Taking back

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Taking back - 1/3/2013 6:05:36 AM

Asfixation

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/11/2011
Status: offline

I would welcome advice please from another Dominant.
Over 20 months ago I became the Domme of and consequently the Owner of a slave.
We spent whatever circumstances permitted as real time together and our lives became intertwined on many levels.
Distance and family crises within both families forced me to disown him.
I can only speak for myself here: I mistrusted, lost control I will admit of him, and of any understanding of
how the dynamic could work. I spent two months disconnected from the lifestyle, closed down all mutual
profiles, accounts on various sites and withdrew.
One major realisattion became apparent: that I felt happier with him than without.
Now we are back in communication by chat, cam and skype and I have agreed to write clearly stated rules
which I feel will form the basis of a contract.
But old habits are hard to break and we both fall guilty of reminding each other of the past.
There is no main one simple question here other than to ask: who else has experienced the difficulties of taking a slave back?
Thank you for your time in reading this.

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 9:26:01 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am more of a, hands on, relationship, type person. I form relationships, not contracts.

If I have removed a person from my life and ended the relationship, chances are, it's going to stay that way.

Don't get me wrong. In the past I've tried. It never worked. Too much old garbage and bad relationship habits.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Asfixation)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 9:31:42 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Would this situation be any less difficult if he were merely an ex-boyfriend that you are reuniting with?
I think, regardless of whether this is M/s or not, both of you will have reminders of the past, and why it didn't work.
Instead of using these reminders as a blaming game, use them as a motivation to improve the upon existing
relationship you have with each other now.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Asfixation)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 9:34:01 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I wouldn't go back. I don't see how I could regain trust after that abandonment, especially in a cyber relationship.

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Asfixation)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 9:40:14 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Maybe you two should work on the friendship first. Rehashing old issues that cause anger in either of you wont be healthy. If you can talk about the past and laugh or both admit that it was wrong, and no anger remains, then you have a chance.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Asfixation)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 11:14:36 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I would agree with above. Either you start from scratch WITHOUT KINK & build a foundation of trust or you're just trying to build a new house on the same old pile of crap that ended things.
Cyber relationships in my experience don't work. Its one thing to use it to cope with deployment or work trips but kink is too hands on to think a keyboard will do the job.

Ooohhhh I'm flogging your cam snap snap feel that!!!

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to tazzygirl)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 11:31:34 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Ill be honest...a new relationship with the same issues from the old relationship front and center is probably going to end up giving you the same result with the rekindling as it did with the first relationship you two had. You guys will have to find a way to lay those old issues to rest and move forward together or those old issues are going to end up dragging you both back down into the pit.

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 11:33:36 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

You mistrusted him and broke off all communication, now you're feeling lonely or needy and want him back.

I'm going to assume the reasons you 'disowned' him are still in place. So what makes you think it will be different this time around?

I've returned to a dysfunctional relationship only to find that, yes indeedy, it *was* dysfunctional.

Relationships are founded on mutual trust, respect, friendship and intimacy. You didn't appear to have that, which means there is nothing to go back to.

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 12:00:53 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Can you make a real-time date to attend couples therapy? It sounds as though you would both benefit from sitting down with a professional to help you work out healthy patterns of communication.

If he's willing to show up somewhere, be honest about his failings and serious about attempts to improve -- and you're willing to do exactly the same thing -- then you might have a chance. Also, I think it would be a good gesture if any travel expenses to such an appointment were shared 50/50, regardless of who paid in the past.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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RE: Taking back - 1/3/2013 12:01:03 PM

xLaChienne

Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline

I've had two very long term relationships that both ended very well and on extremely good terms.

Both made Me very happy and I've yet to find an equal.

I still wouldn't consider taking either back.

Relationships end for a reason. That reason never goes away.

That's not to say you couldn't be success in your attempt but I do agree with others. Start from scratch and leave out the D/s. Start smaller and build up trust and friendship and the rest may fall into place.

(in reply to Asfixation)

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Post #: 10