Too informal language

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submaleslaveuk -> Too informal language (1/1/2013 2:02:15 PM)
Hi All, Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy. What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest. Many thanks Darren

xLaChienne -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 2:16:40 PM)
I don't know if it's a common thought but it doesn't appeal to Me. Until such a time that I consider someone My submissive then there are no protocols in place and to expect it from a complete stranger, to Me, is silly. It smacks of those who are caught up in the fantasy of it all. In reality we are people first. You aren't engaging the Domme, you are engaging the person. Without a baseline commonality the rest is pointless. If someone is putting up barriers on getting to know them as a person then really, how good of a Domme can they be? Unless, of course, you are speaking of Pro or Fin. That's a whole 'nother ballpark that I have no idea about. I would much rather an easy going, fun, engaging, and entertaining person than someone who was putting on a fake front. Be yourself. It's more likely to get you what you seek. Could you really suppress your natural personality? Why would you even want to?

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 2:43:16 PM)
~FRing it~ I actually prefer to talk normally with someone when Im getting to know them. As far as Im concerned, there is no dynamic in place during "getting to know you" talks. I guess maybe my dominance is just not threatened if someone comes at me in a friendly and informal manner. I personally dont feel disrespected at all. Back in the beginning when I first started out, yeah...I was all for formality and proper protocol. But at this point in my life, its one of those things that is just not a big deal to me personally. You cant go wrong with being yourself. Its who you are and though these two dominant women you spoke with didnt like it, NOT everyone out there feels the same way. Be true to yourself and let the women see you as you really are, not some facade of what you think they want to see.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 2:46:27 PM)
Obviously, the answer to the OP's question is going to be "it depends." It depends on the woman, of course, but it also depends on exactly how you're approaching. Are you friendly in the sense that you greet her by her screen name, introduce yourself, and make some polite, non-kinky conversation? Or are we talking about "hey, babe, I just wanna say ur a total hottie, wanna get it on?" There is such a thing as "too familiar," whether on the internet or in person. However, we all have different personal boundaries. What seems fine to me might be too familiar with someone else and vice versa. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Treat her as you would treat someone you met at a business networking event until you have a better idea of where her boundaries lie.

RumpusParable -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 3:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk Hi All, Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy. What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest. Many thanks Darren Yes and no, both. You don't have to be stilted or submit immediately, no. But you shouldn't be too familiar either. Remember to treat her like you would a new business partner or a woman you met at a formal event: be friendly but respectful. Do be conversational and nice, don't be overly familiar.

RumpusParable -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 3:27:06 PM)
Oh, also, for us to help you out on this it would be good to post an example of one of these messages that are getting that kind of response. We can judge better if they are being difficult or you're actually not coming off well.

xLaChienne -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 3:35:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable Oh, also, for us to help you out on this it would be good to post an example of one of these messages that are getting that kind of response. We can judge better if they are being difficult or you're actually not coming off well. Absolutely, I agree. Give us an example. I really just read friendly but too informal would be using language in which suggests a familiarity that doesn't exist and that could be very off putting.

PrincessDonna11 -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 3:45:46 PM)
In the beginning I cringe at "too informal" we are not friends we are strangers..if you are trying to introduce your self say some things that make you interesting as a human being,things you like to do in the vanilla world, and things you have experienced as a sub, that does give us a foundation to start with and let the relaxed,informal come when or after meeting.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 4:43:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, Are you saying, "Hey baby, you're hottt!" ??? It sounds as though you are doing some version of that to me. I've never had a woman of any sort tell me to back off when I asked how her dog was doing today. My bet is that they want you to knock off being too sexually friendly, not too platonically friendly.

PeonForHer -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 6:01:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Are you saying, "Hey baby, you're hottt!" ??? It sounds as though you are doing some version of that to me. I've never had a woman of any sort tell me to back off when I asked how her dog was doing today. My bet is that they want you to knock off being too sexually friendly, not too platonically friendly. I'd absolutely agree - so long as we're talking here of a femdom who's aiming for a partnership. But, sad to say, before I knew how to spot them, I got used to bait 'n' switchers telling me to cut out the informality as part of the 'instant dommieness' tactic that these often use.

AllisonWilder -> RE: Too informal language (1/1/2013 6:55:53 PM)
I prefer polite, informal conversation before anything else. I don't want someone to approach me with the 'hey babe, you're hot!' and if I respond it's never more than a message of thanks and then I move on. I also don't want someone to approach me as though they're already mine, because I don't dominate strangers. If you're making conversation, are being polite and seem genuinely interested in more than a fap session or her appearance, you should be okay.

seekingreality -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 12:05:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk Hi All, Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy. What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest. Many thanks Darren My experience is women on this forum just want you to be yourself. When I approach dommes here, I don't do it much differently than if I were approaching someone on a vanilla site like match or POF. I just tell them about myself, or sometimes tell a funny story about something that happened that day, and steer clear of kink. Does everyone like my style? Of course not -- you'll never please everybody in the world. But most seem to. And personally I am more drawn to women who want to interact as people first, and don't get hung up on artificial stuff like i/I.

saundrakitty -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 12:31:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleslaveuk Hi All, Just a little question to the Ladies of the forum. I have recently been picked up on being "too friendly" while approaching Dominant Women, they said that I shouldn't be too friendly or use too informal language, as they want to set the barriers and respect between the sub and the Domme. This is nothing I have even thought about before, as my submissive side is a part of me, I am naturally a chatty, approachable and friendly guy. What I would like to ask, is this a common thought amongst the women here? Or did I just get some bad luck on these two? As it has only recently come up, but I do very rarely approach Dominants either, to be honest. Many thanks Darren OP: I also prefer when approached that a sub is himself and expresses his interest in getting to know me as a person and at first does not even mention kink at all until we get to know about each other first before we even ever discuss any thing about kink or hard limits. But if you come across in an overly friendly way that is begging them to talk to you- that is not the way to get a Domme to notice you. I like knowing about the persons ability to communicate openly and honesty with me to help me decide if they are worth answering their letters back. I don't like the ones that come begging for me to talk to them or so informal that it losses all form of proper use of English, and shows a lack of though. We want to see that you have a brain and will use it- well maybe the Pro or Fin Dommes could care less as all they are after is you're pocket book.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 4:46:51 AM)
OP, I prefer someone be themselves. We aren't in a power exchange. I want to see that you have the ability and inclination to hold a conversation and express yourself in a productive manner. I want to see that you read my profile, that you looked at my interests, hell that you did more than simply look at the pictures. BTW... the comment that pro and fin don't care that you have a brain b/c all they want is your pocket book is ignorant and flat out wrong but eh...

WomanlyWiles -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 5:04:12 AM)
On the flipside, I just had a message which said 'Bows to Mistress'. I've had a prospective sub get annoyed with me for asking him to use my first name rather than an honorific, 'because if he wanted that he'd join a vanilla dating site'. So, somewhere between 'hey, your hott wanna chat' and 'I fall to my knees and worship you, oh Great One' is fine.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 5:13:23 AM)
fast reply I think a good rule of thumb is talk to them like you would speak to a (potential) friend in front of your grandmother.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 5:13:26 AM)
This: quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne I don't know if it's a common thought but it doesn't appeal to Me. Until such a time that I consider someone My submissive then there are no protocols in place and to expect it from a complete stranger, to Me, is silly. It smacks of those who are caught up in the fantasy of it all. In reality we are people first. You aren't engaging the Domme, you are engaging the person. Without a baseline commonality the rest is pointless. If someone is putting up barriers on getting to know them as a person then really, how good of a Domme can they be? Unless, of course, you are speaking of Pro or Fin. That's a whole 'nother ballpark that I have no idea about. I would much rather an easy going, fun, engaging, and entertaining person than someone who was putting on a fake front. Be yourself. It's more likely to get you what you seek. Could you really suppress your natural personality? Why would you even want to? For me, one of the most difficult aspect of the getting to know a male sub is teaching him that I really don't like the use of honorifics UNLESS AND UNTIL I demand that. I am not high protocol, and rarely require a title except during play when I get the whim, OR if the sub is having issues hearing what I am saying, and needs a sharp tug on his proverbial leash.

SnowRanger -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 9:22:58 AM)
Hello A/all, I confess that this has always been a dilema for me. I have been upbraided for being too 'casual;' AND, for being too submissive. The form I use is what I was taught at the zenith of my tech school education. I stay vanilla in my correspondence unless otherwise directed. For instance, I capitalize the first person pronoun but not the second person pronoun. If I am directed in any way, I obey. And, of course, I apologize profusely! Babe, honey, and bitch are not words I use in normal conversation. So, I use that as a rule of thumb in correspondence also. If I would not say it to her face; I do not e-mail it either. One caveate: I sometmes address friends as Buzzard Bait and/or Scuzz Buckets. Women in general, and dominant women in particular, seem to object to thes forms of greetings. I know what you guys are thinking... It surprized me too!... Well the snow has finally arrived; and, I am champing at the bit to get going. Respectfully, Mike SnowRanger

seekingreality -> RE: Too informal language (1/2/2013 5:34:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger I confess that this has always been a dilema for me. I have been upbraided for being too 'casual;' AND, for being too submissive. Do what feels right to you. If you consistently get the same feedback, consider changing something. If you get occasional and conflicting feedback, shrug. If you try to please everyone, you often end up pleasing no one.

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