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RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/20/2013 6:01:47 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I want to fix him and hopefully have him love me like he did her.


Uhmmm... How old are you? Don't tell me. Just think it over.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/20/2013 8:53:34 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
Aside from being a good girl for him, I want to fix him and hopefully have him love me like he did her.
You can't fix him and if he's still having issues, then he needs to see a counselor, not you.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
Wouldn't you be if you fell in love with the person & their kids, raised them like your own for four years, and suddenly out of now where she sends you a text saying she's been cheating and is leaving?

Do you know this for sure? Or do you only have his side of the story?

From your posts, you don't have a lot of knowledge on WIITWD. You seem to want A relationship more than having a good relationship. You're in this huge rush to have everything, it will come back to bite you.

Seriously, slow down and get involved in your local NextGen group. Go get a persepctive from someone other than the guy you're dating.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/20/2013 9:31:39 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm going with LL on this one. There is something about this that screams "rebound chick". I'm also getting the vibe, OP, that you are way more into him that he's into you. No shock in that. You're significantly younger than him and he's more experienced in kink than you. That's a breeding ground for a huge imbalance and I wouldn't want to venture to say how well that's going to turn out.

You're barely starting out and are all hyped up about this collar that you think you want and you don't even know what that entails. To Me, that says that you need to slow down. This stuff isn't magical just because it's kinky. Would you be thinking about marrying this guy if you were at the same point in your relationship?

It sounds to Me like you are doing some great exploring with some bedroom submission. That's not a bad thing. Just keep in mind that good sex does not a good commitment make, nor does it mean that the emotional connection for both is as good as the physical one.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/20/2013 9:52:11 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		OK, I'm going to answer the question directly from my personal POV and ignore all the other stuff (for now).

I am Master's collared slave. He collared me about 18 months after we started dating, which is about a year after the relationship became D/s instead of just 'vanilla dating'. By that time we knew we were compatible and we felt strongly about each other.

To us, the collar means we are committed to each other and we plan a future together. Not just for the next year or two, but hopefully for the rest of our lives. There are no added duties as a result of being collared - it's more a statement of our mutual commitment to each other.

We talked about the commitment we'd made when we'd been together two and a half years. We agreed that it was the right thing to do, he bought me another necklace so that I have a couple of 'collars' that I can wear every day but I have a choice which one I wear. He also bought me a beautiful, formal leather collar to wear in our private moments together, and for me to wear to bed on those days when I miss him.

We also decided to sell our homes and move in together.

For us, I guess, the collar is akin to a long engagement. I don't know if we'll ever marry - I'm not sure we really need it. We just love each other and are committed to a life together. That's what a collar means to us.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/22/2013 1:51:31 PM   
monotalie


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/10/2013
Status: offline 		OP, why in your profile it says you are looking for Daddy Dom? Is this some kind of an arrangement with your Master?


(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/22/2013 2:16:08 PM   
agent0fchaos


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

I've been a rebound relationship. It can work, but it can also go badly, badly, badly wrong.

As people are saying, don't try to be her, you can't be, and you're just going to hurt yourself trying to fill a space that was made by someone else. If he can't accept you as YOU, then there's a fundamental disconnect that needs to be overcome.

You can't fix anyone. You can provide support, but you've got to remember that it absolutely -isn't- your job to be an emotional crutch for anyone, much less someone you've only known a little while.

I know how intoxicating NRE (new relationship energy) can be, but remind yourself to be careful and separate that initial "I'm so into him" energy from a potential, serious, ongoing relationship. Get to know -him- not who you want him to be. And make sure he gets to know -you-, not a projected ideal of who he wants you to be.

Regarding being collared, take it slow. Make sure you're ready to make a commitment to this person before you agree to wear his collar. People seem like they like to rush into a commitment, but remember there's no need to jump into anything. If he's into -you- and not just the idea of having someone wear his collar, he won't rush you.

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So quick bright things come to confusion.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/23/2013 7:40:13 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
But I am curious as to what a collared does different for her/his Master than a regular submissive? Is it more intimate? Does it include things like house work and other 'chores' outside of the bedroom? If you have a collared sub or are one yourself, what do you do?

What is a "ringed" wife different than a regular wife? Seriously -- a collar is a piece of jewelry. It has exactly and only the significance that the people in the relationship invest in it. I can tell you what Carol's collar means and how things would be different without it. But that would have zero bearing on your situation.

What makes a submissive "more obedient" is "more obedience".
What makes a relationship more intimate is "more intimacy".

You are trying to find rules where non exist.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/23/2013 11:54:36 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Seriously -- a collar is a piece of jewelry.

Yeah, put like that, so is a wedding ring or an engagement ring....


quote:

I can tell you what Carol's collar means and how things would be different without it.

Kinda think that's what the OP's asking for - *different* perspectives!

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/23/2013 12:03:24 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Yeah, put like that, so is a wedding ring or an engagement ring....

That was exactly my point. And I'm a big marriage guy so I'm the last to say there is no significance. But MY wedding ring means something very different than the next guy's. Some people treat the rings as nothing. To some they are critically important. Some people treat the marriage itself as nothing. To others it is central to their life. So how can we answer in general what a symbol means? It means whatever any given person has invested in it.


Kinda think that's what the OP's asking for - *different* perspectives!

I didn't. I thought the OP was looking for "The Rules". But if it helps, here goes.

Carol's collar means that she has never disobeyed a command and accordingly, I see her as my slave/property rather than simply my submissive wife. That's it. It has no deep spiritual significance. It is simply the visible evidence of a measurement of obedience.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/23/2013 7:01:19 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Yeah, put like that, so is a wedding ring or an engagement ring....

That was exactly my point. And I'm a big marriage guy so I'm the last to say there is no significance. But MY wedding ring means something very different than the next guy's. Some people treat the rings as nothing. To some they are critically important. Some people treat the marriage itself as nothing. To others it is central to their life.

Your "point" was to present a shallow and cynical perspective that's not even yours, as being helpful? Except when compared to your marriage, of course....

Which really makes it an unashamed public, backdoor compliment for yourself, no?


quote:

So how can we answer in general what a symbol means? It means whatever any given person has invested in it.

You do it by giving *your* perspective or opinion rather than acting like your a spokesman for the wider community in which you live. If Joe Blow nextdoor thinks a wedding ring is nothing but an empty, symbolic convenience, that's *his* perspective to present....


quote:

quote:

Kinda think that's what the OP's asking for - *different* perspectives!

I didn't. I thought the OP was looking for "The Rules". But if it helps, here goes.

Carol's collar means that she has never disobeyed a command and accordingly, I see her as my slave/property rather than simply my submissive wife. That's it. It has no deep spiritual significance. It is simply the visible evidence of a measurement of obedience.

Here's what the OP said:

"I have no knowledge about being collared. I've learned a little bit from the web searches I've done, about what it means and whatnot. But I am curious as to what a collared does different for her/his Master than a regular submissive?"

Yeah, most things in the lifestyle have a slightly different meaning to different people. But I get no sense of "The Rules" or one-twu-wayism coming from the OP, even though she does present as relatively new and inexperienced. <shrugs>

Focus.

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(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/23/2013 9:01:40 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Your "point" was to present a shallow and cynical perspective that's not even yours,

OK, I guess I'm unclear on how I was being either shallow or cynical. Symbolism must be invested in person. And yes, that thought was mine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Except when compared to your marriage, of course.... Which really makes it an unashamed public, backdoor compliment for yourself, no?

*blinks* Huh? You have read something into my post that I didn't mean. My wedding ring means something very different than EVERY other wedding ring. I said "different". I did not mean to imply better or worse. It goes back to the symbolism thing.

In the end, I stick by the original answer and I still think it's useful to a newcomer. The bottom line is they need to find their own path. They need to find their own meaning. They need to think what THEY want and what THEY need. And then, I suppose, if they wish to invest that meaning into a symbol... collar or otherwise... they can do that.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 2/23/2013 9:03:58 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/24/2013 11:53:28 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

*blinks* Huh? You have read something into my post that I didn't mean. My wedding ring means something very different than EVERY other wedding ring. I said "different". I did not mean to imply better or worse. It goes back to the symbolism thing.

It's "possible" I was going out of my way to be a tad difficult; true.... lol

That'd be because when a relative newbie asks (on a BDSM site) the significance of a collar, the simple answer 99.9% of people can understand is to compare it to the committment of an engagement or wedding ring.

And then the self-confessed (mostly) vanilla guy thinks it somehow helpful to diminish it as "just a piece of jewellry", well, I'm not the type to bite my tongue when someone needs to speak up....

So ok, maybe a bit more than "possible"....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/24/2013 6:43:30 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		*laughs* I think I actually did both things you mentioned.

I compared it to a wedding ring and then I diminished both.

I both cases it isn't the jewelry, it's the symbolism invested in it.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Collared Submissive? - 2/25/2013 8:48:54 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		You want to fix his broken heart, isn't that sweet. You want him to love you like he did her, that's even sweeter. You know nothing about being collared and seem to be clueless about the types of BDSM relationships, in the bedroom or otherwise, but you want to be a good girl for him and wear his collar . . . you are just a bundle or romantic novel rapture aren't you? You are so cute and so naive, you seem like a bundle of heartbreak waiting to happen. I hope you fair well, learn the ways and he turns out to be your Mr. Right.

I can't evaluate your situation from 2 paragraphs in your OP but, you seem to be starting of on bad pretense and getting off on the wrong foot. I get the feeling that the more you say, the worse it will look to us. The odds of your being the "bounce back girl" turning into a successful LTR aren't necessarily in your favor. Doesn't mean it can't happen. So I wish you all the luck your karma can muster.



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I give good thread.

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 34
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