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Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 3:47:52 AM

beardedknight

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/31/2004
Status: offline

I need some prospective on a recent development.

In September I began speaking to a prospective slave. Although our schedules are different we were able to speak many times by ym and a couple times by phone. The beginning of October he just disappeared with no explanation no contact nothing.
I just chalked it up to he had decided, like so many I talk too, to move on and find something closer to him in NY.

I did email him right after Hurricane Sandy just to see if he was okay no big deal just saying hi etc. Nothing about why he had decided to stop talking to me.

So let's hop to the beginning of the year all of a sudden I start getting Hello Ma'am popping up in ym.
So I send him a msg thru here asking what was up.
No reply but I still get Hello Ma'am popping up in Ym. Finally one day I'm actually online when I get one and finally was able to ask him what is up.
His response? " well im still trying to figure out if we are right for each other Maam".

So I ask what are his concerns.

But he doesn't want to tell me either by mail or ym he wants to tell me by calling. Which at that time I wasn't able to talk I was in the middle of something I couldn't just drop to talk on the phone.

Now I have replied to him that I'm not sure why it is so important that he talks to me voice to voice. That I'm not understanding why he can't just write down his concerns. But he hasn't given me an answer to why it is so important that he talks to me.

Okay so what am I missing here? Am I just getting played? This feels funky and I don't know why.

If my grammar is horrendous I apologize.

Thanks for your help

Lady D

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 5:34:24 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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I can't tell you if you are getting played or if something is funky.

Perhaps it feels funky not only because he stopped communicating for a bit but because THAT issue was never really addressed.

Perhaps it feels funky because to YOU communicating vai IM or email isn't an issue and perhaps prefered.

I can tell you that I can get an email on here and not answer it for hours or days where if someone IMs me and I am not busy at the moment I will answer immediately. To me it sounds as if he was trying to contact you through one mod of communication and you were focusing on another.

I can tell you that for ME there are somethings I refuse to discuss on IM or email.
If I want or need to have a serious conversation with someone and to ME this is what it sounds like he needs I need to do that over the phone or in person. Written words can be to easily misinterpreted or taken the wrong way plus some people need those vocal and physical cues. They say more to ME sometimes than the actual words being spoken.

IMO you guys need to have a serious conversation and start communicating, even about what is the best way to communicate with one another.

Example: In the mornings I speak to my primary on the phone before we start our daily routines & work. If during the day I need to speak with him, I shoot him and email or IM. At times I don't need a response it's just informing him other times I do. He gets back to me when he can. If it's something important or an ER of some sort I call. But we have discussed the best way for US to communicate with each other.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/30/2013 5:54:49 AM >

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 5:39:34 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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He chatted with you. Then he stopped in October. He started up again in January, with no explanation.

"I'm trying to figure whether we're right for each other" is code for "I'm chatting with other women."

He met another woman who, in October, demanded that he cut off contact with you. Or he decided that he didn't have time for the both of you. In January, she dumped him.

I would have dumped him just for stopping contact with no explanation.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 5:46:41 AM

MistressSara7

Posts: 32
Joined: 12/3/2012
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If you two haven't spoken by voice at all... then it sounds like this person wants some type of reassurance via a voice verified conversation. However, if you have a funny feeling about the whole thing, often it is wise to listen to those feelings.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 6:03:40 AM

xLaChienne

Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
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Men who are genuinely interested in you will let you know. You won't doubt it, there will be no confusion, and nothing to ponder.

This holds true regardless of if they are dominant, submissive, switch, straight, or gay.

Why do you want to continue communication with someone who ceased communication? Focus your efforts on someone who will respect you and your time.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 7:27:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

He chatted with you. Then he stopped in October. He started up again in January, with no explanation.

"I'm trying to figure whether we're right for each other" is code for "I'm chatting with other women."

He met another woman who, in October, demanded that he cut off contact with you. Or he decided that he didn't have time for the both of you. In January, she dumped him.

I would have dumped him just for stopping contact with no explanation.

Thank you for saving Me the keystrokes, Steven.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 8:06:24 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xLaChienne

Men who are genuinely interested in you will let you know. You won't doubt it, there will be no confusion, and nothing to ponder.

This holds true regardless of if they are dominant, submissive, switch, straight, or gay.

Why do you want to continue communication with someone who ceased communication? Focus your efforts on someone who will respect you and your time.

Maybe better phrased as "Men who are compatible with xLaChienne and who are genuinely interested will...." There are lots of guys who don't have much social confidence, including not much confidence around women. And, of course, there are all the people who are social-phobic in one way or another, and tend to spend more time in cyber than in "real life," so they are disproportionately represented among CM profiles.

I remember a (real life) conversation I had with a female sub. She had a PhD/academic fetish, and she was complaining about how she almost always had to make the first move in sexual interactions with men who identified as dominant on CM and Fet, because the price her target pool of men had paid for their brainy careers was poor socialization.

To the OP: I think you should block and delete his contact info. He could have disappeared for all kinds of reasons, including injury or death of a close relative. So I don't see that as a red flag per se. The problem, though, is his inability to make a decision or move on. One alternative to block and delete: tell him, "We are meeting in real life in seven days. Either we like each other or we don't." If he cares enough to show up, then you've got something. Otherwise, you're just a dominant vag-in-a-box he can IM when he's lonely.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 9:14:19 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
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Hello A/all,

I can not speak for the individual in question. I might be able to offer some possible insights.

1) Illness, I get boughts of headaches that knock my dick in the dirt. It is all I can do to crawl into bed when I get home from work.

2) Personal or family pressures. On one occasion, three funerals in as many months... Nuff said.

3) Fear. Blind FEAR! I had to work up a fair bit of courage before I had my first F/m experience. Afterward I was kicking myself roundly for a whole season.

I always recomend meeting early in the process. I once spent so much time corresponding with a potential Domme that I revaled way too much too soon. When we finally did meet, I was meeting a STRANGER that knew way too much about me.

Just some thoughts and observations.
Mike
SnowRanger

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 10:12:25 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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Also there are job issues, mother nature, kids, and tons of other legitimate reasons someone might drop off the face of the earth for periods of time especially if you do not have an established relationship.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 11:32:04 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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While that may be true, if that person were really interested, after sending the IM after so long of no contact, wouldn't a person typically say, "Sorry I wasn't in contact for so long, I had some serious family issues that had to get dealt with," or whatever?

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 11:34:45 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

While that may be true, if that person were really interested, after sending the IM after so long of no contact, wouldn't a person typically say, "Sorry I wasn't in contact for so long, I had some serious family issues that had to get dealt with," or whatever?

Perhaps they didn't explain because the OP didn't bring it up.
Perhaps they thought, oh it's not a big deal.

Eh.. it's all speculation.

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 3:14:00 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
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(fast reply)

It sounds like it could be a few things:
1) the guy lost his phone and someone else is using it and hopes to make money off it, or
2) the guys wife found the phone and wants to know who you are, what's going on, and possibly give you a piece of her mind.

In any case, the whole thing sounds fishy and I agree with xLaChienne - if he was interested, you'd know and he'd not have 'poofed' into thin air. You, the OP, needs to consider if she is worth a guy wanting her enough to get over all his fears and shit or if she is willing to settle for coaxing one along.

Wickad

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RE: Good Morning! - 1/30/2013 3:39:11 PM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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TheLiLSquaw (and others, to lesser degree) presents some very valid reasons for what happened.

Let me riff off what some of them said and then add one other thing.

* Some things are genuinely too hard to express in email or IM. Especially email if his question B depends on your response to question A. And IM also sucks for tone of voice. For instance, I know some for whom "o i c" is just a general response that says "I'm following what you are saying" whereas for others it means "you just stepped in it."

* Some people can think that the biggest deals to most of us are no big deal to them. I have an out-of-town uncle who had a heart attack and then had a pacemaker put in, and didn't tell his siblings for 6 months, and then only because circumstances arose where he had to. It wasn't that he didn't want to worry them. It was just that he didn't think almost dying was a big deal. I kid you not.

You referred to Ym -- I assume that's the instant messenger on another system which shall remain nameless, but whose name is a cry of jubilation. It should be noted that Ym has a voice chat feature. Assuming that both of you are on laptops (or desktops with speakers/mic), if he's so insistent on voice-to-voice, you can employ that without resorting to telephone (thereby neither giving nor accepting phone numbers).

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RE: Good Morning! - 2/20/2013 1:38:55 AM

beardedknight

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/31/2004
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Thank you everyone for your input.

I have a feeling that he found some body else and is just playing me.

As far as talking on the phone we had quite a few times. Just this time it felt wrong.

So thank you again I think I'll just leave it alone.

With Respect

Lady D

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