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RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 6:44:48 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure that not a damn thing would happen.

Why?

Because I live in a society in which workers are protected and my employer would be sued to smithereens.

You Americans put up with the shittiest labour market in the western world - this is one of the consequences of doing so.

This is to me a novel perspective of the American labor market. But in keeping with it, I work for a government agency and I would lose my job if I were outed.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to TAFKAA)

Post #: 61

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 6:46:47 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I guess it depends on how you define a good labour market.

Certainly employees in places like Oz and Europe enjoy much greater protection.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 62

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 6:52:03 AM

Bittersweetcoco

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/14/2013
Status: offline

Its ok if you don't believe it honey and don't be sorry. Sometimes its still hard for me to believe it too.

I shared this for information not persuasion. What happened to me was a weird, unique, "worst case" situation and would most likely not ever happen to anyone else. I am just letting people know to be careful.

If you live in Europe and places with good employment rights you are very fortunate. I learned a lot about US employment rights over the last few years. Workers really don't have any rights and the employer pretty much can do anything he wants to you as long as 1. he pays you 2. he does not discriminate against a protected class (equal employment) 3. you have no union or formal contract with him stating something different.

and btw- Homosexuals/lesbians are not a protected class in the US. You CAN be fired for being gay. The employer may get bad press and lose some business over it but legally he can do it. Transgenders were just added as a "protected class" this past April.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 63

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 8:00:19 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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In my previous job it didn't matter. I ran the place, including the owner. I basically did whatever the hell I wanted. I was good at my job, liked and respected. I was a vital cog in the wheel of the company. After working there for nearly twelve years, I quit.

I campaigned aggressively to get a job with a local company that is growing by leaps and bounds. I took a huge pay cut and accepted an entry level position to get my foot in the door. I started there January 24th. It's an industry I know little about with a sharp learning curve. I've already received a glowing review from one of the toughest critics there.

Yet, I have no delusions that I am not expendable to them. What would happen if they discovered my personal life oddities, I have no idea. It is not obvious. My appearance, dress, etc......is no indication. I am a professional with high personal standards. I've never believed in rubbing my personal life or opinions in the faces of those who's business it is not. Unless someone asks a specific question they won't know my religious beliefs, or political beliefs. I don't plaster my office with family photos or trinkets.

I would HOPE that my work ethic would supersede any personal business that may be discovered but I am not naive enough to believe that would necessarily be the case. Life is a crap shoot. Educated risks. Sometimes nasty shit happens. C'est la vie.

I don't lose any sleep over it.

My work life does not define me. My personal happiness and that of the people I love is primary to me. If an employer is of such poor morality and ethics that they feel they should be able to determine what I do at home, with those I love, on my personal time........they are not the employer for me. To be fired in that light, if that was their modus operandi, would be doing me a favour.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/16/2013 8:01:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Bittersweetcoco)

Post #: 64

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 8:23:15 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

<snip>
My work life does not define me. My personal happiness and that of the people I love is primary to me. If an employer is of such poor morality and ethics that they feel they should be able to determine what I do at home, with those I love, on my personal time........they are not the employer for me. To be fired in that light, if that was their modus operandi, would be doing me a favour.

You are in an enviable position. For some us, in the current economy and job market, even with advanced degrees, losing one's job on this basis or any other would be catastrophic for us.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 65

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 8:30:22 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

<snip>
My work life does not define me. My personal happiness and that of the people I love is primary to me. If an employer is of such poor morality and ethics that they feel they should be able to determine what I do at home, with those I love, on my personal time........they are not the employer for me. To be fired in that light, if that was their modus operandi, would be doing me a favour.

You are in an enviable position. For some us, in the current economy and job market, even with advanced degrees, losing one's job on this basis or any other would be catastrophic for us.

I am fortunate to live where I do. The job market here is not as it is in other areas. Also, I am not hampered by an advanced degree. If I had been searching for something specific to a degree, I would have had a more difficult time in my job hunt.

I've always been willing to start at the bottom and work my way up. It has served me well in my work history.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/16/2013 8:32:50 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 66

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 8:31:38 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Fast reply: define outed.

This is a post 50 Shades of Grey society. Kinkiness is out in the open. For heaven's sake, that book was just being discussed in my office this week.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 67

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 8:46:47 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

This is to me a novel perspective of the American labor market. But in keeping with it, I work for a government agency and I would lose my job if I were outed.

It depends on which department you work for. If it's one dealing with children or even the public in general then yes you probably would. However, if you work for a department where you sit at a computer all day and no public whatsoever, then the only thing they care about is that it's all consensual. It really depends on how you are outed. Front page news? You might have a problem but not necessarily. It really just all depends for a government job.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 68

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 9:05:53 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

I prefer to own not be a hired hand so no one could sack me. I suppose my sexuality is simply woman obeys man which is hardly novel in the field of human relationships on this planet so I doubt anyone would get particularly excited and a penchant for spanking is known as the "English Vice" so I am only being true to my origins. Americans are much more puritan than Europeans, sadly. However I do think confidentiality is important and I am sick to death of men who think I am some kind of weirdo because I will not tell them even my first name or identity until I meet them and require them to keep confidential what we write. Nor do I describe real events on line ever nor put up any photographs whether my face is showing or not.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 69

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 11:14:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Wouldn't affect me now. A couple of years ago it would have embarrassed my kids while they were still minors. Now that they're in college and grad school, nobody would know or care.

However, anybody who makes the mistake of asking me potentially embarrassing questions will get a 20 minute minimum lecture on the history and psychological rationale behind things. They usually bow out long before it comes down to my personal behavior.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 70

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 11:45:12 AM

iowaswitcher

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/4/2011
Status: offline

Well if I was outed, I could see myself getting fired, but I do doubt I would. I am pretty much nobody at my job.

My personal lifestyle would probably change though.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 71

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 12:11:49 PM

strictlove613

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/2/2013
Status: offline

Thanks for posting this. I agree with many of the comments in this thread. It is certainly something to think about. Especially if you live in the Bible belt.

(in reply to Bittersweetcoco)

Post #: 72

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 2:03:39 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
What line of work were you in? No job I have ever done have I been so well-known that people would care what I got up to in my private life, and I struggle to think of any career where you might have been important enough to make front-page news but still be hauled in front of higher ups and be fired at will.

Welcome to most of the US. An employer needs no particular reason to fire someone. So all it takes is a conservative employer and this is the result. This is what happens when you let business run your government.

To answer the OP's question, I have arranged my life in such a way as to make sure this isn't going to happen. I'm not doing anything illegal and nobody can fire me. Friends and family all take me as I am.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 73

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 2:11:01 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Welcome to most of the US. An employer needs no particular reason to fire someone. So all it takes is a conservative employer and this is the result. This is what happens when you let business run your government.

I'm aware that this is the case. I was more curious as to what line of work made it newsworthy.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 74

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 3:29:55 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

My career experience has been in big cities, in the music industry, in the medical industry and I have owned my own businesses since I was a teen. I couldn't be "outted" because I was already out. I was a known public spokesperson with a bit of news coverage from the gay/bisexual events and alt leather lifestyle.

The medical community is very kinky and quietly accepted my lifestyle with a sly and silent smile. In the music industry, being kinky or gay is worn with a badge of pride and only adds to your credibility. I am quite aware that I have lead and still lead a blessed life.

I am now in manufacturing & distribution. Recently relocated and downsized, but not so long ago a whip hung on the wall in the corporate offices and under it read, "Employee incentive program". I am the exclusive manufacturer, so my clients have no way to choose another supplier if they didn't like that I am open about my alternative lifestyle. Although the business has nothing to do with the lifestyle, I only hired lifestyle friendly people. It was a great environment.

I am sorry to hear paper and your bosses in the town you lived in felt something your personal alternative sexual preferences was newsworthy or they had a right to judge you by what you did in private.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Bittersweetcoco)

Post #: 75

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 4:13:59 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I've been thinking about this and I find it amazing that the OP's situation was newsworthy.

I grew up in a small town in Iowa. I remember when I was a kid and the whole town was ablaze with the news that two of the town's power couples were big time swingers and swappers. They would take vacations together and commit all sorts of sordid shit.....supposedly. BUT, it was gossip worthy, not news worthy.

Stuff like that was always okay to gossip about, but to have made it official news......NEVER! That would have been way too tacky and over the top.

No one really cares what you do, as long as you pretend you don't. It may get gossiped about, but it's not going to be discussed openly.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/16/2013 4:14:53 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 76

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/16/2013 5:31:03 PM

freyjasdottir

Posts: 253
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: PA
Status: offline

Both of my bosses know, not everything but they do know and one has seen my profile due to an investigation on a former co worker who is now in jail for actions he was using this site to commit. Apparently he was perving my profile so my page was in the history on the company computer he was using. The boss already knew that I liked things a bit rough though from seeing brusies once that she asked me about, I had a date before work. My part time job could care less, the boss would probably go out with me if we were both free. My dad and some cousins know so it would be no shock to the family and there would be no custody issue since the ex was the one tying me up when we were together.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 77

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/17/2013 10:45:44 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I guess it depends on how you define a good labour market.

Certainly employees in places like Oz and Europe enjoy much greater protection.

And much better benefits. I mean, the D and I have our own business now, and things like "overtime pay" and "paid vacation" become kind of meaningless when you work for yourself and your income is whatever the profit is on the business, but generally speaking it would be nice to have the kind of vacation time and maternity leave that is legally required in a lot of other countries.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 78

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/17/2013 2:31:17 PM

samdarella

Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline

To be outed you have to be hiding something. I lead a blessed life. I don't have any skeletons in my closet. The doors are wide open for anyone that wants to know. I don't have kids so no custody worries. I am in the medical field in an area that has no patient contact. So no one would care. If they did I could go to the next place and get a job. Pain in the ass yes. Maybe less benefits. But not a tragedy. Family knows. Doctor knows. I don't advertise but I don't hide either. If anyone wants to know almost anything about me all they have to do is ask. Been that way most of my life. I was a titty dancer when I was young. Been a slut most of my life. Had a wife for many years. I'm a masochistic owned slave now. Yep it's all out there. Some people gossiped or looked down on me. Never cared. I am who and what I am because of and in spite of my past. Thanks for reminding me how good my life really is.

_____________________________

Take me to the edge.

Pain is....

(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 79

RE: What would happen to your life if you were outed? - 2/17/2013 3:36:15 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I grew up in a small western PA town of about 2000 people. Stuff would get reported in the newspaper all the time but like LaTigresse, it was gossip worthy and was usually tiny print article on the back page and nothing more. For the most part, a kinky sex life, no one cared about, but they did care if you were transgendered. But it still didn't get you fired but it did get you run out of town because eventually you got sick of all the harassment.

Now I live in Baltimore and no one cares what or who you are. There was just a Valentine's issue of one of our newspapers and a three page spread with individuals in the porn and sex industry in some way or another. Each person gave their real name, real pictures, answered lots of questions by the interviewer. They do these kinds of articles every few months. Again, no one cares.

If my job ever questioned it, I would just say just like I do to everyone else....I'm in a traditional relationship....He is head of household and his word is the last word. If they asked about my sex life I would tell them it's of no concern to them. Yes, it may be a government job but it's not something even they need to know about unless I'm breaking some kind of law which I am not. But if they continued to ask, I would just tell them and then I might ask them....and so how is your sex life these days?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to samdarella)

Post #: 80

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