RE: The realities of relocation

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: The realities of relocation

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The realities of relocation

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/19/2006 6:45:52 AM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

number 1 priority. BE HONEST. if you can't be honest you have nothing. if everyone was completely honest in these situations there would be a lot less heartbreak. no you cant be sure that they are being honest, but you can be sure you are.

was the best advice i got when i started out talking to Sab so many months ago, hold nothing back.

i don't agree with 100% of that list, but thats linked to personal choices within myself, but for the most part, great advice!

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to GddssBella)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/19/2006 8:09:23 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I relocated 3000 miles w/ a kid and cat. It was not easy( honestly it sucked) and it took quite a while to do. We were absolutely committed to making it happen and making it work once it did. A little over 6 years later and we are still happy and making it work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Here's the best post I've seen on relocation.

AAkasha, two questions.

1) Have you ever relocated to someone you met long distance?

2) Who do you personally know who has done so in a BDSM context and made it work?

(in reply to cloudboy)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/19/2006 8:14:44 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In another thread there were some posts saying that geography was a limitation for finding partners. I believe this is, in many cases, an excuse; if someone wants to meet their perfect partner, they have to be willing to consider relocation. There are some practical things to consider in order to not get burned or to not waste time. I'm sure others will come up with more, but here's my short list.

Note that these precautions are for those seeking to enter into a longterm, real life, permanent relationship - not those just looking for play friends.

quote:

2. Never become monogamous with someone you have never met in person. No matter how much you feel like you connect with someone online, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your options open.

This I did do. We talked on the phone..and the connection was so strong.. like none I had felt before..that we both made that commitment within two days of talking. When I started msging ppl..and made a new profile.. my heart was gone and given to Him..and I just knew that no one else would do. I have not regretted it one single second since. Though this is not something I recommend.. because I can't explain how perfect it felt..and it wasn't sub frenzy..because I have had that.. it was total awe and more. This is one of those.. do as I say moments..and not how I do.

quote:

3. Set a time line for a real life meeting and stick to it. The older you are, the shorter the time period should be. The more you are infatuated, the shorter the time period should be.

We set it up..and both of us kept moving it up...until we finally couldn't anymore because of other obligations... I think that time is important..but you shouldn't drag it out if the true feelings are there.. because one or both may get hurt more that way.

quote:

5. Make sure you meet not only for a weekend or short trip, but in relatively short order set up a time where you will be living together for 7+ days so you can experience not only highs, but some lows/conflicts/debates.

I am really going wrong on this one by most ppl. I am moving there next weekend without us meeting first. I know this is a risky move..but one that we are both prepared to take. I have seen it work.. my ex-girlfriend and I.. we did that.. she moved to be with me before we ever met..and it lasted 4 yrs... so it can happen.. if everything is there..and all of the safety measures are in check..though once again.. do as I say..not as I do

quote:

6. Make sure you meet their friends and family quickly.

I have no doubt the ex will check me out very closely upone arrival..though I am allowed a few days to settle in..lol. He is also coming here to get me..and wants to meet all of my family that He can. He has already talked to my mom several times on the phn..and things like that.. so we are good in that area.

quote:

8. Don't think that just because it's awesome on the phone and online that it will turn into anything in real life; until you meet face to face, accept that the chances are you will NOT connect that well in person. Chemistry is a real life, in person thing!

While I do agree with this in theory.. I think you can tell a lot about chemistry on the phone. I don't mean if all you talk about is Yes, Sir..and No, Sir..sex..and cyber sex.. domination...but actually talking about interests..and day to day life.. you can get that with someone..and have those feelings that you do belong together. I know it's not the rule..and probably the exception..but it does happen.

quote:

10. Never trust an online partner. Until you meet in person, or even after that, remember they may be married or hiding a number of things. Some people invest a lot of time in lies. When possible, talk to their friends or family on the phone during the courting stage.

Nope..this one I totally agree with..100%. I have talked to His friends..and some of His family...knowing that there are so many lies that do go around. I admit that even after I fell for Him.. I was still not fully trusting ( He and I both have been burned many times)...but now I am starting to do that more and more..and once I am there and can touch Him fully and in the flesh.. I will have all the trust in the world in Him.. I do think that is something you can't fully give or get on here..the face to face thing.. is a must.

quote:

Any other tips?
Akasha

Just be careful.. don't jump too fast..and don't let one tell you that if you start talking to them.. you can't talk to anyone else. I was talking to someone..and so was he when we started..and we both decided to end it... don't be bullied into anything you aren't ready for.. if He/She isn't exactly what you want.. there is no substitute..keep looking..they are out there.. it will just take time and patience...probably many, many times of the wrong ones.. the kinda wrong ones..and the players. It's for sure worth all of it though.. I can promise you that.
~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/19/2006 9:40:57 AM

CrescentLuna

Posts: 89
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

Hmm, only had two boyfriends in my life (the first, despite getting me all hot and bothered by BDSM, didn't quite make it into a lifestyle - merely a kink. The second had been even less interested) both of which I originally met online. The first I talked to his family, etc, and it took six months for us to meet in person because we lived so far away. I relocated 300-some miles for him and continued the relationship for another year and a half, but honestly - there was less of something after we moved. We'd spent at least two months together before we moved, but no - I'd say once we lived much closer to each other it wasn't working out as well. All together, 3 years long-distance and 1.5 years short-distance.

The second was about a week and a half between meeting up. After six months he moved in with me. Two years later, we're still living together. We have our ups and downs, but more ups than downs. I love him still, dearly.

I didn't follow rule #2 with the first guy, and don't regret the fact that I didn't. With the second guy I did without intent to - I wasn't sure where we stood, but we met up and decided to date. I don't think anything is wrong with not dating for a period of time. You also don't "truly" know someone you've met offline to date, either. More likely that someone would lie to you online? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/20/2006 5:33:23 AM

subluvsM

Posts: 12
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline

I have been in the lifestyle for bout 8 yrs, and met with more than a few "Doms/Masters", and even relocated to an other state and moved in with one for few weeks, which was a disaster..I didnt get to know this man at all..I broke all the rules and was deceived. He played on my weaknesses, vulernability and I put my safety and life on the line. I'm very lucky, and a lil wiser for it. Heres the irony...I had known my Master for almost 2 yrs..met Him online, He lived bout 5 hrs from me..I was in Pa, He in Md. We became very close, He became my mentor, confidant, and best friend. I knew all along He was my Master, but circumstances prevented us from meeting. I loved Him will all my heart, soul, and mind, but the physical void and that need for physical pain and discipline drove me to other men ( in and out of the lifestyle). After my disaster with this other "Master", and the life I was leading was a disaster waiting to happen, and Master knew He had to take posession of what was His all along. Both our circumstances changed, and He was able to come an get me in Pa. I have now been in my Masters service, and living 24/7 for over a month, and its a dream come true. I am now where I belonged all along, at my "REAL" Masters feet. The difference this time..we got to know each other from the inside out, not the flesh in. Master knows my mind, my thoughts, my insecurities, weaknesses and heart. If it had gone any other way, it probably would have ended up like the rest, because if you are so focused on the physical relationship, it fades quickly.
Master has taught me the difference between discipline, and abuse. I am not a whipping post, to be beatin, bruised, welted for the pleasure of a sadist..I am a submissive with the need to feel pain for the purpose of discipline and punishment when I misbehave. Discipline and punishment are different...discipline keeps me focused and humble (every Tues I get my 15, I lovit!!!) , where as punishment is to teach me. I am content now, and very happy with my new life. I am growing and becomming the submissive I always knew I was, serving her Master as it should be., with her heart, not just her flesh. So, for us the long distance thing was actually the only way, other wise, we would have been so focused on the physical (we're both such horndogs..lol), we would have neglected the most important aspects of a sucessfull M/s (or any) relationship, the mind, heart and soul. This is true love, there is no deeper, truer love than that between a Master and His sub.

< Message edited by subluvsM -- 6/20/2006 5:36:00 AM >

(in reply to CrescentLuna)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/20/2006 7:00:28 AM

MochaMistress

Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In another thread there were some posts saying that geography was a limitation for finding partners. I believe this is, in many cases, an excuse; if someone wants to meet their perfect partner, they have to be willing to consider relocation. There are some practical things to consider in order to not get burned or to not waste time. I'm sure others will come up with more, but here's my short list.

Not an excuse but a reality:
If my life revolved around my BDSM lifestyle then it that would be not a problem to relocate. However I chose not to give up my job that I've worked my ass off, about 20 years to climb the corporate ladder to move and be with one that will serve me? Reality of it all is that I would rather be working on my career than running around the country on a pipe dream. My pension and retirement is an investment that I will not put aside.

Everyone has reasons for not being able to relocate, I will not discount those reasons when they are important to the person. For those that have flexible enough careers that they can move about the country freely in search of a long termed relationship, I salute them and whole heartly wish them the best. In my opinion relocation isnt an option for everyone. Speaking from experience I've moved 3000 miles away from family and friends once for the sake of love.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/20/2006 7:26:34 AM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

In my profile, I have that I 'cant/wont relocate' to save those who might otherwise email me the time and trouble of doing so. I have a grandchild on the way, a mother who is not well, and a father who's health is failing due to Lupus. However, I also realize that this limits my chances of finding a partner, let alone the 'perfect' partner.
For those who are able/willing to relocate, I wish them luck, happiness, and nothing but the best!!!
I'm content with my choice though and have no regrets in making it. My parents have always been there for me but I wont always have them so I feel that I should do everything within my ability to help care for them just as they have done for me.
If that 'delays' my finding someone, then I'll wait patiently, happily, and without complaint knowing that I did what I felt in my heart was right for me. *smiles*

~enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to MochaMistress)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/22/2006 5:35:12 PM

firstsub

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: middletown, CT
Status: offline

Excellent advice......
on a personal note, i planned my life so that once i completed my familoy obligation and saw that my adult children were married and doing well....
after 6 years i have become collared to a Dom and moved a comfortable 2 hours away from family and grandchildren.
living my life that had been put on hold for many years to take care of family obligations.
live gets better after 45....mature, experinced, definately knowing what i was not looking for, knowing myself better......
all contributed in my ability to communicate well with the dominates i cam into contact with.
i recently relocated to be close to Him though we do not live together, i serve Him every day and am prepared to serve Him 24 hours a day. loving every minute of it
Master's pig

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/22/2006 6:37:37 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm personally going through a relocation mindset myself but on a completely different level. Rather than look for the right person and relocate to her location, I'm looking at geographical areas, figuring out where I can be most productive and then I'm going to move there. Right now, I'm focusing on California again, although I haven't pinned down exactly where in California. Once I start figuring out the answer to that, I may actually start looking for someone in that location.

That, to me, is about the only logical relocation process I can think of that will work for me. I don't want to be a bother to the woman to whom I end up serving, so the best way I can think of doing that is to already be local to someone when I begin searching for her.

(in reply to firstsub)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/23/2006 3:30:53 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all

I remember i spoke with a man who lived in England he had asnwer an ad written by a domme who wanted a submissive, he found she live so far out in the wooded area. when he got there he was in for a shock she has placed him in a cage and left him there this is the truth. She gave him food that was eaten over and she did not use him she let her slave who happen to be a sadist well the word is bad they made him in a slave who had nothing at all , then all of the sudden she open the cage door and let him out to walk alone and find he way out of her estate, the surpiseing thing was he after i spoke with him for sometime was inlove with her and wanted to go back to her. i can understand why she train him to only lived for her, it is a sad story but he did miss what they did. I thinlk relocation can be scary and dangerous if you go with the wrong person, but the right persons or person it may be a wonderful thing just check who it is and if they are well know on the boards

best wishes

mons/jane

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: The realities of relocation - 6/23/2006 4:13:08 AM

subluvsM

Posts: 12
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline

Allow me to say this. I too have had some bad experiences. In my post I did say that Master got to know each other from the inside out. Things are going well. But I would , or should I say should have , also cautioned anyone that is seriously thinking about relocating. And also those that are thinking about meeting someone new. Meet in public places. More than once and talk and see how it feels first. Weeks before Master came to see me he gave me his personal information. Birth day , address ,picture of his car . My family new where I was going , who I was going with , ect.
Yes I am safe here. I love my Master and trust him completely. And I urge all those out there to be safe and cautious. My Master tought me all of this. Guess that's why he's a Master.
I hope that I have illustrated my point in a kind and careing way. Have a good day to all .
~subluvsM~

(in reply to mons)

Profile

Post #: 31