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Suleiman -> No, I said a domme light! (11/7/2004 9:18:43 PM)
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I have heard of bottoms successfully training newbie doms, and I consider some of these anecdotes to be at least somewhat reliable, but I have never actually known anyone for whom it was true, nor is the information I have second-hand, thus I must consider it to be highly suspect. Without first-hand or second-hand knowledge, I can not tell you what was done or not done. It would be moot in any respect, however, since their situations would have been unique. I believe that in each case the submissive had MANY years of experience in the community - greater than yours by a factor of three or four. Also, there is simply more community support available in the Bay Area than in most parts of the world, and I do not know how much informal mentoring was involved.
If your partner is not willing to take on a mentor, why not see about workshops and seminars that you can attend together? Whenever some technique or toy is being discussed, you can tell him whether you've tried that before and if you liked it. It might help to give him feedback and information without actually having you tell him what to do or how to do it in scene.
Creative writing is another option. My wife is very kink-friendly, but I am definately the accomplished perv in our relationship. Some times I've introduced her to some idea or another through writing a short story, before bringing it up as a real-world option. My situation is different than yours, however, in that we both switch, so I have no problems with doing something to her a few times before suggesting that perhaps she try it on me.
Really, the aforementioned mentoring is the best idea. If he's uncomfortable with a formal mentor relationship, introduce him to other doms and get him to interact with them in social situations. Encourage him to ask questions - most domly sorts I know are happy to answer questions once in a while, so if he knows enough of them, he'll get all his questions answered. Take him to play parties so that he can observe other players in-scene. There's no shame in not participating, I know any number of people who hit the party scene and never actually do any scening.
There's any number of books on the subject that cover basic safety issues, and really once he's got that down - where not to hit, how not to tie you up - why not try him out on a few light toys, suede floggers, leather paddles, things even a novice can't mess up? Who knows, he may surprise you. It may just be inexperience and insecurity that's holding him back, and once he's been reassurred that he won't hurt you (or that you won't suddenly get up and leave him because he's been beating you) he could suddenly develop a real talent for what he's doing.
Any way, them's my two bits. Not knowing the particulars of your situation, that's as much as I can offer, although doubtless others with greater wisdom in this area will offer their sage advice as well.
~S
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