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RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 12:15:30 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I am already likely not getting the programs and help I need now and if I didn't live with my parents, a lot of the time I'd be homeless, or in very serious shit because I do not make enough to cover rent and live on in a normal place, how am I supposed to cut ties an try to make it on my own , when I have no one to show me how. And I am not likely going to get help paying for my own place and with out that I can't afford any of the even most basic places.

This isn't sarcastic either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Generally you are better off alone than with people who are toxic to you. If that's the way you feel about your boyfriend, then you should definitely kick him to the curb. If you go out on your own, you probably will find that you are more capable than you think.

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Post #: 121

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 12:26:17 PM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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If you receive ssi or ssdi, don't you qualify for free/reduced public housing? Every time someone makes a reasonable suggestion, you counter it with why you should stay with people who enable you in some sort of weird co-dependency.

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Post #: 122

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 12:34:50 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I don't know. And that's the gods honest truth. I do know however, from people who need it there's to much demand for section 8 housing and the list is extremely long and there's not near enough section 8 or free housing to go along.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

If you receive ssi or ssdi, don't you qualify for free/reduced public housing? Every time someone makes a reasonable suggestion, you counter it with why you should stay with people who enable you in some sort of weird co-dependency.

quote:

e/reduced public housing? Every time someone makes a reas

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Post #: 123

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 12:40:12 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I also wonder all the time, what broke, where did the connection go wrong in someone like me who has all these disconnects from what they should have.

Why in the world can't I seem to care that my health is in critical condition when in normal people it would have scared the fuck out of them. What went wrong, where is the connection broke. I've asked my therapist too an they had no answer.

I had a best friend her boyfriend was a nasty dirty fucker, literally, he never wanted to bathe, never wanted to put on deoderant, smelled nasty as hell, never saw the point in bathing, even asked his gf why bother to bathe you're just gonna need another bath in a few days. This guy stunk so bad people at his work place, paying customers complained, and his boss sent him home and told him you are stinky you need a bath and put on deodorant before you come back.

Vernon got mad an said his boss was out of line an fuck that he's just gonna quit his job.

What breaks so badly in someone that they are ok with being a dirty nasty skunk/

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/2/2013 12:44:18 PM >

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Post #: 124

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 12:46:52 PM

Level

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None of us know, but I DO believe that you're broken, tfb. I think your parents are, as well, your bf is a user. No one (in real life) to help you, in what would be a long process of getting to the point of self sufficiency.

I can't offer you any advice, but I send you good wishes.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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Post #: 125

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 1:12:50 PM

servantforuse

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And the saga continues..

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Post #: 126

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 1:31:06 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

And the saga continues..

Yep.

My brother just remarried. His stepson has an IQ literally a hair above being classified as retarded. If you listen to him, in short bursts, you can fall into thinking "he's normal", but interacting with him, over time, you see he isn't. He never will be. There are concepts he can't grasp, like we do, and no patting him on the back and no speeches and no threats are going to make him right. Put that in someone else's life, add two defective and abusive parents, and a conniving, useless bf, and I can't help but think this whole fucking mess is like asking someone with one arm to paddle a boat up stream.

Impossible? No, but if you have someone in the boat to help, the chances of success are much higher. All tfb has right now is a bunch of dead weight.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Post #: 127

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 1:46:39 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Er . . . learning disabilities have nothing to do with IQ, they have to do with your brain not being able to make the proper connections to learn certain things. Dyslexia is a prime example, the brain literally jumbles letters. A person of very high intelligence could have enormous issues learning to read if they were highly dyslexic.

Though I do agree there are concepts she is never going to grasp on her own. She needs a great caseworker with the patience to build some serious rapport and the motivation to get her into the programs she needs.

What's sad is that if she were violent, or criminal, or drug addicted, she'd have access to more programs.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 3/2/2013 1:47:56 PM >

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Post #: 128

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 1:56:04 PM

Level

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Are you saying she only has learning disabilities?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Post #: 129

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 4:24:29 PM

DomKen

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From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I don't know. And that's the gods honest truth. I do know however, from people who need it there's to much demand for section 8 housing and the list is extremely long and there's not near enough section 8 or free housing to go along.

The only way you'll get to the top of the list for section 8, and there is a list, is to get on the list. Get off your ass and apply. Then you'll at least know there is a light at the end of that tunnel.

And dump the leech bf.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 130

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 4:58:55 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Ok, answer me this. I have nobody else in my life, no other family, no other friends, no nothing. I have tried for a very long time to make friends and as friendly and as personable and as out going as I am, I can't seem to make, or keep friends. And that's not an excuse.

The only people I have in my life are my parents, and my bf, If it was not for them I'd probably be institutionalized like I think LL said. I recognize the people in my life are toxic, but if there's nobody else, who else am I supposed to magically replace these three people with? I can always kick my bf out an get a new one yes, But who else replaces parents when there is no one else.

TFB,

I didn't live with my parents for the a good part of my life due to abuse that occurred while I was in their house hold. Abuse that has had lasting effect on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. Although I wasn't in the system.

I love my parents and I would have given anything to have a healthy relationship with them. However, there came a point where I realized that that wasn't realistic. That no matter how much I wanted relationship with them where I was loved and supported I wasn't going to get it.

No matter how much I wanted them to be a healthy and supportive part of my children's lives that wasn't going to happen.

My father died in prison. My mother and I have a relationship on MY terms. One where it's healthy for ME. She has a monitored relationship with my son, one that I know is healthy for him.

My father, my mother will always be that. But the truth of the matter is they were and always also be my monsters, my worst enemy, the things my nightmares where made off.

They are also the reason that I go so hard. They are the reason I am the woman I am today and the reason I am the mother I am. They taught me A LOT... even if those lessons where what not to do and how not to be.

There comes a point where you have to protect you. You can do bad on your own. You don't need people in your life who are going to make your bad situation worse. That goes for your anyone... parents, your *cough* daddy, ect.

Some things to think about TFB...

Why do you think if you where on your own you would be put in an institution?

What are these 3 people doing to keep you out of an institution?

How are these people supporting you?

What do they bring positive to your life on a consistent basis?

quote:

I don't know. And that's the gods honest truth. I do know however, from people who need it there's to much demand for section 8 housing and the list is extremely long and there's not near enough section 8 or free housing to go along.

There is a waiting list. However, if you are on disability or SSI you get automatically bumped on that list. You may not get on the program today, but if you are on the list you will get it eventually and eventually is better than never.

There are tons of places that take section 8, it's a matter of getting on the list. However, I do know that there are Section 8 and HUD apartments in Sacramento. They are income based housing, just like the section 8 program. However, they are separate from section 8 themselves.

Also, there are some wonderful group homes for people with development and physical issues. One of my best friends growing up lived in one after he turned 19 because his mother simply couldn't take care of him on her own. He still had freedom but he also had support, structure and guidance.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 3/2/2013 5:13:47 PM >

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Post #: 131

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 6:18:53 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Joined: 6/7/2009
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Because I do not know how to take care of myself, because I CAN'T take care of myself in some instances. Because I have no living skills, no life skills, no coping skills, no follow through skills, I am broken and I don't know how to fix myself, and to be totally honest, I am figuring that out to some extent now, but again, i have no follow through, and when left to my own devices, yes I will choose to stagnate and rot. Be that emotionally, or psychically, or mentally. There is some link or some something broken, and not right with me that I do not know what it is, or why it is, but I know it is BROKEN that keeps me from caring about myself enough to not just lay down and die most times. I have upswings and I have moments where I will fight tooth and nail for myself but with out tools to know how and why and support to do so, I fall back to my default of, let me just curl up here and I might as well rot. I honestly told James a couple of weeks ago trying to fight up stream with no help and no support was so exhausting and triggering my mood swings and some of my emotional issues so bad, I think it would be better to climb into bed and give up. Let the diabetes kill me. I was not being a drama queen either it is how i feel. and yes I have told my therapist, no she doesn't say anything or much at all.

By having a place to live, it's true I do not have to get out there an try to find a place to live, but I really honestly do think I would need a care taker.

James and my parents, even though they're not supporting or pushing for me to get better, they do make me smile, and they make me laugh, and my parents and JAmes support me by taking me places when I can't get the disabled bus, or getting me a few groceries so I wouldn't have to go hungry.

They're not all toxic, there's good things too. I will have to learn how to take the good, and refuse their toxic affects.

After my years of age 12 to age 17 almost 18 in a group home with the abuse and the mis management of the clients, and all the negative I went through I am scared shitless of the idea living in a facility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

Some things to think about TFB...

Why do you think if you where on your own you would be put in an institution?

What are these 3 people doing to keep you out of an institution?

How are these people supporting you?

What do they bring positive to your life on a consistent basis?

quote:

I don't know. And that's the gods honest truth. I do know however, from people who need it there's to much demand for section 8 housing and the list is extremely long and there's not near enough section 8 or free housing to go along.

There is a waiting list. However, if you are on disability or SSI you get automatically bumped on that list. You may not get on the program today, but if you are on the list you will get it eventually and eventually is better than never.

There are tons of places that take section 8, it's a matter of getting on the list. However, I do know that there are Section 8 and HUD apartments in Sacramento. They are income based housing, just like the section 8 program. However, they are separate from section 8 themselves.

Also, there are some wonderful group homes for people with development and physical issues. One of my best friends growing up lived in one after he turned 19 because his mother simply couldn't take care of him on her own. He still had freedom but he also had support, structure and guidance.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/2/2013 6:40:30 PM >

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Post #: 132

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 6:38:46 PM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline

Sacramento County Mental Health Services

Adult ACCESS Team
This team does triage, assessment, linkage and referrals for adults in need of outpatient mental health services.
phone

(916) 875-1055 or (888) 881-4881, Monday-Friday 8:00 AM-5:00 PM Interpreter services are available.

http://www.namisacramento.org/resources/locallinks-saccounty.html

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 133

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 6:43:21 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I will call monday thank you

By the way LS, I got the packet from the ticket to work program with a list of people who are contact points, and 4 of the very first numbers are no longer valid. Is that supposed to happen?

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/2/2013 6:44:17 PM >

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Post #: 134

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 6:48:17 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I will call monday thank you

By the way LS, I got the packet from the ticket to work program with a list of people who are contact points, and 4 of the very first numbers are no longer valid. Is that supposed to happen?

It does happen, contact information changes.
People stop working with the program. I literally got a 7 page list and I sat and spent an hour or so calling them one by one, checking out the websites. Making notations by each one.

You do have to go through them and see which programs are still active and will work best for you.

ETA: Here is Sacramento's Housing Waiting Lists. It is for Section 8 (housing voucher program), the public housing program, and affordable housing options. You can apply ONLINE for these programs.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 3/2/2013 6:53:06 PM >

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Post #: 135

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 7:10:24 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

That she appears to function effectively here doesn't mean she's capable of transferring those skills to other areas of her life.

I'm willing to bet that most social services people she runs into think the same way you do, that's she lazy, that she could get a job if she wanted, that she's using the system.

All that's easy to say if you haven't walked in her shoes, you know?

I'm the product of an abusive childhood. That I didn't die a junkie early on is down to pure, dumb luck. I stumbled across some people willing to look behind my rebellious facade to try and help me. You have no idea how hard it is to overcome early childhood abuse unless you've done it.

I'm willing to say those who have done it had help and support in some way.

That she regularly reaches out for help and support on this forum tells me she doesn't want to let life beat her down. Personally, I think a great supportive environment would help her transform herself into a much more competent person all around. B/c she's still motivated, she just has no follow-through.

So many people are looking at where she is and asking why she hasn't done better. I look and give her credit for not being in much worse shape.

Incorrect, I was repeatedly raped from age 10 to age 12, and beaten regularly prior to that by my egg donor during the state mandated custody arrangement...... My egg donor sold my virginity to get high, my sister and brother abused me physically and emotionally all the rest of the year because my adoptive parents tried to show me i was loved because of my egg donors actions...

My adoptive parents didnt help me at all because they didnt know.

I then entered an M/s No limits relationship as a teen where i was abused even more for 2 years physically emotionally and sexually......

Im bi polar, have borderline personality disorder and gotten over both my suicidal and homicidal tendencies ... ALL on my own...with no help, no support No medication... Nothing

I look at her as LAZY, nothing more nothing less.... Sorry but your either a victim or a survivor... and she wants to be a victim, constantly, to have people pander to her and give her attention...She constantly talks of how shes this or this or this or this... If she spent HALF not even half an eight of the time that she spends on collarme reading about ANYTHING productive... shed be bettering herself... but she doesnt...

Why On earth do we have someone who claims to have the mentality of a child on a bdsm forum? Isnt that against the law?

You either want to survive in life or your want to constantly play the victim, I chose to survive....

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Post #: 136

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 7:12:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

LadyPact:
Sorry, folks. It can't be both ways. Either this person is adult enough to be on a BDSM site or she has the mentality of a child and needs to be treated as such as a person who doesn't have the ability to consent.

I completely understand where you are coming from and I also understand where tftb is coming from because I have cousins just like her and her family. The parents have already been shown that they think she's just fine. They were never there for her while she was growing up and in a home. She was abused by her father if I'm not mistaken from what she has said in the past and her mother I think just overlooks it all and pretends nothing is wrong. And I'm going to guess, from my own experience with my own family members, the parents are just as mentally incapacitated as she she is but just a little less so.

Her "daddy"....he is also mentally incapable but again, a little less so...enough to work but that's about it. He has just as many problems as the rest of them. That's most likely why they became a couple.

As for tftb, she has no education. She can't learn what adults can learn. While everyone has told her the same things time and again, the thing is she has no one to turn to and no one to help her in real life. She is one of the mentally ill who has fallen through the cracks. Does anyone here REALLY know how difficult it can be to get mental help, even on SSI?? I've been trying for years, just for myself and the doors close constantly on me that I'm to the point where I have given up and I try to do what I can to save myself. It's not always so easy. Thankfully though, I have Master and I have my daughter who are there for me. Tftb does not have that.

Hopefully once she meets with the SSI people, they can help her to get the help she needs and possibly they will see that not only mental help but elect a guardian, someone to look over her and help her in life. Obviously, not her parents or her "daddy".

As for why she's on collarme as an adult? Personally, I don't think she should be but we can't keep mentally incapacitated adults from being on here. Only their guardian can do that and we already know she does not have one even though, imo, she needs one.

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Post #: 137

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 7:23:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

I'm thinking that her parents aren't any better off in certain departments than TFB is.

Have not both parents been full time employees, responsible for household finances, and contributing members of society for all of their adult lives? Did I miss something?

LP That is the impression I have always had.

I've never gotten the impression that they are disabled, yet alone mentally or emotionally so. I have always been given the impression from TFB that her parents simply take a stand off approach with her and that her father is aggressive and gets angry when she approaches him about certain things regarding her.

Here's the thing...her parents are older, grew up at a time when mental healthcare was basically non-existent and one was told they were just lazy or dumb and not mentally ill. My cousins' parents worked....jobs such as cleaning homes, selling fruit and veggies on the side of the road, worked in mines, etc...work that basically you didn't need any kind of education, you didn't need any kind of mind to work and if you didn't understand what you were doing you were constantly teased, harassed, made to be the grunt worker, etc...and pays were very little and they probbaly barely made much money until they started receiving social security when they retired.

Like I said, I have more than my own fair share of family exactly like her's. It's one of the things that no one in my family talks about because they are too embarrassed to do so but I don't. I feel it should be said because we need to make a big deal about mental health and getting people the help they need.

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Post #: 138

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 7:25:57 PM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I will call monday thank you

By the way LS, I got the packet from the ticket to work program with a list of people who are contact points, and 4 of the very first numbers are no longer valid. Is that supposed to happen?

I found that with one goggle search. From across the country. I understand it is hard for you for you to function to right now, so if you need more help finding things in your area let me know.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 139

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about ... - 3/2/2013 7:32:59 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

She has never struck me as being disabled. Socially dysfunctional...yes. That's not a disability.

Actually it does. Depression and anxiety when you cannot cope socially has been labeled a disability and yes you can claim that. Master has told me I should lol, but I told him I don't have those to that extent. Yes it's hard for me to get out sometimes and yes I get anxiety attacks in public sometimes but I'm still able to work. Some people however, have both to the point that they cannot socially adapt. They can't leave their homes without losing it.

I think her disability is she is mentally incapacitated.

When tfb was describing her mother, she was basically describing mine. Mine can barely read or write and needs someone to help her with her bills and daily life which is where her children come into play. Thankfully I have a sister who lives nearby and helps her and the rest of us do what we can. So yeah, like I said before, her parents are not much better than she is.

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Post #: 140

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