RE: Moved without meeting?? (Full Version)

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kickinchick -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 4:04:57 PM)

Drink heavily
until you are in his arms and then......sober up and know you are not only, not nervous, you are where you belong.
Smiles



juliaoceania -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 4:08:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
My only advice is to have some money saved up that he cannot touch so you do not get trapped.

Absolutely fantastic advice.  I think I recall hearing Master Steve Sampson talk about his requirement of a slave coming to him with a $10K account only in the slave's name in the event of something unfortunate -- that could include his death, their separation, or some other unforseen disaster.
\

Most people are at least that far into debt, much less have that much saved... I would wonder why that was necessary if you were employable.  I have never been supported by a man, but I would think that if someone didnt want to be responsible for my economics... well it would be none of their damn business what my bank balance is. The only way my bank balance becomes someone's business is if they put the money in there. If that was a make or break part of the relationship... well then cya!



Littlepita -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 4:46:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickinchick

Drink heavily
until you are in his arms and then......sober up and know you are not only, not nervous, you are where you belong.
Smiles


LOL, you are so perfect for Fastlane. [:D]



HisTicia -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 5:37:19 PM)

I so appreciate that everyone is concerned.. I would be also.. if I didn't know Him.  It's hard for anyone to understand..when they haven't talked to Him.. or been on the phn with Him thru His recent ups and downs.  I know to some.. it might be nuts..considering we have never met.  One thing that I ask you to remember though.. is that this has happened with me before..and it was a wonderful, loving relationship for years...so it can happen and it can be ok. 
 
I have no fear of Him.. no fear that He won't protect me in every way possible.. and no fear that He doesn't love me with all of His heart.  I understand that I opened myself up to this with the post..and perhaps I did ask the question in the wrong way.. not my intention at all.  I was more wondering what an effective way to deal with drastic change is.. how you all cope with it.  I have never been one to do it easily..and this is not an exception.
 
I have not really been one that I feel jumps into things without thinking very long and hard about them.  This is not the first Dom I have known...and others have wanted me to move to them..but I never did.. there was always fear.. or delay on my part.. something nagging..that voice, if you will.  That is in no way involved in this.. and mine is very reliable..and I trust it. 
 
It is scary.. I won't lie.. but not that kind of scary..more the butterflies in the tummy.. because I am meeting someone for the first time.. not the scary that the boogie man is going to tie me to a bed and cut my fingers off scary. 
 
I do have complete trust and faith in Him.. He has very much welcomed me into His life..and I have even talked to His friends..and He to my mom.. I mean.. this is a very open and loving relationshiop.  I know that some may think that is impossible..and I can see being skeptical.. I would be if it were someone else..but I also know the way I feel..and the way we talk.. and how my heart skips a beat when He laughs.. or how I trip over myself to get to the phn when He calls.  Those feelings can't be proved.. or shown to anyone.. the trust I have in him can't be also..and understand.. I have been screwed over and hurt many times.. so.. I am not naive or silly in my dealings with ppl..and the heart.  I give my trust to Him..and He is taking a very big risk Himself in opening His life ..and His heart to me...so there is so much give and take on both sides..another thing I love about Him.
 
Thank you though for the replies.. I know all are meant well..and from the heart..so I don't take offense.. or even expect to change minds..but please know.. that my nerves have nothing to do with Him.. it's just moving like this for the first time.. there doesn't always have to be hidden causes.. or undelying reasoning..sometimes things really are as simple as they seem.
 
                             Thank you, Ticia
 

Edited to add... I thank you all for the many well wishes also... I always appreciate anyone taking time to respond to anything that I write.. I know that all posts were made with heartfelt intentions and concern.  ~Ticia



Lashra -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 5:58:47 PM)

Not the wisest of decisions in my opinion but you've already committed yourself. Make sure you have access to some money in case things do not work out, otherwise you may find yourself stuck in a situation you do not want to be in.

Good luck,

~Lashra



darq -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 6:08:00 PM)

Hmm, I've been in your position before Ticia and its bitten me in the ass every single time. I hope you have better luck than I did ...

Now, something that HAS worked for me was to plan to visit the Master in question and then just let things go from there ... I came to visit ... We planned for the visit to last 1 - 3 weeks and somewhere in that time it became apparent to us that we didn't want to be apart again. So we then planned to go back together and get my belongings. I was still really nervous and antsy about the whole thing so thats totally normal.

I'll have you in my prayers and please keep us all informed of how things work out.



kiska -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 6:10:22 PM)

LOL

I thought I'd unregistered the darq nick ...



desertdancer -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 6:27:38 PM)

I'm currently packing and cleaning like crazy too.  I am moving over seas in one month to be with my Master.  I'm nervous and excited and I HAVE met him face to face, spent a lot of time together, my nerves are coming from the move it's self.  A new country is a scary and exciting thing!  I'm trying to spend as much time with my family and friends as possible.  I plan to leave my job with enough time to just be able to kick around and enjoy family that I wont see for a long while as Australia is so far away.

I think your brave Ticia and courageous and I wish you well.  I hope you find joy and happiness with  your Sir.

~dancer



desertdancer -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 7:20:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickinchick

Drink heavily
until you are in his arms and then......sober up and know you are not only, not nervous, you are where you belong.
Smiles


* bursts into a fit of giggles and grabs a bottle of Mike's hard lemonade* GREAT advise! * stumbles off*

~dancer



SingleTail69 -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 8:56:27 PM)

yeah, Merc and lisas threads realy put it into perspective. another question (which i don't know) is how long have you known him? not trying to scare you but i know a chic here locally that made a similar move and got herself prematurely branded. so absolutely be careful, take cash and have an exit plan!

ST



ravn -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 9:26:52 PM)

been there done that, wear the scars, but hey, they say scars are tattoos with better stories right? not all of them wear painful, skin type scars though.
Be caareful, but have fun! And make sure there is a contingency plan...like...Vegas!



Daddyscologirl -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 10:23:43 PM)

i personally wouldn't do so but that's me. if you hesitate because of excitement then go for it but don't go blindly. If your jitters are out of doubt maybe take a step back and wait a while longer. All good things come with time.



MisPandora -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 11:01:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
My only advice is to have some money saved up that he cannot touch so you do not get trapped.

Absolutely fantastic advice.  I think I recall hearing Master Steve Sampson talk about his requirement of a slave coming to him with a $10K account only in the slave's name in the event of something unfortunate -- that could include his death, their separation, or some other unforseen disaster.
\

Most people are at least that far into debt, much less have that much saved... I would wonder why that was necessary if you were employable.  I have never been supported by a man, but I would think that if someone didnt want to be responsible for my economics... well it would be none of their damn business what my bank balance is. The only way my bank balance becomes someone's business is if they put the money in there. If that was a make or break part of the relationship... well then cya!

This was not for him to touch, and his name was not anywhere on the account.  It was for the slave's protection when someone was moving across the country to be in service to him.  If he dies -- that slave gets nothing, BY LAW.  Think about it.



juliaoceania -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/19/2006 11:41:23 PM)

I am thinking about it and it wouldnt be a situation I would want to be in especially if my total job was to service him. It is just not my scene is all, to each their own though



ElectraGlide -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 12:00:14 AM)

I have no advice to give you, but I will say it seems all the postings here had alot of good advice for you. I will say that I wish you two the best of luck. Sometimes you have to take a chance when your gut feeling tells you it is right.



fullofgrace -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 12:49:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
This was not for him to touch, and his name was not anywhere on the account.  It was for the slave's protection when someone was moving across the country to be in service to him.  If he dies -- that slave gets nothing, BY LAW.  Think about it.


if s/he is expressly listed as a beneficiary of a life insurance policy (and in most cases as a beneficiary in the will), in the majority of the united states (don't know about everywhere, but definitely in florida), then s/he is legally entitled to said benefits. when my dad died, he didn't have a will and i wasn't listed on his life insurance policy, therefore i got nothing; when my mom died, i was listed (along with my sister) on one of her policies, and the insurance company sent me a check - it didn't go through a third party. so as long as the dominant is responsible enough to have his affairs in order in these matters, that shouldn't be an issue.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 6:54:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I so appreciate that everyone is concerned.. I would be also.. if I didn't know Him.  It's hard for anyone to understand..when they haven't talked to Him.. or been on the phn with Him thru His recent ups and downs.  I know to some.. it might be nuts..considering we have never met.  One thing that I ask you to remember though.. is that this has happened with me before..and it was a wonderful, loving relationship for years...so it can happen and it can be ok. 

I'm hearing a lot about how you FEEL....I'm not hearing much about what you're DOING, how you are preparing, what your plans are, how will bills be paid?

And I think having 10k saved is a great idea.  I unfortunately only have about 3 months of basic expense money saved for my move, and that's with nothing extra in case of emergency- and I'm way stressed about that.



HisTicia -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 7:04:34 AM)

Again.. I do thank everyone for their concern...and for all of the luck you have wished me.
 
I am sure about this.. I promise..with all of my heart.  It's just that when I get ready to do something new.. or take a big step.. I do get the horrible nervous jitters.  There is a distict difference in those..and fear.. or that uneasy scary I know I probably shouldn't be doing this feeling.  I have had that before.. in this type of situation..when I was more being mind game played about moving and such..and trust me.. I didn't go. 
 
I know that many are skeptical about the online relationships..and maybe even meeting someone online..so when I added to that I was going to move and we hadn't met..a lot of red flags went off for people.  I am not upset about that..and I don't feel attacked.  One thing I have learned in my life is that everyone has different views..and looks at things thru different filters..and this sends up issues for many, many ppl. 
 
I met someone in "real life" vanilla..but real all the same.  I did it the "right way"  the "safe way" ...but in the end after we were engaged... I found out he was cheating..a liar..and the worst of scum.  The other "real life" men I have met..have only used me for sex and as a hook-up for when they were bored or just horny...not to mention being date-rape drugged and raped. 
 
The relationship that I met online..and yes.. that moved here without meeting.. is still my very best friend.  She and I aren't in a relationship..but that is nothing that either one of us did.. it's just that we are moving in different directions in our lives..and felt it was best to part.  We are even still roommates.. so you know it ended on good terms. 
 
Now, maybe it will be a bit more clear why this relationship doesn't scare me... or why I don't really worry about it not working.  I have a pretty good head on my shoulders..and after the last few months that I had...where I literally fought for my life (he was real life also)...I think I am a pretty good judge of ppl.  He and I have the most in common I ever have with a man.  He never has once asked for a cam show.. nude pics.. phn sex..nothing.  We talk all day thru emails at work..and we talk on the phn in the evenings till we both pretty much fall asleep. 
 
I have seen ppl become babyish..and yell.. scream..tantrum and have a borish fit because of ppl saying what you all have said.. lol... but.. you know.. I don't look at it that way.. I don't get mad.. or feel threatened.. I feel good that you all care that much to even say it to me...I think if it makes someone that defensive..then maybe there is something they are afraid of in the whole thing themselves.  I have tried to explain His and my relationship..not because I feel the need to defend..but because I really want you all to know..that I am not going into this blindly...with the expectations of Cinderella..that things will be perfect.  I know the risks..but I also know the benefits of finally being with Him..and His.  The rest.. good and bad... we will face together as it comes.
 
             Thank you all again.. I mean that.. Ticia



HisTicia -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 7:18:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I so appreciate that everyone is concerned.. I would be also.. if I didn't know Him.  It's hard for anyone to understand..when they haven't talked to Him.. or been on the phn with Him thru His recent ups and downs.  I know to some.. it might be nuts..considering we have never met.  One thing that I ask you to remember though.. is that this has happened with me before..and it was a wonderful, loving relationship for years...so it can happen and it can be ok. 

I'm hearing a lot about how you FEEL....I'm not hearing much about what you're DOING, how you are preparing, what your plans are, how will bills be paid?

And I think having 10k saved is a great idea.  I unfortunately only have about 3 months of basic expense money saved for my move, and that's with nothing extra in case of emergency- and I'm way stressed about that.


I have to admit.. having 10k saved would be great..but the pay around where I live.. it would take me years...lol..and I am too old to wait that long.
 
I went to business school..and have worked in human resources.. done a lot of work with the public..and things like that.  I have safety nets if needed.... and will be ok..heartbroke..but ok.  He is not a Sir that forbids work..nor my having my own money or anything like that.  We have talked long and hard about it..and with daycare the price it is.. it's more feasible for me to stay at home..and take care of the party in question..and the home..things like that..than to be working and us pay for that part.  When it comes to it.. He asks..what do you want to do.. do you want to go back to school..do you want to work...things like that.. He doesn't say.. you are barefoot and preg. and never leaving the house without me. (I have actually heard that before).  To be honest.. a career had never been forefront in my mind.. I consider being a mom.. wife..and such more.. what I love.  I have worked since I can remember..and don't have any issue with doing it the rest of my life..but if I can be blessed enough to stay home and take care of my family..that is my preference..doesn't need to be anyone elses.
 
I don't have millions of dollars..but I do have a decent resume'..and am not afraid to work hard if this doesn't work out.  I did put safety measures in line..because that is the smart and mature way to do things..anything less would have been walking into a fire sprayed with gasoline.  I have every faith in Him..and in Us....but..we also both live in reality..and know that there is always a chance taken in a situation like this..and it lays on both sides..He is risking a lot in me coming there also.  So.. if He is willing to put Himself out there... I am willing also.
 
                             Thanks, Ticia



Mercnbeth -> RE: Moved without meeting?? (6/20/2006 7:23:06 AM)

Ticia,

PLEASE PLEASE don't see this as a challenge or an attack. It's really just a question based on two things that, to me, seem in direct opposition.

This statement regarding your history with men: 
quote:

met someone in "real life" vanilla..but real all the same.  I did it the "right way"  the "safe way" ...but in the end after we were engaged... I found out he was cheating..a liar..and the worst of scum.  The other "real life" men I have met..have only used me for sex and as a hook-up for when they were bored or just horny...not to mention being date-rape drugged and raped. 
 
And this statement as to why you are confident with this man: 
quote:

 Now, maybe it will be a bit more clear why this relationship doesn't scare me... or why I don't really worry about it not working.  I have a pretty good head on my shoulders..and after the last few months that I had...where I literally fought for my life (he was real life also)...I think I am a pretty good judge of ppl.  He and I have the most in common I ever have with a man.


Is there a different judgment process involved? Didn't the man you were engaged to at one point generate that same confidence? Assuming you had often, if not daily, contact with him can you eliminate consideration of the something similar occurring with a person you've not shared day-to-day physical contact?

I see that nobody will change your mind, nor should they. I only want to point this out to challenge you to consider the possibility so that you will have a plan.

We offer our best thoughts for your success!



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