any other stupidity the men display in spades.... On CM and fet I specify "I'm polyamorous, but need to be the alpha female, so won't be joining established couples."

Epytropos -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 7:47:08 AM)
It's not that I'm more bi or less bi depending on my mood, it's that I'm more or less HONEST depending on my mood. I switch it to hetero when I grow weary of explaining that I'm not looking for male partners, then back to bi when I experience a spontaneous bout of truthsomeness. My orientation is always the same (though naturally my interest level in a given gender does vary over time), it's just the listing that changes. If I kept up a fetlife account, that would require that my whim to switch it here be strong enough to go through and change it over there as well (or vice versa), which might well be forgotten, leading to a discrepancy.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 8:49:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions. I list as straight on CM and as heteroflexible on Fet. I'm open to women, but not nearly as interested in or drawn to them as I am to men, and I don't want to say "bi" and mislead anyone. A sock account I created on CM to browse the forums without being messaged by people who seem to watch me generated a crap ton of messages by listing myself as bi, even though I listed my age as 99!

UnholyBear -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 10:45:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"........... Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions. It's only been in the past few years where I have seen the term: heteroflexible be commonly used and it is this term I have a difficult time gaining a clear concept of what they are. As I see it,it indicates that the person is open to encounters with others on a sexual level which is opposite to how they themselves identify their sexual orientation. And yes, in some ways, I do perceive they use these terms to be a label which is a bit more PC then saying they are bisexual or bi curious.

SinFix -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 10:46:24 AM)
See, this I just don't see... I have been on this site and on/off others for 1 1/2 yrs and I don't get the bs that others have gotten. Sure I got the influx of one line messages from every Tom, Dick, and Harry but not one ever came off as messaging me solely because I listed myself as Bi... I think it has way more to do with how a profile is written and how that person comes off than the orienatation box that was clicked...

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 11:27:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UnholyBear quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"........... Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions. It's only been in the past few years where I have seen the term: heteroflexible be commonly used and it is this term I have a difficult time gaining a clear concept of what they are. As I see it,it indicates that the person is open to encounters with others on a sexual level which is opposite to how they themselves identify their sexual orientation. And yes, in some ways, I do perceive they use these terms to be a label which is a bit more PC then saying they are bisexual or bi curious. Me too. Always just seen it as bisexual. The degrees or descriptive gradient for me has always been something like this; "they are bi curious" = mostly straight but would have same gender sex under special circumstances "they are bisexual" = would have same gender sex under normal circumstances "they are very bisexual" = a cherry poppin' chicken-hawk (or taco munching gash grinder) seeking out circumstances to have same gender sex Seriously, if we are to adopt hetroflexible as a valid term, you better be prepared to explain homoflexible too. just sayin'

littlewonder -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 2:34:41 PM)
the new terms became popular when Girls Gone Wild and the song "I kissed a girl" became hot. At least, that's been my experience.

seekingreality -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 2:44:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality ..........I'd say the bottom line is don't get too hung up on how people classify themselves on profiles. A lot of times, people fill out profiles quickly and some of the answers are related to their mood at that moment. When you read the profile months later, their mood may have changed, but the profile hasn't. quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos I switch my profile back and forth between bi and straight depending on whether I'm feeling more honest or more irritated . . . Since there's no 'heteroflexible' or 'kinda gay-ish?' listing, those of us lurking in the gray area are left to either lie about it or attempt to carry across the fact that yes, we have been known to enjoy the company of ………. So it can be a “mood” thing? If CM had a 'heteroflexible' category, would it apply all the time no matter what mood or is it the mood difference between the two sites? Not necessarily. I know a woman, for example, who listed herself as heteroflexible because she had one experience with a woman years ago, but really didn't desire any future encounters. Later she changed her profile to straight. I think there is a key difference between people who list themselves as bi because they regularly had relations with both sexes, and someone who lists themselves as bi because they had one experience or believe they are simply open to the idea, even if they have never done it. Again, to me all this means is that the label itself isn't as important as the details around the label.

seekingreality -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 2:48:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions. That's why you need to know what the person who is describing themselves that way thinks. For example, I've known people who labeled themselves as "heterosexual" because they considered themselves open to the idea of having sex with someone of the same sex, even though they never had, and ultimately never did.

StefanandLucinda -> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- (12/31/2012 2:49:12 PM)
Maybe she has recently expanded her interests?

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