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Questions - 1/27/2013 6:53:40 PM

xOcG

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/27/2013
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Hello everyone I'm new to this and I don't really know what I am.

I'm not sure if I'm a Dom or a Sub or a Switch.

How do I know? How did you guys know?

HELP! lol.

Part of me thinks I'm more of a sub but I never really had any experience to know.

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RE: Questions - 1/27/2013 7:18:27 PM

rosecumjones666

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well... a Dom takes his pleasure after he has studied and educated himself by doing... what it truly means to be responsible for another human being.... no matter what the situation.... a sub... takes her pleasure from pleasing and serving and basking in the mental and physical protection of her Dom...... and a switch?...... I used to tell everyone who used that term... a switch is what you cut from a tree to use on the arse of anyone who thought you could truly be a dom one day and a sub the next.... boorah

(in reply to xOcG)

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RE: Questions - 1/27/2013 7:36:01 PM

xOcG

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Joined: 1/27/2013
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thank you for that lol

(in reply to rosecumjones666)

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RE: Questions - 1/27/2013 8:56:26 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Ignore the trolls.

Titles are irrelevant. People get so wrapped up in them that they forget how to actually enjoy themselves. There are occasional pissing matches on these boards about titles and definitions, but in the end it doesn't matter.

Have a little fun with someone, get a little kinky. You may find one of you goes limp and crosseyed when grabbed by the hair, while the other delights in digging nails into a handful of bum. Don't go all out with whips and chains the first time, someone's going to have an eye out. You don't need 'training' unless you're looking at some serious stuff like suspension, long whips, and needles and such.

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(in reply to xOcG)

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RE: Questions - 1/27/2013 10:59:16 PM

xOcG

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Thank you!

(in reply to Lynnxz)

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RE: Questions - 1/28/2013 6:17:43 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xOcG

How do I know? How did you guys know?

Don't get caught upon labels.
I would suggest figuring out what you like and don't.
Then find a partner or partners that match what you are looking for.

For ME..
I knew I was both dominant and submissive long before I knew there was a label for it.

I don't always call myself a switch, sometimes I am simply a top or a bottom.

The role I have depends on the the situation,other person involved, their personality and honestly their gender. Even though I am bi-sexual and have bottomed to a woman I have never been in a submissive role with a woman. I can also not switch with the same person if I am in a relationship with them, although I can top or bottom to the same person.

I'm not trying to confuse you but to show you that the only limitations on your dynamics are the ones that YOU pose.

I also believe that although facts stay the same, personal truths are always changing.
So just because you want / need one thing today doesn't mean that is what you will want/need 10 years from now, hell 10 days from now.

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(in reply to xOcG)

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RE: Questions - 1/28/2013 11:49:27 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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Be honest with yourself. Find out what turns you on, what is meaningful to you.

There are soooo many shades to all this, and the only ones that are right, are the ones that are right for you.

The definitions I like:

Dominant: one that likes to control, both themselves and others. This may or may not be sexual, and may or may not include "play".

Submissive: one that likes to be controlled or directed by another.

Top: one that does kinky things to someone else during play. May be a dominant, submissive, or switch.

Bottom: one that has kinky things done to them during play. Can be a D, s, or switch.

Switch: possess some mixture of the above. Personally, my nature is dominant; I love to control. I also get some secual pleasure from bottoming, but that isn't a very large interest for me, and because I've found that it can blur my goals to others, I no longer use the term switch regarding myself.

< Message edited by Level -- 1/28/2013 11:52:29 AM >

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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(in reply to xOcG)

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RE: Questions - 2/4/2013 3:11:17 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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You come to know by experimenting. But, remember there are more choices than just dom/ sub /switch. There's also master, mistress, slave, although really, in my view, those are pretty much interchangeable with dom and sub. These words generally refer to relationship dynamics. Then there are top and bottom. These refer to play dynamics. And by relationship and play, I don't mean to say that one is "real" and the other is "fake."

Take, for instance, how I more or less label myself. I'm a submissive bottom/switch. I don't do domination. I do do topping. They can look a lot alike if you see me playing with a masochistic bottom. The major difference is, after I've finished torturing the snot out of her, provided that snot was what she wanted tortured out of her, and the aftercare, if any is done, she and I are back on an equal basis. I'm not her dominant.

Get it? Good. Now that I've explained it all, be advised that all sorts of people are going to say that my definitions aren't right. And you know what? They're right. My definitions aren't right.... for them.

They're right for me. As for what's right for you, that's what experimenting is for. Try everything that doesn't gross you out. Try everything you think you might like. Then figure out, but don't be in any hurry to do it, what's right for YOU.

(in reply to xOcG)

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RE: Questions - 2/4/2013 6:02:54 PM

BlueM00

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Joined: 3/2/2012
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I think of D/s as internal, and Top/bottom as external. It's possible to be Dominant without Topping, or to be sub without sporting a rosy tush. Sometimes you might hear the term "Topping from the bottom", which could be a bottom trying to be Dominant (usually in a negative context if the Top didn't consent). I am also convinced there are degrees of D/s... I really don't know anyone who would be 100% one or the other.

Also, these are terms people use to identify their own position in relation to others. The difficulty is in knowing how others interpret that term. So I'd need to listen to you to understand what you mean by "I'm sub" or whatever, then I can more-clearly define myself in relation to your conception.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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RE: Questions - 2/7/2013 9:58:16 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Titles are irrelevant.

Except when it comes to forum thread titles. ;-)

Just teasin'....

(in reply to Lynnxz)

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RE: Questions - 2/7/2013 4:56:38 PM

agent0fchaos

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueM00

I think of D/s as internal, and Top/bottom as external. It's possible to be Dominant without Topping, or to be sub without sporting a rosy tush.

Well said!

OP--
I guess my advice is to give things a try. See what works. And don't feel like you have to pigeonhole yourself into anything. It's possible to be a mix of a bunch of things, whether you identify as a switch or not. Don't feel like just because you like to hit people you have to be dominant, or just because you like to be hit you have to submit.

Allow yourself to explore, in a safe environment, the different elements that make up BDSM. You aren't obligated to make a decision and stick with it come hell or high water. We're flexible people, and we change.

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(in reply to BlueM00)

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RE: Questions - 2/9/2013 10:46:00 PM

xOcG

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/27/2013
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Thank you all

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