RE: seeking therapist

RE: seeking therapist (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 9:25:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxxxxTreasurexxx I hate to this but your name (Evil) would probably put people off even replying to this note you put up, change your name. I'm wondering is there anyone here that is a real therapist? Yours sincerly Treasure People won't even blink at his screen name......and yes, there are a few real therapists here and also a few that have degrees in psychology.

sexyred1 -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 9:40:37 AM)
I agree with someone else who said get this checked out legally first. Get a DNA test, etc. Then, if the results are that it is your child, I would definitely recommend a therapist. This actually happened to someone I know.

Notsweet -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 11:45:49 AM)
FR-- Yes, there are people on CM who are "real" therapists, lol... And yes, some therapists have late hours for people who can't take off work to come in 9-5.

anaturalsubmiss -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 4:40:22 PM)
It's all so very sad.

DesFIP -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 6:45:42 PM)
I can't imagine most therapists being shocked by the fact that you're kinky. Call and do phone interviews first to make sure they are knowledgeable about your problems. But if you liking to be tied up and covered with cool whip doesn't cause you any problems the other 23 hours of the day, then it isn't something you should be wasting a therapy hour on.

xxevilxx -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 8:43:52 PM)
Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out. Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this.

catize -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 8:53:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxevilxx Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out. Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this. Grow the fuck up! If you had sex with the baby-momma, then you need to accept the responsibility of the possible consequence---- and in the future use a condom!!!! OR, practice celibacy..........

littlewonder -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 9:23:01 PM)
What Catize said. I mean, really. If you're the father, take responsibility. Then again if you are such a dickhead, then the mom may not want you around the child anyway but you will still have to pay for that child until that child is an adult unless you decide to be a deadbeat dad. If that's the case, better hide well because they will find you and you will pay.

Notsweet -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 9:32:18 PM)
If the child has been raised by another man all this time, chances are he would be interested in adoption. I would certainly ask Mom if this is the case. An adoption cannot happen without the biological father relinquishing his rights, but I can't imagine that anyone would fault you for signing adoption papers. In any case, you definitely need a paternity test, and an attorney. You need the attorney RIGHT NOW. Do not accept any test that's been done without your participation. DO NOT make any payment whatsoever to the mother UNTIL YOU SPEAK WITH AN ATTORNEY.

Notsweet -> RE: seeking therapist (2/19/2013 9:33:24 PM)
And no, I'm not an attorney. Google "men's rights" attorney in your area. Right now.

OsideGirl -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 8:20:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: ORIGINAL: xxevilxx Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out. Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this. Grow the fuck up! If you had sex with the baby-momma, then you need to accept the responsibility of the possible consequence---- and in the future use a condom!!!! OR, practice celibacy.......... He said that he would pay the child support. You might want to aim some of that vitriol towards the mother for waiting 6 years to tell the father. Honestly, at this point, the child has lived without him for 5 years. The child has a stepfather that she most likely regards as her father. The mother doesn't seem like she's making the best decisions when it comes to the father of her child. Re-introducing the father at this point would be very confusing and if the mother decides to remove the father again, it will cause more damage. OP, I don't think you're horrible for not wanting to be involved in the life of someone you don't know. You will need to speak to the Mother and see what she envisions as your role in the child's life. Since the girl is 5, it's very possible that she's contacting you to so that the step father can adopt the little girl.

cordeliasub -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 8:29:12 AM)
As someone who IS adopted, if you are willing to take care of any financial responsibilities (if this IS your child) I actually applaud you for not wanting to disrupt this child's life who likely already sees this step dad as Daddy. But yes, definitely seek legal counsel and insist on your OWN testing.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 9:18:16 AM)
OP, I saw a therapist for years. She wasn't "kink friendly" she was, however; open minded and far from judgmental. She still had the same guidelines as a kink friendly one. As far as the evening (late night sessions). Many therapist offer evening and even weekend sessions. As far as your situation. I agree DNA test immediately then YOU file in with your local child support division. If you wait you may be required to pay past child support. Good luck. ETA: I think if this child is proven to be yours I personally would take issue with the mother for not telling you that you had a child. THAT is an extremely selfish thing to do. It's not about her, you or the man playing daddy. It's about the child. What if she wants to know who her biological father is? What if you want away and she resents you for it later? Can you deal with that?? There are ways to allow a child get familiar and comfortable with an astranged child. No child can have to much love or support. So to ME that is the best avenue.

catize -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 4:17:56 PM)
She is not here, I'd yell at her too for having unprotected sex, for not telling the putative father for years, for using the child to get money, etc etc etc.

breagha -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 4:42:33 PM)
this happened to a friend of mine. the child was 3 at the time though. he wanted to be part of her life and the mother said no, that she was married and her husband was considered her father. In their case once the adoption was finalized my friend would have no legal right. he doesn't have to pay child support because the adoptive father assumes financial responsibility in a legal way. i don't know if that would be a state to state varied law. or if it was just that judges ruling.

theRose4U -> RE: seeking therapist (2/20/2013 9:04:28 PM)
If its your kid & there is a "dad figure" then assumption of adoption makes sense. BUT it seems the conversation would have gone "you have a kid & need you to sign these releasing responsibility so she can be adopted by step dad". I mean if she's hitting you with bricks might as well get the whole house on the table. Assuming this is the scenario...yes wanting nothing to do with her is douchy. Yes mom is a whack-a-do for waiting this long. Yes the kid will be harmed both by you dropping in & by finding out you didn't even try to fight for her. My strong suggestion is a journal document conversations, emails, lawyer stuff & how you feel about it. Use this info to write a letter to her. Dear ___, I was so suprised to discover you exsist. Your mom told me on __date when you were 6 years old. Enclosed is a picture of me & my family. I think you look most like___ (insert interesting family history here) You may wonder why I gave you up & didn't interrupt your life when I found out. Its because mom said (insert step dad) was good to you & I didn't want to confuse you. Please know I did what I thought was best. I hope some day you will agree. So something along those lines. At some point it will be a question or she will track you down, so keep your own sealed dated copy of the letter. Hopefully this will be something less dramatic than a money grab. Ask attorney if your state allows support payments to be held in trust if moms motives are in question. Even if you give her up "the right thing" could include signing her away but setting up a trust, funny thing is old money has ways of making "he didn't want me" seem less damaging

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