fuqedupgirl
Posts: 15
Joined: 11/7/2012 Status: offline
|
Hi E/everyone, Not sure if this is the right place to write this but really i have nothing to lose. i was dismissed by my Master. He woke up one morning suddenly and told me it was time for me to return to my home in NH. A little background; i met Him here on CM. After conversing online/phone/skype, He invited me to come to Florida to be with Him. i had never considered myself a "painslut" but He assured me He would start slowly and that the pain would take the place of all of the self sabotaging i had been doing. He was right about that. i gave up my job/apartment/car and moved down there to be with Him. It was heaven. i had never felt loved before until i met Him. He eased me into the pain by giving me small doses of whips/canes/paddles. He took it so slowly that i ached for more. It quickly took the place of the drugs and anonymous sex i had before. i didn't even crave the drugs anymore. All i knew was I BELONGED for the first time EVER!! After about a month of us progressing pain wise, He started to tell me about some darker desires He had. He had me watch porn of things that He would eventually like to do to me. Honestly, i was a little frightened but He had never given me more then i had wanted in the past and i thought when He was ready to do these things to me, i would be ready too. He then started talking about things like using a blow torch on me to singe the hair off of my pussy. That really scared me and He assured me that was something that He strictly just fantasized about. Well, all of a sudden, He stopped touching me. W/we went from Him beating me twice a day to Him no longer wanting to touch me at all. That lasted about 2 days and that dreaded morning came. He woke me and told me He couldn't touch me anymore cause He could no longer trust Himself with me. When He beat me, He wasn't getting enough. He was left unsatisfied. i told Him i would give Him anything He wanted. He said i was no longer safe there. That morning He bought me a plane ticket back home for THAT day and away i went after A LOT of begging on my part. The problem is i dont have closure. i have never felt like i belonged before Him. i ache for Him. i still continue to beg Him to let me come home to Him. He says He is sick and He needs help for His dark desires. i want to be there with Him to help Him. i also came home to NOTHING. No job, no apartment and no car. i dont really have family that can help so im forced to look for another Master that i can serve. The problem is my heart is still in Florida. i was never owned or belonged to Anyone before Him. Please is there A/anyone in here that has some helpful suggestions on how to get over Him? How do i pick up the pieces of my shattered life while im aching? i have a slave's heart and by myself im useless. i am having a hard time making any kind of decisions without guidance. my friends say "c'mon girl and snap into it"........easier said then done. Actually just writing this down has helped a little bit but maybe there are other slaves/subs that have been in this position that can offer some advice. Thank You
|