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RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 5:24:47 AM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you, everyone, so much for the reality check. I haven't dated someone who wasn't first a close friend in so long,it's hard to remember how to go about things.

I really appreciate all the advice, and the helpful suggestions.

Now to find my zen space, and realize this is nothing more than a cup of coffee with someone I enjoy talking to. If more comes of it, awesome. If not, I killed a few hours on an otherwise dull Sunday.

(in reply to Blankpain)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 9:05:49 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

FR
...I'm not going to tell the story of our first meet because I broke all the rules and couldn't in good conscience tell people to do what we did.


So many of the good stories do break all the rules, don't they? ;)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 9:32:46 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agent0fchaos

I am so incredibly nervous. I am meeting a dominant guy for the first time in probably five years. We've talked online for a week, and have good chemistry there, but you never know how it will be in person. (I like to keep the online time short, so we don't build each other up based on online personas and actually get to know the -real- other person.)

So...
Tell me stories of your first meets good or bad. Give me suggestions to make the meeting go well. And please, please wish me luck.

Reading your stories will help me kill time till Sunday. And hold back this horrific case of nerves.


Have you met yet? If so, I hope it went well!

Personally, I had a few shaky meets early on - The biggest problem being the expectations you develop before a meeting, and the subsequent disappointment if the chemistry you thought would be there isn't.

Now I meet with no expectations, and (certainly in the past few years) I've only very rarely had a disappointing meet.

In terms of advice I'd give to someone getting set for a first meet, others have already nailed it, but here are my top tips.

1) Don't expect anything!
2) Remember that it's not "you" being judged, it's "your mutual compatibility"
3) Plan not to have any naughtiness on the first date, but be ready just in case you both decide to change your minds.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 9:53:52 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

FR
...I'm not going to tell the story of our first meet because I broke all the rules and couldn't in good conscience tell people to do what we did.


So many of the good stories do break all the rules, don't they? ;)

Maybe that says something important about the wisdom of the rules.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 9:58:48 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
So many of the good stories do break all the rules, don't they? ;)

That'd depend on what rules you're talking about. But we read the sob stories on these boards constantly for those who "broke all the rules" and paid the price so I personally am not prepared to toss away common sense in a fit of passion.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 10:44:02 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
So many of the good stories do break all the rules, don't they? ;)

That'd depend on what rules you're talking about. But we read the sob stories on these boards constantly for those who "broke all the rules" and paid the price so I personally am not prepared to toss away common sense in a fit of passion.



Perhaps I should revise my statement and say 'I took some carefully calculated risks'. But I still wouldn't advise someone to do what I did, because if I had misjudged the situation I'd have been in for a rough time.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 12:38:29 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
So many of the good stories do break all the rules, don't they? ;)

That'd depend on what rules you're talking about. But we read the sob stories on these boards constantly for those who "broke all the rules" and paid the price so I personally am not prepared to toss away common sense in a fit of passion.



Well, then, we are in agreement. I, too, am not prepared to toss away common sense in a fit of passion.

Rules, though? Yes. That's been known to happen.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 6:34:49 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agent0fchaos

I am so incredibly nervous. I am meeting a dominant guy for the first time in probably five years. We've talked online for a week, and have good chemistry there, but you never know how it will be in person. (I like to keep the online time short, so we don't build each other up based on online personas and actually get to know the -real- other person.)

So...
Tell me stories of your first meets good or bad. Give me suggestions to make the meeting go well. And please, please wish me luck.

Reading your stories will help me kill time till Sunday. And hold back this horrific case of nerves.


I was born a poor black child.....

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/8/2013 9:20:59 PM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
1) Don't expect anything!
2) Remember that it's not "you" being judged, it's "your mutual compatibility"
3) Plan not to have any naughtiness on the first date, but be ready just in case you both decide to change your minds.



I agree with this and would add: Worry more about whether you like the person than whether they like you. It's amazing how much more confident you feel going into a meet when you change the focus just a wee bit.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/9/2013 9:13:45 AM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone, so much, for your advice and input. I'm really looking forward to this meeting now, because I can truly say I'm expecting nothing but a decent cup of coffee. I really, really, appreciate the feedback.

(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/9/2013 8:05:02 PM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline 		Just wanted to add that because of schedules shifting around, I ended up meeting him today. Went in with zero expectations. Was so pleasantly surprised.

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/9/2013 8:14:43 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Congrats!

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/9/2013 10:17:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Hope it works out in the way you wish.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 1:12:12 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		LW,
That's very ominous sounding.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 1:26:16 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ominous? Nah. Just giving my best wishes to her. I have no idea what exactly she's seeking or if what she meant by pleasantly surprised was that she was happy with meeting him or happy that she was able to just go into it with no expectations.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 1:28:16 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agent0fchaos

Just wanted to add that because of schedules shifting around, I ended up meeting him today. Went in with zero expectations. Was so pleasantly surprised.


Kerbingo! Congrats!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 7:57:34 AM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ominous? Nah. Just giving my best wishes to her. I have no idea what exactly she's seeking or if what she meant by pleasantly surprised was that she was happy with meeting him or happy that she was able to just go into it with no expectations.


I meant I was pleasantly surprised by him. He was actually all kinds of cool.
Thank you for the good wishes. Now to remain slow an no expectation while we get to know each other. :)

_____________________________

So quick bright things come to confusion.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 10:59:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Good idea! It's refreshing to hear from someone who actually is going to do that. Too many go into it all with some kind of fantasy in their head, meet the person in real life and then come back here to complain about the "fakes". Just get to know him as a person, not as a dom or anything bdsm wise. Once you do that then I think you will find the rest just happens naturally.

I truly do hope it all works out for you.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to agent0fchaos)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Meeting someone. How to get less nervous?! - 2/10/2013 12:56:08 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blankpain

Take a deep breath.

... and wank off.

_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

(in reply to Blankpain)
Profile   Post #: 39
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