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RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:05:03 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		now now!  lets not jump on the poor OP to hard.

You can't really expect him to understand the answers when he is still struggling with the skill to Ask a question,  can you?  I think we should give him alittle more time to develop his skills before we beat him to death.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to APerfectParadox)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:25:21 PM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

now now!  lets not jump on the poor OP to hard.

You can't really expect him to understand the answers when he is still struggling with the skill to Ask a question,  can you?  I think we should give him alittle more time to develop his skills before we beat him to death.


LOL...thank you so much.. I really needed that laugh right now....~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:28:28 PM   
reticence


Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

now now!  lets not jump on the poor OP to hard.

You can't really expect him to understand the answers when he is still struggling with the skill to Ask a question,  can you?  I think we should give him alittle more time to develop his skills before we beat him to death.



*stomping foot and looking at watch... *  um  How much time, KoM?  (smiles and says hello to an old friend)

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:34:38 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: reticence

*stomping foot and looking at watch... *  um  How much time, KoM?  (smiles and says hello to an old friend)


*s*  hello nice to see you here.   He gets as much time as it takes everyone to get here with thier Beating Tool in Hand.... I really hope the rest get here soon.... I hate showing up at a party and no one is going to play!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to reticence)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:38:32 PM   
reticence


Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticence

*stomping foot and looking at watch... *  um  How much time, KoM?  (smiles and says hello to an old friend)


*s*  hello nice to see you here.   He gets as much time as it takes everyone to get here with thier Beating Tool in Hand.... I really hope the rest get here soon.... I hate showing up at a party and no one is going to play!

*looks around for a beating tool *  all I have is my old statistics textbook, will that work?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 6:46:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: reticence
*looks around for a beating tool *  all I have is my old statistics textbook, will that work?


Hit him with that and your going to kill him.  Or bore us to death  lol

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to reticence)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 8:39:48 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		You're going to find people in ever lifestyle, activity, walk of life, race, creed, (what ever lable you want to use here) that has low self-esteem. I don't think you have to have low self esteem to be a submissive. The opposite should be true actually.

Personally I think to be a healthy submissives would have to have a fairly good sense of self to be able to submit to another. But remember that is just my opinion.

Yes there are people that need validation from others to think they are worth something but this is not a healthy attitude. How can you be appreciated if you can not appreciate yourself? How can you think anyone will value you if you can not find vlaue in yourself?

I know I am worthy of someone wonderful, there for i will not settle for any less.
I know that I am beautiful to some people and to those that don't agree, then that is their perogative.
I know that I am inteeligent and that I can care for myself. I need no one to take care of me.
Those in my life are there by my choice not out of some misguided perception of need.

You can not please everyone in the world. Not everyone is going to like you. Why would you waste your time wondering why rather then spending time with those that do?

There are things about myself that i do not like. But on a whole I like who I am. I repect myself and the decisions I make. As far as i'm concerned those that don't, really don't impact my life at all.





_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 8:43:33 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I think that the higher my self-esteem is, the better the submissive I am.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to Master96)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 9:06:37 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I think that the higher my self-esteem is, the better the submissive I am.


This is an interesting, and great point!

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 9:50:26 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Thank you, ownedgirlie.  Just my own personal observation. 

When I feel especially "on my mark," it seems like there is nothing that can stand in the way of my trying to be the best I can be for Master and myself.  
The higher I feel, the more I know that it pleases Master to see me self-assured and confident in myself and my choices.  Knowing that He has an intelligent woman who can think for herself, make wise decisions, and be in control and be effective in her everyday life is, (I think), terribly sexy to a Man who receives consensual submission from that same woman. 

Sort of a "she can do all this, but she chooses to give herself to me..."  If that isn't an aphrodisiac, better check His pulse... 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/20/2006 10:09:40 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha


I know that I am inteeligent and that I can care for myself. I need no one to take care of me.






so much for my proclaimed intelligence eh? lol

As my darling friend pointed out, I spelt intelligent wrong. Forgive my sweet angel lol I am a tad tired and there are naughtly gremlins in my house messing with my keyboard.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 2:21:45 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline
quote:


Waw… back off a little!
Can't stand the heat?  Stay outta the kitchen.

quote:

Sorry to confuse you people, to be more specific. Is your submission a result of your low self-esteem? In other words… how are submission and the level of self-esteem related?
 

Since I do not have low self esteem issues, I can very definately say that any submission that I offer someone (when I'm in a relationship) absolutely does NOT stem from such.  There has only been one point in my life where I had any significant self worth issues - and those were caused by an abusive relationship masquerading as a ds dynamic.  The results of that period were quite simple - the lower my self esteem became, the less effective I was, and the less I actually CARED that I was less effective in upholding my end of the bargain.

quote:

It seems juliaoceania is the only person got the question.


Oh, Julia isn't the only one who "got it."  The rest of us simply "ignored it" for various reasons.  Obviously, since you finally got around to actually posting a specific question, rather than leaving it to the responder to make an ASSUMPTION which very well Could have been Wrong - then YOU finally "Got It" from our sarcasm.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Master96)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 4:16:23 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		well-- i have always had esteem issues but becoming a sub has done nothing but raise it.  this is something i have thought about a great deal, in fact i think personally a lot of my esteem issues were a result of me trying to hide my submissiveness-- taking it as passiveness and weakness and thinking that something was wrong with me to be this way, when i have never been passive or weak at all, just submissive :)

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."


(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 5:50:50 AM   
Master96


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well I admit… it was surprising for me how people differently reacted and answered my thread.

Anyway… I enjoyed it and learned from it, and thanks to everyone.

Master96,

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 6:12:57 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I actually have high self esteem if i did not at least in my case i could not be a good sub.  You have to know and like yourself i always heard for others to like you.  (please don't jump on me that is what i heard).  I like myself and i totally love my Master.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Master96)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 7:27:59 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline 		For me, it's an inverse correlation.  Low self-esteem lead to be submissive in my real life exploits, but balk at the idea of being so during play.  As my self-esteem rose, I stopped being such a doormat in real life and found myself more confident in my ability to protect myself mentally, physically and emotionally during play -- thus allowing me to investigate submission intentionally.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 8:56:40 AM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		I have had in the past..and still do on occasion have lower self-esteem..but like was mentioned  by Sabswife..I do think that since I have started to accept my being submissive it has started to raise a lot.  I am doing things now.. I never would have thought..and it only gets better.  Sometimes those feelings do come back..as most have noted..but.. I try to work thru them now..and not let them linger and keep me down in any way.  It's a learning process...and like anything...what took a while to take in..takes a while to get out.   

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to Mustardseed)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 6:24:20 PM   
jezzabelle


Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Is your submission a result of your low self-esteem? In other words… how are submission and the level of self-esteem related?



Okay, I have a question for you.  What makes you think that we must all have low self esteem and that our submission stems from it?  Why do some seem to assume that in order to submit to the will of another, you must not have very good self esteem?  Just curious where the correlation comes from.

(in reply to Master96)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/21/2006 10:13:06 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sabswife

well-- i have always had esteem issues but becoming a sub has done nothing but raise it.  this is something i have thought about a great deal, in fact i think personally a lot of my esteem issues were a result of me trying to hide my submissiveness-- taking it as passiveness and weakness and thinking that something was wrong with me to be this way, when i have never been passive or weak at all, just submissive :)


Wow...What she said.  

I never had terribly low self-esteem, but I was definitely in need of some assertiveness. Not an issue any more.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Low self-esteem and submission… - 6/22/2006 3:11:23 AM   
ray64


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/15/2005
From: Tahlequah Ok.
Status: offline 		I don't think that low self esteem has very much to do with submission ( if anything). A low self esteem is not something that I would associate with submission or myself for that matter. A need to please that goes to the core of ones being, a desire to see someone know joy from your gift to them, to explore and exceed personal limits, to know a complete trust all have far more to do with submission than a low self esteeem.


_____________________________

Ray
Collared Slave
of Mistress Brandye
(Dommeseeksone)
1/22/06

(in reply to APerfectParadox)
Profile   Post #: 40
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