Revenge (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid



Message

jlf1961 -> Revenge (1/20/2013 7:46:35 PM)

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house.

The Maid quit.

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.

INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.:)



thishereboi -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 8:53:55 PM)

That was awesome. Thanks for the laugh



jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 8:59:15 PM)

No problem, any time.



theRose4U -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:06:00 PM)

Is it bad to admit I did this with tuna juice & a truck A/C vents once??



jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:10:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Is it bad to admit I did this with tuna juice & a truck A/C vents once??



No, it isnt.

I kind of did something with a cloth bag of wet manure in my first mother in laws central heating duct.



EsotericLady -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:14:31 PM)

That's a very cute story, OP.

I don't do things like that because I think it would be very immature on my part.

And besides, I find the natural course of life provides the best paybacks.



Jewelcrafter -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:26:29 PM)

Well that was a good laugh. I wasn't expecting them to take the curtain rods as I was reading, but Karma is a bitch. lol



jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:32:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

That's a very cute story, OP.

I don't do things like that because I think it would be very immature on my part.

And besides, I find the natural course of life provides the best paybacks.



First I am a 51 year old west texas raised male who served four years in the army with some of the wildest practical jokers to ever wear the uniform, and the wildest of the bunch was our CO.

There for, after joining at age 18, I didnt mature normally.

Of course, to hear someone say it, Males do not mature past the age of 16.



Lynnxz -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:35:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961






Of course, to hear someone say it, Males do not mature past the age of 16.



I believe this.

I found my 15 year old cousin, my 20 year old little brother, my 32 year old boyfriend, and my father all laughing so hard at a fart joke that they were all on the floor crying.





jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:36:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961






Of course, to hear someone say it, Males do not mature past the age of 16.



I believe this.

I found my 15 year old cousin, my 20 year old little brother, my 32 year old boyfriend, and my father all laughing so hard at a fart joke that they were all on the floor crying.






Yeah, but you ladies love us... So what is that saying?[:D]



Lynnxz -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:49:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961




Yeah, but you ladies love us... So what is that saying?[:D]


That ladies indirectly love fart jokes.



jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 9:55:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961




Yeah, but you ladies love us... So what is that saying?[:D]


That ladies indirectly love fart jokes.



Or is it you love how dumb fart jokes make men look?



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 10:08:13 PM)

[sm=rofl.gif]



TNDommeK -> RE: Revenge (1/20/2013 11:05:25 PM)

Too cute!



MariaB -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 3:36:44 AM)

I heard about this story years ago and never knew if it was a true story.

I used the idea from this story to get revenge on my ex when I found out he had been cheating on me.
I didn't have caviar but I mashed up some shrimps and sieved out the juices. I then poured it generously onto the crouch of his favorite leather fetish trousers and left them in a bag in the garage. About a week later I said to him, I had to move your fet trousers into the garage because the crutch smells awful fishy. I think you need to pay a visit to the GUM clinic.
He rushed to the garage to retrieve his trousers and found to his horror that I wasn't kidding. He went to the GUM clinic that day! The trousers had to be thrown away.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 3:54:24 AM)

Following on from Maria's story -

a friend, 'Trish' had a boyfriend that no one was keen on - big of a big mouth, self important, thinks he's a ladies' man. Anyway he tells her he's off to Scotland for a week to visit family but she can't get hold of him on the phone and gets worried. She does some thorough snooping and finds out he'd gone on a 'boy's holiday' to Thailand with some incriminating messages implying that they'd gone to sample the types of prostitute one visits Thailand to meet. She rubbed deep heat into the crotch of all his underwear so that once he wore it, it warmed up and led him to believe he'd caught something nasty. She also poured out half of his aftershave and urinated in the bottle, so that he was splashing her wee on his face every day.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 7:20:01 AM)

This was cute!



LadyPact -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 7:34:41 AM)

Thank you for sharing. Very cute.



jlf1961 -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 7:49:12 AM)

On a personal note.

the best revenge I ever got on an ex was actually due to a lady judge in a divorce hearing.

We had to list the assets we held jointly, which consisted of furniture, a crew cab pickup and a station wagon that seemed to be a magnet for mechanical problems.

After going over the list, the judge asked me what I wanted, since she would not agree to anything, and had made that clear in previous hearings and the lawyers who both told the judge that she was trying to get me to give up on getting anything.

The judge looked at me and said you get the pickup, to which she raised seven kinds of hell in the courtroom. The judge calmly asked her to be quiet, three times. The fourth time the judge banged the gavel and ordered her held in jail for contempt of court.

After 48 hours the judge released her, and the next day on her way to work, the station wagon had another of its routine mechanical problems. A fuel line frayed, developed a small hole, sprayed gas all over the engine, and promptly caught fire.

All in all the repairs cost her $1500.

Oh, the reason I filled for divorce, I came home from a business trip a day early and caught her in bed with one of her co workers, who she promptly accused of rape. Since he was eating her pussy, and she had her legs wrapped around his head, a point I made to tell the investigators, the charges were dropped and she was charged with filing a false report.



MariaB -> RE: Revenge (1/21/2013 1:38:32 PM)

jif1961... you win!!



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2026
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125