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MaamJay -> RE: naughty on purpose? (2/15/2013 11:02:50 PM)
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Harry's answer was great. There is no one true way, and You (the OP) might be a person who likes having a bratty boy and getting into the naughty brings punishment routine. However, from My observations of those who thought that would be fun initially, they later found they had created a nasty rod for their own backs, and it got old very quickly. Breaking that routine proved very hard if not impossible for the people I know. Plus, in a wider circle, it can annoy the hell out of others! Master and I met up with one D/s couple on our travels and she was a brat. Her Dom looked beaten and resigned to it ... Master was getting so sick of it HE was wanting to punish her (and not in a nice spanky way) LOL, and it was irritating My Domme side and making my sub side cringe with embarrassment. But if it's for You and Yours, then it's Your right to go for it.
However, Your message came across to Me as if the advice You'd read had resonated with You. In which case, absolutely, hold to what You want if You want to be the One in control. Do NOT reward bratty behaviour, and if You feel the need to punish such behaviour be very very careful with Your choice of punishment. Make sure it is definitely NOT something the sub could get some kind of kick out of. My tendency would be simply to explain that such behaviour just shuts You down, and only willing obedience is going to re-open You. Then just treat them as polite strangers ... cut off the attention and emotional investment ... don't necessarily physically banish them (though a time out for thinking about things can work for some subs) ... but be cool and distant. That works for most! Don't thaw immediately You hear the word sorry unless You are 100% convinced it is genuine, I usually say it is "easy to SAY sorry ... I want to SEE that you are BEING sorry". Once the immediate situation has calmed down or preferably before the next arises, have a good serious talk about needs, wants, desires, attention-seeking ... and define how You want to receive information about these aspects from Your sub, and Your plans for dealing with these. These could vary from daily maintenance spankings, to weekly play dates, to play rewards for good behaviour, or to promising a "funishment" scene sometimes. Whatever the 2 of you negotiate becomes a mutual commitment. If circumstances mean breaking that commitment (eg illness of one partner) then that should be discussed.
Finally, we all had to start somewhere, and for many, it was a case of learning as you go. You may well be a natural! But it always pays to ask lots of questions then sift the advice for what resonates with YOU so You develop Your personal style.
Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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