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CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/2/2013 9:57:40 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		We've all come across threads, usually but not always from newbies, about the flaws and foibles of CM. Often these gripe about moderation and the rules for profile pix. Then there's the subgenre of folks telling us we're all fake. And the eager souls who start blacklists to protect us from ourselves. These threads often serve as farewell flounces. Those of us who've been here a while smile and recall the old airline slogan: "Delta is ready when you are."

So tonight I thought we could use the opposite perspective. What is it about CollarMe that keeps us coming back, that makes this virtual community matter to us?

For me, it comes down to two nouns: connection and kindness. Both have blessed me during my CM years. A few examples:

-- My first adult BDSM experience was being mummified and delightfully abused by a bunch of gay guys at DC's leather bar. I was still soaring when I got home. I suppose I could have called someone, but it was late and not all my friends know about this aspect of my life. So I posted on CM and enjoyed knowing that my Last One to Post buddies were as excited for me as I was.

-- Another Last Post moment came when one of our regulars, then working as a truck driver, got word that her daughter was seriously ill. Our poster really wanted a Bible but didn't have one in her truck. We "talked" her through stopping at a motel and asking if they might have an extra. (They did.) On the way, we shared favorite passages, prayers, and words of encouragement.

-- Money management has never been my strong suit, and I found myself lamenting one evening that my pre-payday crunch had coincided with a huge spike in my insulin copay. A fellow poster offered to front me the Rx copay money for the few days till pay day, whereupon I promptly paid her back.

-- Last year, when neck/shoulder pain was eroding my quality of life big-time, I started a thread about how to cope with acute and chronic pain. Both posters I knew and ones I didn't took the time to offer sage counsel and voice compassion.

-- This year, as many of you know, has brought me a pair of unrelated cancers: a nasty colorectal mass and a mild lymphoma. Not even I have words for what it meant to read the posts and cmails that resulted, including one from a member who lives nearby and wants to know how she can help with errands.


When the Stranger says: “What is the meaning of this city ?
Do you huddle close together because you love each other?”
What will you answer? “We all dwell together
To make money from each other”? or “This is a community”?
-- T.S. Eliot, Choruses From the Rock

I have my answer to the Stranger: This is a community, and thank God for it!

How 'bout you? What makes CollarMe count to you? And why do you stay?


_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/2/2013 11:19:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		What keeps me here are the same reasons you stated people leave lol.

It's great entertainment.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 12:03:37 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I keep coming back, because I cannot run/hide from myself, and there is no one person I could speak to, or learn all that I do here from.

I have left for months at a time, to tend to life, when I forget about fun, friends, and sex; but Ive never seen/found another place quite like this one. I do know there are others, but this is where I first landed when I began learning, and where I have always felt as comfortable as I could ever feel with any group. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 12:04:59 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I wander back because I like the forums :)

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 12:10:16 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I like the forums as well. I love being able to give advice for those who ask. Rather arrogant I suppose, but I got where I am with the help of others, it's a way of me giving back.

I learn things here, I'm often *highly* entertained, and I adore the recipe threads. The new ones are great !

This is a place I can share a side of me most aren't privy too, and that helps me in some strange way.

_____________________________



(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 4:23:51 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		CollarChat is like my local bar. (If I went to one, which I don't, but bear with me.)

I already have a favorite seat here. There are forums I automatically go to, and forums I avoid. I know I like to sit at the bar and check in with others in the Casual Banter thread. Often, it depends on who's sitting there when I get in. I know that I enjoy General Discussion and Ask a Submissive, and when I enter those rooms, the server knows me well enough to make my drink without asking and I'll usually like the music on the jukebox. If I've had enough liquid courage, I'll sometimes spend some time in Ask a Master. And if my drunk friend has dared me, I'll pop over into Ask a Mistress. I'll go to Intros when it's a slow night and I am just not ready to go home yet. Sometimes I get lost on my way to the bathroom and I wind up in Politics and Religion.

I know the regulars at this place. I know when I want to sit and have a few and chat, and when I want to hide in the corner with my book and just listen to what others have to say. There are a few I like and I will look for them when I enter. Mostly, though, it's the mix of voices and personalities that give me that sense of familiarity - a sense of comfort. It's easy to be here. I don't have to work at figuring out my favorite drink and I don't have to ask where to find the ladies room. Though, I don't feel like there is anyone saving a seat for me, and I don't feel like anyone will be yelling my name in excitement when they see me walk in. So it's surprising when, every now and then, a regular will stroll over to my table and acknowledge how well I tip.

There's a dance floor in the back room, and I hear people having fun in the Duck Lips thread, or Train Wreck, or Keeping Abreast, but I tend to not like the music there so much. I can almost never avoid jumping in, though, when I hear a group talking somewhere about vegetarianism or the NEA, and I'll sit down at their table with them and even pick at their food. And I will always stand in the doorway with a drink in my hand and watch Awareness because, well, he's my ride home.

It's nice to be able to come down to the bar for a few, hear what others may have to say, maybe talk a time or two about what's going on with me, and then...leave it there. It's sometimes disconcerting for me to know that many of the people here today have been here for years and know that I've gone through relationships and changes. Every now and then I wish I had changed my clothes or fixed my hair before coming into the bar, but then I think - if I can't be imperfect in a roomful of drunk strangers who likely won't remember me in the morning, then where can I be?

Every now and then I complain to the management. Sometimes groups get loud and rowdy, but I find that to be part of the draw of this particular bar, and I get a little miffed when someone is shut off. Once or twice there's been a shady character that I actually became somewhat scared of and I've asked someone to walk me out to my car. On the flip side, there have been a number of people that I've sat and talked to one-on-one in a quiet corner and those conversations have always been pleasant.

DC, you are facing some serious shit. I hope that if/when I am faced with struggles of my own, that I will be able to pull up a chair and talk it out with some familiar faces just like you have. There is, indeed, a connection and a kindness among this group. Among many groups, but this seems to be the group of miscreants we have mixed ourselves up with. It's always nice to raise our glasses in a toast to...us. :)


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 5:49:22 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Great post, kaliko. The point about the personalities is spot on. Can you imagine how interesting a tv reality show you'd have with Awareness, Ron, Lady Pact, Aswad, tazzy, Domi, Bita, etc, would be?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 5:59:09 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

CollarChat is like my local bar. (If I went to one, which I don't, but bear with me.)



Funny you should say that, Kaliko. I was just thinking that this place is analogous to the TV show Cheers for me.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 6:30:41 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
I stay because I have friends here.
I stay because of the entertainment value, and I learn things too.
And last, because of what you shared: that there is a kindness and consideration among people here that is not always apparent on the surface, but exists in huge measure.


_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 7:48:15 AM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		There is a precious core community of kindness and connection here.

We have our own primordial soup made up of those who are sage, irreverent, humorous, saucy, sweet, obstinate, sexy, dependable, brillant, frustrating, and then some.

I depend upon, and mostly enjoy, this place quite a bit.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:00:45 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Originally I was looking to find someone when I had the couples account but now that I got my main account (this one), I find myself not really looking. I am on the forums and check my cmail rarely. At times, I complain about my fibromyalgia but it is a good place to let off steam. If someone gets sick, I burn a candle for them. Believe me, I go through some blue candles like crazy.

I just keep missing the good threads before they get locked...

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:02:49 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Kaliko, why are you so awesome? What a great post. ^_^

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:09:43 AM   
cyprian


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/20/2006
Status: offline 		Ah, I wish I could have said it as perfectly as Kaliko & duskypearls. Many posts mirror my thoughts & sometimes I just can't say it as well, so I read instead. Then there are those that I learn from & I'm appreciative of the knowledge & humor present here, and acceptance of our differences, for the most part. I tend to avoid the negativity, gravitate to the serious & the belly laugh threads when I find them. I'm glad there is this place to be.

(in reply to Duskypearls)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:13:23 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I have learned alot, fought alot, grown alot, calmed alot over the last year of coming here. I find it entertaining and this place is almost like a timeline of change for me. I am not the same person I was when I posted over a year ago. I actually love the sparring, the sarcasm, the stupidity sometimes, the intelligence, the mingle of so many different personalities, the uniqueness of this place.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:38:18 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I come here because...

Even though CM as a whole (both sides) has many MANY members, at least this side of the site has what feels like, a rather close knit communty.
I also feel like in the vast internetz, our rescources similar to this are rather limited. There are many sites that IMO are either porn or bullshit, but this one at least has an underlying honesty about it that makes me feel comfortable being myself.
This IMO is similar to the monthly community groups Mr and I attend, but I have access to this place every day and don't have to wait an entire month between visits to "hang out" with and discuss topics about my favrite subjects :)
Here I am able to post just about anythiing I need to, from vanilla stuff (my surgery a few months ago) to kink (in the enema thread for instance) and I don't have to really worry about any one criticizing what I have to say and if someone does, the folks that "know" me here will come to my aid or put me at rights.
The *other* place I frequent feels like a sea of strangers with a common interest where any douchewagon will post any dumbass thing they like without fear of being outed as a moron. While that's also true to a certain extent here as well, that doesn't happen as often with the faces that are familiar in the crowd. If folks are willing to get through the initial hazing that usually comes with being new here and they take the time to think with their head instead of their libido, it's rather easy to settle in and become a part of what makes us all comfortable here.
It really means something to me that the folks that have taken the time to get to know what little of me that I am brave enough to share, make sure I know they do give a damn and are solid enough to be honest with me when they interact with me.

Makes sense or not, it is what it is to me ;)

Luci

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 8:56:58 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		i came here because the site that i used to use went very down hill with over moderation, inconsistent moderation, and friends of mods having far too much influence and insider knowledge. the other site i use is exceptionally quite with a few regular posters. i could have joined any forum, in fact i am a member of a few vanilla forums but i always end up being asked for professional advice and help. at least here i can put my 2pennies worth in if i want to not because i feel obliged to.

it has its quiet moments here, but mostly it's a busy site. i get to talk like an adult and swear if i want to. we get to talk about everything, including sex. i like sexual banter. on the flip side of that i have 'met' some great people on this site. it shows alot that when you are feeling your worst there is someone that will pm you to offer words of support, give the offer of a virtual hug, send special thoughts, well wishes, or an inbox to rant....sound things out in. if you need it you can ask for support, and there is always someone that will offer something. for me that means alot on an emotional level because while people maybe far away from me and not be able to do real life practical things they are offering what they can. some have said that if we were closer, or finances weren't such a problem then they would do more. there are some people here i would do the same for too if i could. as i can't i offer an ear to bend, to rant to, or to just pour things out to because i've spent far too much of my life having to hold everything in to myself. i may not be able to pour my heart out to others, even with the offers to take advantage of (and i seriously am greatful for those offers....you know who you are guys), but i know sometimes how much i want to. so if it's all i can offer back then they have it.

i may not always post in threads, but i do like watching alot of them. i like that people get heated in debates while both side try to get their points over, myself included. i like that all of us don't always agree because even if we all may still disagree at least we may have learnt a differing pov that we hadn't considered before. i leant what others see as the meaning of something that may differ to my own views and so on. it all keeps it interesting for me. i love that we have the threads like train wreck, and i admit. i stay away from the politics and religion because i'm just not interested in it, but i'm glad it's there for others.

i may not always agree with the way the moderation is....however, it has been better of late....but i do like that we can have threads to voice our opinions in and that the mod's and admin do take notice. over all i think it's a very good site, and i'm glad i joined it. i do miss some of the people that were here when i first joined though.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 11:45:54 AM   
erieangel


Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline 		I was looking when I joined CM. I'm not looking actively currently, I'm too busy for anything more in my life right now.

I keep coming back to the forums because they are fun. I've learned a lot in the past months that I've been here. And quite frankly, with my odd work schedule and the way my budget is written (my payee doesn't give me an entertainment allowance), I don't get out much--even on the weekends. I enjoy most of the people on this side; but most of the c-mails I've received have been duds, though I did meet one gentleman whom I spent a day with. He asked me to meet him for drinks a few months later; too much time had gone by and I got the feeling that he was just lonely. He really didn't do anything for me. Once he found out that I am acquainted, through my son, with the founder of "Hunt of a Lifetime" all he wanted to do was talk about hunting and hunting doesn't interest me.



(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 12:43:56 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Absolutely a great post kaliko.

For years, I've said this place is more entertaining that most things on tv. Yeah, it's wrong of Me, but this is one of the funniest damn bunch of folks when it's time to go on troll patrol. The trolls themselves might not be all that funny, but the regulars here are hilarious when these situations pop up. The quick wit of some of these people makes Me laugh. There's no denying it.

Then there's the other side of it. There really are some new folks who stumble on this place who want to learn and their independent research isn't quite getting them where they want to be. (Please do not confuse these folks with the 'feed the answer' types. There really is a difference.) Like CP, I enjoy being here for those folks.

As a completely selfish reason, this place has been a gateway for Me to meet a lot of people over the years. I've made a lot of friends through this venue. Had a lot of good times at private parties as well as public events. I really don't expect that to stop. There are a lot of cities all across the county that I always say, if I'm ever in X, I want to meet person Y. Heaven help people if I ever make it across the pond because I'd have a blast just going places and meeting people.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to erieangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 1:06:37 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

CollarChat is like my local bar. (If I went to one, which I don't, but bear with me.)



Funny you should say that, Kaliko. I was just thinking that this place is analogous to the TV show Cheers for me.

Steven!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6sLMqv5oh8

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: CollarMe: What Counts and Why I Stay - 3/3/2013 9:14:19 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		What Kaliko said.

Oh, and because the mods here revoked my true dom card and I'm hoping to stick around long enough to earn it back again.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 20
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