Advise for bdsm at work (Full Version)

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captivebeast2 -> Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 6:49:56 AM)

I am posting this for opinions. My boss' secretary is a beautiful buxom Lady. I have desired her for years. But never tried engage her in anyway. Especially in a vanilla relationship. Long story short I took her to lunch and she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix. I thought I was going to fall out of the chair. Just out of the blue she said it. For the last few months Ive been pondering the idea of approaching her and finding out if she were serious and would Dom me. But chancing exposure at the work place and especially her being my boss' secretary. As enticing as it is. I am reluctant but fantasize about it all day everyday
May I have some opinions on this?
Thank you



DarkSteven -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 6:59:17 AM)

Yep. Keep fantasizing all you want. Unless you wanna work someplace else.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 7:03:42 AM)

If she is in the lifestyle, why would she expose you? She'd have just as much to lose.

As for whether she's into you, I can't guess without seeing her. If it were me, I'd say 'I've been thinking about what you said and I'd like to learn more. Let me know if I can take you for a drink one day and talk about it.' Then leave it in her hands. Don't bring it up again if she doesn't.

Also I'm assuming you're hoping for a relationship of some sort or at least expecting to offer her something for domming you (like chores, non sexual service, or scenes focused on her interests)



LafayetteLady -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 8:11:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

As for whether she's into you, I can't guess without seeing her. If it were me, I'd say 'I've been thinking about what you said and I'd like to learn more. Let me know if I can take you for a drink one day and talk about it.' Then leave it in her hands. Don't bring it up again if she doesn't.



Perfect way to handle it Athena.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 9:23:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yep. Keep fantasizing all you want. Unless you wanna work someplace else.


THIS.



SadisticMs2 -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 9:34:47 AM)

Keep it out of the workplace unless you want to look for a new career.



BitaTruble -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 12:02:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: captivebeast2

I am posting this for opinions. My boss' secretary is a beautiful buxom Lady. I have desired her for years. But never tried engage her in anyway. Especially in a vanilla relationship. Long story short I took her to lunch and she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix. I thought I was going to fall out of the chair. Just out of the blue she said it. For the last few months Ive been pondering the idea of approaching her and finding out if she were serious and would Dom me. But chancing exposure at the work place and especially her being my boss' secretary. As enticing as it is. I am reluctant but fantasize about it all day everyday
May I have some opinions on this?
Thank you

Sounds like a big risk for a small reward.. the reward only being 'potential'. On the other hand, 5 minutes of magic would certainly be amazing. It's your scale, dude.. weigh then decide. Good luck.

oh.. p.s.. Dude.. keep in mind that she said 4 years.. you have time so no need to rush into anything right now. Just, you know, be cool.. either way.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 4:08:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yep. Keep fantasizing all you want. Unless you wanna work someplace else.


hahahahahahahaha



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 4:10:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yep. Keep fantasizing all you want. Unless you wanna work someplace else.


THIS.



That...and something else.

Those things. Them...and them others.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 5:03:09 PM)

I'd recommend talking to her about it. But, I'd recommend finding a different job first.



seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/25/2013 6:36:15 PM)

While I do agree with Dark Steven's comment ... you made me recall something I remember from my past.

A number of years ago, I was in a Management position in a company ... and the President's secretary (Admin Assistant) was always giving me the "come on".

The Controller came to me one night and asked me what I thought of her ... and all I said was ... hot, hot chick! [:D]

Finally he tells me ...

I hear she is really into some kinky stuff (Dominatrix) and wants to run into you at such and such a place after work, one night.

I ignored it ... five weeks later ...

she no longer worked there.




LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/26/2013 11:49:39 AM)

Ever hear the cliche: Don't shit where you eat"



crazyml -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/26/2013 1:44:17 PM)

This... with a big old caveat below...

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

If she is in the lifestyle, why would she expose you? She'd have just as much to lose.

As for whether she's into you, I can't guess without seeing her. If it were me, I'd say 'I've been thinking about what you said and I'd like to learn more. Let me know if I can take you for a drink one day and talk about it.' Then leave it in her hands. Don't bring it up again if she doesn't.

Also I'm assuming you're hoping for a relationship of some sort or at least expecting to offer her something for domming you (like chores, non sexual service, or scenes focused on her interests)


Really sound advice as an opener, it doesn't commit you to anything and it's not pushy.

But I have to add...

I know Athena said this (and I'm sure you're smart enough to know it already but...) but... if she doesn't bring it up, then leave it. Don't bring it up again. Ever, ever. One shot then that's it. If she's not interested enough to have a natter with you, leave it the fuckety-fuck alone.

And... (and again I'm sure you've considered this but....) You know how fucked up work relationships (even the most vanilla kind) can make things? Now imagine how fucked up a D/s relationship could make things....

Think about all the fucking dreadful consequences that could ensue if something like this went messy.

I'm not saying never date or do the d/s thing with a co-worker, or that I would never do it, but fuck me... it would have to be someone I knew and trusted very very well indeed.




NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/26/2013 1:55:12 PM)

This......
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yep. Keep fantasizing all you want. Unless you wanna work someplace else.

and this......
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
If it were me, I'd say 'I've been thinking about what you said and I'd like to learn more. Let me know if I can take you for a drink one day and talk about it.' Then leave it in her hands. Don't bring it up again if she doesn't.

Also I'm assuming you're hoping for a relationship of some sort or at least expecting to offer her something for domming you (like chores, non sexual service, or scenes focused on her interests)

captivebeast2,

Don't you know you shouldn't shit in your own backyard? lol Keep your personal life out of the workplace, it never seems to work out well.

NBMG



EsotericLady -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/26/2013 6:15:11 PM)

I'm curious as to why she would have told you this, captive.
It's not exactly one of those casual "by the way, did I tell you that....?" comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captivebeast2

Long story short I took her to lunch and she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix. I thought I was going to fall out of the chair. Just out of the blue she said it.




Kaliko -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/26/2013 7:36:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I'm curious as to why she would have told you this, captive.
It's not exactly one of those casual "by the way, did I tell you that....?" comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captivebeast2

Long story short I took her to lunch and she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix. I thought I was going to fall out of the chair. Just out of the blue she said it.




I'm kind of curious, too.

I brought the subject up once to a man in the workplace. It was done with intent.
(He was appalled. Fail.)

I wonder what her motive was?



InsaneSerenity -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/27/2013 9:01:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I'm curious as to why she would have told you this, captive.
It's not exactly one of those casual "by the way, did I tell you that....?" comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captivebeast2

Long story short I took her to lunch and she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix. I thought I was going to fall out of the chair. Just out of the blue she said it.




I'm kind of curious, too.

I brought the subject up once to a man in the workplace. It was done with intent.
(He was appalled. Fail.)

I wonder what her motive was?



um, intent? Of course, the entire start of the Op especially,"I took her to lunch and.." Sounds like something else is going on. One doesn't say such things unless looking to measure a response.



PrincessDonna11 -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/27/2013 10:31:34 PM)

I would tell her you would like to know more....



SnowRanger -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/28/2013 10:14:41 AM)

I joke that all of the women I meet are either Married, Lesbians... or I work with them.

Hello A/all,

To the O/P: Have you ever seen those big blocks of salt that farmers leave out for their livestock? That is how many grains of salt I would take her comment with!

She might be the genuine article. On the other hand, her knowledge of our beloved lifestyle may be limited to having seen "Exit to Eden."

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger




wannapleez -> RE: Advise for bdsm at work (1/28/2013 11:00:40 AM)

Some of this has already been said by others (so HTs all around to those who presented parts already), but some is new.

If you didn't fall out of your chair, you must either have a high tolerance for the shocking or a low center of gravity. :-)

Yes, you need to seriously consider the risks of having any kind of relationship with a co-worker, but it's not a hard and fast "no", IMHO.

If she did say it out of the blue, I can't imagine any scenario where she wasn't trying to gauge your reaction, either out of general curiosity or possible interest. Toss it out there (that you're interested) subtly, but not so subtly that it's not crystal clear to her. Then if she doesn't respond, never bring it up again. (Actually, this is probably good advice for any potential relationship, not just specific to BDSM or the workplace.)

This intrigues me (emphasis mine):

quote:

ORIGINAL: captivebeast2
... she told me in 4 years once her son is out of the house, she in going to be a full Dominatrix.


I don't know if the word "full" is yours or hers, or what exactly it means.

* Once he is out of the house, I will have more time to pursue a relationship and/or sexual desires that I don't feel I can properly dedicate enough time to now.
* He's in seminary, and I don't want him to know that his mom is kinky.
* Once he's out of the house, I'm turning his bedroom (or even more of the house) into a dungeon.
* I'm going to quit my secretary job and make my bread-and-butter with a whip.
* Other

It's just such a wide-open term. But regardless of what it means, there's almost definitely an implication that if she's going to be "full" in four years, then she's "partial" now. Now "partial" may just mean that she's completely keeping it at a theoretical level (reading fora like this, masturbating to FemDom porn, maybe a bit of cyber play). Or it may mean that her definition of "full" involves a host of subs, and right now she'd only have time for one (or maybe even that she thinks she wouldn't be able to give one enough time).

But what I really want to know is what was the next thing said after she dropped that bomb? "How 'bout them Dodgers?" In other words, were you so shocked that you didn't say anything and she quickly changed topics?



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