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first meetings - 6/21/2006 5:18:17 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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I have to admit to having had few encounters in the real world of D/s. Just came from one and have a few questions to ask other subs/slaves. When you have met someone found them very attractive physically and They have responded very well also and wish to see you again in a few days how do you feel. I came away thinking He has all these things going for Him gorgeous, calm soothing voice, knows what He is doing (as far as i know anyway) lol. And yet while the meeting was nice and had some light interesting play, i left feeling like i had just left a vanilla date that was ho hum. I got into the fun but something just didn't feel right at the good bye state. Do others have times like these and if so if you continue to see Him does it improve or should i just say damn nice but not for me and refuses further contact. I guess i just don't know how i should feel the other Doms i have met were either cool lets do this again and soon, and those have become wonderful play partners but not the One for me. Some of the other Doms i have met either i or they just did not want to get together again. I am just really puzzled at my grey response and wondering if that means don't waste my time or His. Or if it means He still has possibilities. Guess i am asking is this a normal feeling after a first meet while the other meetings have ended either black or white and i knew if i wished to spend time with them again. Any ideas out there would be greatly appreciated.

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 5:24:38 PM

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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We meet people we are grey about every day. I wouldn't overanalyze it. You had fun, right? Maybe he was holding back a bit. Give it another shot and see what happens.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 6:11:30 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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A grey response is a grey response. It means you don't know yet. Another date will do you no harm and give you another chance to respond.

Unless you're talking like a major cross country trip, and then I'd say just be friends.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 6:36:26 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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ty glad to know i am just perhaps over reacting and no not a major road trip quite close in fact. Will give it another opportunity.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 8:01:27 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove
ty glad to know i am just perhaps over reacting and no not a major road trip quite close in fact. Will give it another opportunity.

Good :) That's what the dating process is supposed to be about. Better to take time, enjoy and be sure, rather than be one of those "impatient" ones.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 8:14:08 PM

Posts: 339
Joined: 6/6/2006
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Totally ageree with LA... all because of the d/s or any other dynamics.... it's still dating. Courting.. enjoy the journy and learn as you go.. Good luck there.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do, Skill is knowing how to, Virtue is just doing it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 10:05:57 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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Yup, nothing to lose. You may find the chemistry builds, or you may end up with a great friend. Give it time, and just try to enjoy the discovery time.

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to BreakMeShakeMe)

RE: first meetings - 6/21/2006 10:45:18 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Some dominants are more vanilla at first so as to feel out what you might want/need during play. He really doesnt know how much you can take yet, or what turns you on. It may be that you wanted more domming at the start to establish the dynamic, whereas he is just trying to see what you respond to. Have you told him what you like?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 5:24:32 AM

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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You might also consider that he is taking into account your limited experience and is not pushing too hard too fast as to not scare you away. Almost every Dom i have ever played with starts out slower and then the intensity builds from time to time. Also agree with what LA said, that is what dating is, seeing if there is a match.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 6:28:20 AM

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Joined: 5/31/2006
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I remember two of my encounters that were b/w like you said.. I knew it wouldn't work at all.

The other.. it was pretty good.. I mean.. it was my first subspace so I decided to try again with him even though we really didn't do a whole lot..and I had the grey thing with him. It worked for a while..then obligations really got in the way for both of us.. so I never really did get to try all I wanted with him.

I have noticed any of the others... we played a few times.. it was good...but... I knew they weren't the one.. I agree with above.. I wouldn't analyze it too much.. maybe just enjoy it a bit..he might have been a bit skiddish about doing too much.. or even a bit nervous himself. The next time.. or the time after that.. it could click.. if not.. at least you had some fun trying.

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 6:42:11 AM

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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i would say give it another date maybe he was nervous. It was only your first meeting. hope it goes ok.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to HisTicia)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 7:08:01 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/6/2005
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I think most people have a certain amount of nervousness when meeting someboby for the first time. Expectations, first impressions and the great unknown all combine and whisper in your ears. What were you expecting? Did you think he would bring to life any or all of your pre - discussed fantasies on your first meeting? Should there have been bells and or fireworks? What did you want to happen that didn't happen?

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 8:42:36 AM

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

It still is first date and does not matter that D/s is part of the situation. Normally I would advice it simply that you should react how you would normally react to a regular first date. Would you see him again if D/s had nothing to do with it? But since you are relatively new there is a chance you built the date up so much that it could have been immpossible to meet your expectations on an emotional level.

I would think as long as there were no major negative thoughts a second date could not hurt.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to Sweetdarkluv)

RE: first meetings - 6/22/2006 1:40:40 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Joined: 5/19/2006
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Thanks again for the input. I will try the second date. And of course i am nervous but then was nervous dating vanilla too so just me i suppose. LOL i was just thinking of how quick i would have ran had He been as aggressive as some of my vanilla dates had been. Would have found a new gear in my car called racing lololol. Thanks again for the encouragement. I had just forgotten how hard dating and getting to know someone really is. Will take my time and get to know Him if nothing more i think He could be a good Friend.

(in reply to lisa1978)

RE: first meetings - 6/23/2006 2:36:51 PM

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Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

Friendship is highly underated. Many people skip right over that on their way to all or nothing at all. Getting to know the person and accepting them as they are can form a bond stronger than some romantic notion. I don't wave my whip around on initial meetings. I want the woman to see a man she can feel comfortable with and safe. If we can have a decent conversation and she doesn't run screaming in the opposite direction, then we can proceed to the handcuff portion of our program. Especially with someone who is new to this and may not like some of the more intense things I am capable of with someone who I know craves them. BDSM is like love it's better to grow into it than to fall into it. As you come to learn what you need from this, you can communicate that to him and he can give it to you according to your needs. That's better than some one whip hits all kind of guy.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/24/2006 9:44:40 PM

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
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I actually find this rather uplifting. To know that there are Doms out there that are looking to get to know their prospective subs as people.

(in reply to Sweetdarkluv)

RE: first meetings - 6/25/2006 10:14:25 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sweetdarkluv

Friendship is highly underated. Many people skip right over that on their way to all or nothing at all. Getting to know the person and accepting them as they are can form a bond stronger than some romantic notion. I don't wave my whip around on initial meetings. I want the woman to see a man she can feel comfortable with and safe. If we can have a decent conversation and she doesn't run screaming in the opposite direction, then we can proceed to the handcuff portion of our program. Especially with someone who is new to this and may not like some of the more intense things I am capable of with someone who I know craves them. BDSM is like love it's better to grow into it than to fall into it. As you come to learn what you need from this, you can communicate that to him and he can give it to you according to your needs. That's better than some one whip hits all kind of guy.

...BRAVO!..exactly....Tempting

(in reply to Sweetdarkluv)

RE: first meetings - 6/25/2006 10:32:45 AM

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I think a 2nd public encounter is in order. You seem to be very in touch with yourself
and if you feel the same way after a 2nd meeting then move on.

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: first meetings - 6/25/2006 10:36:04 AM

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Joined: 11/7/2005
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What gorgeious blue eyes.

Mr. Pete

(in reply to Mystique567)

RE: first meetings - 6/25/2006 2:39:07 PM

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

Thank you Mystique and Tempting. Subs are people too

. People with needs to be met. It isn't all about the Dom. It's about both of you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

I actually find this rather uplifting. To know that there are Doms out there that are looking to get to know their prospective subs as people.

(in reply to Mystique567)

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